Debunking Social Norms: Girls Asking Out Guys

[Nice_Guy_Last]

Welcome to the very first Debunking Social Norms, where I do my best to debunk and overthrow old social doctrines and show that some social taboos are, in fact, perfectly acceptable. In this week's Take, I am going to debunk the belief that guys do not want girls to ask them out.

---

Looking around society, you don't see many instances of girls asking out guys. Very rarely do you see instances like the picture above. Being a guy myself, I have never been asked out by a woman. I, and many men like me, would agree: this constant of being the hunters in search of a good relationship is tiresome. Sometimes, we just want to go out to a bar looking really good, have some girl pump drinks into us, and take us back to her apartment. Sometimes, we want that nervous girl who has always crushed on us but was too chicken to ask to muster up the courage and ask us awkwardly to go out to the movies.

Need convincing? Just take a look at the responses to polls from questions asked on this site!

While some guys are traditional, and it is perfectly fine that they'd rather be the one to aske a girl out, it is by far more acceptable to ask a guy out than I think many women realize.

---

Thank you for taking the time to read my Take. I hope that this Take gave you some insight into the reality of social standards. With another one debunked, we are hopefully less confused by this complex society we live in, and are more capable of seeing each other eye to eye. If you have any ideas for another social standard you want to understand better or have debunked, then post it in the comments, or send me a message. I plan on doing one Take per week on this.

[Derestic]

Im always the one having to ask the guy out. I get sick of waiting for them to make the first move.

[Nice_Guy_Last]

Lol, that's hilarious. Good for you.

[Derestic]

Ugh it's seriously frustrating i want to feel like the girl for once but they never get the courage to ask

[Azara]

you are the girl. you're going softer what you want.

[FlutteringFeelings]

I totally agree with you , and people on here are going to taunt you so you can believe in what they believe. If a guy cannot ask someone out , don't get yourself involved with them , most of the time their a flirt and cannot man up to speak because they already have too much girls asking the same question so they feel as if they cannot get of they're behind to say one little sentence on how they are feeling. We are living in the 21 century where good guys are getting rare and we're left with the jerks who can't even confront a girl they're interested in without mistakingly spitting on her top lip.

[Derestic]

Got that right

[kholland65]

I think the main reason girls resist this isn't for some logical reason. They just realize that they have the easier role that requires no work or emotional vulnerability. As a result they strive to maintain the status quo under the guise that it's the socially acceptable thing to do or that it somehow is more biologically effective for a man to ask the girl out.

At best, a girl will state that when she does make the first move that the guy resists her and rejects her. She'll claim that this is reason enough to make guys always ask the girls out. However, girls just aren't used to being rejected since they don't normally take this role. Us guys deal with this sort of rejection all of the time but we have no choice but to continue to face it.

One time I saw a dating segment on a talk show meant for women. A women on there said that she shouldn't have to ask guys out because it means she has to be emotionally vulnerable. She completely failed to recognize that this is no different for us men. Whether she knew it or not, she was essentially being a hypocrite by stating that a man's emotionally well-being and stability is less important that her own.

Girls just don't realize how tough it is to be a guy in the dating world, and when they finally step into our male shoes, they can't handle the pressure and bail out, and use excuses to legitimize that decision.

Any guys worth your time isn't going to have any preconceived negative stigma about a girl asking him out. If he rejects the girl, it had nothing to do with her making the first move, unless that first move was sleezy and inappropriate, in which case a classy guy (just like a classy women) isn't going to find you worth his time and commitment.

Gender shouldn't matter, especially if everyone wants equality so bad. It's just two people, anyone should feel free to make the first move and as the article states, almost all guys would have no issue with this, and if they do, they are the type you don't want to be with in the first place.

Girls who continue to put no effort into their romantic lives and leave their fate up to the men will almost always be unhappy. Those 10-20% of guys (who girls think make up 80-100%) who will pursue you unconditionally and aggressively are the exact guys you typically don't want to be with. They're the chest puffing, game playing, testosterone junkies who see you as a number not a person. Even my old fashioned mom agrees with me on that.

[Est93]

Too true. Thank you for that refreshing reminder!

[SakuraChii]

Not all girls take rejection that way, some guys can be jerks about it. Anyone would feel bad if they were publicly humiliated. I had a guy tell me that he didn't want my number and I took it fine but I do agree with the last two paragraphs.

