Debunking Social Norms: Girls Asking Out Guys


Welcome to the very first
Debunking Social Norms, where I do my best to debunk and overthrow old social doctrines and show that some social taboos are, in fact, perfectly acceptable. In this week's Take, I am going to debunk the belief that guys do not want girls to ask them out.


Debunking Social Norms: Girls Asking Out Guys

Looking around society, you don't see many instances of girls asking out guys. Very rarely do you see instances like the picture above. Being a guy myself, I have never been asked out by a woman. I, and many men like me, would agree: this constant of being the hunters in search of a good relationship is tiresome. Sometimes, we just want to go out to a bar looking really good, have some girl pump drinks into us, and take us back to her apartment. Sometimes, we want that nervous girl who has always crushed on us but was too chicken to ask to muster up the courage and ask us awkwardly to go out to the movies.

Need convincing? Just take a look at the responses to polls from questions asked on this site!

While some guys are traditional, and it is perfectly fine that they'd rather be the one to aske a girl out, it is by far more acceptable to ask a guy out than I think many women realize.


Thank you for taking the time to read my Take. I hope that this Take gave you some insight into the reality of social standards. With another one debunked, we are hopefully less confused by this complex society we live in, and are more capable of seeing each other eye to eye. If you have any ideas for another social standard you want to understand better or have debunked, then post it in the comments, or send me a message. I plan on doing one Take per week on this.


2|0
25|25

Join the discussion

0/2500

Submit

What Girls Said 25

  • I do that from time to time - it always turns out well. In some instances it was silly because the guy had a girlfriend... But yeah, no big deal. If you want to get to know someone, you kinda have to make a move, right?
    That's what I do anyways.

    0|3
    0|0
  • Oh I didn't know this was taboo! LOL! But I have been asking men out since I was first learning to speak as a little girl. I was always the kind of girl where if I wanted something I went out and got it (or tried to get it). Many men turned me down. We didn't get automatic passes to dates just because we asked. Men have every right to be choosy and decide that he's not interested right away just as we've been doing forever. I think there is a weird belief that if we ask, they will say yes. Men shouldn't pity-accept a woman's invitation. And women should be prepared for a rejection, just in case. :)

    1|4
    0|0
    • Amen to that! Sounds like you had some kind of an adventure, which only you had the [insert female equivalent of male balls here] for it :)

    • Balls is fine. LOL And yeah, had my share over the years. :)

  • Yea, i'm with u on this. What rule says that the guys should ask the girl out or that he has to pay and that it's expected from him to make the first move?
    It's stupid.
    And well, there's only one thing I don't agree with : the first picture. The "myth" says that if a girl went on one knee to propose, the guy would start unzipping his pants.

    1|2
    1|1
    • I am going to be honest: I went to Google Image for that picture. I literally had to try 4 different combinations of words and look through a good hundred to two hundred pictures to find that one where it looked like the girl was asking the guy. So it was kinda chosen begrudgingly (the quality of the picture being the biggest annoyance on my part, but I digress).

    • Show All
    • Who ever said there was a rule? Now you're just making up your own lines to something I never mentioned. You can choose to follow by anything you choose , but don't force others to ask a guy out because you assume they're lazy. I can do that because if a guy can't ask a girl out himself , damn right he's lazy. If any guy on here is macho enough to say it's okay for a girl to ask them out , it goes both wayyysssss , once he masters both then I'll give a trophy award to each person who doesn't want to ask someone out because they're scared and needs titty milk to pacify they're needs.

  • Yes! I'm in total agreement with how society should be done with believing that asking someone out is entirely a guy's responsibility. Back in the day, you won't believe how many of my friends told me not to ask my boyfriend out, or even tell him that I liked him. Why? It would make him 'feel emasculated'. I felt that was ridiculous, went ahead with it and here we are, still happy & together for just short of a year and a half. :)

    1|3
    1|0
  • I've done this before, I've asked a guy on a date and he said yes, and end of the story haha :)

    1|6
    1|0
  • I tried to ask out my crush but he always ignored me or made excuses so I stopped trying with him. Mostly I just let guys approach me though, it's easier.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Why was it even taboo in the first place?

