Common Online Dating Falsities #1: Curvy or Fat

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

I'm going to be writing articles on here periodically on the subject of online dating. Think of it as a series.

The first set will regard "falsities." Those being the most egregious offenses that people commit online. Why do you care? Because just like any other type of dating, online dating has to have honesty. Short of that, it needs someone who can at least start a conversation about a common standard.

The next set will regard reviews of dating sites, which I am working on diligently. These reviews will be from my perspective, which will more than likely be helpful to men more so than women. However, the reviews will have information pertinent to all. But as you might guess, I have valuable information to pass along, so let's get started on falsities:

One of THE worst parts of online dating, in theory and practice, is misrepresentation.

Ever since the concept of online dating came about people thought, "Oh gosh! What if the girl I'm talking to ends up being a guy!" Or, "What if he ends up being a gargantuan walrus."

Well, those fears have revealed themselves as true, at least early with online dating. I tend to believe it has gotten much better, because people have realized that even though it's online, when it comes to dating sites, there's the expectation that the online person is legitimate, and will be able to meet up in the real world.

That being said, what the full on false profile has become, is more of a *morphisized-jumble of people's self-image, and definitions of key words.

The first one I will be picking on, is really an age-old disagreement, much in line with the chicken vs. egg argument that has plagued farmers and suburban residents since at least the industrial revolution.

And that is, (drum roll)-----Curvy vs. Fat.

This topic is going to be critical at women more than men, so I warn you now. There are two reasons for this. One, in all the dating sites I've reviewed, women are positively guilty of this one 93 percent of the time (I did the math, really). Before I get flooded, this is not 93 percent of all female profiles, this percentage reflects the amount of profiles that misstated curvy or fat (for men, average or fat).

And the second, is actually what really hits this one home. The amount of obese men on internet dating sites, when compared to all other persons on said sites, is minuscule. Literally, of the nearly 2000 profiles I viewed (granted this is not nearly as many are listed on the various sites, but I limited my research to active profiles, per each site's standards), obese men account for less than one percent of all profiles listed.

So yes, as much as I'd love for the world to be equal, on this issue it simply isn't ladies, and as such, as I'm reporting the research, I'd ask that the criticism be limited to the actual content, and not include jabs for not being "fair." I can't report what isn't there.

With that out of the way, let's discuss it.

Curvy is it's own category. Whether we notice it or not, it's a bit more typical of a body type than we actually realize. However, curvy is being high-jacked. I call on all curvy women on this one. Each of you NEED to stand up and defend your title of *curviness.

It's not the thin ones, or the average ones, or the plain ones, or the thick ones. It's the obese ones, or as they more commonly known on dating sites, fat.

Now, I would say, if you put yourself out there, you should be confident enough to admit who and what you are, but apparently, common sense isn't working here either.

First, let's show some pictures of curvy women:

One of my favorite women:

Christina Hendricks

Probably the MOST well documented evidence of what "curvy" means (Skip the Tyra photos on the right).

Now, this is what I call fat:

Beth Ditto.

This one is a little trickier, because of the swimsuit, but she's overweight:

Candice Huffine

Now, I use pictures to point out the two, not to pick on body types, but to set the standard for what is curvy, and what is fat.

If you're fat, why be ashamed of it? You're putting yourself up on a web-based dating service. Once you have pictures up, you're only lying to yourself, nobody else. Honesty is what builds trust. Trust builds relationships. See where I'm going?

By representing yourself correctly, you'll more than likely get better results through online dating. By falsifying your profile, you make it easy for people to look, say to themselves "Ehhhh," and then click on by.

In addition, when people lie about their body shape, size, type, however you want to classify, it points to them being unhappy about themselves. And that's even more reason to not choose you on a dating website.

Falsities are one of the things that can get you really started of on the wrong foot when it comes to any kind of dating, but with online dating, it probably means you're not going on a date.

Curvy, fat, anorexic, whatever, be happy with yourself before you try to date, because falsifying your profile will only lead to troubles, including me typing about it.

We'll see you next time.

*Asterisks indicate that I made up the words for the purposes of engaging the reader. Enjoy!

