Things That Instantly Turn Me OFF

Alright G@Gers, coming at you with a little simplistic take this Friday, which calls for a celebratory TGIF, of course.

I’m not going to go into elaborate explanation here since I am pretty sure you could determine by the title exactly what it is I am going to be talking about today. But to be sure: today I am talking to you about some thing that guys can do to immediately turn me off, make me lose their number, and never speak to them again. For the sake of just getting some shit off my chest and maybe providing you with a little laugh or two, because I, like many of us men and women, have experiences all of these things that I am about to list.

As per usual, disclaimer: I am not at all trying to trash men with this take. This isn’t a “I fucking hate men and their penises” spiel, it’s simply a comedic take on shit that turns me off, to make light of some of my bad experiences while simultaneously alleviating some of the pent up animosity I’ve had as a result of said experiences. To put in short: don’t get butt hurt.

Of course, feel free to leave your top turn offs in the threads below along with any awkward/hilarious stories where you found yourself horribly turned off by somebody you were trying to get to know/dating.

Without further squabble, here’s some of my biggest turn offs:

When a guy gets pushy/challenges my choices or hesitation

There is (almost) nothing worse than a guy who doesn’t respect your boundaries and the pace you’re comfortable moving at. Don’t get me wrong, I would understand if I refused to hold your hand or kiss you after dating for weeks or even months, but if I barely know you, you don’t get to assume the right to throw a temper tantrum if I don’t want to do something with you.

Here is a prime example: I don’t bring up sex at all in the beginning stages of getting to know someone. Ever. That is something I feel is better saved for the future. If a guy tries to pry about sex, I am always calm, kind, and polite in explaining that I’m not comfortable discussing the subject so early on, but I’m not offended that they brought it up. Most guys take that hint, but others simply don’t give a fuck because they have an agenda and they will push it anyways.

I had a guy whom I had met online do this to me. I made it very clear where I stood, and like the great guy I thought he was, he promised he would never, EVER try to push me into anything. A few days later, he wanted me to begin sexting him. Yes, sexting him. I politely refused, and while he seemed disappointed, he seemed to take it to heart, considering he knew where I stood. Then, of course, he proved me wrong again as he tried to always change the topic of conversation to sex, sexual fantasies, sexual preferences, parts of my body, etc. When I finally snapped and told him to stop, he blew up on me. He basically made me out to be over-dramatic and like I was somehow being unfair, even though we were still getting to know each other and I made it known early on that I wasn’t ready to begin that kind of discussion with him. It turned into fight after fight, and finally I told him it wasn’t going to work. Coldly, he told me that if we weren’t going to be in a relationship, the least I could do is let him drive down and fuck me once. He wanted that much at least. As you can imagine, I told him he was a douche-nugget and that he would have better luck conceiving a child with a meat grinder than getting in my pants. He told me later that my comment made him cry.


Needless to say, we never met up, and I quit talking to him shortly after that. This experience is one of the prime reasons why a lack of respect for boundaries is one of my biggest turn offs. Of course, I have had other experiences, but this one definitely took the cake.

Things That Instantly Turn Me OFF


Notice a common theme yet? I really, really, am turned off by blatant fucking assholes. Ever hear a guy say girls love assholes? This one doesn’t. It gives me an inverted lady-boner.

I can dig a guy who is a bit aggressive, with sarcastic, insulting humor (much like mine), but there is a fine line between being the aggressive guy with the in-your-face-humor and being a profound shithead. One of the easiest ways to convince me that you are one of these profound shitheads is to be the type of guy that just THRIVES off of arguing.

I am the kind of person who talks things out. Ask any one of my friends and they will tell you that they’ve never seem me yell or raise my voice, and it’s for a reason: I don’t believe arguing is communicating. TALKING is communicating and the best way to resolve an issue, not by yelling, screaming, insulting, what have you. I get that it will inevitably happen sometimes, but what’s important is it gets resolved. Some guys just do not want that.

I had another guy I was talking to and trying to get to know. He had a very, VERY keen desire to turn everything I did into a cause for criticism or into a reason to fight. Everything I said or did was wrong and he wanted to fight about it. If I ever tried to be docile and tell him he was entitled to feel how he felt, he would get even angrier at me, and tell me I was robotic for refusing to argue with him. If I told him we needed to take a break and talk when we both calmed down, he would start cussing me out. He seemed bothered if I didn’t want to fight with him.

