This guide will show you how you can remain single for the rest of your life.
1. Act like a moron.
You may act out particular moronic behaviors, like drooling, looking blankly at the sky, giggling in a serious conversation, nose-picking, fixing your eyes on a random object, refusing to give eye contact, and other extremely unattractive behaviors. The more, the better.
2. Use inappropriate humor to lighten up the conversation, even when you are being told to stop.
An inappropriate humor may be racist humor, sexist humor, and anything that can potentially offend people's sensibilities. If you do not know how to offend, then you have to meet people and find what makes them tick. Then, you deliberately get them annoyed at you. This may involve the ability to suppress your own emotions at first, because some people will spontaneously feel bad about themselves if they sense that the hurt is the direct result of their own behavior. But with practice, showing an emotionless reaction can be achieved.
3. Fart, and then make fake farts.
Everybody farts or releases gas every once in a while. But not everybody does it so loudly every minute. In order to produce the impossible, you have to learn how to make realistic fake farts with bodily movements, not just bowel movements. First, you take a deep breath. Then, you hold your breath while puffing up your cheeks. Next, you release some air out. Chances are, it will produce a "farting sound". Experiment with more "gassy" sounds with your mouth for varied realism.
4. Pull pranks and practical jokes.
A practical joke may backfire on you, if the target person actually thinks it is funny. But if you want to do a practical joke just to see the target's reaction, then here is one way that does not cost any money. First, you make a nasty facial expression before the mirror. Make sure that it is the ugliest expression you've made, or this joke won't work. Next, you approach the target person slowly and quietly. If that person does not notice you, then you move to that person's field of vision while keeping the nasty facial expression. Wait for response. This method is not foolproof, because the target person may think it is funny in a dorky way.
5. Say that you are already taken.
If you say that you are already taken, then people will think that you are unavailable for the dating sphere.
And that is how you can remain single for the rest of your life. If these steps sound too tedious for you, then you just communicate to people, "Look, I do not want to be in a relationship. Ever. It has nothing to do with you, but sexual-romantic relationships aren't for me. I hope you find someone else who will love you, though. Good luck with your search to find that perfect guy/girl." Clear communication may be the best way, as the previous ways can potentially damage your professional reputation.