Why do men get bored of relationships so quickly?

My friends and I have all been with our boyfriend's for over a year and now all three guys have gotten colder, seem bored of us, and their libidos have gotten lower. I try everything, when I try to cook my boyfriend something he finds any tiny reason to complain I never complain when he cooks for me, I've been trying to dress cute, work out, always look my best but he can't even seem to be bothered to spend much time with me. He used to be THE cuddliest most affectionate / passionate person for the first year, so I still try to interact with him in the same way we always used to. He kisses me with tight lips like I'm his grandma and pushes me away when I hug him too long. I don't even know how to interact with him anymore.

I don't think he really even realises he's doing it but HOLY SHIT it hurts a lot It's like a punch to the stomach and I feel this rejection daily! I usually have to initiate sex and I have been super sexually frustrated lately, he enjoys it when we start but he never really seeks it out or starts it anymore. Last night we were touching each other and I after we came I asked if it was bad that I still wanted to have sex with him and he said "YES... just kidding?" and went to sleep. I try to be the best girlfriend I can be but I constantly get rejected by him and ignored and it's really making me depressed. I want to do really sexy things for him to keep him excited and turn him on but I am SO SCARED to because I get rejected constantly and I feel like such a loser when he shuts me down over and over. Then when I ask him if he wants to break up he cries and freaks out, so if he doesn't really want to be with me but he also doesn't want to be without me what does he want? I give him his space and I'm not needy ( when I am lonely I usually don't say anything until it's really hurting because I don't want to be annoying) I just want a normal relationship, I don't want anything more than what we had to begin with.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This is a really good question. It makes me aware of what to strive not to be. I have no idea why he would act like that, but I feel for you. Thanks for making me aware of how shitty men can make their girls feel sometimes :-/

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    • Well it's nice that I helped someone with this I guess!

What Guys Said 37

  • Well considering he is no longer interested in being with you as it is evident by his behavior regarding affection (or moreso the lack of it), he feels like he wants to break up but hasn't made up his mind about it.

    Maybe you should do it instead of him and find someone who doesn't find love a chore.

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    • Yeah I actually guilty of doing exactly what this girl is complaining about to me ex. I couldn't bring myself to break up with her, because I absolutely loved her as a person. However I just lost interest in her physically. I actually wanted her to dump me because I didn't want to feel the horrible guilt of dumping her when she was perfect in almost every way. I just lost sexual interest and I was pissed at myself for it.

      Take a break from this guy. Don't make it permanent, but maybe he needs to reevaluate what's going on.

  • It sound like he either has found someone else and hooked up with them, or he has found someone else and wants to hook up. If he has a sense of morality, he is probably also feeling guilty about this dilemma.

    Are you williong to live the rest of your life like this? Probably not. Sit him down for The Talk. "We have problems. Obviously, you aren't happy. I am not happy with our relationship. If we are going to continue, this needs our attention and the first step is identifying the problems. If we both take that step, we can start working on things. I want to do that. But if you are not willing to take the first step, then we are never going to be happy and I refuse to live the rest of my life like that. You have a choice to make. You don't need to make the choice immediately but I can't let you procrastinate in making this decision. Think about it for a few days and then let me know what you decide."

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    • oh

      I wouldn't have made that assumption

      interesting

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    • You can't just decide to be homosexual, plus I'd doubt a gay man would be so into eating pussy if he does have a spare moment for me it's for that :/

    • No, of course not. He may have come to the realization that he is homosexual and be in the process of resolving conflicts. There are homosexual men who, at one time, were married and had children. Being homosexual does not mean that a man would have no sexual skills with a woman. However, it is more likely that he is heterosexual and has found someone else.

  • He's acting likea prick. He's taking you for granted. Stop giving him attention for a few days. See how he reacts. If he still doens't give a crap about you then you should think about breaking up with him. It may not be easy, but have some pride here. If you really are a good girlfriend, then you don't deserve this kind of beahavior towards you. So don't put up with it and do something so he understands that you are not some toy.