    0|2
    0|0
    • These are common people my dear. It's best to be a true self.

    • Show All
    • Meaning common people commonly (and blindly) follow to whatever has been put to norm. Counting girls asking guys out.

    • @Unit1 thanks for the clarification. Cheers.

  • Maybe i should ask out my crush... :3

    1|0
    0|0
    • If you want it, you have to take it. Otherwise, you leave the ability to choose in the hands of others.

  • I, to be honest always ask the guys for number, although they are friends, When I'm at the bar I am the one who always ask the guy for a kiss, I'm not some crazy horny girl. , but I usually just get tired of waiting around for a guy,

    2|1
    0|0
    • i agree why men should be the ones always asking the girl out why a woman can't do it? What is the differentce? rejection, ego? I mean a man can be rejected as much as a girl.

    • Show All
    • I may add, that asking guys out in the bar may not be a good idea. I do not discourage you to do so but only give signs to watch out for. Bars are places to get drunk and maybe some entertainment (billiard whatsoever). It's okay if the guy is not a drinking smoking alcoholic but if you ask some kind of gorilla out, you should expect from his behavior how the relationship could end up. A constant drunk and always recognized customer in the bar? Doesn't sound appropriate if you ask me.

    • lol a gorilla. But yes I definitely understand where you are coming from @Unit1. Usually at bars I just ask for a kiss, just for fun. I'm not a crazy girl or anything but when I look for a potential partner it's usually from a class, job or club I am in. Don't worry, I have some sense :)

  • I don't believe, "guys do not want girls to ask them out" is a social norm. I've never had a problem with asking a guy out. A better topic would be, "why are the genders switching roles: why do guys want to be courted instead of being the pursuer".

    It's not easy to understand this new generation of males, because if the woman has to pursue the guy, work to contribute to the family financial stucture, and birth the children, what is the males role? A lot of guys don't like to hear it but a girl is not going to be attracted to you if you're not a responsible adult & capable provider.

    0|0
    0|1
    • Mixing apples and oranges here.

      I am both a responsible adult and a capable provider and a good father to my son from my first marriage.

      That said, I absolutely suck at interpreting social cues and reading body language. If it was left entirely up to me, I fear I would still be single after my divorce.

    • Show All
    • See, moving South just isn't smart anymore. Yeah, it's nice to have two seasons: summer and cold (70 degrees Fahrenheit), but because demand has skyrocketed in the past decade for southern homes, it's not worth what you could get in, for instance, the Rust Belt.

    • So true, & these are regular people paying these prices that's why I say a stay-at-home parent isn't feasible anymore, well unless you reside in OH/Washington State/Portland, Maine LoL!

  • No insight was needed. I already know that some people prefer women asking guys out, the other way around, or it doesn't matter.

    We've grown as a society to become accustomed to new ways of life which aren't threatening or emasculating at all.

    1|0
    0|0
  • So basically girls can ask guys out. Ok.

    0|4
    0|0
  • I'd never propose because that to me is something I really really would want from a BF… but I *did* ask my boyfriend out. He asked me out on dates, but I asked him for us to be "official" because I wanted him. I wanted him to be mine and if anyone else was out there in the background I wanted them gone. So I took what I wanted and he has told me if I didn't maybe things would have been different. It gets me thinking, you know? If you want it, take it.

    0|0
    0|1
    • yeah I think all girls are waiting for that special proposal moment, I don't think a girl would ever want to propose to a guy and give that moment to him lol.

    • Show All
    • I don't think any guy really does. I put myself in that situation... awkward as fuck lol.

    • hypothetically

  • There is nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out , but that looks very desperate on her part. Most of the time it wouldn't last because the guy who might actually see a girl he wants to pursue and she isn't easy. It should be "tiresome" for a guy to pursue someone he actually loves or is into.. Maybe that individual is not that interested because going after that one girl you fancy , you would do anythingggggg. It's not about old fashioned or anything , it's wrong for a girl asking a guy out. Point. Blank. Period.

    0|0
    0|4
    • Shouldn't *

    • Show All
    • @Maverickj boy please.. Whatever

    • "There is nothing wrong with a girl asking a guy out , but..." " it's wrong for a girl asking a guy out."