[Azara]

i think women really do think guys will reject them harshly for her beanbag a girl and asking him out, not just bc they are not interested, and some guys will. they get angry bc she's stepping out of girl--line. but i agree., if he's going to be an asshat he's not worth your time... so basically even if its a correct concern its not a good excuse.

and yeah some women just get -normal- rejected once or twice and are like that's it i 'tried' lol, when you ask people out you can get rejected many times. the ones that count are the eyes not the no. l

and i agree with the rest of what you said:)

[FlutteringFeelings]

Not really , you can assume what someone feels because you see it isn't working you're way. And for you , you might be afraid to asking a girl out because you're afraid she might reject you. It goes both ways , but a girl asking a boy out doesn't. And of course every guy will agree and say they want a girl to ask them out , just simply lazy. Because guys are so macho and confidential as I am seeing in these comments , it shouldn't be so hard to step up about your feelings.. Scary much.

[FlutteringFeelings]

Cant*

[kholland65]

@Sukurachii, This happens to guys to. Both myself and other guys I know have been rejected and treated very poorly by women. I've seen guys get made fun off and called names just because he decided to show interest in a girl. One of my friends walked up to a girl at a bar once and just said "hi whats your name?", her immediate response was "I already have a drink, so fuck off". If anything the risk is higher for men because more scrutiny is placed on men and the way in which they treat women. We are far more likely to called a creeper or be accused of some sort of harassment. That sort of extreme response is much less common when a women gets rejected. Still the point is that men & women both face this issue, meaning that excuse is null and void.

@FlutteringFeelings first of all learn proper English jeeze. Two, I still ask girls out, but I also expect them to ask me out as well. It's not an all or nothing. Both genders fear rejection, no one genders fear should outway the others.

[sugarchateau]

I do this all the time... And It sucks, its not bad to switch it up sometimes, but I personally hope this gender role reversal doesn't stick.
I'm an impulsive person so I am too impatient to wait for the guys to come around. I hate waiting around, because If I see what I want I dont want the chance to be lost forever. I am first to give compliments and flirt with no expectations or end goals.
When I snatch a guy that I like I'm very expressive and giving when showing my interest. So w/ my current Bf:
I will bring him gifts w/ playful notes (ex 1: He tells me he likes bananas so I drop a banana off at his front door with a note that says "you put this banana to shame" Ex2: He's out with his friends smoking weed so I stop by to give him a kiss and surprise him with a big plate of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for him and his friends to munch on and leave), I give him gas money (which he spends on weed... lol), prepare the (non) romantic dates (because he is satisfied with me coming to the baseball cages or basketball courts with him and his friends), watch all the movies and shows he likes, I've never done any drugs or alcohol but i tried weed for him ( and he refuses to try to go to church with me, which I can't expect him to but I hoped he'd try since I tried something I absolutely dispised), after were done having sex he bails to go hang out with his friends and he would give up a bj to go hang out with his friends... He never stays the night. I offer to help clean his room in the middle of the day and he says I can't because his family is home. In my relationship I am being told no when it comes to sex that when he says yes to sex I drop anything im doing for him. But never the other way around ( I can't help it, I have a high sex drive) But.. Fuck, Really?
You may think "wow great girl!" but no. All of this waiting makes an impulsive person, like me, explode. It has made me this clingy insecure girl... And I absolutely hate this feeling of having no power. I wanted a power couple that helps aspire to reach our goals in a relationship thats not based off of sex.. And it became the exact opposite of that.. lolol this is what happens when the girl does everything for the guy (ontop of being complete opposites, having different love language, miscomminucation and having more interest than the other) lolol it happens to either sex and it sucks when it happpens.. I hope girls do ask guys out more tho to get a taste of the bittersweetness.

[Azara]

i dont like waiting around so ill ask so that if he's not interested i can move on instead of wasting time.. but thats about it. i mean after i get things rolling im pretty much going to deal with give and take, or just move on. i think women can experience what you did even if the guy asked them out first., so i wouldn't blame your asking:)

[sugarchateau]

@Azara lol true. Maybe I just wanted to bitch about my current situation. whoops

[Azara]

sure you're propagative to do so :)

i think its great anyways. that you just go ahead and handle things.

[BumbleSuperBee]

Wow. Your boyfriend sounds like a real pain in the ass hippie.
Thing is, these stuff should be done by BOTH boys and girls. As much as we shouldn't expect the guy to do everything for us and buy us stuff, this should not be expected from the girl, unless both are doing the same for each other.
No offence girl, but your boyfriend does not sound worth it. He must look like a model if you're still with him..

