Have you ever liked someone, but never made a move?

Just read a a thing about how we could have been someone else's crush without knowing.. and yeah so the question is pretty straight forward.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you're better off being rejected once in a while than regret never knowing. Been there, had a crush on a girl, never said anything. In my eyes, she was a 10, fit, beautiful, shared common interests. We've been friends for over 10 years and we've always gotten along great. I never thought she would have feelings for me. I never thought I was her type. I thought we were nothing more than just great friends and what I had was a harmless infatuation. She became single last year and I thought of telling her, but I chickened out, afraid of ruining the friendship. A few months ago, we got drunk and she came clean about having a crush on me for years. She told me how for a while, I was on her mind every night before she went to bed and in her dreams constantly. Nothing happened that night because I was in the process of breaking up with my gf and cheating is not my thing. I was just waiting for the right time end my relationship. I told her I was ending it with my gf and that's when she told me everything. Unfortunately, by this point, she was in a new relationsihp and she decided to give it a chance. I should have said something last year when we were both single and I regret it. I know I shouldn't wish bad things for anyone but I hope they break up so I can have my shot. All these years, we had chances to be together and all lost because we both stayed quiet. So, go for it, no regrets!

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    • Oh wow!! But I mean, it's not entirely your fault either. It's sad that neither of you spoke up :( And I understand by what you want to happen, so something could work out for you two. But I'll keep your story in mind haha. Hopefully, something works out for you guys sooner or later! The only difference is, i just met this guy so i don't know him too well. The boldest thing he's done was kiss me, and i got so nervous that i broke it off haha and now we're stuck in a weird limbo.

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    • This is so upsetting u shld have told her :-(

    • *Update for anyone interested*

      My friend and I have been hanging out a lot lately. Her bf is constantly getting upset with her over nothing, so she's been coming over to escape his BS. However, she's still not ready to end it with him. Sucks! I'll add that we haven't spoken about our feelings for one another in 2 months. The last time she said she felt like a horrible person talking to me like that while having a bf. So I don't want to push.

      Tonight, he was working so we hung out again. I asked her to go for a drink and she asked if we could go shopping before. While shopping, she turned around and stuck her tongue out at me when she was about to go into a change room, which I found odd since we're both in our 30s. But that's gotta be a sign of flirting? I also mentioned I was invited to my cousin's for supper tomorrow and she jokingly asked if she could be my date. Those should all be signs her feelings for me haven't changed, even if she's not directly telling me?

What Guys Said 53

  • Yes. Quite a bit, actually. And usually it's made sense. I'm not sure if you mean "make a move" as in do some sort of thing where a guy treis to get some action... or if you just mean telling her I'm interested.

    If I get a sesne that it would easily blow up in my face, I'm not stupid enough to hit on someone. Let's say, when I was working with someone. I've had a few work crushes that I could tell would not go well for me if I pursued it, even though I try to handle things in a "classy good guy" way.

    Usually it's pretty offensive for a girl to find out I'm attracted to them. That's their issue, I know, but if that's how they see it, I'm not pursuing it just for the emotional baggage issues they'd have. If they scream or flip out when a guy asks them out for coffee, forget it... how would I survive something genuinely bad happening? How would they treat other people?

    So, yes, I've hid my interest, and maybe there's the argument that that isn't "healthy" or I should never be that freaked out about asking a woman out... but then there's the argument that when I have seen red flags, it makes no sense to ask out that girl. In a way, it's smart. I don't have to ask out every attractive woman I see.

    And I can tell you, as far as I know, I've never been anyone's crush, secret or otherwise (though, yes, the whole point of having a secret crush is that they don't know, but...). It might be nice, depending on who it was. I don't think I'll ever have that "I had SUCH a crush on you in high school" situation.

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    • I meant make a move as in tell her your interested! And yeah, it makes sense. You don't need to confess to every single crush or attractive women.. and especially if they seem emotionally unstable! And I can understand your last statement, i also dont think i was anyone's crush in high school ;p

  • yes. funny thing is I had a crush on her and knew that she liked me back... I found it rather unbelievable but numerous friends told me over years that she was really into me. still I never made a move

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  • Due to my morbid fear of rejection, combined with my insecurity about my looks abd height, I have never made a move in my life.

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    • I'm sure you'll meet someone soon :) Just put yourself out there and don't sell yourself short.

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    • You jsut gotta go and do it! You'll never get to it if you dont try

    • I have tried in all possible ways, but I just can't do it. Maybe I need to seek professional help about this. Or I should keep approaching 100s of women, expecting the worst outcome, until one eventually says yes.

