4 Dating Trends that Desperately Need to be Abolished

Hello G@Gers, it is Tuesday but it may as well be Monday for Canadians, as we just celebrated Victoria Day and had ourselves a lovely long weekend.

And by lovely long weekend I mean I personally jam-packed it with so much shit from visiting relatives to attending events that I’m more tired now than I was before the weekend started.

#weekenddoover

Dating Trends that Desperately Need to be Abolished

Thanks for the three day weekend anyways, Drina.

Now, I was having a hard time this morning deciding what take I wanted to do; because while I’ve received a few requests of mytakes that users would like to see me cover, I have put them in my pile of “to-do” articles because I wasn’t feeling too inspired to tackle any of them today. Instead, I want to talk to you G@Gers about typical trends I see in dating that drive me up the fucking wall.

Listen, I’m no love guru or dating expert, but I’ve dated a fair bit in my near 23 years of living, and let me tell you that I’ve learned a few things. One of those things is that dating trends, tricks, or techniques are steamy, lobbing piles of horse dookie.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2k_6z3sMwg

Before I make this intro an essay in of itself, let me tell you about some of the dating tactics that I think need to blow the fuck up and why they’re stupid.

The Don’t Text Back Ploy

I hate it when people legitimately believe that dicking with the person they are interested in is the way to go about sparking a healthy, happy relationship.

On what planet does spacing out your fucking text messages equate to the potential of bettering your standing with a person that you’re interested in? It’s one thing if you’re literally busy, that can be cleared up with a simple explanation, but if you’re one of those people who literally “wait five days before texting her” or wait “at least 45 minutes to text him back so he doesn’t think you NEED him” then you need to dive head first into a tub of mustard.

Why? Because I get creative in my punishments when people do colossally dumb shit like this. I hope it burns your eye sockets and you can’t taste right for a month.

You know what DOES work? Making the person you’re interesting a priority, while not letting it consume your life. How do you do that you might ask? Simple: text them when you get their number, text them back when you can, and when you can’t, SAY YOU CAN’T/COULDN’T. Easy peasy Papa Cheesy.

Seriously, who told people that there’s nothing sexier than somebody who waits five days to text you when they get your number? I’d like to add them to my mustard and bullshit soup.

The Power Struggle Tactic

“Whoever cares less in the relationship has the power.” ~ Some idiot

Oh lord … not another one of these emotional power-tripping, deep-fried turd nuggets. I can’t stand this crap. Raise your hand if emotional manipulation makes your dicks limp and your vageens as dry as the Sahara desert!!!

I get that there is some myth out there that acting like a total asshole somehow makes you more appealing, but let me tell you something: the only people who are attracted to that bullhonkey do not have their priorities straight OR they themselves have some fucking issues. Why would any sane person with self esteem be attracted to somebody who just doesn’t seem to care as much? If at all?

Oh right, people with self esteem issues.

Listen, let me explain something that should be common sense: if you intentionally try to seem like you care less than the other person in the relationship with the intention of making them feel desperate to gain your approval, you suck as a human being. Sure, maybe it will make them try harder and cling to you more, but your relationship is going to be based on an unhealthy foundation of insecurity and desperation. This is why mind games are not the key to having a fulfilling relationship with a person.

Relationships aren’t a power struggle; they are a partnership where the two of you should be working as captain and commander of your own love-powered Starship. Fuck the manipulation crap.

The Give it Up & Hook Em’ Method

Sigh … ladies are pretty much the primary users of this particular method. The concept basically refers to having sex with somebody for the sake of trying to hook em’ like an angelfish, not realizing you really just caught yourself a pond smelt.

If you get this reference, I love you.

Basically you try to use sex as a bargaining chip, thinking that the P or the D (in rare cases) is going to be so good that this person who you are getting to know will just drop their shit and commit to you. Most often I see girls using this tactic with a guy who isn’t showing that much interest, or even has made it clear that a relationship isn’t on the table. It’s fucking kind of sad to see.


I’m not saying you need to turn around and play the “make him wait x-amount of time game” ladies, but I am going to tell you that throwing sex at somebody isn’t going to trick them into committing to you, especially if they know they can get it with ease.

What’s even worse is when I find girls using this shit on dudes that are either fucking around with other girls or are straight up in relationships, like some serious side-chick situation. I’ve witnessed this first hand:



“Well I’ll just give it to him so good that he’ll leave her and be faithful to me.”

Like fuck honey pot; how you got em’ is how you’ll lose em’, and this applies to men and women. Don’t delude yourself. Save sex for when you feel ready to have it, don’t use it as a means to manipulate anybody, otherwise you might find yourself used and alone, wondering why all of the “good ones are taken.”

The Bear it All Arrangement

This one I’m sure people are going to disagree with, but I absolutely attest the concept of giving your SO free range over your cellphone, social media, email, and otherwise.

Period.

Some people these days are so mistrusting due to the spikes in infidelity over the years that there are legitimately couples who expect to have every password to your social media and your phone. They literally think that if you have nothing to hide, that they should have the right to read through every conversation that you have that they can’t be physically present for.

