he texts but doesn't ask me out?

[RioCoconut]

I got hooked up with a guy that works next to my job (we share a common building area, never have met before) from a coworker. My background: 30 female single/no kids, his: 45 male divorced/no kids. I got his number first, texted him. We met for a few minutes and have texted randomly for a few days. he's hinted at a first date, but still hasn't asked me. I know he's shy but Im still wondering if he isn't totally interested bc he hasn't asked for a date. Any ideas how I should handle any more texts and no hang out requests?

[funkipunk]

It sounds to me like he really isn't interested, and you'd need to give me more discrete details about these hints for me to think otherwise.

So, I'd take your relationship for what it is. You two know each other, and text each other every once in a while. This makes for friendly interactions when you see each other, but I wouldn't stretch this to the point where I say that he's wanting to date you.

[RioCoconut]

As for the details of him hinting to a date consisted of us texting about bars in our area. I mentioned a seedy place and he jokingly responded "Maybe I'll take you there for our first date". My response was "I'm open to bars, even that place". And since then (3 days), he's been asking where I am, and doing but not asking to see me. Confusing to say the least.

[funkipunk]

Hmm...that certainly does sound like he wants to take you out.

Maybe he's working the timing to make sure that he doesn't come off as overly eager in wanting to take you out. Now I'm thinking that could be a very likely possibility.

[RioCoconut]

See, I like that you said that maybe he's working on his timing on asking me out. I've heard when a guy is fishing for a gal's intent on him, he will usually ask her what she is doing so he can get a feel on her schedule. Maybe this is his attempt to not get turned down if he asks me out? At this point, I maybe am giving this another few days and if he's still isn't asking me out, then I'll be done. I hope that doesn't make me sound too impatient.

[funkipunk]

No, that's understandable.

You cannot wait forever

[andy020892]

Us, shy men appreciate it when women make the first move. Ask him if he could grab a coffee with you. If he makes an excuse, then move on.

[RioCoconut]

I like your idea. As far as I know, he should have nothing keeping him home at night. So if he makes a reason to not make plans, then I will definitely not keep talking to him. Thanks!

[findingdreamland]

He doesn't sound like he is interested in you. First of all stop initiating anything, let see what he is gonna do. If he comes, then great, you act make your interest clear, if not move on, no need to waste the time.

[RioCoconut]

I did make the decision to not initiate anything else. I've been told he is pretty shy, but at this point it can't always be me to make the move. Thanks!

[findingdreamland]

Then don't make a move. But make him comfortable by words and actions. If he is shy, he needs some support. I hope this help! :)

[RioCoconut]

Thank you, it does help! If he tries to come out of his shy shell, I will be supportive.

[knotme]

are you sure he is divorced, that could be a reason why he hasn't asked you out

[RioCoconut]

Yes, he most definitely is divorced. I think they were together for a decent amount of time (10+ years) before the divorce. As far as I know, he hasn't dated much since.

[knotme]

try to get his take on why he has not asked you out

[RioCoconut]

How do you think I should go about it? Say maybe "So any new ideas on where our first date should be?" I do not want to look desperate (although this whole question makes me look like it haha)

[knotme]

that's a good question. if he says i dont know that is a good indication he really is not interested

[RioCoconut]

Thanks! I think I will go with that question.

[knotme]

good luck

[blondfrog]

Isn't he too old for you? Just tell him we should get acquainted sometime just the two of us he should get the hint.

[RioCoconut]

Honestly I don't feel the age difference is a deal breaker. Maybe it is for him, who knows. That's why I'm wondering if him being a 40+ year old man makes his approach hard for me to understand.

[blondfrog]

Would it be a deal breaker if he was younger than you?

[RioCoconut]

If he were younger than me? I suppose I wouldn't be too interested if he were 25 or younger. Usually 15 years older would be have turned me off, but not since I turned 30. His age is actually interesting to me..seeing on how my luck with guys my age since I was 18 has been really bad.