Most notably, if I ever messaged him and he thought it wasn’t “enthusiastic enough”, he would blow up and try to tell me how horrible of a person I was for responding to his answer with: “Yeah.” I remember he tried to get me to pretend to be him so he could respond to me with “Yeah” so I could “See how rude it is and how quickly it kills the conversation.” I realized very fast that this guy was a shithead and broke everything off with him after that. The kicker was, was that when I did, he suddenly wanted to be calm and work things out, and told me I was the one being too brash and irrational. I blew up on him at long last and told him that he was an over-aggressive, self-conscious jack ass who thrives off of putting people down, and that I would much rather become a nun than ever consider going out with him. I blocked him on everything and never spoke to him again.

He taught me a lesson though: guys who like to fight with me just aren’t right for me

Super shy/Passive – AKA “Yes” Men

Now, while I absolutely hate assholes, that doesn’t automatically mean I am attracted to the absolute opposite end of the spectrum. I definitely don’t want a super shy, super docile, spineless guy either. I want a partner who I feel equal with, who can challenge me in a friendly debate without being a total asshole, but also not being the type to simply agree with me for the sake of appeasing me. Overall, I, like most girls, want a guy who is well rounded and level.

The reason I am admittedly quite turned off by shy guys is because I am straight forward, and therefore am attracted to people who match my level of honesty, enthusiasm, and energy. I am the type of person who is honest and upfront with my feelings, and I am greatly attracted to guys who are the same way. I don’t ever want to feel like everything I do with a guy has to be on my own initiation, and that I have to practically coax them into showing their feelings to me. I’m sorry; it just really turns me off.

I also don’t want somebody who expects me to tell them what to do like they are a child. I don’t want a guy who can’t take a single step without my approval, and believe me, I’ve met a lot of guys like this. It’s such a turn off because it makes me feel like we’re in a mother-child relationship. I want a guy who can be completely independent, and who is with me because he wants to be, not because he feels he needs some kind of emotional reassurance and guidance from someone else. I want a partner, not a child.

Aromantic/Lazy Lovers

Listen, there’s nothing wrong with being like best friends with your partner, and it’s normal for the super mushy, romantic stage to die down when the relationship stops being so “new.” However, I am extremely turned off by guys who think that since we are now together, that they don’t have to try at all. They don’t have to compliment me, cuddle with me, do little SIMPLE romantic gestures every now and then, the whole nine. I am so 100% the opposite: I love nothing more than doing things to remind my guy that I love him and that he’s special, from making him his favorite meal to rubbing his back when his day sucked. Hell, I’ll even sit there and play Smash Bros with him until he forgets all about how much of an asshole his boss is.

People of course show love in their own way, that isn’t my point. My point is, is that I believe that when you enter a relationship, you have to actively ask yourself every day what you can do to make your partner happy and satisfied. There will always be times where maybe life makes this more difficult, but you always have to find your way back to working on making your relationship strong and happy. If a guy thinks he can just get with me and put forth zero effort, we won’t last very long.

That’s all I have for today G@Gers, I am sure I could go on but these are my main turn offs without getting into physical aspects and what not. Remember that these alone are my thoughts and opinions, and I am in no way saying that if there is a guy out there with any or all of these traits that he is undateable, he is simply not MY type. Well ... even though I did say some of those guys were blatant assholes and shitheads ... eh - you get my point. Maybe some people like that?

Once again have yourselves a great weekend and I look forward to the threads.


Join the discussion



What Guys Said 22

  • I've finally met a girl who speaks her truth there. Completely agree with "YES" man is a superb turn off. LIKE attracts LIKE. Which is why women who are devious will often associate themselves with men who are also manipulative. Cause if someone doesn't inhibit certain qualities, it's a turn off for another one, it's just a matter of them.

  • I like your boundaries meme.

    You should at least drive down there and fuck him? ? Oy!

    That sounds like an episode right out of Creepy Text Theater. Watch it if you can. Funny and sad.

    Good take!

  • At first, I'd let people walk all over me because I thought that was how you got acceptance. But now, I could give not one, but two flying f***s about what these phonies think of me. Better to have a few really good friends than to have a horde of synthetic sycophants groveling at your feet.

  • Wow personality wise you are exactly what I'm looking for in a girl.

    • Thank you @QuestionMan

  • Very solid take as usual. I always like to hear your opinion on shy guys. It's almost like I'm hearing constructive criticism about myself that I should be working on.

    Thank you.

    • There is absolutely nothing wrong with being shy as long as you work with it. It's just not my personal preference.

    • Show All
    • @Bluemax It's easier to be confident over the Internet. I've been told I'm like two personalities in one body before lol

    • @Bluemax : Personal experience. I've been in some very toxic work environments. Including one former job where even after I left, the one lady that used to be my boss continued to find ways to make my life Hell. I had to finally file a formal complaint to convince those above her to convince her to leave me alone.

