The Truth About Dating In College

[jannette723]

I recently graduated from university. While I was in school I dated my share of guys, except I didn't really "date" any of them. I hooked up with them for months/weeks and it never went anywhere.

The truth about dating in college is that most guys don't want to date; they aren’t looking to be in "serious" relationships. Most of them just want someone to sleep with on the weekends, but they won't hangout with you during the week, they won't help you with your homework and they certainly won't bring you any soup when you're sick.

Of course, not all college boys are like this. Some of them will bring you soup when you're sick and hangout with you during the week. The key to finding these boys, however, is the tricky part. You have to go through the bad ones to get to the good ones and sometimes the bad ones can be disguised as good ones.

The only way to find out what kind of relationship he wants is to contact him during non-hookup hours. If he waits until hookup hours texts you back odds are he just wants have sex with you. You can either continue the hookup cycle or find a guy who wants to be in a relationship.

Don't worry, ladies, dating in the "real world" is much simpler. Gentlemen, this goes for you, too.

[Aud_Queen]

Good to know. Guys aren't interested in dating? Cool, more time to focus on getting that degree in biochemistry and volleyball!

[front2back]

Or you could jus, you know, take things slow and if he doesn't like that you know he only wants sex.

[RationalMale]

Dude, that's being sexist and oppressive. That's like telling girls to avoid getting drunk at frat houses if they don't want to be "raped" aka drunk sex.

[Xonen]

But the example you gave sounds like good advice lol @RationalMale

[Kountry_King]

They could still take it slow just so then can get her one time. I know guys that only would have sex one time with a girl so I don't know what they could do but I guess your way is the best way

[electrollama]

It definitely depends on the college culture. I'm a senior at UC Berkeley, which has courses that keep you busy all the time with homework and studying. The most common relationship situations that I noticed were either not having one or having a consistent partner you'd visit during weekends. There was rarely any dating going on. There probably was some hooking up, but I didn't notice it. There's also a pretty antisocial culture here, maybe because it's a large campus and it's less common to see people you know.

[I_M_LEGEND]

imho. school is a good way to meet people. i m 31 and been in both environments.

its meeting guys in school vs. at clubs and bars... and guess what, they want the same...

there's a new rise of MGTOW and more men just dont see marriage and all the drama/finances worth it...

also, men dont want a gf often when they are trying to achieve something... like education etc ... i see a relationship as a huge risk and unecessary as someone whos been in a couple... totalling 7 years of my life... this is why women end up with older men and why i won't be worried finding someone to have a child with in a few years when i m in my mid 30s.

[Kshppatel]

I tried to do the only hook up thing but I don't know how to do it lol. I'm an average looking guy social don't get women left and right but I did talk to some girls but they were they types that would follow frat guys around for attention and popularity meanwhile there I was interested in her looking stupid as hell. College is a time for both girls and guys to mess around and have fun. I was pretty much the guy she would only dance with if her frat boy crushes rejected her. I remember once I went to a pool party and I tried to start a conversation with her but she pretty much acted like I wasn't even there because she was getting attention from frat guys.

[RationalMale]

Your problem is you're hooking up with the guys who have the game/looks to get hook ups, so they don't date. Because why commit if you can have something new every week?

Women incentive bad behavior from men, then are shocked when they get bad behavior.

[been_waiting]

God forbid a girl goes out with an attractive guy.

[inamorata]

@been_waiting The problem is not dating hot guys. It is fucking them at random.

[RationalMale]

@been_waiting I have no problem with girls going out with hot guys. How do you think I got hookups in the beginning? It wasn't my social skills the girls were impressed with.

When girls go out with player/bad boy types or date more normal guys and don't wait long enough to establish something of a relationship or they make fwb's, they will get pumped and dumped. Girls hope they can "change" player type guys with the power of their pussies. It ain't happening. Girls just end up perpetuating the guy's style.

[been_waiting]

That's not exactly what you said, you said "Your problem is you're hooking up with the guys who have the game/looks..." which sounds more like you're one of those dickheads who shames women for not being blind.

If you're actually referring to girls hooking up and then expecting more, then yeah I agree.

[RationalMale]

@been_waiting

In all honesty, when I was 18, I would've been extremely sympathetic. Then I had the cliche "you're such a sweet, cute guy, now I'm going to gripe about my asshole ex who is a player and I know he's actually good deep down and I want to win him back." No joke.

[been_waiting]

I understand your frustration.
But... there's more to it than being nice. They may have thought of you as nice and sweet, but lets say you know a girl who is really sweet, but that's... pretty much the only thing you like about her. You don't really go together very well, you don't laugh together, she doesn't captivate your interests, etc etc, you're not attracted to her, blah blah, are you gonna date her? Nah. You're not.

[been_waiting]

Girls want a guy who is nice to them but that's just ONE desired trait. That single trait alone isn't a ticket to a girls heart and or panties.

