I ditched a girl on a date... was I wrong?

I know it sounds bad, but I was very dissappointed with the date mid-way so I ditched her... was I wrong? I met her at a nightclub where we danced, and we arraged to meet up for drinks a week later at a bar.

I had high expectations and I was let down. These were the red flags that came up during the date:
- She wasn't as good looking as I thought...
- She said she thought I was gay when we first met, which is a first. That kinda weirded me out...
- She didn't want me to come pick her up... she ended up choosing the date location and didn't really ask if I was okay with the choice. The bar was not great because it was just so loud.
- She was drinking waaaay too much alcohol... she was on her 6th beer and pounded a tequila shot... which was a turn off.
- I tried flirting with her, but she had no idea how to flirt back... the meeting felt like an interview.
- She was pointlessly talking to other people around her like with some old dude.
- I tried to get her to leave the bar to go walking so we could converse better, but she refused and felt more comfortable drinking
- She would text instead of focusing on having a rapport with me.

I was so angry that I excused myself to go to the bathroom but I dipped out without saying anything... I got a distressed text from her and I felt bad, but now I'm not sure what I should've done...

Updates:
Okay, for the people complaining that its totally fair that she didn't want me to come pick her up... your reasoning is ridiculous. First off, if you got to know me, I definitely don't come off as a rapist. Secondly, it's courteous to have a guy come and pick up a girl. It could be at a common ground where there are a lot of people by. I was even open to her picking me up. It's more intimate that way.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I do think that was rude, but you had a horrendous date and it sucks. Besides, who the hell would have a "date" at a bar?

    I would have simply had the balls to tell her to her face that you were ready to call it a night.

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    • Wow. A lot of people are stupid on here to me. It's a matter of opinion, true, but leaving someone at the bar is a bitch move to me. I don't understand why so many people don't consider that wrong when they would be pissed if the same were done to them.

      It's hypocritical and pathetic.

    • uhh why are you MHO... I didn't select you...

    • No clue. Send a message to the moderators. And grow up.

What Girls Said 19

  • She sounds like a party girl dude... it's very rude to meet up at a night club because night clubs only have total alcoholics and people looking for sex there, the fact that she just ignored the most of the time suggests she was just messing about... you were right to ditch her because she practicly didn't show much interest towards you the whole time so you might as well say she also ditched you, she probably wasn't as interested and she thought ether, but tryng to date party girls is useless because they wil choose alcohol over you... they make you feel like they can't stand you unless drunk (which is unhealthy). I know how it feels because i hit the clubs for a short time, used to have a "friend" but only time she wanted to hang out is on a Saturday when she was getting drunk... eventually when i moved away she ditched me and replaced me with someone else (should of known because she does the same with her so called "bfs" lol). Find a girl who isn't a party girl who is more stable and doesn't drink all the time.

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  • You owe her nothing. I would have done the same thing. In fact, I did when a guy asked me to meet him (I drove myself to a pub) and he just ignored me and talked to people at the next table, totally ignoring me.

    Sounds like she was a drunk and had no social skills. You don't know her and don't owe her anything. You could say, "I would have told you I was leaving but the way you were acting I don't even know if you would have heard me, and even if you could, doubt you would have cared to know what I was saying."

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  • Well I would say that I do not agree that you should have ditch her. I think you should have been honest with her and let her know that you are leaving. Now as far as the part where she doesn't want you to pick her up, I can understand that because if I meet a guy that I really don't know. I would not feel comfortable with him knowing where I lay my head at night. A woman and a man has to be careful these days. I mean she could have been nervous, or not interested in you either. But from the other stuff you wrote I can see why you would want to leave. Especially if the person is more interested in talking to other people and texting that is disrespectful. So I would say it was wrong that you ditch her. Next time just be honest and let person know your leaving.

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  • that doesn't sound like a date at all so totally doesn't count as ditching haha i honestly can't blame you. was it rude? maybe. but she wasn't really acting like she was on a date so i can't blame you for being disappointed and wanting to leave.

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  • Well, ditching sucks, but I can see why you did it. Next time, just say that you don't think it's going to work out and leave. Or try to suffer through the date lol.

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  • you should have told her that your not so into her. And leave.

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  • Even if you have justifiable reasons just man up and tell her you don't think it's going to work out and thanks for her time. And then walk away with dignity. Next time of course...

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  • Those reasons are okay for ditching someone. You were not wrong

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  • Yes. Just because you don't like the date you don't lower yourself to that kind of standard. It would have been better to say, "the date isn't going well and I'm not interested so I'm going to end it here." Then say goodbye and leave. If you ditch someone it's in my opinion rude and immature.

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  • the nicer thing to do would have been cut the date short. you could have texted someone to call you acting like it was an emergency, then end the date that way. but then again she sholdnt have been surprised lol

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  • its her own fault you left, sure ditching is rude but she was being rude to you all night.

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  • would you have liked it if she ditched you? i dont think so. better call her (not text) and apologize. i get that she wasn't a great date but c'mon have the decency to apologize for ditching coz that was a dick move.