  • So many times. BUT NEVER AGAIN! IT SUCKS! all the 'what might have been' feels. Better to try and accept the occasional defeats than to try not.

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    • Exactly! I've been trying to get into this minds set ahha

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    • 100% agree with you on that one.

    • Oops! *slip. (Not sliop). :-P

  • All the time.
    I wouldn't make a move if
    - they were already in a relationship
    - I got the impression they liked someone else
    - they were in a firm group of friends and I wasn't 100% sure they liked me
    - they had recently had a fling with one of my friends
    - I thought they had a bad personality
    - They were really close with a friend, and I didn't really know them personally (eg at a house party)

    Basically there are a whole range of circumstances, of which I have listed a few, which would stop me from making a move.

    But if you like a guy and THEY aren't making a move, it is more likely that they simply don't like you, rather than like you but have a reason for not making a move.

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    • That's true and i completely understand about those circumstances. And as for me, the guy has given me plenty of signals and made a move twice.. but I've been holding back a lot because i'm scared x ( and it just kind of made me realize that i like him but im not doing anything about it and im being completely dumb.

    • I hope I've helped you on this journey to your epiffany.

    • hahah thanks dude

  • Yes. This happened with two girls. Girl 1 I met in elementary school and I had a crush on her ever since. Through the years I watched as she dated different guys. Finally after freshman year of highschool she was moving to Arizona and I told her how I felt and she said she was sorry. Few months later I find out she is seeing this guy in Arizona and she is pregnant at 16.

    Girl 2 was in college, last year. We met at my friends party and even though it seemed like she was gonna friendzone me we hit it off. Every time my friend and I would go to the bar she would be dancing with another guy and at the end of the night she would dance with me. I didn't know what to think. Then one night I saw her from a distance and decided to say "hi" but I overheard her talking to her friends about how ugly I was and that I would never have a shot with any attractive girl and that she was only using me. Nobody knows this but thats the moment that I really started to see how ugly I really am.

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  • That's like the story of my life ever since I attempted and it failed cause one of my asshole friends told the chick before I was ready. Then she got all shy and everything got messed up. I haven't told them or acted on it in years its probably why i'm still a virgin and single to be honest.

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    • You are still a virgin because you take mirror pics of yourself without a tshirt. And the worst is that you dont even have an athletic shape!

      I am a fitness model, i have an amazing physique and i never ever take pics of myself nude...

      Lol

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    • @swolebookworm At least i'm not an arrogant prick who boasts about how great he is online. I lost 40 pounds this year so quit hating. You sir can go fuck yourself

    • Lost pounds? You need to GAIN pounds!!!

  • Yep. Multiple times. One girl I remember especially, we spent a lot of great time together, I mean it seemed we were together all the time & I know she liked me, but I just never did anything about it. I always regret it.

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    • Aw :( Are you still in contact with her?

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    • Aw, i guess if it was meant to be something would have happened by now right? Life goes on.

    • Yes it does.

  • Yeah, I was really attracted to someone.. Quite recently but I never made a move I said hi and smiled she did the same.. I knew she wanted me to come and start a convo but I walked away.. It was at the gym..

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    • Maybe you'll bump into her again! :) Just say hi and crack a joke or something the next time

    • If outside the gym, I def will.
      But I doubt I'd run into her again, I usually go in the mornings, this past week was my vacation so I've been going in the afternoons which I'm guessing that's when she goes during her lunch break.

      It's a shame, we had good eye contacts. And she had such a cute smile

    • Well, pop in sometime on your usual morning days at the time you're going now. I mean if you see her again, then maybe it's a sign ;)

  • I've crushed on a lot of people I didn't even talk to. Most of those crushes were temporary things and I wasn't actually that into them.

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    • I am 100% on this post haha, i've only had like 2 major crushes i think. Every thing else was just an infatuation of the person and it just faded away after a few weeks or so.

  • Yea but its usually when I'm a situation were the circumstances won't allow it. Such as I have no clue if they like me or they are already in a relationship.

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    • Aw rough, and if you dont know if they like you or not, that's why you ask right? But easier said than done.

    • O I don't ask them directly I ask friends and watch the persons body language. It usually gives me an idea.

  • In my defense, most of them did not give any hints that they wanted to be more than friends. And whenever I got the nerves to ask, I got rejected lol...

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  • yes

    but never made a move because she is MILES away from the place i live LOL

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  • Had a crush for about six years during my teenage years. Never told her.

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    • Aw unrequited eh? Are you still in contact with her now?

    • I guess she liked me too since she gave me looks and smiles. But as a shy and insecure teenager that doesn't make things easier. I'm not in contact with her and franky I don't care anymore. I've moved on with my life since many years ago.

