Go on OkCupid ok 'you should message me if' section, and you will see the following a lot:
You should message me if:
' You're going to ask me a question that isn't just 'How are you? '
' Please try not to message me with a 'Hi' or 'I like your smile' or '(insert generic greeting)' '
' I don't respond to 'hi' or 'how are you?' It seems harsh but it's a harsh old world. '
(copied and pasted from actual profiles)
Tinder and other apps are not much better. When OkC used to have the function for frequency of replies it was no surprise to go through women's profiles and find 'replies selectively' 9 times out of ten and for men 'replies often' would come up 9.5 times out of ten. A lot of the girls saying this don't even have anything written on their profile themselves anyway, and therefore nothing to talk about except their picture (and we all know where THAT goes).
So why are girls like this?
- They think it's a boring conversational line
- They think the guy saying it does not have much personality
- They want the guy to prove he's got 'game'
- They think the guy who says this maybe just wants sex
But all of this is very untrue, as I will show:
- In real life, it is a polite and amicable way to introduce yourself
- In real life, it is how people that have not yet established commonalities begin human interaction
- In real life, ambassadors, business associates, or other professional persons would greet one another with an equally well-mannered but simplified introduction
- In real life, this is how confident and socially intelligent people talk to one another
- In online dating, it is STILL a customary part of interpersonal etiquette
- In online dating, it is very easy to see if a person has anything else to say about themselves (simply look at their profile)
- In online dating, regardless of the opener, it's impossible to determine if a guy just wants sex or not unless he explicitly states the desire for sex
I get that some women will be receiving a lot of messages and will need to filter through the results, but understand that this would not be the case if more women sent the first message. To summarise, 'Hi, how are you' is a commonly accepted part of social etiquette. It is a cultural nicety that exists for a reason and women are essentially shaming men online for being polite. Women who engage in such tacks are not immersed in common civility and also tend to have low levels of intelligence. That some women think this introduction is 'boring' says more about them than it does about the people who would use it.