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  • Don't feel bad. She sounds like a mess. She was probably so trashed and wasted she forgot you were there to begin with! No worries!

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  • High expectations are ok, but you can't expect someone to be perfect on the first date. First dates are the worst, what if she was just nervous?

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  • Wow that date sounded fun.. Naaaah I think you did the "Okay" thing..

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  • It might have been polite to tell her you were leaving, but if you weren't feeling attracted to her then it's not your fault and it just wasn't meant to happen. Be happy that you let her down straight away rather than lead her on

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  • Sounds like she was really nervous.
    Funny that you talk about doing the right thing in picking up a girl but not even making an excuse or saying goodbye is ok? Scumbag.

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    • What you're saying doesn't make sense. If she doesn't act on to me as she expects mer to act towards her, then why should I treat her properly?

    • Show All
    • Yeah, I asked for opinions. I didn't ask to be insulted and called a scumbag.

    • If you're insulted by the fact that I personally think it was a scumbag move that's fine
      I think it's a horrible thing to do
      Your life though so enjoy karma

  • I can see why you were turned off, she seems a bit immature. Next time tell her that you're going to leave though, it's just courteous.

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  • Well I think ditching wasn't the best solution. Maybe a different rout, like I don't know. Just tell her you had to go after receiving a "text". But she didn't seem all that great, so I understand you dipping out on her.

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What Guys Said 19

  • Yeah, you were wrong. Ok, you didn't like her, cool, there's nothing wrong with that, but ditching her without saying anything is extremely rude, disrespectful, and not what a grown man should do.
    If you wanted to leave you should have told her that you had to go, it may be a lie, but at least you said face to face that you had to leave. Or you could just simply have told her that that wasn't working and that it's better for both of you to go different ways.

    Ditching her like you did was a dick move.

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  • Not wrong at all. You just left an alcoholic at the bar who was barely paying attention to you. That's all.

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    • Yeah. She's an alcoholic even though you don't know this girl and she seemed to be drinking a lot. Thirty and lacking common sense.. that's not good.

  • Sounds like she has poor manors. You could have done things different but cannot see that you did anything wrong.

    Sounds like she likes to have farting contest and lived in a barn.

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    • Ditching someone at the bar that you had a "date" with isn't wrong? Remember that the next time a girl does that to you.

  • What some other people don't understand is that she had actually ditched you. 1. She was drunk 2. Did not listen to your suggestion 3. She was conversing with other people. She was showing you utter disrespect and did not care for your needs or even your presence. You simply removed yourself from a toxic situation.

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  • By her actions you did what you had to do. Why bother to tell her it's not working out? From what you said she was doing she probably didn't even know you left. You met her in a club, you couldn't have been thinking she was wifey material. She showed you little respect. You returned the favor. The old dude probably got laid though.

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  • at first I was going to get mad, I thought you left her without a ride or something. then I read the details and I agree with you, that sounds like a truly horrible date, but you really shouldn't have just left. that's just rude, especially when you asked her out

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  • "She didn't want me to come pick her up."
    Why would she if she doesn't really know you? You could be a rapist or serial killer.

    The other points are legit, could have went the respectable route and just told her.

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  • I don't blame you at all I woulda done the same thing but since she got there on her own then it really doesn't matter.

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  • Its all good I've done it a few times for less offenses.

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  • No. Girls do it to guys all the time.

    she'll probably call you back to give you a BJ. They like jerks and i think you have proven to be jerk worthy for them.

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  • Lol she clearly wasn't into it. Let me guess, when you decided to split the bill she got all mad and shit lmao. My whole line of thinking is if you are not into the date then bitch the bill is going 50/50.

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  • no you werent wrong but you shouldve told her you were leaving. and i dont really think this was a date at all she thought you were gay meaning you were supposed to be a gay buddy to drink with.

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  • You did nothing wrong.

    You saw a potentially horrible situation and got out of there. Besides she was ignoring 2/3rds of the time anyways she probably didn't even notice you leave.

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  • A+ Move. Woulda done the same thing.

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  • I think it was okay to leave her just the way u did it was rude. Next time just be honest

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  • no man that is fine

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  • Dude.. It sucks..

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  • That's why I NEVER ever again go out with girl I've met at nightclub!!!

    I recommend reading : Why I Quit Dating Girls Who Club, Party, or Drink
    www.girlschase.com/.../why-i-quit-dating-girls-who-club-party-or-drink

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    • I think you did right. I would do same and her stupid behavior and ego.

  • she had so many red flags she reminded me of soviet russia. you did more than well.

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    • "She was pointlessly talking to other people around her like with some old dude." can you explain that a little bit?

    • Yeah, so we'd sit down at the bar. I was to her right. On her left was some old dude drinking by himself I guess. So he randomly commented on something and the girl decided to join in on the conversation and eventyally tried to get me to join the conversation too. I couldn't care less and I wanted to talk to her and get to know her, not engage in a pointless conversation with some old dude.

  • You were right that she shouldn't get a second date with you, but you were wrong to ditch her. All you have to do is tell her you have to get going, politely excuse yourself, and run for the hills.

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