    • That's alright! Well, at least you're over it.

  • countless times, especially as a kid, i was worried about rejection and what other kids would think about my crush
    I haven't had a crush in a while though...

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    • I'm the same way. I really don't know why I care how or what people think of my crush... it's pretty dumb and has held me back a few times.

    • well as long as it doesn't hold you back anymore!
      i let go about what others think a long time ago

      good luck with your future crushes!

  • Plenty of times. Trying to not do that anymore.

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  • Too many times... But if you think about it, if you both really like each other you really don't "need to make a move" it will just happen naturally.

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    • That's true! But the thing is I've shut him down once or twice and now its like I need to do something.. or nothing will happen I guess

  • Yeah when I was a kid but when I got to high school I made a move on a girl that I was just captivated by, unfortunately things ended badly when I let her know but I am glad it didn't workout because it gives me something to work for and that is one day to find someone better I deserve it after what I have been through. ..

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    • That's good! At least you knew and did leave yourself wondering "what if" and stuff right?

    • Yeah it changed me, for the better though

  • Story of my life.

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  • Yep. Then she moved away, reconnected with me over Facebook, we talked on the phone, and when you thought it was going so well, she started talking about her boyfriend. It gets worse, she even conference him in our conversation and then talk dirty to him. I got so drunk after that.

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    • aw man that's rough :( are you ok now?

    • Yeah. I'm good. Moved on. Still didn't get my drinking problem handled though.

  • Yeps. Way back in the early days of school life I never dared to make a move.

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  • Yes, and in reading the other opinions, I'm not at all surprised how common this is.

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  • Yes, i've made move and couple times turned out bad

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  • More times than I can count.

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  • Yep back in highschool

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  • im 100% on this subject.

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  • Yes I'm intimidated by every girl I am attracted to.

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    • I feel the same way around people i find attractive as well. It's hard, but have you had any luck with over coming it at all?

    • nope I mean I'm better at conversing but I won't do things such as saying "let's get drinks sometime"

    • Aw, well maybe just give it a shot? Or if you have mutual friends, go out as a group?

  • All the time. Hell I never even had a girlfriend yet. Didn't even started dating until the last 5 or 6 months or so.

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    • Aww well better late than never! I usually refrain from telling someone how i feel and i haven't dated at all

  • Yes, but only because she became a really good friend and I know her whole family.

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  • yea i used to. even if i knew she liked me back i would play it cool... too cool. like wtf can go wrong if she likes you back?

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    • Haha, i'm currently going through that right now. He likes me, i like him.. but im just dodging everything he gives me because i'm too shy or whatever. It's pretty stupid of me.

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    • flirt with her in person, then message her on Facebook making a joke, then completely ignore her next time i saw her, then act friendly a few days later. im messed up lol

    • @e92brah It's okay, shyness is brutal. I'm used to be horribly shy myself. I'm sort of better now... :)

  • More from Guys
    23

What Girls Said 23

  • yeah. like... always. lol. but in my defense, the last serious-serious crush i had, i am like 85% sure he knew, so he could have easily done something if he was interested. which he apparently wasn't. that fuck. though in his defense, he was the shy sort :(

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    • Ah :( See, that's the thing i do as well. I'm thinking that if the guy really liked me back as well, then he would have made a move. But what if the guy was thinking the same thing... especially if he was shy? We're always waiting for the other person to do something, and then it'll just up with nothing happening and a crush that was just never rekindled. The mind of shy people hahah :(

    • i know :( it's so hopeless. neither party makes a move and then both parties are miserable as fuck lol. what a fail :x

    • riiiight? you'd think by realizing that we'd do something but nah, we dont haha. Life is weird. Or maybe were just weird for being so shy haha

  • lol story of my life.

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  • yeah has happened to me before... i was having a total lack of confidence in myself and let him go

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  • definitely, yes lol sometimes you can't because of circumstance or if I know that it could never lead to anything more (like a relationship) then I wouldn't bother telling them.

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    • It's always the little things like that that hold us back

    • yeah that's true, it's is. Sometimes you just can't act on everything you feel :(

  • Yes, I do.. did. I don't think I've ever been someone else's crush. I always hide my interest. It's stupid I know. But I do that since that one time I didn't and got hurt. Self preservation I guess...

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  • Yes! And I regret it to this day! :(
    I guess you live and learn. :/

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  • Better question, "have you ever liked someone and actually made a move? "

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  • Yeah when I was younger I was too shy but now I figure go for it and see what happens! It's better just knowing and having a go!