[Azara]

thing i never understood is all the questions asking if its ok;. its disturbing. obviously you're not killing anyone hurting anyone insulting anyone., if you want to go ahead. i think women asking for permission is more disturbing than women who just dont want to (*though of course underlying that can be they fear retaliation from the guy they are asking for stealing his thunder) if you dont want to great. but if you want to and are needing permission, thats just weak.,

plus really if i want to ask a guy out and he rejects me for that, WHY would i want HIM. thats what i really dont get... women who say they won't do it bc the guy will call them easy or slut or clingy etc. who the hell needs him. i mean you really want the very same guy who ids all sweetness when he asks you out, but who would demean you if you asked him out?

i think women should ask guys out not to balance things out but just bc that way they know if the guy likes/ respects them as apposed to enjoys the chase. for people who say if you ask a guy out hell say uses bc he thinks you're easy.. a guy can ask you out just for sex too. in either case you get to choose how long you wait for sex, and in either case its no good if he's a liar. but sitting around taking whatever comes your way instead of choosing, won't help your chances of meeting a decent human being.

[Azara]

love the picture by the way. at first i thought it was a 3 foot tall woman with a 7 foot tall guy. like as if that was going against norms. then i saw closer up. isa cool:)

[Ozanne]

Oh I didn't know this was taboo! LOL! But I have been asking men out since I was first learning to speak as a little girl. I was always the kind of girl where if I wanted something I went out and got it (or tried to get it). Many men turned me down. We didn't get automatic passes to dates just because we asked. Men have every right to be choosy and decide that he's not interested right away just as we've been doing forever. I think there is a weird belief that if we ask, they will say yes. Men shouldn't pity-accept a woman's invitation. And women should be prepared for a rejection, just in case. :)

[Unit1]

Amen to that! Sounds like you had some kind of an adventure, which only you had the [insert female equivalent of male balls here] for it :)

[Ozanne]

Balls is fine. LOL And yeah, had my share over the years. :)

[kitty71]

Are we still living in the 1900? I dont see anything wrong if a woman asking a guy out. whwat is the difference? If a woman ask a man out and she is rejected , so what? The same can happen if a man ask a lady out , he can also be rejected.. Isi it written somewhere that a woman cannot ask a man out? I doubt it. People follow society rules at some point that they become useless. I ask the guy I like out indirectly to say it in a way and nothing happened we still hanged out. But I ask him out in a way that it was a mutual decision and he agreed.

[Nice_Guy_Last]

I agree. I just posted this because so many girls out there seem to not know that guys don't care either way either (as you can tell by how many questions there are relating to this topic).

[FlutteringFeelings]

You're saying "guys don't care either way either ". Speak for yourself , did you go around the whole planet and count the rest of the guys we have living on this earth that isn't on GAG? . Think about it , because you're making it seem as if every single guy in this world , a girl can ask them out and it would be perfectly fine like you can jump into the boy a girl asks out and she wouldn't get humiliated. Bull ! , you don't know which guy each girl is dealing with , or going to deal with. And the girls that fail to understand this as you claimed , it's nothing that has been failed , only thing that has been failed is the guys on here who just can't admit they've been rejected too many times and they are afraid to go in and give another chance with asking someone out first because they're scared. never was it a guys job , never was it a girls job. It's a choice , if a girl wants to ask a hug out? Let her get humiliated. If a boy wants to ask a girl out? Pat him on the back

[FlutteringFeelings]

And learn from him.

[FlutteringFeelings]

Guy out *

Yes I made a mistake , learn from that also.

[Ratiocinative]

Men are supposed to be the leaders and take initiative in a relationship. A woman shouldn't need to ask a guy out, she should simply need to be flirty, tease, and have fun, and then the guy should know to ask her out if he's interested.

It's definitely a good feeling when a woman lets you know she likes you, but I would never recommend a woman ask out a guy. #1, asking you out and you saying yes is his first opportunity to take a risk and be successful with you. #2, not asking out the guy screens out guys who are too shy or timid. I think a lot of guys are scared to ask out or approach women, so the idea of a woman asking them out takes away that pressure of risking rejection.

The best way for women to show their interest in a guy is to tell him why he makes you happy, but keep it simple, and to show your feelings by touching, preferably a position he can hold or embrace you in, such as a hug ir cuddling.

[gray_sailor]

Not exactly sure of the point of screening for shyness.