[RationalMale]

@been_waiting

the frustrating thing is, there was chemistry, lol. She said multiple times how much she enjoyed hanging out, she called me a stud, and we went on several dates.

[been_waiting]

Well there's a reason she didn't want to date you. I know I know, its cause girls are repulsed by nice guys and want a guy who wants to punch them in the face instead, yeah yeah.

[RationalMale]

@been_waiting

the hilarious part was when I kinda became friends with her ex, the one she "felt she needed to wait for" and started learning a bit about dating from him. She got upset and commented "fine, be an asshole like him!" Not kidding.

[been_waiting]

ummm... notice the word EX...

The fuck.

[RationalMale]

@been_waiting

Yep, it was weird. She friendzoned me, said how she still loved him, couldn't "be hopping from guy to guy, she needed to be loyal to him" and then when she found out I was learning dating from him, and I quote, told me, "fine, be an asshole like him."

[been_waiting]

Does your brain not comprehend anything you read?

You were trying to learn how to date from him. Which angered her. And she said "fine be an asshole like him. " I don't think she meant "you'll get so many girls if you act like a prick."
she was saying that you're trying to be like him... and he's an asshole...

[Aud_Queen]

But she likes hin despite this fact. I see his point.

[RationalMale]

@been_waiting
Yes, I actually did understand that part. The funny part was what @Aud_Queen pointed out. She was in love with this guy a year after breaking up, told me we wouldn't date because she "had to be loyal to him" and was waiting for him to come around... then got upset when I started learning how to date from him. I was working on becoming closer to the kind of guy she adored so much it was her reason we couldn't date--and she got angry. See the irony?

[been_waiting]

I understand that as well, but what you seem to think that that is proof girls go for jerks because they're jerks rather than realizing that ALL people sometimes overlook the negative qualities of someone they love bc of the ones they like. She didn't date him BECAUSE he was a jerk. No girl is like "the way he's an asshole makes me swoon". No.

[RationalMale]

@been_waiting

I'd say that because he was who he was, she was utterly smitten. And a big part of that was his character/personality, the sort of guy who would dump a girl and then keep calling her for booty calls. Or as she put it, kind an asshole. I think because he was a bit of that, was a big part of the reason she fell for him. People don't dramatically change in a year or two. She had seen fully what he was, but that didn't dissuade her in the least.

[been_waiting]

Uh huh.
You still don't get it. Duh. It didn't dissuade her. I'm at least 3% sure I just said something about her loving him DESPITE his negative qualities. Maybe she liked his confidence, his humor, his intelligence whatever, but I can guarantee you she didn't lay in bed at night remembering the way he used her as a booty call with a warm fuzzy feeling in her heart. Girls get stupid with those type of guys cause they consistently overlook their assholeishness. They don't swoon over it, they try to pretend it doesn't exist

[been_waiting]

there's a difference. You guys want to say that girls like jerks BECAUSE they're jerks but in reality they like them despite the fact

[RationalMale]

@been_waiting
as someone who's dated girls, I found out a small thing about dating...

If you're kind and polite and try to be straightforward/decent, then it's not gonna happen. I'm not angry about it, it's just a simple fact. Being boring doesn't turn girls on.

It's when you're a little unpredictable, when you say flippant things once in a while that shock girls, when you have a girl laughing and saying indignantly "why're you such an ass?" is when girls are getting turned on and you actually are going somewhere. That's life. I'm not angry about, it's just nature.

[been_waiting]

" It's when you're a little unpredictable, when you say flippant things once in a while that shock girls, when you have a girl laughing and saying indignantly "why're you such an ass?""

How is that being a jerk? Unpredictability, teasing, being exciting isn't the same as being a jerk, at all. If that's how you describe a jerk in your opinion then yeah I must agree girls LOVE them.
But jerks are people with little regard for others, who are selfish and rude.
Girls in general don't like that. In general no one does.

"If you're kind and polite and try to be straightforward/decent, then it's not gonna happen. I'm not angry about it, it's just a simple fact. Being boring doesn't turn girls on. "
how is being kind and polite boring? I'm kind and polite (maybe not to the shitheads on here but I am IRL) and I've never been described as boring, on the contrary, people find me interesting.
Being kind and polite isn't boring. At all. Not sure where you got that from.

I guess you don't realize

[been_waiting]

That you can be kind and polite and ALSO unpredictable and exciting.

[been_waiting]

and also, I love people who will tease me and insult me in a joking way and I do the same thing. If its a joke with good intentions it isn't mean. You're far too sensitive if that's how you see it.

[Aud_Queen]

Being an asshole works with girls who have low self-esteem or just want to be loved. They want to feel important and wanted. When you take affection away from them after awhile they start to crave it and that's what keeps them coming back. That's what it boils down to.