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  • Yes, but never again. I'm done regretting my lack of action. From now on, whenever I like a guy, I'll muster up the guts to ask him out. The worst thing they can possibly do is reject you riiiiiight-riiiiiight-o?

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    • Yes!! Good mind set! Now if only i could make myself actually do what i think haaha

  • Why yes of course. Plenty of times. If I think about it - every time.

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    • It's okay, i feel ya. But maybe you'll meet someone who will make you change the aspect of you holding back and will cause you to express your feelings one day :)

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    • Hahah, i guess so. But maybe take a chance! New year, new you am i right ;) jk i should take my own advice too.

    • This probably doesn't count but I actually started a (very harmless) conversation with a nice guy from my literature class after the lesson was over and we ended up walking to the train station together. Yay ;)

  • I always like someone and never make the move.

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    • Same, i just kind of watch from a far and think about them a lot.

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    • Me neither! We're the same in that sense haha. Every thing is totally new, and i just second guess every thing as well... and I loveeeeeee romance movies, romcoms, whatever. Like it just makes me feel good watching those movies and the idea of it all oh man haha

    • Yeahh , exactly !

  • Yes it happened and I regretted it.

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  • mmmm not really

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    • so you've told people that you liked about your feelings?

    • I did and I got rejected many times so I did learn that guys and boys they need to be hunters and not the opposite it was painful he was laughing on me with his friends...

    • Well that's just extremely immature of him to laugh at you. And i guess guys have the stereotype of being the "hunter" but hey, at least you didn't waste your time with that jerk. And I think women should be able to confess or ask people out as well. Men shouldn't be in charge of every thing.

  • I can never make a move. I'll get close to making a move, but I'll quickly back out of it.

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  • Always was like this in school. I don't flirt much.. I don't think Im good at it. I'm awkward and more of a loner ecept in special cause, like when met my first boyfriend. :) I miss him.

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  • Every. Single. Time.

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  • yeah... it happened but i got over it

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  • Yeah I'm way to shy to say anything

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  • Yup tonnes of times

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  • Yes for sure! I've had so many crushes that I have never confessed! I've never been asked out and I'm 18 in two days so my confidence is at an all time low. Part of why I'm shy. One time this guy with a girlfriend that I was really really into told his friends he thought I was hot but that's the furthest thing I've gotten as far as requited love. And another time my other crush and I were making really deep eye contact with me and his friends patted him on the back and he smiled so I don't know if that meant anything but it never happened. Nothing happened after that he was so cute and outgoing so I don't know why he never talked to me I'm a lot shyer. He would just look at me and that was last year. Nothing like this has happened this year. :(

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    • Hey girl! It's okay, just send me a message if you want to talk. But yeah, waiting it cool and all but if you want something, go and get it! The waiting game sucks and is only fun for a little bit. Love your self and dont let your happiness depend on a guy!!

  • This has always been my problem lol. I don't think I've ever made the first move (besides texting someone first) which sucks because I would love to. I usually wait for the guy to come around to me, and very rarely does that happen lol.

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    • I feel yah on that one! I've never had guys approach me and i've never approached guys really. If i was friends with them, or something, i'd get their number and i'd text them but other than that.. nothing.

    • Exactly the same situation here haha

  • Omg yes it was something I regret bt at same time glad I did bc after I always tell the guy I like my feelings bc I never want to feel that what if feeling again its the worst I rather know than not know regardless of rejection bc for me I get a sense of closure. Now I don't approach guys bt im saying if they approach me and we know each other and I start to like them I will let them know. If I don't know them I drop hints like a meet me half way thing signaling for him to approach if he doesn't then I know two things either he isn't interested or is scared to approach and if he is I don't want him it helps me know if he has confidence which I love so for me it all works out :)

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    • I need that mindset. But i'm still new and inexperienced with the whole guys and flirting and dating thing, so i'm just terrified. And plus, the few crushes i had, the one time i was gonna tell my best friend that i liked our friend... they were basically going out without telling anyone and that was such a close call omg haha

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    • He did ask me to hang out, but i just get so quiet and i basically dig myself into a really deep hole. And I met his friends since we played on the same intramural team, so it also doesn't help that i feel awkward around his friends and i dont like having a lot of attention on myself... so i just get quiet and reallllly awkward. It's awful.

    • Aww its ok im sure u will let him know when u are ready :)

  • Yes and I still think of him
    I could tell he liked me too but i would avoid him and he never approached me

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    • Aw man, that's rough. Do you talk to him still? The guy im into made a few obvious moves, but the things he did after threw me off and i just never followed through and neither did he. Now we're at some weird stage of friends or something less or more? Oh god.

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