I am too dependent on my girlfriend and I really need help?

I'm 20 years old and my girlfriend is 18. We have dates for 2+ years and we went to highschool together. She is graduating this year. I love her more than anything and lately it seems like I am way too attached. I depend on her for my happiness and even she says this. If I don't get to see her for a few days I get sad. She is fine not seeing me for a week. Or not talking for a while. She does great without me but I don't do so great without her. She occupies her time and loves being with her friends and stuff. I'm just tired of depending on her and being so clingy. How can I fix this.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Start by occupying yourself with other things too. Try to change your mindset about things, stop thinking she's your happiness, find other things that make you happy as well. Also, realise that you are always the same person, whether you are with her or not, you are you and you have the same abilities. She just brings it out. Try to see the good in yourself and be like when you're with her even when your not (e. g. if you're more confident with her, try to think about what makes you confident and try be confident even when she's not there). You can always ask your girlfriend for advice too.

    Good luck*

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    • I will try to stay busy! It's so hard when she makes me so happy but sometimes I don't feel like I make her as happy. I hate being clingy, needy and obsessive. I must fix this

    • It's nice that you want to make her happy, but don't force anything too much, don't become obsessed with the idea that it has to change, that's never good. And talk to her about it! Goodluck, u seem like a great person

Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to fix this fast because you're completely pushing her away and ruining your future relationship.

    Why?

    Because it's unfair to our partner when we make them responsible for our own happiness. Think of the ridiculous pressure that puts on them. And how childish it is... it's like saying "I'm a helpless baby who can't be happy without someone else doing all the work to make me that way."

    It's one-sided and gross.

    I can say this because I've done that to past girlfriends and I didn't realize how gross I was being. My ex deserved better than how I was treating her, even though at the time I thought I was giving her what she wanted... all the power.

    You're not dumb, or bad, you're just untrained and not yet self directed.

    We tend to learn to seek approval from our parents growing up, and when we graduate and we move out we sometimes stumble trying to find out footing... trying to find stability. And without our parents telling us how to think and feel we seek it elsewhere, instead of from within.

    I can recommend a book on attachment, and self worth, etc. You'll probably learn a tonne.

    You can rescue yourself from this old mindset of seeking a partner's approval, or leadership, by developing your own inner approval and leadership.

    Here's the book and good luck!
    www.amazon.com/.../1938289080

    ~ Robby

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What Girls Said 2

  • Do you have a life outside your relationship? Hobbies, friends, other interests? If no, you need to develop a life outside of her. It's not healthy to be overly dependant on another person, and it's especially not healthy to depend on them entirely for your happiness - for you or them. That's a lot of pressure and responsibility to put on someone else and it isn't fair.

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    • I have hobbies and stuff. Like I am very into atv riding and custom cars and trucks and car audio but I find myself making sure I'm home at night at a certain time to talk to her on the phone and just always putting her first. She says it's not a bad thing but she says I need to do what makes me happy

    • Like I put her before my friends if that makes sense

  • It's good that you know this dependency isn't good! I would just focus on hobbies or other friends, so that you'll have things other than your girlfriend to focus on when she can't be there!

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What Guys Said 7

  • you need to be happy with yourself.

    this is when life throws one of those cliches at you and tells you that you need to learn to be happy on your own before entering a relationship so that you don't become dependent.

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  • Find some hobbies to do that you enjoy.

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  • She has developed a stronger independence than you. In every relationship there is a stronger one. Look for happiness in positive activities.

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  • Do 1000 situps a day, flex in the mirror, drink lots or raw eggs, do some push ups, flex in the mirror, jerk of to some really degrading sexual acts involving young women, work out some more, eat tonnes of food, flex in the mirror, take tonnes of pictures of yourself, take pictures of your dick and send them to chicks on the internet, work out some more, eat. This is my typical day, and I'm totally self dependent. Chicks love it.

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  • Get a hobby to take your mind off of her? I play video games and browse the internet, that helps me.

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  • I'd imagine there is a root to what you're feeling stemming from some sort of loss as a child. Assuming I am correct understanding the root and attempting to learn from it is entirely necessary to mature enough to cope with the attachment issues.

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  • go get your own life do things without her.

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