I was going through my phone yesterday, and noticed some girls whose numbers I got a few weeks ago, haven't messaged me back in more than three days since I last contacted them.
So I sent the following 'fire alarm' phone message (aka, a message with a vibe of signaling finality) to each of these girls, and I quote exactly what the text was in the message I copied and pasted to each girl [on a separate text thread for each number, of course]:
"I don't want to waste time on a dead dating prospect. You're not texting or calling me back at all! What's your deal?"
One of the girls messaged me back, saying that my above message was "rude and disrespectful". I personally don't think I was in the wrong at all (she finally responded, right? lol),
but do YOU think my quoted text message above was rude or disrespectful?
Please vote on the poll and answer in as much detail as you wish, using yourself or others as examples. #PleaseAndThankYou
yes, your text was rude and disrespectful
30% (22)21% (6)28% (28)Vote
your text was rude, but not disrespectful
36% (26)29% (8)34% (34)Vote
your text was disrespectful, not rude
8% (6)4% (1)7% (7)Vote
seriously... there was nothing rude nor disrespectful about your text
I don't think it was super bad, a bit harsh though. But I totally get what you are trying to do. You basically want to weed people out to see if there is any reason you need to keep trying with them.
I think what you were trying to accomplish with the message is totally reasonable. All too often in dating people waste other people's time. Giving them false hope or leading people on to think something more is going to happen.
I think next time, I would just send something a little less harsh. Explain that you have noticed the communication has been dying down between you too, and you just want to confirm whether they are still interested or not. And that it is okay if they aren't interested. Hopefully they will be honest.
I totally get the frustration, because this seems to happen to me all too often. I Start talking to a guy, we have a great conversation. Then he loses interest. Not sure what I did, but they lose interest :(
I think the way you laid out your message definitely comes across as a bit angry and needy. Asking "You're not texting or calling me back at all! What's your deal?", sounds really needy. It's possible that all the girls you have been talking to have been busy. Perhaps with work or other obligations.
It comes across as frustrated. In other words, it feels like you're showing your cards to early... which you may not be... but there's an old school of thought: "Don't let them see you sweat."
I have girls ignore me... there's the idea you call them on it, let them know you're not cool with it, and sometimes, there's something to it. But there's the other side which says "Don't give them too much power over you."
I had a friend who randomly mentioned how nasty some of the girls were that we hung out with. It's true. But... they do it to all the nerdy guys... we just try to move on with our lives and ignore it.
I don't play games... I would expect a grown woman to not want anything to do with playing those head games either. They do that, then... they're not your type. You found out early, count your blessings.
Girls don't text unless they're interested. Once in a while (not often), there's a good reason for it. They're not interested. They've become the "annoying kid" to you. You act playful, keep it light (unless they're WAY out of line); and you play for a little, but when you want to go big boy stuff, you're not around because you're dealing with other adults.
Somebody has been following too much PUA advice. That text reeked of it. It does ome across as rude and disrespectful, because it's treating dating like a business transaction, and that she then owes you an explanation for why she hasn't followed up.
1) You don't even know the girl 2) You already know what the deal is - she didn't answer. 3) You sent the same message to several women. Meaning, none of them in particular were very special to you, you were just playing a numbers game (which is the PUA tactic). So you're bothered she hasn't explained yourself to you, meanwhile you're using the same line on lots of different women just trying to get a bite.
It was somewhat rude and disrespectful (I mean, it certainly wasn't the epitome of politeness), but more importantly, it only made YOU look bad. Did you really think a text like that was going to get you anywhere? If someone isn't texting you back, it's because either they don't want to, or they were busy. In the case that they didn't want to text you back, probably all you did was make them feel like they were right for not wanting to talk to you. And if they were simply busy, then this was a dramatic overreaction that makes you seem way too invested in a relationship that apparently consists of nothing more than texting. Either way, you lose. Next time, if someone isn't responding, either just let it go, or give it a few days and try texting them again.
I would definitely not reply back if I received this text. It was a bit out of the blue and some people just get busy. I'm not good at replying and I know full well I'm not, but when people get rude about it, it's not nice. You could've sent a nicer message, asking how they've been and wondering where they got to.
I don't think that your text was rude or disrespectful. Perhaps it came across a bit harsh but.. I think people who take the 'slow and steady' approach when it comes to dating in respect to numbers you got and such, are often the ones who finish last. The ones who end up pulling their hair out for who knows how long because they're not sure why the girl didn't reply often, if at all, when they'd already placed all their eggs in that one basket.
If you're interested in that girl, you could always reply with something like 'I didn't mean to be disrespectful. Sorry if that came across a bit strong but I was just wondering if your lack of contact should be taken as your being not interested.' (Girls love apologies. I guarantee that the 'sorry' will work wonders. :P )
No woman is playing hard to get by not texting back in a few days, maybe a few hours., but a few days is no interest. It feels like you vented out your frustration on women not responding to these few women with a passive aggressive text and you are disguising it as being liberating and bold and also feeling secretly happy that none of them are special because u sent them all the same thing. LOL my over analysis is real! But all in all the text was not rude and disrespectful at least not to me :)
Well, nothing for you to gain there. Honestly, it sounds a bit like those guys who insult you after you refused to exchange numbers, talk to them or go on a date with them. Were you really expecting a message like "you know, you're very nice, but I don't think it's working out..."?
