Girl who liked me suddenly gone cold and distant?

[Anonymous]

I'll try to keep it relatively short:

Started seeing a girl that had a crush on me from 2 years ago from high school. We recently met up this summer and went on 2 dates that went quite well, kissed, held hands, and the whole bit. When I tried planning following dates she started to flake and grow distant. I asked what was up and she explained that she wasn't over her ex and the breakup and she didn't want me to be the 'rebound' guy because I was 'worth more than that'. The ex situation was 100% true time as confirmed through friends of friends. I basically told her that I'd give her space for a bit to let her figure things out and what not to avoid complicating things. 1 month later I try casually light texting her again (not even asking to hangout) and she was incredibly dry and trying to push back. I'm just really confused as to why she's doing this, has she completely lost interest and is trying to avoid me? I'm afraid of confronting her and scaring her away and I don't want to seem clingy, but if she's not interested then I just want decent closure. What should I do? Thanks in advance!

Additional details:

- Following the 2 dates she was initially fine with planning dinner, but she eventually flaked and said she wouldn't feel right leading me on when she wasn't over her ex.
-During the 1 month that I gave her space I was 90% sure that she was trying to get my attention through Facebook and steam (she games). Its hard to explain but she was basically mimicking all my online behavior and potentially stalking me?
- When I first started texting her again recently, she pulled the 24-hour text delay and 'I didn't see this text' game..

[brocklee]

I agree with TheDocleo. But the thing you have to understand is the first date was the testing ground. I think most people use that first date to feel out what is possible. Odds are, for whatever reason (it may not even be one she can clearly define), she was left seeing very little likelihood it would go anywhere.

If you distance yourself, you can give her time to reflect on it and maybe she will remember it differently. or maybe she is hoping she and the ex will get back together right now, but later will accept its over and reconsider you as an option. By disappearing you are leaving her with only memories of you. If she misses your presence, she will reach out to you. At that point you have to be friendly and be clear you want to make a second date. If she wants to just pal around, you then have to make a choice. Be her buddy and just be friends, or hold out until she will see you for a second date.

the worst thing you can do now is chase her. It will not change anything at all, and most likely will drive her farther away.

[Asker]

Ahh I see, makes sense. However, she did initiate most physical advances on the second date. That gave me the impression that she was either quite interested or was simply using me as an emotional crutch following her bad breakup. Either way, she did state afterwards that she didn't want me to be the 'rebound guy' so I'm guessing thats a good thing? I'll comply with what you said though and I'll try to distance myself further. Is it reasonable to still text her lightly on occasions like her Birthday and such? Thanks!

[brocklee]

I may text on her birthday. Since you had a second date, she may have tried harder. The signals she is giving off right now are of total disinterest. Unless that changes, I wouldn't expect anything to happen and would move on. I think the rebound thing, while maybe true, is being used as a nice way to reject you. The fact is if a woman is interested in a man, she will crawl over a bed of hot coals to get him. "Rebounding" would not be a thought on her mind.

[brocklee]

And I apologize in advance for being kind of cold. Just hang back, if she is interested and the ex is clouding her judgement, disappearing will give her the space to figure things out. She will let you know if she is interested.

[Asker]

No, thank-you! I appreciate the blunt honesty. I'll do what you suggested and chill in the background for now and just focus on my own life I guess. I just wish we had discussed our situation more clearly in person before I gave her 1 month of space, I sorta just told her I was leaving her. If she wasn't interested to begin with I wish I had known that sooner. Is there anything else I can do aside from dropping off the grid?

[brocklee]

Go out and meet some women. Do whatever it takes to engage with them. Don't be afraid to think outside the box a little. Even if you go through a bunch of one-two dates deals, it will take your mind off her and you will quickly realize women are not a rare commodity. Then if she comes back, you will be better prepared to handle the situation.

[Asker]

Its barely been 24 hours since I started ghosting her and she's already trying to get my attention again... what the hell is up with her? It literally doesn't make any sense. Also, would it be odd/clingy if I texted her at midnight on the day of her Birthday?

[TheDocleo]

Go off her radar completely like completely nothing annoys girls more than a guy ignoring them who was first into then
This is magic

[Asker]

Won't this distance ourselves further? Or is the intent to show her I'm not needy? I sorta already did this for a solid month and when I tried texting her again (cause I noticed she was trying to get my attention) she became more dry and distant for whatever reason.