Boyfriend called me thirsty?

[Anonymous]

I have been in a long distance relationship for about 4 months now. I know distance is a big issue but he doesn't get it. he's always busy with his work. he works 9-5 job. Anyways during the week we text each other here and there exchange like 10-12 texts during the day and everyday before going to bed he calls me so we talk for like 15 mins everyday. Then this weekend on Friday he hungout with his friends till 3 am i did not say a word neither i was upset because i know he has a life and people that he wants to enjoy with. i respect that completely. Then on Saturday he went out with his family for movies and around midnight he called me so we talked and after 15 mins or so he said he needs to sleep. I said today is Saturday so maybe he can sleep late and talk to me for a bit longer to that he called me thirsty and needy. I felt really hurt and told him that he said i dont respect his wishes that he wants to sleep and he's tired. i said he doesn't respect mine either while i have been patient here waiting on him. we argued for about an hour (over texts). Anyways i suggested we should be friends to which he replied wow i cannot believe you. then i said be nice to me and respect my wishes too i will be understanding about his situation as well. he said he's not ready for a relationship or commitment and he cannot do long distance anymore. i was very hurtful so we said bye. then its been 4 days now he hasn't texted or called me till now. what do i do? i feel invested in him. last time too we had a fight and he called me needy i dont think i am needy at all. i have my own life i dont hoover over his texts and calls 24/7. i made up last time but this time i want him to come to me.. its been 4 days he hasn't contacted. is it over for good? i cannot believe we fought over something so stupid? was he ever interested in me? i had my bday last week he came to see me drove for 7 hours and gave me $250 gift card. I don't know whats going on? can someone help me?

[Anonymous]

i could go on and on about personal experience on this one but here are the big things that i see that should be noted.

he sounds like he has some very serious control needs. he maintains a mostly consistent pattern in talking to you and when you tried to make a mostly reasonable request he got out of line rather than even trying to compromise.

he does not seem to respect your participation in the relationship at all. it is a far leap to go from can we talk a while longer to you not caring about what he wants.

the fact that he is only a seven hour drive means that is is probably only an hour time difference to you and yet he can only manage about 20minutes of total communication time with you is an insult. to answer your overall question, no he was nvr truly interested in you. maybe in having a girlfriend but not in having any kind of deep meaningful connection.

[Asker]

last night i did have that talk with him over the phone and all he could tell me was that he is confused about us and about the future together. i kept asking why he kept saying I don't know. so is there anyway i could make him be interested in me again? i am fully invested in him. he literally lead me on and now having cold feet!

[Opinion Owner]

First of all I do not recomeend this course of action at all since from what you have said it doesn't sound like he is really interested I commited mutual relationship.
That being said to answer your question yes there are ways to get him back and keep him, although they all require significant sacrafices on your part to appease his needs.
1st of all you will have to accept that to be in a relationship with a guy like this who likes to keep his life in exactly his way you will have to submit your self to all of his whims. Just as him only being willing to provide 15minutes of call time a day with a few texts.
Then once you two are in a stable place ypu will need to try to move closer to him so that you can get more face time. Even then dont expect too much from him. As you describe him it sounds like he will see each date as a favor to you. Evventually I he might form some kind of connection with you that he enjoys your company as being in his routine. (Out of room, tbc)

[Opinion Owner]

Even at that stage any thing you try to do that interfers with his routine will no be met with normal " oh sweetie this is so thoughtful" that normal couples have. It will most likely be met by a similar responce you asking him to stay up a little longer to talk.

Just my little disclaimer on all of this. I am assuming that his control issue is bordering on OCD. Depending on its actual severity he could be much easier or much harder to be with.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't see that u put off some your plans or not taking time with friends because u making time for him n it's ashame but waiting at the phone isn't the way be busy n when u not act busy it's OK to miss a call or respond to a text a he later even if u just polishing your nails or watching a show u like he can wait like he makes uwait till midnight to call

[Anonymous]

you should leave him.