Being shy in the context of dating gives ZERO information about the skills, experiences & perspectives I bring to the table.

[Ratiocinative]

You don't get what you deserve in life, you get what negotiate. If a guy is too afraid ask a woman he likes out, then he's probably also too afraid to do a multitude of things in his life that could make lmhis life better. What woman wants to be with a man who's afraid of life?

[Maverickj]

@Ratiocinative this whole "men should X and women should Y" stuff is completely false. Men and women can do whatever they want. Just because *you* are stuck in the 1950's doesn't mean everyone else should be too.

[moviedude714]

What is the god damn logic behind why taking risks, going after what you want is a masculine, manly thing?

[Ratiocinative]

Haha, have you two ever met a woman before? Women are different than men. A lot different. I mean if a woman wants to date a guy who acts like a woman too, then go for it I guess, but most women are going to want a man who acts like a man. Men and women have different thought processes and skills and that makes women better at some things and men better at others.

How do you explain the fact that most teachers and nurses are women? Is there some mass conspiracy to force women into teaching and nursing? Of course not. Women are naturally nurtures and so they choose professions like teaching and nursing because they enjoy it. Same with men in manual labor and technology fields. Men are genetically stronger and like to solve analytical problems so they enjoy those professions.

Men and woman are different. If you're too blind to see that well then good luck with your life I guess!

[SexyTexas]

@Ratiocinative
I agree with all you've supplied to this Take :)

[93stepsawayfromhome]

"Men are supposed to be the leaders"

Seriously?

[moviedude714]

Makes me often feel bitter and resentful because of the cards I was dealt for having a penis, why are we guys, men supposed to embrace being a male? Why is it a good thing that there are more career opportunities for us, don't have to deal with periods, pregnancy, child-birth? As a guy surprisingly i also get bitter and resentful that me being born a guy, my mating market value increases with age or I am able to extend it much longer than Women's, because I feel its easier for women to enjoy their youth than it is for men without putting forth as much effort

[Anonymous]

I don't believe, "guys do not want girls to ask them out" is a social norm. I've never had a problem with asking a guy out. A better topic would be, "why are the genders switching roles: why do guys want to be courted instead of being the pursuer".

It's not easy to understand this new generation of males, because if the woman has to pursue the guy, work to contribute to the family financial stucture, and birth the children, what is the males role? A lot of guys don't like to hear it but a girl is not going to be attracted to you if you're not a responsible adult & capable provider.

[gray_sailor]

Mixing apples and oranges here.

I am both a responsible adult and a capable provider and a good father to my son from my first marriage.

That said, I absolutely suck at interpreting social cues and reading body language. If it was left entirely up to me, I fear I would still be single after my divorce.

[Nice_Guy_Last]

I don't think that's what guys want. I think that guys want what girls have had for the longest time: to be pursued. In this supposedly egalitarian (at least it's the closest we've gotten as a species), I think that men are starting to desire the roles held by women. It's a case of "The grass is always greener on the other side". Women have wanted to have the role held by men for a long time, and now that they are starting to get that, men are beginning to see the role of the stay-at-home parent, raising the family, as desirable.

[Maverickj]

Stop projecting your own preferences onto others, please.

[Nice_Guy_Last]

Sorry, some guys, not all.

[Opinion Owner]

@gray_sailor this isn't mixing apples & oranges it's exactly the other half of the Take Owners opinion, he wants women to know it's ok to ask guys out and the other half (my opinion) is why are more guys looking to be courted instead of being the persuer. See how that goes hand & hand. I think people rely way too much on identify social cues & reading body language. People psych themselves out & make it harder & more difficult than it actually is.

[Opinion Owner]

@TakeOwner
"I don't think that's what guys want. I think that guys want what girls have had for the longest time: to be pursued." That right there means you are entirely in agreeance with me, because some guys want to assume the traditional female role of the relationship.

The way this economy is going & the cost of living continues to rise, stay-at-home parents are becoming a rarity, so a guy looking to be a stay-at-home parent is not a plus in my book and wouldn't even be on my radar, because I would view him as a slacker or freeloader. That's only common sense. This isn't the 1920's when women could stay at home & the family was fine with 1 salary, this is 2015 & life costs way too much to be in a relationship with an unemployed adult. I'm not saying you have to agree with me, but you may want to rethink that stay-at-home idea when looking for a partner.

