Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why you're single!

The most common question I see on here is 'I'm (insert age) and have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend. Why not?'. Now, I think I have some pretty good insights into this, that I've decided to share.

Please note, these are, of course, based on generalisations. They may not all apply to everyone, but chances are, at least one will.

Ladies first...

Girls, you're too clingy

I get that you want someone to talk to all the time, someone to rely on, who makes you feel safe. That's what we all want, really. But I see so many girls dropping every interest and hobby they have, and expecting their boyfriend to be the same. This isn't healthy, and is going to drive him away, and make you both miserable.

You don't need to text him every hour. You don't need to see him every day (especially early in the relationship; it's different if you live together). Take care of yourself, and keep your own social life going. Be reasonable, and let him have his own, too.

Don't go through his phone or social media. Ever.

Unless he has specifically asked you to check something for him, do not go through his messages. This is something I cannot stress enough. Doing this is probably one of the biggest breaches of privacy and trust there is. It's enough to end a relationship. It doesn't matter if you think he might be cheating or not; if you no longer trust him, you need to talk to him, or end it. Don't be that girl.

Don't expect him to pay for everything

This especially counts if you're a young couple, or if neither of you earn much. Share costs of dates, outings, movies, etc. Split the bill at dinner. Even if he insists on paying, ALWAYS offer. Don't rely on him to pay every time. I've seen girls deliberately leave their wallet at home before going on a date. Just don't.

Accept him for who he is

Don't try to change him. Whether this is about what he likes, his appearance, his hobbies... If you don't like something, either don't get together, or talk to him about it. If anything is going to change, he needs to want it to change. If he doesn't, reassess your situation. Maybe it's not as big of an issue as you thought. Maybe you need to chill out. If not, and he still refuses, well, don't be in a relationship that makes you unhappy.

Don't expect everyone to find you attractive

This is for the single ladies, who are looking for a guy. It especially applies to women who are overweight/obese. I'm sorry to say this, and I wish I didn't have to, but it's true. If you carry too much weight, less people are going to find you attractive. Getting offended by this only makes it worse. If you're happy how you are, that's great. But you can't expect everyone else to like it.

Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why you're single.

Now, for the gentlemen...

Fellas, don't be such chickens

Commitment is scary. I get it. When your girlfriend approaches you, and wants to talk about your relationship, don't avoid the topic. If you need some time to think, tell her that. If she demands an answer right then and there, she doesn't care about you, only the label. But you do need to give her an answer eventually.
Ask yourself a few things:

  • Do you love her? If it's too early to know, do you think you could one day?
  • How do you feel when you're with her? Is conversation easy? Or is it strained?
  • Can you imagine your life without her around?

It won't take you long to know what you want.

Let her have male friends

Chances are, your girlfriend is going to want/have male friends. If you can't trust her with that, you shouldn't be together. I've seen many a relationship end because a guy has repeatedly accused his girlfriend of sleeping with her friend. If you're uncomfortable, why not meet her friends, and get to know them? I can almost guarantee it'll assauge your fears.

Stand up for yourself

I know this may seem opposite to what I've just said, but I mean it. While sometimes you need to give some slack, if you're upset, angry, or confused, tell her. If there's a problem, you need to talk about it. Otherwise she'll never know, and you'll stay upset.

Be active

This is superficial, I know. But it's true. In general, women are attracted to fit, sporty guys. Not always, but usually. It's not hard, really. Just running for a few miles a few times a week will make a huge difference.

Dress well

This is important, guys. If you wear the same hoodie day after day, if your clothes are stained or ill-fitting, or you simply dress inappropriately (think sweatpants at a smart-casual event), you are going to find yourself single. Take pride in your appearance.

Don't be Captain Sweatpants

And this is for all of you:

Jealousy isn't good, no matter what you think

If you're protective of each other, that's great. But there's a limit. Don't try to make your partner jealous. Just don't. And don't go around assuming that your partner is with someone else whenever you're not together. If you have any concerns, just talk to each other. A relationship based on jealousy is going to fail.


