I'm 20 years old and my girlfriend is 18. We have dates for 2+ years and we went to highschool together. She is graduating this year. I love her more than anything and lately it seems like I am way too attached. I depend on her for my happiness and even she says this. If I don't get to see her for a few days I get sad. She is fine not seeing me for a week. Or not talking for a while. She does great without me but I don't do so great without her. She occupies her time and loves being with her friends and stuff. I'm just tired of depending on her and being so clingy. How can I fix this.
Most Helpful Girl
Start by occupying yourself with other things too. Try to change your mindset about things, stop thinking she's your happiness, find other things that make you happy as well. Also, realise that you are always the same person, whether you are with her or not, you are you and you have the same abilities. She just brings it out. Try to see the good in yourself and be like when you're with her even when your not (e. g. if you're more confident with her, try to think about what makes you confident and try be confident even when she's not there). You can always ask your girlfriend for advice too.
Most Helpful Guy
You need to fix this fast because you're completely pushing her away and ruining your future relationship.
Because it's unfair to our partner when we make them responsible for our own happiness. Think of the ridiculous pressure that puts on them. And how childish it is... it's like saying "I'm a helpless baby who can't be happy without someone else doing all the work to make me that way."
It's one-sided and gross.
I can say this because I've done that to past girlfriends and I didn't realize how gross I was being. My ex deserved better than how I was treating her, even though at the time I thought I was giving her what she wanted... all the power.
You're not dumb, or bad, you're just untrained and not yet self directed.
We tend to learn to seek approval from our parents growing up, and when we graduate and we move out we sometimes stumble trying to find out footing... trying to find stability. And without our parents telling us how to think and feel we seek it elsewhere, instead of from within.
I can recommend a book on attachment, and self worth, etc. You'll probably learn a tonne.
You can rescue yourself from this old mindset of seeking a partner's approval, or leadership, by developing your own inner approval and leadership.
Here's the book and good luck!