[Opinion Owner]

@Maverickj
What in the world do you think this site is for? Stop trolling & gain some knowledge while you're here

[Nice_Guy_Last]

I guess we all have our own preferences, now don't we? Also, a slacker and a freeloader? If that's so, then every stay at home mom there has ever been is also a slacker and a freeloader.
Financially, yeah, it really doesn't make sense. But then, not everything is about money. Sometimes you sacrifice financially for the betterment of the family. A stay at home parent helps their loved ones by making home a place where they can come to for a good meal, with finished laundry, and a cleaned house. They help their children by being there for them whenever they need you, always free to take care of the sick child, to be there to greet them from school and help them with their schoolwork.
It seems the current trend of parenting is this absentee parenting style, where the kids raise themselves and the parents shirk responsibility by convincing themselves that earning more money and being able to afford better and nicer things will help the kids.

[Opinion Owner]

@TakeOwner
You seemed to have missed parts of my reply:
"The way this economy is going & the cost of living continues to rise, stay-at-home parents are becoming a rarity"
&
"This isn't the 1920's when women could stay at home & the family was fine with 1 salary, this is 2015 & life costs way too much to be in a relationship with an unemployed adult. I'm not saying you have to agree with me, but you may want to rethink that stay-at-home idea when looking for a partner".

Stay at home parents aren't exactly feasible anymore and the "absentee parenting style" is up to the parents. Both my parents worked & I turned out fine. Children from single parent homes also turn out fine. Sadly, some people just aren't capable to take on such responsibilities of raising children in the first place.

[Nice_Guy_Last]

I mean, my mom is still a stay at home parent, and my dad is a general manager at an O'Charley's. Yet they pay the bills just fine, so I don't know if it's because of where we live, or if they are just lucky, but I think that expenses are relative. We don't waste our money on frivolous things, and thus we are able to have a stay at home mom. I think that many people could have it the same way.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, that is true it can be done, given how much your father's salary is & the cost of living in you area, but say your family moves to CA or NY where the cost of living is absurd, your mother would most likely have to get a job. Other areas of the country, especially the areas where celebrities, government officials, even the neighborhoods where doctors/lawyers/ceos reside are going to cost more to live in. Not only rent/mortgage but property taxes even groceries are going to be ridiculous and I'm not saying that you have to live where these people live but other housing areas are starting to adopt this trend, if you want to be in a nice neighborhood with good schools & less crime you're going to have to pay for it. You're still young, but when you begin to start planning for a family you'll get it then, because you're going to want to base your family in the safest living arrangment possible and pretty much the only way of securing that is by money.

[Nice_Guy_Last]

That's why I choose to live where I do. My parents are neighbors with a couple who are family practitioners, a local business owner, and an attorney and his wife. Their house cost $170k, they have a half an acre, and the house is two stories, 2,500 sqft and has a finished basement. They sent all three of us kids they have to private Catholic schools from K-12 (high school cost them 9k a year per), and they bought us our first cars, albeit they weren't the nicest of cars, they were nonetheless cars. We have never had our house broken into, despite not having a security system
I think people get hung up on living in big cities with ludicrous costs of living without realizing there are places around the nation that are much better places to raise a family. A number one rated library system, a number one rated zoo, a highly rated natural history and science museum, as well as local events like Shakespearean plays in a local park that are held for free, college football, and pro soccer...

[Nice_Guy_Last]

... as well as a minor league baseball team and a pro hockey team, there are plenty of reasons why I will raise my children in Columbus, OH.

[Opinion Owner]

Sweet Jesus, How did I know you were going to say you were from Ohio LoL! Come to TX, that nice suburb you're talking about is going to run you easily 250,000 to 1mil and no I'm not talking city life, just people trying to keep low income people out of their neighborhoods. I have a co-worker from Ohio and we had this same discussion. He choose Kingwood, TX.

Spring, TX:
www.zillow.com/.../

The Woodlands, TX:
www.zillow.com/.../

Kingwood, TX:
www.zillow.com/.../

[Nice_Guy_Last]

See, moving South just isn't smart anymore. Yeah, it's nice to have two seasons: summer and cold (70 degrees Fahrenheit), but because demand has skyrocketed in the past decade for southern homes, it's not worth what you could get in, for instance, the Rust Belt.

[Opinion Owner]

So true, & these are regular people paying these prices that's why I say a stay-at-home parent isn't feasible anymore, well unless you reside in OH/Washington State/Portland, Maine LoL!