      Logic 404

  • Most guys I've asked say they prefer to be approached than to approach.

    0|1
    0|1
  • I dont ask them out. I asked a guy to have sex with me instead. 😇

    0|1
    0|2
  • I don't see anything wrong with girls asking guys out. In my case it hasn't worked out though. I've asked out 3 guys; here are the results:

    1- had been dumped by his ex but she took him back the next day after I asked him out.

    2- the guy had a girlfriend. I didn't know

    3- the guy said he didn't want a relationship since he was going to school... 😒

    Yeah I'm done asking guys out but I don't discourage girls from trying it. Maybe they'll have better luck.

    0|1
    0|0
    • You think thats a bad record? Thats probably a bare minimum a night for most guys.

    • That's different ^^^^ boys need to keep a strong hold inside of them and accept rejection. I wouldn't expect for a girl to continuously ask a boy out , get turned down and her broken. Jus like a guy sleeping with many women , many people would find him superior , but if it's vice versa , they would assume the chick is a whore..

    • yeah #2 is pretty common for everyone hahaa.

  • I do this all the time... And It sucks, its not bad to switch it up sometimes, but I personally hope this gender role reversal doesn't stick.
    I'm an impulsive person so I am too impatient to wait for the guys to come around. I hate waiting around, because If I see what I want I dont want the chance to be lost forever. I am first to give compliments and flirt with no expectations or end goals.
    When I snatch a guy that I like I'm very expressive and giving when showing my interest. So w/ my current Bf:
    I will bring him gifts w/ playful notes (ex 1: He tells me he likes bananas so I drop a banana off at his front door with a note that says "you put this banana to shame" Ex2: He's out with his friends smoking weed so I stop by to give him a kiss and surprise him with a big plate of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for him and his friends to munch on and leave), I give him gas money (which he spends on weed... lol), prepare the (non) romantic dates (because he is satisfied with me coming to the baseball cages or basketball courts with him and his friends), watch all the movies and shows he likes, I've never done any drugs or alcohol but i tried weed for him ( and he refuses to try to go to church with me, which I can't expect him to but I hoped he'd try since I tried something I absolutely dispised), after were done having sex he bails to go hang out with his friends and he would give up a bj to go hang out with his friends... He never stays the night. I offer to help clean his room in the middle of the day and he says I can't because his family is home. In my relationship I am being told no when it comes to sex that when he says yes to sex I drop anything im doing for him. But never the other way around ( I can't help it, I have a high sex drive) But.. Fuck, Really?
    You may think "wow great girl!" but no. All of this waiting makes an impulsive person, like me, explode. It has made me this clingy insecure girl... And I absolutely hate this feeling of having no power. I wanted a power couple that helps aspire to reach our goals in a relationship thats not based off of sex.. And it became the exact opposite of that.. lolol this is what happens when the girl does everything for the guy (ontop of being complete opposites, having different love language, miscomminucation and having more interest than the other) lolol it happens to either sex and it sucks when it happpens.. I hope girls do ask guys out more tho to get a taste of the bittersweetness.

    0|0
    0|0
    • i dont like waiting around so ill ask so that if he's not interested i can move on instead of wasting time.. but thats about it. i mean after i get things rolling im pretty much going to deal with give and take, or just move on. i think women can experience what you did even if the guy asked them out first., so i wouldn't blame your asking:)

    • Show All
    • sure you're propagative to do so :)

      i think its great anyways. that you just go ahead and handle things.

    • Wow. Your boyfriend sounds like a real pain in the ass hippie.
      Thing is, these stuff should be done by BOTH boys and girls. As much as we shouldn't expect the guy to do everything for us and buy us stuff, this should not be expected from the girl, unless both are doing the same for each other.
      No offence girl, but your boyfriend does not sound worth it. He must look like a model if you're still with him..

  • I think people should also understand that some like it and some don't like it (or don't care) the same goes for marriage, you can go look up female marriage proposals on YouTube if you don't believe that girls can propose without difficulty.

