So my girlfriend recently told me that she was demisexual after we had a sexual interraction. I looked up a lot of videos and the definition and i understand what it means but i have few questions and concerns about it. My main question being will she ever feel sexual desire towards me as our relationship progresses with it being a true and real thing or will it only be something where she feels the need to "please my needs"? One of my concerns is how i should be showing my affection towards her. Before she told me that she was demisexual we would kiss A LOT but i dont want to make out with her like we do if she isn't enjoying it. Some suggestions that i have got from videos is to have a conversation with my girlfriend to know eachothers needs in the relationship and if thats something that i should do, what kind of things do we talk about? Thanks for the help!
Most Helpful Girl
She will. Demisexuals can be turned on, but only when they are really into the person they are dating. You can have a conversation with her and ask her what kind of things she likes. I consider it a positive thing that you are interested in making her happy. You sound like a good/considerate boyfriend.2
Most Helpful Guy
Well, if she identifies as demisexual, it's quite a bit different than being completely asexual. So it wouldn't be that she doesn't ever have sexual desire towards you, it would just be that it is a very low priority for her, and not something she would feel very often. She wouldn't have the need to masturbate very often, wouldn't think about sex very often, probably wouldn't be the one to initiate intercourse. But it doesn't mean that she never feels it (that would be asexual).
You are on the right track by learning about it, and what it means for you, for her, and for your relationship together. Conversation is definitely the right way to go, especially for demisexual, as it is a really grey zone and everyone in it defines it a little differently. So you will want to know what it means for her, not what it means for someone else.
Also, sexual desire and romantic desire run on different tracks, so she could be demisexual but still fully interested in romance, so she may still really enjoy cuddling or kissing or holding hands... all sorts of different physical romantic outlets, but just not really be into genital stimulation. If she is demiromantic as well, then yeah, perhaps she wouldn't be into making out at the frequency she was before. But that's going to need to be something that you figure out by talking to her directly.
Another thing to keep in mind is that some demisexuals may not 'want' sex per se, in that they don't crave it or need it, but it doesn't mean that they won't want to do it for their partner's happiness. They can still get some enjoyment out of seeing someone they care for feeling happy. It will depend on what her particular wiring is. Talk to her. Find out what she wants. What she needs. What she is comfortable with. What she is willing to be slightly uncomfortable with. What are hard boundaries, what are soft boundaries. Make sure you have her really clearly explain what being demisexual means to her, and clarify her feelings towards romance as well.2