[BumbleSuperBee]

Yea, i'm with u on this. What rule says that the guys should ask the girl out or that he has to pay and that it's expected from him to make the first move?
It's stupid.
And well, there's only one thing I don't agree with : the first picture. The "myth" says that if a girl went on one knee to propose, the guy would start unzipping his pants.

[Nice_Guy_Last]

I am going to be honest: I went to Google Image for that picture. I literally had to try 4 different combinations of words and look through a good hundred to two hundred pictures to find that one where it looked like the girl was asking the guy. So it was kinda chosen begrudgingly (the quality of the picture being the biggest annoyance on my part, but I digress).

[FlutteringFeelings]

It's not a myth , and nobody made it up. But a girl asking a guy out is what's being made up , it's a choice. You can choose to ask a guy out and get humiliated, or? If he really likes you or is interested , he will step foot down on the ground and grow guts to tell you how he feels.

[BumbleSuperBee]

I know it's not a myth which is why I put it in quotation marks. I didn't know what to call it. And it was a joke. Have a little sense of humour @FlutteringFeelings
Humiliation isn't only for guys. Guys get rejected maany many times and humiliated so why can't girls get a taste of it?

[FlutteringFeelings]

Why won't you get a taste of it , get the experience and tell us how it went. Stop speaking for "girls" , this isn't a science experiment where everybody wants others to stick their hands in a pit of fire and call it a day. If you were in the situation I doubt you would've asked a guy out , and if you did? You're desperate just like the rest. Simple.

[FlutteringFeelings]

Who cares if it was the joke , the only odd ball who attempts to make a joke under a serious post and expect cookies and cream. Come on now.

[BumbleSuperBee]

Geez. Dafuq.. as I said above, and I repeat, there's no rule that says guys should be the one to ask girls out. Why don't u giirls grow some balls and get the courage to ask ur crush out instead of just sitting on ur lazy asses fantasizing about the moment they're gonna ask u out when, In reality, they've never noticed u.
What makes me sound desperate, huh? That fact that I think girls have every right to ask the guys they like out? And that they should go for it? How do u expect to be treated equally in society when even THIS you say isn't a girl's job to worry about.

[BumbleSuperBee]

@FlutteringFeelings

[BumbleSuperBee]

The*

[FlutteringFeelings]

Don't switch up my words and try to make a point. You have your perspective about this and so do I , it's about agreeing and disagreeing. You're turning this into forcing someone to do something when it's they're choice. It's not about being lazy , because not wanting to get rejected is lazy. People like you in the world we're living in today is why marriages are extinct and people not knowing who they are. Like I said before , never was it a job.. It's a choice , but if it's a guy taking the leap and asking the girl out he was interested in , then he did his job.. SIMPLE. You're making it seem as if you asked it guy out and it turned out perfect. Damn lie , I doubt you ever did.
Or should I say? You did, but he ended up getting rejected. Nobody is being lazy around here , if it's me trying to achieve the goal in my life as in graduating that's the only thing that someone could claim me being lazy about if I do reach that goal.

[FlutteringFeelings]

Don't *

[FlutteringFeelings]

Who ever said there was a rule? Now you're just making up your own lines to something I never mentioned. You can choose to follow by anything you choose , but don't force others to ask a guy out because you assume they're lazy. I can do that because if a guy can't ask a girl out himself , damn right he's lazy. If any guy on here is macho enough to say it's okay for a girl to ask them out , it goes both wayyysssss , once he masters both then I'll give a trophy award to each person who doesn't want to ask someone out because they're scared and needs titty milk to pacify they're needs.

[kaylaS91]

Yes! I'm in total agreement with how society should be done with believing that asking someone out is entirely a guy's responsibility. Back in the day, you won't believe how many of my friends told me not to ask my boyfriend out, or even tell him that I liked him. Why? It would make him 'feel emasculated'. I felt that was ridiculous, went ahead with it and here we are, still happy & together for just short of a year and a half. :)

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out , but that looks very desperate on her part. Most of the time it wouldn't last because the guy who might actually see a girl he wants to pursue and she isn't easy. It should be "tiresome" for a guy to pursue someone he actually loves or is into.. Maybe that individual is not that interested because going after that one girl you fancy , you would do anythingggggg. It's not about old fashioned or anything , it's wrong for a girl asking a guy out. Point. Blank. Period.

[Opinion Owner]

Shouldn't *

[fiodor99]

the same coul be told for the man. he always seems the more desperate one since he is the asker/approacher. if everyone was afraid to hurt his/her pride, noone would daet and the human species would have gone extinct.

