So my boyfriend and I got into an argument because i felt that he was fetishizing me. We are both black. He is African (1st generation american) and I am African American. He has very dark skin and I have light skin, long curly hair and brown eyes.
He made a few comments that made me quite uncomfortable. We were talking and he asked me "what am I because i look foreign" I told him African American and he looked at me incredulously and said am I sure I'm not hispanic mix or from an island. It was kind of irritating because I am proud of my heritage. Then he proceeds to tell me how he's never dated a black girl before but I'm not really black because I look foreign to him and that light skinned girls are his preference and he would never date a dark girl.
This whole conversation made me really angry and uncomfortable because growing up in a predominately white area it took me a while to become comfortable in my skin. I feel like he is self hating and exoticizing me. He has lived in urban areas his whole life so he has been exposed to mostly hispanic and black women.
His comments make me feel like the only reason he's dating me is because I look racially ambiguous enough to pass as either afro-hispanic or black mixed. Does this seem like he is fetishizing me or is he that self-hating?
Most Helpful Girl
Yes. I have been fetishized like that before and it feels f*cking disgusting. It's not a compliment. Basically what he's saying is that if it weren't for your "exotic" looks, then he wouldn't be giving you the time of day. If you were darker or even had his physical features, then you wouldn't even have a chance with him. I don't know about you, but that grosses me out and turns me off INSTANTLY because it makes his intellect look faulty and defective.
He is totally self-hating and it's really sad when black guys degrade physical features they have themselves or that their own mother has. I always steer clear from guys like that. It's an immediate disqualification for dating me.1
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