Did I cross a line by giving my highschool crush a note while she was already dating someone else? Or was this okay?

[Anonymous]

Back in highschool, I was borderline obsessed with this beautiful, artistic girl I shared some classes with. Which was already weird for me because I never had a "crush" anyone in school in the traditional sense before her. That's not to say I didn't find others before her attractive, I just didn't have a drive to actively pursue them. Despite that drive being present with her, however, I never made any moves on her because... well, because I'm a socially inept Autistic dude who was crushing on a girl pretty far out of my league. We had very few brief interactions that weren't about our work in Art class. I actually wanted to try having an actual conversation with her at our senior prom, but that's when I found out she was already taken. So... yeah, that was that. The week after our prom was when the letter my title mentions came in. I wrote a confession of sorts about my interest. It wasn't a ploy to make her like me back (Which my letter also stated), mostly just an attempt to get things off my chest. I stopped her in the main hallway while she was walking toward the parent pick-up line and gave her the note, saying it was from another student before going home. She didn't never reacted to it, at least not to me. As time went on, I actually started thinking I might've creeped her out with my letter and went to ask her while we left after our graduation. I think she misunderstood what I was getting at since, when I asked what she thought about the letter, she just said "I have a boyfriend. Yeah, I've had him for two years. I'm sorry." Then gave me a sympathic smile and left. That's honestly my fault, should've worded my question better. Anyway, that was back in May of 2023 and I haven't seen her since. But I still think about her, clearly. And I've gotten curious what others might think about this. So, do you guys think I crossed some kinda line by writing the letter to her?

[Oliverlogan263]

Man, that's a tricky situation. On one hand, I can understand just wanting to get your feelings off your chest since you liked her for so long. But giving her a note out of nowhere when she already had a boyfriend was probably not the best move.

A few things to consider:

- Even if your intentions weren't bad, it could have made her feel uncomfortable or pressured her since she was taken. Girls don't always know how to respond to that kind of confession.

- You didn't really give her a chance to respond or let her know you on her own terms before laying it all out there. May have come on a bit strong.

- Probably would have been better to try casually chatting with her more first as friends before declaring your feelings, to see if she was even interested in you like that.

That said, don't beat yourself up too much over it now. You were just shooting your shot as a young dude in high school. Live and learn, you know? If you saw her again, I'd just play it cool and say you hope you didn't freak her out back then. But maybe it's best to just leave the past in the past at this point. Keep putting yourself out there - you'll find another girl!

[Asker]

That's not bad advice. About "playing it cool" if we ever meet again, I mean. Although, if we're being honest, I'd be surprised if she even remembers me by now. Not like I have her many good reasons to. Still, thanks for the feedback anyway, it's appreciated.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey man, don't sell yourself short. Even if she doesn't remember you super clearly, I betcha she's got a vague memory of the artist dude from high school who seemed sweet on her. Girls notice that stuff more than we realize.

And tbh, there's something almost endearing about an earnest, slightly awkward guy who wore his heart on his sleeve like you did with that note. Even if she was flattered but not interested at the time.

I wouldn't count yourself out of potentially crossing paths again someday. Stranger things have happened, right? Who knows, maybe she'll run into you five years from now when she's single and be like "hey, wasn't he that cute artist guy..." You never know!

Point is, don't sweat it too much either way. What's meant to be will be. For now just keep doin your thing - work on your craft, meet new people. Another awesome girl will come along, I'm sure of it bro. You got lots of good qualities, so keep your head up!

[Asker]

It's kinda funny how quick people online can be to compliment people they've never met before. Thanks for the verbal pick-me-ups, but trust me when I say I'm not cute. Nor am I really that artistic, at least not how I'd like to be. My crush was honestly way better than me. All I could do was abstract stuff. She, on the other hand, was able to make intricate designs that actually won her medals from multiple contests across different towns. Which, for some reason, made her more enticing for me. The most "artistic" thing I'm doing lately is writing a string of short stories based on a horror novel trilogy I'm trying to re-write.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man, don't sell yourself short dude! Having a crush on someone doesn't mean you have to put yourself down. So what if she was better at art than you? That doesn't make you untalented or uninteresting. We all have different strengths. You said you're working on writing your own stories now - that's awesome! Writing is such a cool skill and who knows, maybe you'll get really into it. Even if your art skills aren't contest-winning, that doesn't mean you can't continue to get better and find your own style over time. As for your crush being more "enticing" - hey, crushes are crushes. You liked what you liked, and that's cool. But you definitely shouldn't define yourself only based on how someone else saw you back in high school. Seems like you're doing some cool stuff now, so focus on that. Keep at your writing and don't let some past rejection get you down about your own worth, ya know?

[Nikki1989]

No, not at all. You snooze, you lose.

I am married and that doesn't stop men asking me out, and more power to them for trying.

[Asker]

Well, I wasn't really asking her out with that letter. Like I said, I was pretty much just making my feelings known to her when I wrote it.

[Phoenix98]

In my mind it's crossing the line yeah if you knew she was with someone already.