A girl who has self confidence has the strength to walk away and even avoid the situation all together because she's confident she can do better. But this level of confidence is very hard to attain in today's world where girls focus too muvh on their imperfections.

@RationalMale your correct to some degree you see. But there are girls who don't go for assholes. The numbers seem smaller though because a lot of girls are insecure.

[PiuBelloAmante]

it seems like the opposite where i go!
these girls just want to hook up!
i can't even get a date...
kind of feel depressed lately its ok though, i have girls waiting back home =)

[DaddyRollingStone]

Fuck that!

I'm not going to chase some whore who puts out to whatever guy has her attention this week. If you can't even hold out for someone that will actually care about you then why even bother dating?

[JackKerouac77]

I had two girlfriends in college and never hooked up. But I saw it rampant around me, as a culture.

[PT1911]

About to graduate this semester, all I wanted was a stable relationship, but too many girls went "hooking up"

So it goes both ways

[Unit1]

"The truth about dating in college is that most guys don't want to date"

Close enough to me.

[Bandit74]

"I hooked up with them for months/weeks and it never went anywhere"

I'm shocked :o

[Anno_Domini]

Well, I'm sure glad I skipped dating AND hooking up in college. Nothing good would have come from it, anyways.

[YourFutureEx]

OR you could check out your friendzone.

[been_waiting]

They're in the friend zone for a reason.

[YourFutureEx]

@been_waiting - Did I mention that you throw them there for no reason?

You girls JUST CAN"T enjoy both charm as well as niceness. (Exceptional ladies apart)

[been_waiting]

I think you're deeply confused..

The guys I've friend zoned aren't in the friend zone because they're not charming. Lmfao.

[YourFutureEx]

@been_waiting - I would like to receive the replies containing "We have" instead of "I have". You are speaking on behalf of women, not just yourself. That's why I mentioned "(Exceptional ladies apart)"

[been_waiting]

In general girls don't friend zone a guy just because he isn't charming. Its usually something else... actually a combination of things.

But tell yourself whatever you like, you can be as delusional as you please

[YourFutureEx]

@been_waiting
"You could be this or this or maybe that but generally we are not this, it's usually something else"

^What is this -_-
what do you mean by 'something'?

I mean come on. Don't degrade the image of women.

[been_waiting]

Ok what you put in quotations was a random mismash of words taken out of context that literally made no sense and wasn't even parallel so A+ for you.

What I'm saying is, in general, I think its safe to say that most girls don't "friend zone"guys simply because they're not charming. Maybe he's not attractive to her. Maybe she doesn't feel the chemistry. maybe she doesn't like his humor. Etc etc etc and its most likely a combination of those things or any type of thing. If an unattractive girl who you don't click with whined that the only reason you don't like her is because she isn't "charming" I'm sure youd be rollin your eyes.

[been_waiting]

But whatever you're a lost cause, go read some reddit posts by "nice guys" in fedoras.

[Hephaestus]

This whole thing was an amazing read lol

[YourFutureEx]

@been_waiting - LMAO do you know what is the meaning of charming? XD

And hey, don't get mad, keep the discussion friendly. I've talked to you on a different thread and I know you are a good girl. So please don't lose your cool. I know how to become violent and insult someone bluntly but this is not me.

Again, LMAO do you know what is the meaning of charming? XD

[been_waiting]

I know what "charming" means.

I'm guessing you've lived two lives and know exactly what its like to be a girl in 2015 and therefore you know exactly why guys get "friend zoned" and exactly what most girls like. Right?

I mean... I could set you straight but nah you want to believe in whatever makes you sleep better at night.

[YourFutureEx]

@been_waiting - No I am smart enough to find better alternatives for a good sleep. I could not even have imagined that people pursue for such things to take a better sleep. If that's in your case, you should have told me, I would make false statement.

No I have not lived two lives yet, I've gained enough knowledge in a single life, in which people take two lives to get it.

And the main thing, life of girls is ameliorated what it was in 20th Century. Don't hunt for sympathy by adding 2015.

[been_waiting]

I didn't add in "2015" for sympathy. Times change quickly and profoundly. What it was like as a girl in 1975 is a taaaaaaad different from 2015. My point in adding the year was also bc usually past lives occur in the past... and we're talking about the present.

I'm sure you are scratching your head or either reading more alterior motives into my words so forget it.

[YourFutureEx]

@been_waiting - Good way to run ;)

[been_waiting]

Yeah when the person you're arguing with says "forget it" because she thinks you're incredibly dense, you've definitely won. Glory is yours:))))

[YourFutureEx]

@been_waiting - Well, you tried with a fair effort. I would like another debate on a NEUTRAL topic in future. Until then, goodbye.

[been_waiting]

How can a topic itself be neutral?

[YourFutureEx]

@been_waiting - At least we could expect that it would not include sexes but just one's beliefs.