Talk about a totally unhealthy violation of privacy.

First of all, just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you become an equally active member in all of your SO’s other relationships, let alone for the reason of having ZERO TRUST in your partner. People act as though everyone is programmed to cheat, and it is your job as their partner to lead them away from potential temptation.


Listen, cheating isn’t like being on a no-carb diet and being locked in a room full of cookies and sandwiches. It’s like being put in a grocery store with a slight hunger and having the chance to make good choices or bad choices, at best. Anyone who wants to make a good choice, will and anybody who doesn’t, won't. It's that simple.

It’s the same for relationships: people who have the desire to be faithful, will be, and people who don’t want to be, will be fucking creative in getting around your all-star interference, TRUST ME. If they gotta get messenger pigeons to get outside P and D, they will.

Let me break it down to you in case I haven't made my point: it’s a violation of privacy on your partner’s end because they essentially aren’t able to have open conversations with people without having somebody criticize them. Secondly it creates what I classify as an unhealthy level of codependency in your relationship. Why do I say codependent? Because you are essentially getting so involved in this other person’s personal life that you’re nearly becoming ONE; everybody needs personal space, privacy, and independent relationships outside of your romantic relationship. If you can’t trust your partner enough that you have to read all of their facebook convos, you are not ready to be in a relationship.

Alright G@Gers, that's my list of dating trends that I feel need to die. Let me know in the comments below what dating trends YOU think need to die and why. Thank you all for reading as always and you have yourselves a good week.


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What Guys Said 22

  • yeah to the text back part

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  • Yeah I agree we could do away with that nonsense.

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  • Well written, RJ! Too many people in dating use too many techniques and chess-moves, instead of being themselves.

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  • Great take, especially the last one.

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  • Pretty much accurate, especially about the texting.

    I call it "text-pong", where one person does not text back unless they are the recipient of the last outgoing text. I have a handful of friends in their 30's who still do this, and they never get past the 2-3 date phase because well... it's true, this stupid game is a horrible way to build a relationship. It degrades into a pathetic game of "I'm not texting him back because he waited a whole day to respond to me". I guess they'll be forever alone.

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  • I agree w all exept last point. I think its a sign of trust and commitment. Not a breach of privacy.

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  • First two are completely wrong. It's a scientific fact that a woman's attraction grows for a man when he doesn't respond right away. For example, a man at work should be working not looking at his phone all the time. Texting back quickly show you have nothing else important in your life. If there's an emergency she'll.

    It's also a fact that women lose attraction when they perceive the guy to be more attracted to them than they are to him. If a woman acts disinterested the guy must do the same. For example, if you ask her out once and she ignores it and talk about something else, you shouldn't ask her out again. End the conversation and move on. Maybe she'll initaite contact again in the future, but if you're repeatedly asking for a date you're begging and that's not attractive.

    You would think by now that guys would know to never take dating advice from a woman, but some guys never learn.

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  • I love that Animal Crossing reference. Personally I thought the best one was Wild World on the DS, but oh well.

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  • I dont agree with the last one, why hide anything in a relationship though? Why do you need to keep things private? Do you think, by insisting to keep things private, that it creates a sense of trust? Heck if I'm even investing on anything, I'd want all the details, everytime... and thats just money... which for me is worth less than my feelings/another person's trust. It is true, if you want to create a sense of trust, start with yourself and dont hide anything. I do get where you're coming from tho; i. e you can't even use the phone anymore because someone else is always using it, checking if you're cheating- that to me is an extreme, and like anything else- too much of something can be a bad thing.

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    • Because I feel people have the right to have private conversations? Sometimes I have conversations with people about things that I wouldn't want to necessarily talk to my SO about, it doesn't mean there's no trust, it just means that I feel they don't need to be involved with every aspect of my life. I am my own person outside of them, they shouldn't have to mistrust me so much that they have to read every conversation that I have with another person. That is totally unhealthy in my opinion. You should be able to have a private life without your partner being involved. My life isn't solely about them.

    • Show All
    • Yes, I also completely agree that jealousy is not healthy to the point of paranoia. However, I still think, like my bomb analogy suggest, that true trust can be achieved if everything is accessible. I'm not saying that you should tell your boyfriend/husband/parent/friend what you talked about with the other person all the time- that would be exhausting. But really nothing should be 'hidden' if true trust is to be fostered. Like if I hide my hands behind my back, yet I say 'trust me, but I can't trust you with my account...'- the action and the message you're trying to convey if mismatching. So what if they snoop around? As long as they don't post things that can ruin your friendship with other people or alter your account without your permission, I don't really see the problem.

      Anyways I think our arguments are becoming quiet repetitive, so before things get a bit more heated; let us just agree to disagree. I suppose differing values would not let us simply perceive things the same.

    • We're going to have to disagree because I don't agree with anything that you said there.

