Girls, Lets talk first date, holding hands, and the goodbye kiss... shall we?

Pretty soon I'm going to be going out on a first date with a girl I've been crazy about for a long time. Given my feelings for her, I'm incredibly nervous and probably over thinking. We're not strangers, but we're also not close... yet. We've only been around each other in a social atmosphere 5 times and in a one-on-one atmosphere once. And that is over a time span of a year and a half. As far as how she feels about me, well my mind is too clouded with my crush on her to really know, but I'm hoping throughout our date I'll get a much better vibe. When I asked her out, I didn't call it a date, I simply invited her out with me for a night to have fun together at a local hot spot. I do hope she views it as a date though.

Anyways, I'd like to get thoughts on holding hands on a first date? As mentioned, I'm not a stranger or someone new to her, but say after dinner I was to put my hand out to her, obvoiusly looking to hold her hand, for a walk around the place, how would you respond? Is it too soon? Is it okay? What does this gesture tell you? Would it be better to place the hand out inviting her to take ahold of mine, or should I just go in and take grasp of her hand on my own?

Then at the end of the night, if the night goes well, plenty of smiles and fun was had, good vibe, and all that like I am expecting it to be. After walking her out to her car, and I tell her how much fun I had and that I would like to see her again, what are your thoughts on a kiss after the first date? Again, is it too soon? Lips or cheek? How would you react or recieve it? What would you be thinking if it happened? From my point of view, I'd stop myself just because I don't want to make her uncomfortable, and I don't want to seem like I am rushing her or being too aggressive.

I'd really like some thoughts on these two things taking into account my little background information provided. Maybe put yourself in these shoes and tell me how you'd look at the situation if it happened?

Any thoughts? :)


Most Helpful Girl

  • If you're having a good time and things are going well, then you should be able to read that from her. Whether or not she wants to hold hands or be kissed depends on the woman.

    Personally, I consider holding hands as more an emotionally intimate gesture and kissing as more of an indicator of attraction. Either way, I don't like either in a first date. Little touches like our legs resting against one another or gently placing his hand on the small of my back for a moment as he's walking me back to my car/door/etc are what I prefer. I can move away from any of those easily if I'm uncomfortable.

    • Thanks for the insightful feedback/opinion. Was starting to wonder if anyone would respond to this question. :P

      But you're right, a lot will depend on the vibe of the night and being able to read and react to that. I like the way you broke down how you view holding hands vs a kiss too. That makes sense and is helpful to me.

      I've been over thinking a lot of things recently because I like this girl so much, yet it's still so early (I've known her for awhile but still to have a first date yet). I am already much farther along in this relationship and need to actually put an effort into reeling myself back to be on par with her. This is proving difficult, especially not knowing how she feels.

      All I know is the way I feel about her, is honestly the most I've felt for any female in my life, and it scares me to think there is a chance it might not work out so it leads me to overthink ways I can prevent such a falling out. But it takes two to tango, who knows how she feels.

    • I think you have the right idea to try to slow down and stay more in line with where she may be. I wouldn't try to rush this or her.

What Girls Said 2

  • Well if you've known her before. I suppose you can be more comfortable about moves. I can tell you really like her!
    If you initiate contact, see her reaction, if she smiles and allows you to, you can hold hands maybe. She might be too shy for anything, depends on what she's like.
    Obviously if she pulls away, she isn't ready.
    Be yourself and joke around with her, make her comfortable. When she's generally more relaxed, place your hand casually on top of hers and continue the conversation, move it back and forth and keep watching her reaction. Make it a casual hand placing, so you can observe the reaction and not to create a moment of intensity for yourself! It'll be fine. How exciting it must be for you to go on the first date with someone you really like!!

    • Kind of hit a little bump in the road yesterday. Opportunity not completely lost but things have changed a bit. Saw her yesterday in a social setting, didn't get any one on one time with her, but heard some things. Great things for her really, not so much for me. So now kind of reeling figuring out what to do. But as you probably can tell, I'm a details guy so I probably shouldn't go on about it here in this post.

      On topic, thanks for your feedback and suggestions. I'd like to initiate some contact, I think we're both comfortable enough around each other for that. But over-doing it is something I'll want to avoid. So it's nice to read some opinions on the topic because my mind given my feelings think a bit differently on the subject at the moment with this particular girl. Thank you for the response.

    • I didn't know this was you. Never saw the user..
      Not a problem. It's never too late. Just because a team has a goalie doesn't mean you can't score! :P

  • first of all make it clear its a date lets not get the girl confuse
    secondly dont think on this date just do go with the flow and focus on face expression if those are good her feelings about you are good

    if she's a shy one make first moves hold hand not tighly if she doesn't smile when you hold her hand she dont like you that way