[Opinion Owner]

It depends on the situation , if two of the individuals are secretively interested in one another... Perhaps friends knows and are sending off hints , the the guy was interested first. His friends tells him to take the chance , and he asks her out and she says yes. They talk and exchange how they felt for each other. It's the matter of patience , it's a huge risk asking someone out , out of the blue without knowing their intentions. Of course if a guy randomly ask a girl out , if she is serious about relationship she would probably say no , or we could be friends. It all depends on the situation.

[BumbleSuperBee]

That's too long. Im not even gonna read or reply to that.

[Maverickj]

A girl asking a guy out does not look desperate at all. It's not "wrong" for a girl to ask a guy out, you just don't want to do it. There's a difference. You seem incredibly entitled.

[sometimesilikecheese]

you're a sexist women and men can do what ever they choose. fuck what everyone else is doing. i say if everyone is doing one thing you do the opposite. because then you will be the first one to discover something that nobody else can, because they are too caught up in keeping up with the Jones.

[Opinion Owner]

@bumblesuperbee Mmkay girl.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay , I don't care stare you're opinions. Booohooo

[Maverickj]

Honestly, to me it sounds like you're just making excuses. Women don't get called "desperate", you're just making up excuses so you don't have to put work into getting a boyfriend.

[Opinion Owner]

@Maverickj boy please.. Whatever

[Unit1]

"There is nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out , but..." " it's wrong for a girl asking a guy out."

Logic 404

[IHateBeingaMan]

this question i posted right here was me venting my bitterness, resentment over gender roles, i felt i vented in a sarcastic way here, this one being in particular as guys being expected to take the lead, do the leading, be the initiators, make the first move, ask out, etc.:www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1145053-why-can-t-a-nice-guy-just-fight-beat-up-a-bad-boy-out-of-jealousy

[WorthlessVirgin]

I wish girls would just straight up ask me out. I've received a lot of marriage proposals. But the girls never gave the proposals in person. They just told my parents that they want to meet me. I'm hopelessly shy and got low self-esteem, so that's why I never met up with the girls. The reason I never ask out girls is because although I'm scared of them, they seem more afraid of me. I have the intention to change myself this month. I'm going to ask girls out instead because I'm tired of waiting.

[JSmith925]

I totally agree with these findings. I think that a confident man has no problem being asked out. In fact, it's downright refreshing.

Even if I were not initially interested in a woman, I would give her more consideration because she was interested and self-assured enough to approach me.

[FlutteringFeelings]

And what if you aren't really feeling her like that?
It's just like someone offering you to try fish ice cream and you don't like it , you try it and eat the whole cup but it's not you're favorite , so like you forced yourself and you didn't enjoy it. Just like a girl asking you out , what do you get out of it , a boost of a self astern.. If you don't and won't like her back what's the point? Because 100/100 a girl asking someone out first doesn't work out.

[JSmith925]

Well, sweetie, I am nearly 4 times your age and I have seen it work out quite often. Maybe you are asking the wrong guys out.

Not sure what "fish ice cream" is but. . . . What I get out of a woman approaching me is the opportunity to know someone new. And how can I know if I will like her until I give her a chance? My self-esteem doesn’t really need boosting. I am pretty confident.

By the way, no one forces me to do anything.

[Bvroon]

Outside of the fact that I'm married now, however if I wasn't married and a woman asked me out, I would be very flattered and in all fairness I would be willing to go out at least once perhaps more if we were able to make some sort of connection. As an added bonus I really like assertive women. :-)

[kitty71]

Good but some people still believe that is a man duty cause he is he gentleman

[FlutteringFeelings]

Exactly , a real man wants to take he job as a man. If you scroll here you might barely find a true man standing up and puttin in here that it's his job. But there are some and I applaud them for that , but if a man loves a women , he need to go after what he wants. Or him waiting wouldn't make anything better and another guy who is in his right mind will approach here and start a spark in between the two of them.

[vickiezalez]

I don't see anything wrong with girls asking guys out. In my case it hasn't worked out though. I've asked out 3 guys; here are the results:

1- had been dumped by his ex but she took him back the next day after I asked him out.

2- the guy had a girlfriend. I didn't know

3- the guy said he didn't want a relationship since he was going to school... 😒

Yeah I'm done asking guys out but I don't discourage girls from trying it. Maybe they'll have better luck.

[hellionthesage]

You think thats a bad record? Thats probably a bare minimum a night for most guys.