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What Guys Said 47

  • Very on point on both genders. I've always wondered why Johnny Bravo had trouble getting women despite of his looks

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  • Great take. I agree with every point.
    Even though I don't use social media for the very reason of privacy, I still wouldn't want anyone going through my phone. Clingyness and cheapness on a woman's part are things I cannot tolerate. Accepting me for who I am is the very reason why she should be dating me.
    Now for my view on the male part. Telling someone I love them doesn't come easy to me since there are many types of love. When I say "I love that guy" it means I have the highest respect for that person's personality or that person's acting skills (e. g. NPH, John Barrowman, Bill Nye, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nikola Tesla e. t. c) even if that person is gay it does not mean I like them the way I like women.
    The rest I have no problems with. I do need to be more active though.

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  • Lol not even close.

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  • That girl isn't even that fat. I would still sleep with her but mainly because not many girls like me

    I mean fat is like 50% on top of that. That is chubby

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    • She looks fat mostly because it also goes on her face, so she is definitely above her natural weight.

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    • The curvy one is a bit chubby...

    • She doesn't look chubby at all. She has big tits but that doesn't mean chubby. I mean your definition of skinny must be anorexic

  • Can be summed up to: treat your partner like an adult, he or she is not a little child.
    Speaking of relationships that intend to be serious.

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  • Hey, when I go to the comic book store I dress for comfort!

    Although come to think of it maybe still going to comic book stores after grad school is indicative of a larger problem...

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  • i'd bang both the curvy and fat chick :)

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  • Hey... Hey!! Do not be hating on Captain Sweatpants!
    But very true being a chicken sucked when I was younger, never told her how I felt and she actually liked me... because I didn't do anything about it she felt like she didn't have to either and eventually it fizzeled out.

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  • I'm single because I'm too much of a coward to approach a girl/ask them out...

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  • I wear the same fleece jacket and pants everyday, the difference is I wash them.

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  • Lol I am single because I put up with too much BS in my last relationship... now I HAVE THE POWER!!!

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    • I agree. Too much bs last time for me as well. My ex was also crushing on another guy while we were together, and i found put only because she texted me by mistake while talking to her friends.

  • Very good advice! on both fronts

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  • Guys work out , but not women? Okay.

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  • Just because a girl is "obese" dont really mean she's unattractive
    My girl weighs 230lbs with lots of belly fat and all that & she's extremely sexy

    She pay what she weigh - Snoop Dogg 2014

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  • I'd say you've got it right.

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  • Good take, i think it was balanced and you didn't seem to offend anyone, which is good with such a sensitive topic, i think you're right with most of your points, and i agree, talking to each other is the main part of a relationship, both parties have to get involved, thanks for the read!

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  • I've never had a girlfriend in my life.

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  • I see a lot of "talk to each other" suggestions here but, some girls don't have time to talk about things or just want to avoid talking about negative things.

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  • Great article! Really enjoyed it!
    Hit the nail on th head!

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  • You forgot 2 points. 1 for each - boys & girls.

    Boys : You are single because you have no money.

    Girls : You are single because you are ugly.

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    • I've seriously never not liked a guy because of money.. And I'm single and not ugly

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    • You are very young. So talking about other girls? Well if they are pretty & yet single then I guess they have shallow characters.

    • Well there's a lot of different reasons people are single. It's not always because of poor looks or poor personality. Sometimes you just attract the wrong types of people etc. but yeah in a lot of cases it could be those two. But there's always a shallow guy for the shallow girls haha

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What Girls Said 26

  • i agree with the take but concerning the clingy part... so according to you were not supposed to text the so?

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    • "I get that you want someone to talk to all the time, someone to rely on, who makes you feel safe. That's what we all want, really. But I see so many girls dropping every interest and hobby they have, and expecting their boyfriend to be the same. This isn't healthy, and is going to drive him away, and make you both miserable.

      You don't need to text him every hour. You don't need to see him every day (especially early in the relationship; it's different if you live together). Take care of yourself, and keep your own social life going. Be reasonable, and let him have his own, too."

      Where did I say not to text the SO? I said not abandon your own life and interests in favour of a relationship, and that you don't need to text him constantly. I think they're pretty valid points. Getting texts all day from someone, especially if you're busy, is incredibly annoying, and it's not good behaviour for a new relationship.

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    • No of course not! The clingy part mostly refers to texting constantly without him replying, when he's obviously busy, or sending multiple texts in a row.