    1|0
    0|0
  • thing i never understood is all the questions asking if its ok;. its disturbing. obviously you're not killing anyone hurting anyone insulting anyone., if you want to go ahead. i think women asking for permission is more disturbing than women who just dont want to (*though of course underlying that can be they fear retaliation from the guy they are asking for stealing his thunder) if you dont want to great. but if you want to and are needing permission, thats just weak.,

    plus really if i want to ask a guy out and he rejects me for that, WHY would i want HIM. thats what i really dont get... women who say they won't do it bc the guy will call them easy or slut or clingy etc. who the hell needs him. i mean you really want the very same guy who ids all sweetness when he asks you out, but who would demean you if you asked him out?

    i think women should ask guys out not to balance things out but just bc that way they know if the guy likes/ respects them as apposed to enjoys the chase. for people who say if you ask a guy out hell say uses bc he thinks you're easy.. a guy can ask you out just for sex too. in either case you get to choose how long you wait for sex, and in either case its no good if he's a liar. but sitting around taking whatever comes your way instead of choosing, won't help your chances of meeting a decent human being.

    0|0
    0|0
    • love the picture by the way. at first i thought it was a 3 foot tall woman with a 7 foot tall guy. like as if that was going against norms. then i saw closer up. isa cool:)

  • More from Girls
    5

What Guys Said 25

  • girls need to understand that asking a guy out is no guarantee of success. so don't cry if you're rejected. also, if a guy is showing zero interest... he's probably not interested.

    also, unless the woman plans to happily be the breaddwinner, a woman proposing to a man is fairly messed up.

    1|1
    3|8
    • Messed up? How so?

    • Show All
    • I agree with you ! It's a guy's part to ask a for out.

      Point blank , period ! .

  • this question i posted right here was me venting my bitterness, resentment over gender roles, i felt i vented in a sarcastic way here, this one being in particular as guys being expected to take the lead, do the leading, be the initiators, make the first move, ask out, etc.:www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1145053-why-can-t-a-nice-guy-just-fight-beat-up-a-bad-boy-out-of-jealousy

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm so socially anxious, I love anyone who takes the iniative in pretty much anything cx
    gender doesn't have much to do with it imo--Some people have that assertive skill and some don't.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I love when women make the first move. It shows that she's interested, that's so hot. It's nice to be wanted.

    1|2
    0|0
  • I love it when girls make the first move. Great take.

    0|0
    0|0
  • no problem with a girl asking a guy out... I would really appreciate it personally.. It's different when it comes to a marriage proposal though !

    1|0
    0|1
  • social norms don't exist.

    0|0
    1|2
  • Men are supposed to be the leaders and take initiative in a relationship. A woman shouldn't need to ask a guy out, she should simply need to be flirty, tease, and have fun, and then the guy should know to ask her out if he's interested.

    It's definitely a good feeling when a woman lets you know she likes you, but I would never recommend a woman ask out a guy. #1, asking you out and you saying yes is his first opportunity to take a risk and be successful with you. #2, not asking out the guy screens out guys who are too shy or timid. I think a lot of guys are scared to ask out or approach women, so the idea of a woman asking them out takes away that pressure of risking rejection.

    The best way for women to show their interest in a guy is to tell him why he makes you happy, but keep it simple, and to show your feelings by touching, preferably a position he can hold or embrace you in, such as a hug ir cuddling.

    1|0
    0|5
    • Not exactly sure of the point of screening for shyness.

      Being shy in the context of dating gives ZERO information about the skills, experiences & perspectives I bring to the table.

    • Show All
    • "Men are supposed to be the leaders"

      Seriously?

    • Makes me often feel bitter and resentful because of the cards I was dealt for having a penis, why are we guys, men supposed to embrace being a male? Why is it a good thing that there are more career opportunities for us, don't have to deal with periods, pregnancy, child-birth? As a guy surprisingly i also get bitter and resentful that me being born a guy, my mating market value increases with age or I am able to extend it much longer than Women's, because I feel its easier for women to enjoy their youth than it is for men without putting forth as much effort

  • Fuck gender roles. Anyone should be able to ask anyone out. Some commenters seem to understand this as "guys can wait for girls to ask them out" while really anyone ready should go for it.