I don't think it was. But usually I don't waste my time with such people. If I'm trying to pursue you and you don't answer me back , I have a three day rule and then your number is deleted altogether. This allows me to fight the temptation to contact you even if I'm dying to know what happened. If someone is interested , nothing will get in their way. It's all just excuses.
there's really nothing wrong with it in my opinion, and she only replied to you after you put your foot down and made it clear you wanted nothing to do with her anymore. ah some women, this is why men nowadays believe women only respond to "playing hard to get" or "rude guys". she was ignoring your constant texts, probably bragging to her friends "ooh this guy wants me" and making you come off as desperate, if she was serious, she would have texted back. you did nothing wrong and women need to understand that we can no longer be passive in dating, chivalry is dead and we (or I should say feminists of our time) killed it. move on don't dwell on it.
Wow some of these responses to you are a little harsh. Your message was a bit on the rude side. I understand that you were looking for closure, but this approach was a bit... I don't know what word to use... aggressive? It seemed very filled with resentment and criticism at her disrespect and just kinda brutal.
If someone WE'RE playing hard to get, then they would likely no longer be interested and if they weren't and simply weren't interested this would reaffirm they made the right choice
If she's not texting you back then she's obviously not interested. No need to hound her about it or try to make her feel bad about not responding. I mean do you really want to date someone that only responded because it was rude and they were put through a guilt trip?
I'm not gonna judge about the rudeness or disrespectful-ness of your message. I will say it was pushy/demanding. Honestly, if people don't respond to you, it's because they don't care/respect you. Move on. Don't waste your time & energy for another minute on them.
FYI, I have to practice this myself. I sent a message via LinkedIn last week to a guy I knew/dated in college. He hasn't responded. Apparently I don't warrant a response. Fine, moving on.
I'm more interested in what you said to her afterwards... Or how did your conversation continue. Personally I would've said well I got you to respond didn't I? Do you know what's also rude not giving people responses. We were having a conversation and that's ride of you to just leave me hanging. At least I had the curtesy to say what's on my mind, finish/end our discussion, and do what you couldn't. So like I asked what is your deal? If you can't tell me that then don't respond at all.
And I wouldn't necessarily say your text was rude or disrespectful however it was blunt... It depends on how you interpret it. But at least you got to he point. You don't want her to waist your time why should you waist hers? I really do hope you didn't let her have the last word calling you/what you said rude and disrespectful when she's being rude and disrespectful towards you. It took a message like that to get her to respond 😒
Hm not rude and disrespectful. But not light and funny and friendly either. I find the best method is to send a text like 'hey guess what, I nearly set my kitchen on fire making pancakes this morning!!' And then see what happens. If they still want to chat something will come out of it and the friendship is back on. But being too serious too early on is off putting, keep it light next time :)
Youd could have handled this much better. Instead of "What's you're deal?" You could have asked if there was a reason that they weren't messaging you. You have every right to cut off women who don't respond to you for massive amounts of time, but simply ask them if they're planning on talking, and if not then get rid of them.
However how can we tell the whole truth if we only see what you wrote. Where are the previous messages? But no you weren't in the wrong she is just bytt hurt now because you called her out. She is probably stringing you along or just really busy. Either way no matter of how busy a person is at they try to make an effort to contact you even if it's a smiley face or a "Hi" it's all about what they deem is a priority or not.
You seemed a bit anxious. In dating you need to take it slow and know what you are getting into. I normally text guys by the 2nd day of getting their numbers but not all girls are the same. Dont force interactions or get annoyed because of a lack of. I believe that the people who want to be in your life would make required effort.
I don't really understand what you expected to achieve. If someone doesn't text you back it means their not interested. You say you don't want to waste your time but that's exactly what your doing. No one is obligated to text or date you.
I don't know about rude and disrespectful, but it definitely would have creeped me out. I either would have texted back ok, have a nice life. or continued to ignore you and if you ever texted again, blocked you.
I said it was maybe it was the way you wrote it but you said you "noticed" and saying that makes me believe that you hadn't noticed that they hadn't responded until you looked through your phone So what's the big deal?
Wow dude... U failed to exercise emotional self control... This totally fucks the woman's ability to feel safe and comfortable with you She didn't text u back and u couldn't take it and got angry... Thats weakness on ur part... She will never date you.
The intention was fine. The formulation was rude and disrespectful. It sounded like : Hey stupid, entertain me or I am going to fuck other broads. It might have not been the intention, but it's the vibe you sent.
If she says she'll let you know, that means directly. She wasn't upholding her end of the bargain. You forced her to be honest. And she is whining because how dare someone make her have to earn her desired outcome, and confront her about her own character flaws in the process.
Eh you sounded a little aggressive and maybe could've worded it a little different. Me personally if I hadn't heard from either of them that long I would've just deleted their numbers. Everyone's busy until they don't wanna be busy.
I don't think it was disrespectful but it seems a little rude. It's all about the wording, not the message itself. Wanting to know if they're interested or not is reasonable, but the way you phrase it sounds like you are offended by them for no reason. I think it would be better to say something like "Hey, I haven't heard from you, are you still interested in getting to know me?" (or insert whatever in place of "getting to know") - then if they don't respond, you cross them off.