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  • Actually he loves you he's just not attracted to you, because you've stopped trying to win him. This happens commonly to both men and women and is often a breakup scenario waiting to happen. The actions you took when you first got together is what he fell in love with about you, sexy is an attitude, it's an action. You answered your own question. "I don't want anything more than what we had to begin with." Time to rewind, and do over from an attraction stand point, do what you used to do before this happened, stoke the flames of passion, excite him as you once did and keep it up, being in a relationship is no excuse to be lazy and let the passion die down, it happens all the time. You have the power to fix this and he's just reaction to your actions, you are the neck of the relationship, the way the neck turns the head follows. Same for him being the head if he turns in a direction the neck will follow, it's connected it has to and it's normal. I bet he feels rejected too, considering you haven't said anything, he probably thinks you aren't attracted to him either. Communication is key to solving this as well as the actions. If you want to communicate use "I" statements, simply say "When you do, say, act this way, I feel_____ <insert feeling or emotion here. "Then tell the truth... " I would prefer that you, do, say, act, etc. then let him speak or think about what you said. He may slowly and not so eloquently tell you how he feels or thinks, but do your best to understand what he's trying to tell you.

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    • Every time I try to be sexy and "win him over" he just harshly rejects me and I feel like a desperate loser who has to try as hard as I can while he doesn't appreciate any of my efforts and ignores me. I shouldn't be expected to be the one who is at fault or "lazy" when I am doing everything and anything I can think of to even get him to notice me meanwhile he's doing nothing yet he cries when I tell him I am not happy being ignored and want to leave him. I work out I try to look as good as possible I try to set up fun dates but he never can spare a moment for me.

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    • He sounds really selfish to me and I think you've given this enough. I say take some time and space from him because you deserve to feel loved. If he's not into you, he has to let you go, not stick around and get off on your being miserable. Stop investing in him and see what HE does.

    • @BrunetteNYC I agree she hold back on the giving and investment, before she bails however, let's see if something isn't going on with him. Men withdraw often due to trying to solve a problem, it's how were wired to fix things and solve problems. It's biological. However thinking of what's best for her, I'm getting the impression she's trying to hard to please this guy and it's having the opposite effect. My opinion here since I don't know them personally is that he wasn't always being a douche and he's acting according to his biology, people naturally don't like being smothered especially guys, their counter dependent naturally. So I agree with you here, hold back on the giving, please him less and she should focus on herself and her own needs.

  • lol... me personally, i believe its because you women always want/whine about the same shit over and over and over... it gets boring trust me. you have been with your boyfriend for over a year, doing the same shit over and over and over, shiiit, i'd push you away too. thats a long time... you guys are waaaaay past the "honeymoon" phase. this is when you actually have to WORK to maintain your relationship. What you need is some SPICE (write that down)... do something new, cut your hair, get some lingerie, arrange a threesome with a cute girl.. i mean relationships are easy to get into... i can pick up my phone right now and get into a relationship, but maintenance is a bitch.
    Also, its not the relationship, guys get bored easy.. Period. Women are already built towards commitment... you can stand in one spot for years if you have some person you love with you... but guys are not wired like that, we wanna move, hunters. And thats one of the reasons why i always tell girls who claim to have been cheated on that its THEIR fault. Its up to you to do whatever it takes to keep YOUR man focused on YOU. and the best way to do that is to switch stuff up, keep him on his toes, make him wonder what you got planned when he's coming home... etc.
    if you can't do that, eventually, you'd bore him, and then you'll feel neglected... oh wait... too late :)

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    • This is bullshit and way wrong.

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    • It would be nice if you could stop running your mouth, and you'd probably be the type to claim women talk to much, hilarious.

