I was in a physically/mentally abusive relationship for two years, choked until I would lose consciousness and he would laugh at me, slapped me, hit me until the point of bruises..
I recently left him in August, and met a man a few weeks later, we exchanged numbers, talked.. Fell for each other and started hanging out, he had seen my bruises and asked for my story, so I told him. We were "exclusive" through September, because I wasn't ready to date yet, I told him physically my ex was out of my life but mentally I was still damaged, I did not want to have sex and I would flinch every time a hand was even raised just to touch my cheek.. Mid October I went back to my ex, he had asked to see me to "talk" and ended up turning me around and we had sex, I did not say yes, I just kind of let it happen.. Because every time I would say no to him he would scream at me, or get mad at me.. And I didn't want him to be mad with me.. I told the guy I was seeing the day after what had happened, and he broke down and cried, I asked him if he wanted me to leave he said no, He told me he loved me, and even though it's going to be hard this is what he wanted, me. So we did, two months passed I couldn't tell him I loved him back, I felt disgusted with what I had done, we went to concerts, hockey games, dinners after that happened.. I went on vacation in December and came back the 26th, we emailed everyday... on the 28th he told me "I am in awe with how amazing things are" we made love the 29th.. spent new years together, January 1st he drove me home after I slept over after I waited for him to finish work and pick me up from a friends ( I left the bar he worked at because he only finished at 6 am), I spent all day with him, he said he had a "vivid nightmare" about my ex, drove me home and broke up with me.. January 15th he's dating someone he's been talking too since the 26th, which he denied having any interest in when we first broke up..
Most Helpful Guy
That sucks. All over sucks. The abusive relationship, the rape, the new boyfriend who wasn't up for staying with you (to be fair, that's okay... it still sux), and then his disappearing (he's busy :p I suppose)
So. Abusive relationships and rape cause a lot of mental trauma, and mental trauma leaves scars that take a long time to heal. It might be *years* before you're able to have a normal relationship without having flashbacks. I don't say this to say your life is fucked for ever, but so you can keep your eyes open for what's going on, and can recognize reactions from your history.
There are some things you can do:
1st. Go easy on trying to date someone new - you've got a lot of potential for unhealthy interaction. If you do date someone new, don't get too close to him too quickly (you don't want to smother him in your trauma or make him your sole support) and you want to make damn sure to run him by friends whose judgement you trust - you do NOT want a repeat of your 1st boyfriend. Then listen to them if they say "no."
2nd. Do what you can to have a strong friend network. Be social. Get to know people. Spend time with them. The emotional support will be invaluable, and the more people you know, the better chance someone is free if you suddenly need to get out of the house, talk to someone, etc.
3rd. Therapy. Find a therapist. Talk to a therapist. Just like a PT can help heal physical trauma, a mental therapist (emotional therapist?) can help with the trauma you've gone through. If you find you can't connect, try a different one. Totally totally worth it - definintely helped an old gf of mine (if she'd started earlier or we'd been less close less quickly, we might have stayed together)
4th. Don't blame yourself. You've been through hell and back, and it's not like you would have chosen that at the beginning.
You're not crazy, you're not hopeless, you're not worthless (hey, guys are still seeing good things in you, right?), and thing will get better.2