  • VERY well written girl :) <3

    Always wondered if relationships and dating are meant to bring people together but wind up becoming some sort of a power struggle in a barter deal lol

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  • I agree, this was a very good my_take, inclusive of most all the things i despise in modern day relationships.

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  • I agree with all the points you've brought up because I value sincerity :) Good job on this.

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  • so glad im done with dating. But gotta say the spacing out text messages thing does work as does the acting like an asshole. Back in the day when I was single it seemed like the worse I treated a girl the mores she wanted me and the better I treated the less it got tiring eventually. Maybe its only girls in their teens to early twenties that are like this.

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    • @Blueeyes81 The asshole part does not always work. The ones it worked on had little to no self esteem. The ones who have respect for themselves won't tolerate someone treating them like dirt.

    • @funny_strange_man I used to date a lot of smart well educated women and had a high success rate like 90%

    • @funny_strange_man not sure why you tagged me. I agree and in my observations the asshole effect works on damaged goods. Not something I'm particularly interested in.

  • Nicely said. I agree with all your annoyances.

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  • 1. Why mustard?

    2. You brought up being an asshole power struggle but what about women never approaching, calling, planning out dates, and basically never bringing up topics in direct face to face interaction in dates. All so they have the stance of "you came to me and wanted me. I am more valuable" throughout the entire courtship phase until they give up sex.

    3. Your number 3 point is when women are going for guys way out of there league (looks, money, status). Asking for commitment first won't work so they throw sex in fast and give the best pussy game ever hoping i'll etch her out above all the other competition. This doesn't really apply to men as men have a higher sex drive and women can get sex easy.

    4. I think a guy/girl if they suspect their BF/GF is cheating or they give them some BS story that isn't lining up have every right to check their phone. After all they could be bringing you STD unknowingly which have an incubation period where no symptoms are present.

    Especially seeing girls are so good at hiding it these days. Some girls will literally tell you "good night" or say they "love you" over the phone while they are riding another guy's cock.

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    • @IamLouise never heard of anyone saying "you came to me and wanted me. I am more valuable". Guys could be with one woman while telling another one that they love her. It runs both ways.

  • Another fascinating take RJ, it was a pleasure to read. I could not agree with you more, on the last section in particular. I really don't know where some people get the idea that expecting unlimited access to to their SO's phone, email, social media or whatever is perfectly fine. They are in relationship not a police state, lol.

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  • ANIMAL CROSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

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  • I liked this mytake. Thank you for writing it. With the first one though, I dont like to make myself available to people all the time. For this reason I check my phone only twice a day. Would you say this is an anmoying habit?

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  • Great take

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    • The thing I hate most with texting and the waiting game is when you're not sure you're doing too much or too little. It's like even if the person seemed interested during the date, you text 1-2 days after and you seem clingy but if you wait 3-4 dates, then you're not interested enough.

      Sadly the ones I had no interest in were most interested in me and vide versa. Dating should not be like that.

  • French's mustard is pretty much yellow flour and vinegar. You want this shit.

    encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images

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What Girls Said 12

  • excellent take

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  • I love the Animal Crossing reference. <3

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  • These are good ideas.

    Before I clicked, I thought this Take was going to be include men paying for dinners for two. XD

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  • This was actually pretty good... and I agree!✌️

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  • Excellent myTake!! I couldn't agree more with what you wrote.

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  • dear everyone: if I don't text back, it doesn't mean "try harder baby ;)" it means "leave me the fuck alone, I don't like you"

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  • I agree 1000% on this. I think dating rules are nuts! If i get a text and Im not busy Ill respond but if Im at work Ill text on my break or when I leave. As for checking social media and cell phone records thats really crazy! If you have such a hard time trusting someone then clearly you can't be in a relationship period!
    Great take 👍🏻👍🏻

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  • The texting rule is the dumbest one of all. If I happen to not be doing anything when I get a text I will answer right away because it seems silly to play a game. That being said if I am busy there might be a delay between when I receive a text and when I respond. I let how busy I am determine when I respond, not some dating rules.

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  • I completely agree with you. Also I had a crap May 2-4 because I had to go to school on Monday regardless of the holiday. Hurray for summer semesters~*~*~

    I don't understand why people believe that giving in to complete paranoia and forcing your partner to give you all of their passwords is a good idea. Where do you draw the line? Because I'm sure as hell not giving anyone my banking information. You can fuck RIGHT OFF with that noise.

    The next thing that completely baffles me is playing games with people through texting. Like... I don't text back to people that I *don't* like, just like other normal people. How is that an endearing concept? It used to really bother me that my now-boyfriend hardly ever texted me back. However, knowing him better now, I've realized that he loses everything that isn't permanently attached to his person.

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  • Love it! Agree with all that you've said and I love the way you write, very engaging and made me want to keep reading :-)

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  • this should be printed out as a brochure and handed out everywhere at airports, colleges, starbucks, EVERYWHERE. finally someone gets it thanks for such an amazing take!

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  • I needed this when I was 12, the amount of relationships I lost from makeing all these mistakes is unspeakable.

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