[FlutteringFeelings]

That's different ^^^^ boys need to keep a strong hold inside of them and accept rejection. I wouldn't expect for a girl to continuously ask a boy out , get turned down and her broken. Jus like a guy sleeping with many women , many people would find him superior , but if it's vice versa , they would assume the chick is a whore..

[BertMacklinFBI]

yeah #2 is pretty common for everyone hahaa.

[poppy1977]

I totally agree, girls should be able to ask out guys and a lot do. However in my experience the guys I've asked out have always ended up being complete jerks almost like they feel i need them in some way. Possibly just my experience. I still prefer guys to ask me (and i can't really put my finger on it) but for me personally it feels better. Finally i met the guy who asked me and its been amazing.

[mattduns]

But it so sexy when a woman ask a man out. I can see your point about guys looking at it the wrong way, but damn it so hot when a girls does.

[poppy1977]

Yeah i know, I've heard it from quite a few guys. Just my experience tho. I'm a bit old a heart i guess. I still prefer a guy to approach.

[Azara]

you dont know they wouldn't have been jerks if they'd asked you out.

[Azara]

or put it this way. you really want a guy who's only not going to be a jerk if you keep your mouth sight and dont speak until spoken to... i think as jerk is a jerk and is got nothing to do with you asking.

[Azara]

a jerk might enjoy the chase so pretend to be nice longer if he asked you rather than other way around , but id rather know upfront.. how long have you been dating this current guy?

[poppy1977]

@Azara I completely agree with you. However just in my experience the guys i've approached somehow feel somewhere in the mind that i'm desperate (i think, almost like i need them), whereas the guys who have asked me out show some level of respect subconsciously and have had better relationships. Just my experience with guys. I've been dating this guy for 3 years and he recently proposed to me...

[DarkHumorRUs]

This is pretty obvious though. Yet somehow girls still don't get it.
Or maybe they just don't like most guys enough to justify asking them out. That's probably why I've never been asked out.

[FlutteringFeelings]

Doesn't make sense , it's been like this for years that's why it stayed that way. We're just in the 21st century and there is always new rules added in.. Just doesn't sound right..

[LittleSally]

I do that from time to time - it always turns out well. In some instances it was silly because the guy had a girlfriend... But yeah, no big deal. If you want to get to know someone, you kinda have to make a move, right?
That's what I do anyways.

[Unit1]

That's the spirit! Keep it up!

[prettyface]

I, to be honest always ask the guys for number, although they are friends, When I'm at the bar I am the one who always ask the guy for a kiss, I'm not some crazy horny girl. , but I usually just get tired of waiting around for a guy,

[kitty71]

i agree why men should be the ones always asking the girl out why a woman can't do it? What is the differentce? rejection, ego? I mean a man can be rejected as much as a girl.

[prettyface]

lol definitely although i think guys get rejected more, somehow. It always amazes me on why I haven't been rejected to those things at the bar

[Unit1]

I may add, that asking guys out in the bar may not be a good idea. I do not discourage you to do so but only give signs to watch out for. Bars are places to get drunk and maybe some entertainment (billiard whatsoever). It's okay if the guy is not a drinking smoking alcoholic but if you ask some kind of gorilla out, you should expect from his behavior how the relationship could end up. A constant drunk and always recognized customer in the bar? Doesn't sound appropriate if you ask me.

[prettyface]

lol a gorilla. But yes I definitely understand where you are coming from @Unit1. Usually at bars I just ask for a kiss, just for fun. I'm not a crazy girl or anything but when I look for a potential partner it's usually from a class, job or club I am in. Don't worry, I have some sense :)

[Anonymous]

I'd never propose because that to me is something I really really would want from a BF… but I *did* ask my boyfriend out. He asked me out on dates, but I asked him for us to be "official" because I wanted him. I wanted him to be mine and if anyone else was out there in the background I wanted them gone. So I took what I wanted and he has told me if I didn't maybe things would have been different. It gets me thinking, you know? If you want it, take it.

[BertMacklinFBI]

yeah I think all girls are waiting for that special proposal moment, I don't think a girl would ever want to propose to a guy and give that moment to him lol.

[Aud_Queen]

@BertMacklinFBI I didn't know guys wanted that moment. That's a first. Figured most guys would be creeped out if a girl did propose to him.

[BertMacklinFBI]

I don't think any guy really does. I put myself in that situation... awkward as fuck lol.

[BertMacklinFBI]

hypothetically