Long Distance Relationship - She's Contemplating Suicide - She feels a-lot of problems are her own fault - Won't let me help - I'v ran out of options?

Okay, as the title suggest i'm in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend. We've been friends since the 9th grade and i'm currently 21 now. We've been dating since Feb2014 , so it's kinda fresh, but we are very close with each other.

So Just some things.. I know she's always been suicidal. When we were young she's always thought about hurting herself and.. well So have I. But recently I'v been seeing a therapist for the pass couple months, and I can honestly say I feel a-lot better about myself.

I try my hardest to bring things that the therapist teaches me into our relationship to help her, and it has slowly developed and helped her.. But she's still getting to that depressed state.

Just recently she said she really wanted to hurt herself.. and being suicidal myself.. You won't do it unless you've gotten a plan.. She said Pills, and she was really thinking about it.

She won't accept money from me to see a therapist. and i really.. i'v ran out of options =/


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Hi :)

    I can empathize with what you're saying here cos my first relationship was with a guy who had a lot of problems and so did I. At the outset you appear to help eachother and offer eachother the understanding and support you lack from everybody else but the only purpose a relationship like that serves is bringing you both down with together.

    Really what you both are are good support systems when you're down but when one person decides to get some help or move on with their life (as you'e doing) it causes disruption in the emotional equilibrium you were both in. You're both now not in the same head space because you've chosen to breakaway from feeling depressed and you're taking steps to get better whereas your girlfriend hasn't found the courage to do that yet. Right now you're relationship won't work and I would encourage you from being in your very shoes to either take a step back and have a break or possibly leave it as friends. It's so important for you to continue getting better because you have a life to live and as much as you care and have a connection with this girl, you're also not in a position geographically to be able to help her. She has to do some of that herself and by throwing all your efforts into trying to help her you're jeopardizing your own healing and progress.

    Dos she have family and friends around her that can help? At 21 it's a lot to shoulder when you feel you're the only support she has especially if she's suicidal. I'm from the UK so we have therapists on the NHS and I'm not sure if there's a way of being able to see somebody without paying in America but that could be something she could look into or at the very least see her doctor.

    The bottom line is you can't make the choice for her to get better, only she can have that willpower. It might have worked when you were both down or both getting better but as it is you're both going in different directions for the foreseeable future.

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    • I wish you both all the best though! :)

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    • Yeah see exactly...you're proving my point lol. You want to move forward together as a couple, but it won't happen because she doesn't want the same. She might think she does but if she doesn't want to sort the problems out then a relationship, a happy fulfilling one at least, isn't really possible. You want her to get better because you have, because you've broken away from being unhappy and become stronger for it. She hasn't done that and i promise you that she won't until she realizes what's at stake. You don't have to split up but have a break from eachother, allow her time on her own to be strong and sort some of her issues out. You need to give her credit as an individual to do that. Once she has some sort of plan in mind or some help available to her, then get a bit closer. Make her understand that you want to be with her but that you want a happy relationship. That's not an unreasonable thing for anybody to want and it's not saying you don't love her. It's saying you both need

    • to do what's necessary now to make things better for you in the future.

      Ok sorry I'll stop leaving such long messages :P

What Girls Said 0

  • You might want to contact her parents. She will hate you for it at first but they'll be able to get her to go to a therapist and prevent her from killing herself.

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    • they're part of the reason why she wants to hurt herself.

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    • You'll still want someone near her to know, just to keep an eye on her.

    • her sister knows..

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 4

  • You are kind of stuck. She is in control of her life, you can't help someone who doesn't want help.

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  • the only way to really help her is in person, spending time with her will help change her life for the better; being lonely is always depressing. When you do meet up with her try spending some time cuddling.

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    • I live in hawaii, And i'm in the military =/

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    • I agree with you, but i just recently got back from leave with her. April 13-27th I went home and it's only been about 2 months apart.. I can't go on leave again..

    • that is why you need to plan it out around your time off base and have her visit you in Hawaii, she also needs to find the reason behind her depression; she has to realize that suicide is a permanent answer to a temporary problem.

  • That's sad, but it's kind of up to her.

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    • That's so wrong. You don't build a relationship over several years of love and care and make a decision by yourself to end your life. That's selfish. Where is the relationship in that?

    • I think you totally misunderstood what I said.

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