    • not claiming anything... y'all DO talk too much. and yes, i am the type.
      im a problem-solution kinda guy, i don't want to talk unless you have and actual solution in mind that i can work with OR want a solution. don't got time to be "talking about it".

      you have a prob, I've offered a solution. take it or leave it. my work is done. read my profile... you can either try what i offered, or i'll see you back here when shit hits the fan because you are running with the definition of insanity.
      you have a Great day/relationship :)

  • ''Why do men get bored of relationships so quickly?''

    Correction,

    ''Why do men that i choose to date who only represent a small portion of men get bored of relationships so quickly?''.

    Were not all fucknuts who are exactly the same as some ahole you dated 'that one time' ya know?

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  • It sounds like you are just out of the honeymoon phase of the relationship. The beginning is always more exciting. Everything is new and interesting at the beginning of a relationship. Some people just aren't interested into making a relationship work once that honeymoon phase has passed.

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  • Let me let you into a guys psychology. When things are good, or if we see them as good, we don't see a need to analyze our relationship. We don't think about where we are and where we are going, we just enjoy the ride. When things are bad we try and fix them, we don't talk about it with our friends we look for solutions.

    Now libido is tied up with emotions. If a guy is stressed or tired he's less likely to initiate sex, and if he's really stressed he may become even celibate.

    To me this sounds like your guy is dealing with a lot of stress outside of the relationship. Hence when you suggest that you break up he gets even more stressed. Guys don't often talk about their stresses, and so they can be largely invisible to those around them.

    A good suggestion would be for him to work out more, to help him get his stress levels down. Any physical activity would do. But especially high cardio stuff running, swimming, biking, etc. It's just a suggestion.

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  • Hmm, I feel like this sort of happened in my last relationship and it happened in both directions (i. e. we both did it to each other). I feel that the reason was mainly because we didn't live our own separate lives enough. She wanted to depend on me for a place to live, transportation, money etc., and neither of us really went out with other people, and she didn't have a job or anything. Also we were not really physically healthy for a while because we kinda just sat around at home too much. I realized this a long time before it ended and started doing a lot more things for myself, going out and trying to meet other people etc. but her not doing anything like that kind of made me feel unattracted to her, which she took to mean I didn't care about her I guess and broke up with me.

    It sounds like you *want* to be doing more stuff for yourself and impress him with it, so unless you're just saying that and not actually doing it, then that is not the problem. Are you depending on him for a lot of things? (i. e. emotional and/or financial support) Like is there something you are leaving out about this story? Because if there's some emotional or other issues you have that you depend n him too much for, it could be too stressful for him or make him not see you as an equal partner anymore. It does not *sound* like you are doing that but I don't know.

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  • One of two things...

    Either A. This is who he was before he met you and during the honeymoon phase he was on best behavior and now you're past that.

    Or B. He's depressed.

    Seriously. Even If you two aren't in the honeymoon phase and you two had real love at one point he is going to still want sex. Unless you gained 40 pounds in that one year and pretty much stopped doing the things you had before to attract him in the beginning, then it doesn't make sense for him to randomly stop wanting it unless he's going through depression of some kind

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    • We left the honeymoon phase ages ago and I was really happy with that because being nervous and having your heart beat like crazy everytime someone even touches you gets old after a while. We became more comfortable with each other and things were still exciting, the love felt deeper and more real and less like a crush and I'm not expecting or wanting the honeymoon phase back. I haven't gained any weight since we met aside from in my boobs because I started birth control when we started dating obviously, he likes this but I don't! I try to do the same things to attract him and earlier tonight I guess I did something he liked because he pounced on which he never does. So now I am trying to think of what I could have done tonight that works as opposed to everything else I try. Also I have depression myself and my sex drive is fine I've been dealing with it on my own and I try to keep him out of it so I don't bother him.

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    • I don't hide my emotions when I really need help but men already complain about women being "too emotional" so we have to hide some of it.

    • Gotcha. So just mitigation of complaining, so it's only things he can do something about

  • @AdamThomas is on to something; the irritability and the sex drive plummeting are signs of low testosterone.

    The biggest culprits of low testosterone are weight gain and stress. Do u think any of those can be an issue with him?