      She basically tried to isolate me from having any contact with anyone else, ever. And if she saw me talking to anyone instead of eating alone - including friends from my dorm (I was in college back then) - she would tell me to find another table or leave. One day, I stood up to her, simply asking her to explain her reasoning behind treating me that way. She threatened to call the cops if I didn't leave. She had a tall, intimidating guy next to her when she threatened me, not in case I got rough; but so that she knew I'd be too scared to argue with her.

      Someone told me a variant of the "triune brain" hypothesis, said my second layer is hyperactive. Nightmares are forever.

  • I am the shy guy... but your explanation of it doesn't really describe me at all. I'm not a yes man or a no man for that matter. Gosh where to start. Being shy is something you can say I have worked at over the decades even though I think I'm not as bad as I use to be. First it was obviously, I was to young to date... preteen, THEN the girl I liked found out she had a boyfriend, then another girl I liked ironically was shy and shy'd away from me :( One was to young for me, 2 girls stopped working at 2 different places, never saw them again and the last I dont know, I guess I assumed she was either taken or to young for me.

    Truly shy guys are so because they assume girls don't like them. Heck some guys try to talk to girl and are given nasty looks... hear it all the time.

    • Once again: it's a particular type of guy, not ALL types of shy men.

    • Perhaps some guys only pretend to be shy... why? I have no idea :\

  • I seriously LOL'd when I read about the guy who said that the least you could do was fuck him, then he cried when you said the part about the meat grinder.. First of all. Did he actually think that after he said that, that you would be like "Yeah, well I guess you have a point there.. Alright, let's do it!" LOL. Secondly. He cried after your comment, but his comment was 'OK'? Whack..

    Also I had the same exact thing happen to me. A girl I met turned everything I did into a fight. Everything I said and did was wrong. When I told her that I didn't want to fight, she said I was "cold" and "robotic". When I suggested that we should take a break and calm down it was a huge problem because we had to resolve it right away. She wasn't that bad though, we just weren't emotionally compatible. But it's funny, I didn't think that guys could be that way.

    Anyway, I very much enjoyed reading this. It was funny and relatable.

    • Haha yeah people are fucking insane. I couldn't believe it either. I was like: Sir, who socialized you when you were young?

      Also nice pic of Archer.

  • Good read yeah. Cheers.

  • nice take, pretty insightful

    • Thank you sir.

  • Can't argue against any of your points.

  • How terribly generic.

    • I don't see how preferences can necessarily be unique or better than others but hey, to each their own I suppose. I like what I like and am terribly unapologetic.

    • Show All
    • You too terribly generic woman.

    • That is I sir, that is I.

  • I have always enjoyed your my_takes, keep up the good work.

    • Thank you @OrdinaryGentleman

  • The result of 50/50 and 100/100 are the exact same number.

    Taking that the fuck literal because 100/100 makes me about as mad as '5ever'.

  • Soooo you don't want a guy who challenges your choices or a guy who is passive. Confused.

    • People often assume that if you don't like a passive guy that it means you want the absolute opposite, but think about the average person: most people fall into a spectrum of picking and choosing their battles, where they will be willing to challenge certain things and accept certain things. I'd love a guy I could have a friendly debate with or who isn't afraid to suggest a better way of doing things, but that doesn't insinuate that I want a man who is going to belittle and challenge every opinion and choice I try to make on my own. It's finding level ground without going to either extreme.

      It's quite simple, really.

  • I am shy, but that doesn't mean I let people walk over me. There's not just only one type of "shy"

    • I never claimed there was, if you noticed. I am referring to a particular type of person, not the entirety of shy people.

  • well it looks like we might have a chance I'll never meet you or maybe Ill see you and be none the wiser

  • I will do the exact opposite of everything you've suggested here.

  • A lot of mixed messages being sent here

  • interesting. I'm curious though, what's a reason for you to ignore someone? I tried messaging you sometime ago but you didn't respond back. I'd like to perhaps learn from the mistake so i dont repeat it the next time

    • I couldn't tell you, but to be honest I get tons of messages every day so it could just be that I completely overlooked it by accident. I don't intentionally ignore people. If I wanted to ignore somebody I would have just blocked you. So I apologize, I doubt it was intentional.

    • ah i see

    • Indeed.

  • Yeah I agree with guys commenting what you said about shy guys
    sad thing is that girls dont see the mask on this "shy guy" picture you posted and it is easy to remove it just spend some time with him and tease him be opened he will open up too but girls this days dont have time or dont want to give effort

    • I am always willing to give time and effort, I am just personally not a very shy person and am attracted to guys who aren't shy. There's nothing wrong with having preferences. Again, just because I, a single person on a planet of billions of people, am not attracted to shy guys, doesn't mean other girls won't be. I can't help that I'm not attracted to it and I have no personal vendetta against shy guys. I just don't tend to date very shy people. Everybody is entitled to have their preferences, men and women included.

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