    0|1
    0|0
  • This is pretty obvious though. Yet somehow girls still don't get it.
    Or maybe they just don't like most guys enough to justify asking them out. That's probably why I've never been asked out.

    3|2
    0|0
    • Doesn't make sense , it's been like this for years that's why it stayed that way. We're just in the 21st century and there is always new rules added in.. Just doesn't sound right..

  • I totally agree with these findings. I think that a confident man has no problem being asked out. In fact, it's downright refreshing.

    Even if I were not initially interested in a woman, I would give her more consideration because she was interested and self-assured enough to approach me.

    0|1
    0|0
    • And what if you aren't really feeling her like that?
      It's just like someone offering you to try fish ice cream and you don't like it , you try it and eat the whole cup but it's not you're favorite , so like you forced yourself and you didn't enjoy it. Just like a girl asking you out , what do you get out of it , a boost of a self astern.. If you don't and won't like her back what's the point? Because 100/100 a girl asking someone out first doesn't work out.

    • Well, sweetie, I am nearly 4 times your age and I have seen it work out quite often. Maybe you are asking the wrong guys out.

      Not sure what "fish ice cream" is but. . . . What I get out of a woman approaching me is the opportunity to know someone new. And how can I know if I will like her until I give her a chance? My self-esteem doesn’t really need boosting. I am pretty confident.

      By the way, no one forces me to do anything.

  • I wish girls would just straight up ask me out. I've received a lot of marriage proposals. But the girls never gave the proposals in person. They just told my parents that they want to meet me. I'm hopelessly shy and got low self-esteem, so that's why I never met up with the girls. The reason I never ask out girls is because although I'm scared of them, they seem more afraid of me. I have the intention to change myself this month. I'm going to ask girls out instead because I'm tired of waiting.

    0|3
    0|0
  • I've seen it happen, especially in high schools nowadays, but I don't mind. Hell, if a girl was to ask a guy out, all good. Just a bit of a switch and its not all that different.

    0|0
    0|0
  • But yet I never see this happening in real life.

    0|2
    0|0
    • I think that is more of a result of women being afraid to because they assume we don't want them to.

    • Show All
    • interested.. doesn't mean they have no right to ask.

      and guys who dont want it have problems with their ego and with respecting women as human beings instead of treating them like commodities so those guys are not a catch. im not talking about guys who like asking women out. im talking about guys who specifically dont think women should;d. i like asking guys out but i wouldn't hold it against a guy if he asked me out.

      and i HAVE asked guys out, so have my friends so if you guts dont see it you're probably not looking or you hang around women whop ask permission before they do anything;.

      #flutter a woman asking a guy out doesn't mean he doesn't like her. thats ridiculous. and most people want to go after people they like. I don't know how you just catch feelings just bc a guy shows interest but that doesn't actually sound safe. the thing about asking people out is you're thinking about what you're doing you're not being caught off guard and you're being discerning as apposed to flattered and

    • and swept away swayed by your feelings.

      anyhow why does it bother you if women ask men out. no ones forcing you to. ... its not your thing but why do you see it as an abomination?

      saying 'no way' isn't exactly providing a reason as to why its horrible and 'wrong'

  • Asking out is one thing, and I would agree with it. Asking to marry, no.

    0|0
    0|2
  • I typically make the first move but if a woman beat me to it and asked me out I wouldn't be offended. I'd be flattered. I don't think that it is 'wrong' for a woman to ask a guy out. I just prefer to make the first move I am a bit old school when it comes to that. But If the girl asked me out, I wouldn't think anything negative about it. Maybe I was too caught up in my own head to catch her signals or whatever. Life is too short to worry about these things.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Exactly ! The way you are mentioning it sounds more logic. If the two had something together like chemistry , or eye contact , or a lot of stuff going on and both is interested in each other but still hasn't been told between the two of you then that's the que for both. But it's not old school , it's kind of better for the boy to step in.