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    • HE thinks he's gained weight but he's probably only gone from 150 to 156 or something and he's over 6 feet tall so he's very slim but he was grabbing this little tiny bit of fat on his tummy after sex today and I found it odd. He does do some modelling but it's like an barely ounce of fat and I told him he's sexy as hell and I couldn't see it, plus I don't like overly ripped muscled guys anyway. I always try to tell him that he's looking great so I was sad that he was standing there pinching this bit of skin which he thinks is fat. Is it possible to have low testosterone at 19? Is there anything I could do?

  • It's always great at the start. The first 6 months are the honeymoon period where you fuck constantly and make a huge effort to impress each other. After that it's downhill. You take each other for granted. If the love ain't there then the interest won't last beyond the physical. Women always make the mistake of thinking everybody is salvageable and with love and patience and kindness a man can turn into the warm loving father material she needs to marry. It's bullshit. Men never change. I know I'm one of them. He's either the one for you or he isn't. Nothing will change that. You settle down with a guy if you love him and he loves you. He's not a work in progress. He's the completed product. Love it or leave it. Obviously you picked the wrong guy if you're feeling neglected already

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    • I was happy after the honey moon phase for the first year and a few months I'm not looking to change him because you may want to lump me in with your stereotype of women who you have dated but I never believed in changing people being a possibility. From the feedback I have gotten from other men on here I am starting to think it may be low testosterone which has nothing to do with the first 6 months being over.

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    • I've tried asking him why but he just gets upset and cries and acts like I'm going to leave him even when I say I just want to talk about it so we can resolve it. I don't know how to get past this reaction.

    • Sounds like a grudge and he's sulking tbh. Youve got to be scientific about these things. What happened when he changed and turned cold? Men are like elephants. They never forget. All the little things build up and they end up resenting you. You've said something and he's taken it badly. He's half way out the door

  • That sucks... if you are really that unhappy then you should just leave. Life is to short to be in a loveless relationship. I know it is a little scary, but if he really wants nothing to do with you then you should ask him what's up and if he can't tell you, then perhaps schedule a break to see if that changes his mind!

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    • Yeah I should be more firm about how I feel.

    • You should... I find too many people become complacent with their SO just because it has been a few years. It does not take that much effort to keep things lively in a relationship!

  • You need a new guy. This guy has no respect for you. When a young relationship is at this point, it's over. You're miserable. Break up with him so you can have a chance to have something good.

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  • Not all guys want to have sex daily. If he was very sexually active before, then he might have been a bit pent up before, now that the excess libido is expended, it may seem to him like work. Especially if the sex always comes at the same time every day in the same place. Also if he has some hobbies see if you can join him in them. Relationships aren't just about the sex.

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    • I know that but I'd like it more than once a month or once every two months, he actually initiated today and was quite enthusiastic about it which is rare and now I'm trying to figure out what I did so I can make him feel that way more often.

  • Not all guys are like that. As much as I like traveling and being active, I'm also perfectly fine with routine and a lot of people get bored quickly with it. Communication is key for this sort of thing.

    As for sex, I don't know about others but my sex drive has always been consistent with the girls I've been with. Either they are just not interested anymore, or I'm just some horny motherf...

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  • Because girls are boring. And yes, you are super needy. Whiny too.
    In the beginning you had NRE - new relationship energy. There has to be more for the relationship to mature and move past that. If it's shallow you don't connect on a deeper level then it whithers and dies. NEXT!

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  • Sounds like low testosterone to me.

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    • He could have that at 19?

    • Yeah, a lot more young guys nowadays have low testosterone. It's usually down to lifestyle, lack of exercise, diet, sleep habits. I notice you said he plays video games and doesn't sleep a lot, I'm guessing he doesn't work out or eat right either?

  • Because they're so selfish and greedy. They will not care for the things they own. Even their babe. They want something new, something big and someone unique every time. So they just try to go for new n cheat.
    For stopping tour men to do this, better give yourself to him in little decreased pace. If they feel that they know you completely and they own you completely, they're done. They'll search new excitement somewhere else.

