I was going through my phone yesterday, and noticed some girls whose numbers I got a few weeks ago, haven't messaged me back in more than three days since I last contacted them.
So I sent the following 'fire alarm' phone message (aka, a message with a vibe of signaling finality) to each of these girls, and I quote exactly what the text was in the message I copied and pasted to each girl [on a separate text thread for each number, of course]:
"I don't want to waste time on a dead dating prospect. You're not texting or calling me back at all! What's your deal?"
One of the girls messaged me back, saying that my above message was "rude and disrespectful". I personally don't think I was in the wrong at all (she finally responded, right? lol),
but do YOU think my quoted text message above was rude or disrespectful?
Please vote on the poll and answer in as much detail as you wish, using yourself or others as examples. #PleaseAndThankYou
- yes, your text was rude and disrespectful30% (22)21% (6)28% (28)Vote
- your text was rude, but not disrespectful36% (26)29% (8)34% (34)Vote
- your text was disrespectful, not rude8% (6)4% (1)7% (7)Vote
- seriously... there was nothing rude nor disrespectful about your text26% (19)46% (13)31% (32)Vote
Most Helpful Girl
I don't think it was super bad, a bit harsh though. But I totally get what you are trying to do. You basically want to weed people out to see if there is any reason you need to keep trying with them.
I think what you were trying to accomplish with the message is totally reasonable. All too often in dating people waste other people's time. Giving them false hope or leading people on to think something more is going to happen.
I think next time, I would just send something a little less harsh. Explain that you have noticed the communication has been dying down between you too, and you just want to confirm whether they are still interested or not. And that it is okay if they aren't interested. Hopefully they will be honest.
I totally get the frustration, because this seems to happen to me all too often. I Start talking to a guy, we have a great conversation. Then he loses interest. Not sure what I did, but they lose interest :(
I think the way you laid out your message definitely comes across as a bit angry and needy. Asking "You're not texting or calling me back at all! What's your deal?", sounds really needy. It's possible that all the girls you have been talking to have been busy. Perhaps with work or other obligations.
Most Helpful Guy
It comes across as frustrated. In other words, it feels like you're showing your cards to early... which you may not be... but there's an old school of thought:
"Don't let them see you sweat."
I have girls ignore me... there's the idea you call them on it, let them know you're not cool with it, and sometimes, there's something to it. But there's the other side which says "Don't give them too much power over you."
I had a friend who randomly mentioned how nasty some of the girls were that we hung out with. It's true. But... they do it to all the nerdy guys... we just try to move on with our lives and ignore it.
I don't play games... I would expect a grown woman to not want anything to do with playing those head games either. They do that, then... they're not your type. You found out early, count your blessings.
Girls don't text unless they're interested. Once in a while (not often), there's a good reason for it. They're not interested. They've become the "annoying kid" to you. You act playful, keep it light (unless they're WAY out of line); and you play for a little, but when you want to go big boy stuff, you're not around because you're dealing with other adults.
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