    • If I like a girl I am going to make the first move. I have no problem doing so. The worst thing that is going to happen is she tells you no. But I am sure she felt flattered that she was approached in a respectful manner though. I don't get why some guys are so scared of hearing no. @FlutteringFeelings

  • Great take, I prefer girls asking us out ;)

    0|1
    0|0
  • I think the main reason girls resist this isn't for some logical reason. They just realize that they have the easier role that requires no work or emotional vulnerability. As a result they strive to maintain the status quo under the guise that it's the socially acceptable thing to do or that it somehow is more biologically effective for a man to ask the girl out.

    At best, a girl will state that when she does make the first move that the guy resists her and rejects her. She'll claim that this is reason enough to make guys always ask the girls out. However, girls just aren't used to being rejected since they don't normally take this role. Us guys deal with this sort of rejection all of the time but we have no choice but to continue to face it.

    One time I saw a dating segment on a talk show meant for women. A women on there said that she shouldn't have to ask guys out because it means she has to be emotionally vulnerable. She completely failed to recognize that this is no different for us men. Whether she knew it or not, she was essentially being a hypocrite by stating that a man's emotionally well-being and stability is less important that her own.

    Girls just don't realize how tough it is to be a guy in the dating world, and when they finally step into our male shoes, they can't handle the pressure and bail out, and use excuses to legitimize that decision.

    Any guys worth your time isn't going to have any preconceived negative stigma about a girl asking him out. If he rejects the girl, it had nothing to do with her making the first move, unless that first move was sleezy and inappropriate, in which case a classy guy (just like a classy women) isn't going to find you worth his time and commitment.

    Gender shouldn't matter, especially if everyone wants equality so bad. It's just two people, anyone should feel free to make the first move and as the article states, almost all guys would have no issue with this, and if they do, they are the type you don't want to be with in the first place.

    Girls who continue to put no effort into their romantic lives and leave their fate up to the men will almost always be unhappy. Those 10-20% of guys (who girls think make up 80-100%) who will pursue you unconditionally and aggressively are the exact guys you typically don't want to be with. They're the chest puffing, game playing, testosterone junkies who see you as a number not a person. Even my old fashioned mom agrees with me on that.

    3|4
    1|0
    • Too true. Thank you for that refreshing reminder!

    • Show All
    • @Sukurachii, This happens to guys to. Both myself and other guys I know have been rejected and treated very poorly by women. I've seen guys get made fun off and called names just because he decided to show interest in a girl. One of my friends walked up to a girl at a bar once and just said "hi whats your name?", her immediate response was "I already have a drink, so fuck off". If anything the risk is higher for men because more scrutiny is placed on men and the way in which they treat women. We are far more likely to called a creeper or be accused of some sort of harassment. That sort of extreme response is much less common when a women gets rejected. Still the point is that men & women both face this issue, meaning that excuse is null and void.

      @flutteringfeelings first of all learn proper English jeeze. Two, I still ask girls out, but I also expect them to ask me out as well. It's not an all or nothing. Both genders fear rejection, no one genders fear should outway the others.

  • If you don't ask him out, you can talk to him.

    1|0
    0|1
    • why not just ask him out. you can still talk to him ;p

    • Why does asking someone out has to be the big leap. What happened to trying to get to know him? Socializing with him? To see if a relationship would work out.

  • if a girl do this to me, i must be lucky but in my opinion it should be guy the one will ask a girl out

    1|0
    0|5
    • Show All
    • Exactly , it makes more sense for the guy to pursue. The girl has no clue and most of the time wants to rush into something due to physical appearance. You can look at someone , and say "okay I want to ask him out because he's cute ".

      Girl walks up to guy : "do you want to go out with me ".
      It's something that has to be role played , let's think about it.. What if the girl wasn't attractive , not attractive at all ! So basically she's just setting herself up for humiliation because you're not attracted to her , of course you're not going to say yes.

      So I agree with you , it's fine for a girl to be interested perhaps take a step further maybe on saying hi first , introducing herself.. But asking a guy out is going way too far.

    • @FlutteringFeelings but the guy will also feel humiliated if a girl won't say yes... i asked a few girls but although they dont give me straight "no". but they are show signs that they are not really into me... for so many years I've been single i dont even know how to ask a girl out... its frustrating

  • More from Guys
    5
Loading...