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  • You forgot to put "some" men.

    I'm always one to go all in, all my eggs in 1 basket. Once I feel that I want a relationship with a girl then she's my everything.

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  • Some people just don't make any logical sense.
    The women I date I treat like queens and that sends them running for some reason.
    Just leave him for someone better.

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  • If you are getting that, then reciprocate.
    Be cold to him, and stop initiating sex.
    See how he reacts.

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  • Sounds like he enjoys video games over his girlfriend. I 100% understand it. Video games are just more interesting than having sex. All I think about all day is how I'm gnna get the next dunk in smash bros.

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  • to me he is getting to passive and taking the relationship and sex for granted

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  • Women get boring after awhile...

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    • Then why bother giving us hope if you think we all suck anyway? Just date a man.

    • Never said you suck, but sometimes you want a different girl to have something new.

  • From what I've seen over many years it's usually women who get bored of relationships quickly, not men.

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  • I've never had a girlfriend, but doubt I'd get bored of a relationship if I had one.

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  • guys are always the same.. if he doesn't fall in love with the girl, he will be bored one day... its obvious

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  • Like it or not, it is much easier for a girl to find a guy than the other way around. Its purely nature. Think about finding someone else. Sounds like you both may be happier. It will just be easier for you.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Oh god, I have this problem too, or had. It's like they start out and appreciate the fuck out of you, but then they stop little by little and you're like "what's wrong with me?"

    I even went like almost 2 months without seeing my ex or sex because he wasn't in the mood. I felt like so desperate because I had to beg him for sex. I tried to be sexy and stuff but he was like oblivious to it, or just didn't care. It took a toll on my self esteem.

    I guess, it's because the honeymoon phase was over, but it couldn't have changed a man that much? I hope not all men are like that. This is why I just rather stay single. I know I'm a boring person, and men don't like boring women.

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    • This is exactly what is wrong with modern love and relationships, the whole honeymoon phase thing. People mistake that for love, once it dries up nothing is left to be desired.
      Personally i ignore any feelings or honeymoonphase happyness to get to know the girl first, that way i can love her for her and then after i am sure of my love for her let the feelings go wild!

      This way once the feelings are gone we should still have a sollid relationship thats based on our bond / attraction and love. Rather then on how great she made me feel in the beginning.

  • You worded this really well. It sounds like the kind of relationship I had with my ex husband. Notice how I said EX husband? You deserve to be treated with respect and be shown love. Don't let him lower your self esteem

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    • Oh... to answer your question as to why men get bored of relationships quickly is that they don't... only boys get quickly bored of relationships.

  • Tl;dr. It's all about the hunt for many guys. Once his prey has laid down, the thrill of the hunt is gone.

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  • My only advive is don't listen to ANYone on here. Talk to him. Humans are too complex for generalizations. Only he knows what's going on. Communicate. Fix it if you can. If not move on.

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  • Are you sure he has not been cheating on you?

    I am not trying to be the total troll here, but I have been the victim of being approached by those kinds of guys, where they seem 'trapped' in their relationships. One them seriously tried to make out with me while they were still dating their girlfriends but I said no.

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  • have you talked to him about it? Not about breaking up but like about the actual issue?

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  • Try planning a date night. Go somewhere that you two went to at the beginning of your relationship. Maybe get dressed up for it and tell him to meet you there and act as if he doesn't know you yet. make it interesting. Introduce yourself and maybe talk a little dirty and tease him the whole night, but don't let him touch you or do anything. Then when you go back to your place he'll, hopefully, want to rip your clothes off of you.

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  • I'd say with him personally? the honeymoon phase is over between you two. The spark died with him.

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  • that means they like somone else

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  • Completly agree. Its a toss up..

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  • if he constantly rejects you and you are lonely but can't even feel comfortable expressing it- dump him

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