    • *feeling relieved lol

  • There are way too many reasons why I'm single XD But damn, I love it! I haven't met a couple who truly loves each other...

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  • They don't love themselves first and how can they ever find someone?

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  • nice mytake I'm single and don't have a boyfriend because I'm specilneeds and because a relationship would be hard for me

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  • Uhhhhhh how someone could think going through the other person's phone is OK, is beyond me. I would be REALLY mad if someone, even someone I trust and love, dares go through my phone without me asking them to.

    And I always ins ist on paying for the second date if the guy insisted on paying for the first. I will not take no for an answer. Unless maybe he earns like 10x more than me. In that case I would let him pay most of the time, but I would occasionally still buy him coffee or ice cream or something.

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  • Accepting them for who they are is the most common reason. For me in any case. You can't expect that person to change for you.

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  • I feel like all of these points apply on both genders at a certain level.

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  • I'm so far removed from the dating scene these days ^^ this was a good my take though... I might just be a captain sweatpants lol

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  • It is what it is... in other-words

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  • Bingo! Good take.

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  • typical 21st century relationship "rules" take...

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  • Am I the only girl in the world who is ok with guys in sweatpants? lol

    Anywho I agree with what you said about both girls and guys.

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  • I don't possess those qualities. Maybe it boils down to luck half the times. The list can be true, but what if the other person just doesn't appreciate you because they're the douches.

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    • You do realize that the only qualities that humans can't change is their basic body shape, base intelligence and their core personality? Fat/muscle can be changed, outfits can be changed hair can be changed, skin tone can be changed (within reason), personality traits can be changed, even intelligence can be changed. You can actually become smarter by learning, but there is a genetic difference that sets limits for people. That's why some people are naturally smarter, but the less intelligent people can also become smarter. So no, only a small amount is luck.

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    • Well, you also need to find potential partners in the sense that they're interested in a relationship with you and vice versa.

      Also, you totally forgot the mention @Albinoninja66 .

    • @Medionfielde I have gotten responses without the hashtags and I don't really care to re-message again.
      Yes thats a good quality.. Interest!.

  • Nice take sir! :D

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  • Wanna know why i'm single? Cuz all the boys at my school are immature ass holes who are clueless. .. xD

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    • Lol this is like 60% of the boys and girls at my school

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    • Well mostly boys are the immature ones, the girls at least have some common sense xD

    • No. Everyone is immature without exception - without realizing it. That's what being a teenager is about!

  • You forgot about "space " which is really important in relationships. Overall, this is a great take!

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  • What if I hate texting a lot and prefer to be left alone for long periods of time and am quite alright with only talking once every week, would prefer to split the bills and don't like him buying me things at all, and I generally just don't care what he does. Why am I still single?
    What am i doing wrong?
    Am I going to die alone?
    WHERE ARE MY 40 CATS AND ROCKING CHAIR?

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    • In my opinion as a guy only wanting to talk once a week makes me think you wouldn't like me. That's just me At least check in every day out of respect to the guy you like in your case. I know I'd think you weren't into me if you wanted to tlk once a week! But that's just me.

  • As soon as I read the 1st point, for some reason these came to mind :D
    41.media.tumblr.com/.../...g3ryr1spe4pno1_1280.jpg
    s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...16a0ea65a6.jpg
    https://youtu.be/g2GAPbznwjs
    LOL whenever I hear 'clingy girls' my mind immediately flashes 'crazy b*tches' in red neon lights :D
    by the way, Love this take. Good job ;)

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  • Not every person that is single is single because they have issues. That's like saying every person in a relationship has nothing wrong with them. Some people want to take breaks from dating and stay single. You may find this hard to believe but some people who are single actually don't sit around and mope and wonder why they are single! Some people do not define their self worth by their relationship status

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    • Alright, seriously, the first sentence in the take was this:
      The most common question I see on here is 'I'm (insert age) and have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend. Why not?'.
      If you bothered to read before complaining, you'd know what this take was addressing.

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    • I've been single since I was born. It is so nice, isn't it?

    • Now that I've finished school and gotten my full time job. Along with guitar lessons, gym, friend outings and further educational training... I don't have time for a relationship...

  • I really hope you're not single.

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