[Veruschka]

Im what youd call... a BBW. When guys hear that they think Ulgy, but I'm NOT. I do agree with you that it is very easy to put up a pic at a great angle ;) I would however disagree with you on a few statements, main one is: I would not call Christina Hendricks "curvy"; Id say she is skinny but "vouluptious". The problem with your comparison of body terms, is It's Your opinion. Girls are easier on other girls. We pick cute names like, chubby, chunky, curvy, voluptious. Sites give few choices really

[ThoughtIWasnt]

Being curvy has nothing to do with how much a woman weighs. Curviness is defined by the ratio of a woman's waist to her bust and/or hips. A woman can be slim and curvy or incredibly thick and curvy. 36/24/36 is just as curvy as 39/26/39, or you may have a cute little spinner who is 32/22/32. I met a sexy amazon of a woman who was 5'11 who's measurements were 39/28/42 (or so she said, and I believed her).

[Kate45]

Can't you be curvy and fat? Curvy is a body shape and fat is a body weight. It annoys me because I am slim (well have been called thin, but seeing models be called thin leads me to see the huge gulf between me and that!) and curvy. It's just the shape of my body and doesn't change that much with weight fluctuations. If I was fat, I'd still be curvy, but overweight as well.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

It's quite possible that there is a different consideration from an cultural stand point. And again, my definition was not that one was better than the other, but rather to point out how starting off on a "fib" or a lie is damaging to the entire dating process.

I don't believe however, that the idea from cultural to cultural varies so widely that we could not reach a common agreement of the two words. To be frank, I believe it's already been done.

[angelica3]

Ok that's pretty interesting. although I would probably never use an online dating site.

jw but do you think that for different race/ethnicity that those definitions of fat vs. curvy vary? because I definitely think so. for example... I've always considered myself to be between curvy/fat because I weigh more than the average Asian girl. :P nice to know I'm not actually a fattie when it's generalized

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

Verushka, you must live in Utopia if women are nicer to each other than men are to them. Women sure do use a lot of the labels you mentioned. Think about that for a second. They are INDEED labels, and why do you think they came up with them? It's not to actually describe, its so they can use code to say someone is fat. As far as this being my opinion, ehhhhh, maybe. But good luck finding guys that disagree with my summation on body types, you'll find some but not many.

[Darkfairie17]

Interesting article. Not sure if I agree 100 percent on the pictures. The model she looks thin in some pics and then big in others :S But regardless, I think that people should be honest. I used online dating, and I was very honest about what I looked like. Even then, people's ideas of what fat is, are completely varied. Some guys think a girl who is over 140 is fat, whereas other guys don't care. Its sad though, that I have to be so careful, why can't people just accept people.

[TheMajesticSea]

Lol how do I find myself reading these things?

Kate is right, 100%. Curvy is shape of the body, where fat is naturally distributed, body frame, etc. Being over or under weight is beside the point although certain body shapes maintain more fat. So you can definitely be fat (or thin) and curvy at the same time but many women aren't and just think they are. Curvy women generally attract fat away from the abdominal area (even if they are fat) that's a pretty good sign.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

If that was the guideline we lived by, and we definitely don't, but if it was, we'd have to decide which one comes first.

And if someone is thin, there is no way they are curvy. You have to have a frame in order for curves to occur.

[browolf]

the minute dating sites ask people to describe themselves using words that have no exact definition is when misrepresentation happens. It would be better to leave out those questions all together.

[TC123]

Yeah, online dating is interesting to say the least. Guys putting up false occupational information vs. the girls putting up that they are "curvy".

[alexajade30]

I hope you realize Christina Hendricks would have fat rolls like the model in the swimsuit if she were bent back as well.

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

ThoughtIWasnt, that was what I was getting at, without the break down of measurements and other scientific information. Maybe I should have.

[currannaaach]

Brilliant article man. You literally see this all the time. I'm impressed that you actually did the math. Great work!

[CaptainMorganGrl]

Cool article but I think you can be overweight and curvy at the same time, or thin and curvy

[WaitingAtTheDoor]

Sorry that was offensive for you Alexa, and no, Ms. Hendricks wouldn't.

[martyfellow]

Let's admit once and for all that 'curvy' means 'fat' 99% of the time!

[loneman]

I agree with the examples! :)