He canceled our date... did I respond correctly?

A coworker and I had a first date 3wks ago I thought went well. He hugged me goodnight andasked that I text him when I got home. He said he had fun and should do it again some time. When I didn't hear from him for a week I texted to ask how his weekend went and he responded and asked if I was around the weekend coming up. I said I was free and he said "Great! I'll definitely be around too Ill let you know about Saturday I have to work I think." and I said "Great! Definitely let me know if you're free Saturday!"

Not much communication during the week he texted something once and liked one fb pic. Saturday arrives and I dont hear anything so 5pm I text:

Me: Hey! I wasn't really sure if we had plans today or not? I didn't know if you were busy with work but I figured I should at least get in touch with you and ask.
Him: Hii. I'm sorry, I meant to reach out.. I was sick as a dog last night, had to go to work this morning and now Im back in bed :(
*(Here I think If you knew you were sick since yesterday why didn't you text me and I had to text myself 5pm the day of to find out?)
Me: Okay, no problem
Him: Sorry! This thing came out of nowhere. Hows your weekend going so far
Me: Its okay, really. And its good so far I spent most of the day with my roommate
Him: Nice.. It's been so sh*tty out all weekend. So unmotivating haha
Me: Haha yeah pretty much. Anyway, I hope you feel better have a great rest of the weekend
Him: Thanks! You as well

I think I was a bit cold but I thought him not letting me know he was planning on canceling was a bit disrespectful and I perceived it as him blowing me off so I was trying to be polite but clearly not okay with it. I wouldn't have cared if he canceled if he had at least TOLD me/offered to reschedule but he didn't so I took it as disinterest but now Im wondering if I made it a bigger deal than it is? I haven't heard from him all week now. I like him, Im just disappointed at this and I feel embarassed I wasn't nicer about it. What do you think?


1|0
15|2

Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like he has 'working too much indifference'. Ie his activities take up so much of his schedule that basically any notions of a girlfriend are a bonus and some fun. If he was interested, he would, and will, put in more effort. I think you should distance yourself unless he shows a more spirited interest.

    And you're right, I think your passive aggressiveness may have affected your ability to be sympathetic. The thing is, you want one thing (him), and the evidence is showing something else (his indifference or busyness). If you try and fight the reality of his signals, it is always going to lead to less than optimal behaviour... That's just my take anyway, what do I know!

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • To me, everything you've said sounds perfectly acceptable, and really nice even. I would like to say a couple of things though. When I've really liked a person or them, me, it may be a few days, but there is usually a lot more contact or at least, it's been like you'd expect after a good date with us making plans and following through, unless you know FOR SURE their job or life is crazy busy like they are on call or work long hours, etc.

    To me, it sounds like, you aren't making a big deal of anything here, but rather he really isn't all that interested. Three weeks to say one or two things... If you're still interested, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt in that maybe, just maybe he did get sick and plans just slipped his mind, but rather than you continue trying to be the sole one contacting him, I'd wait and see if he tries to contact you or make plans on his own because you have clearly shown you're still interested. If you don't see anything, no calls, texts, or signs that he's still interested... probably time to move on to someone who really wants to have some form of dating relationship with you.

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 1

  • it doesn't sound like he cancelled as there were no firm plans. only a plan to potentially make plans

    your response was fine. you didn't overreact or lash out. clearly you held your feelings in check... why do you think he doesn't reach out to you more than once a week? that would be a concern to me

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 14

  • Just drop him. This guy is clearly not that interested. Didn't talk to you for a week after your first date, even though you seemed to be interested. To me, he's just not that interested. Don't waste your time.

    I would have perceived it as blowing you off, and I think it was in a way. Yes he's sick. But like for the week before he didn't really talk to you. That doesn't sound promising to me.

    I don't think you made a big deal of it. The thing is, it's frustrating to make plans with someone, not hear from them for a week. Then the day of you find out they are sick. He may very well be sick, and that's unfortunate. But he could have contacted you. Or at least tried to reach out at some point during the week.

    I've been in this type of situation many times. You want to be reasonable, not overreact. But honestly, this guy set a date with you and now he is backing out. And didn't really talk to you much after the first one. This does not sound promising.

    Walk away before you get too invested. If he truly wanted to see you, he would make an effort. Like contacting you through the week. Checking in on what you have been up to. Not waiting until the weekend to talk to you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Cold Duck feet, along with Lame Dick excuses. It sounds like he is Bailing, along with his 'I was sick as a dog last night,' Wailing.
    I don't see where you were 'Cold,' but the same ol Sure Signs of being Blown Off are Old.
    Perhaps it is Best. I never Approved of a relationship with a 'Coworker,' and this is Why.. The Lie. Now it May even be Awkward around that Water Cooler.
    Good luck and Be civil. xx

    1|1
    0|0
  • Strike one: he didn't take you home & insure you got inside safely... instead a text?
    Strike two: last minute cancellations but able to work, communicate = at least have someone else notify you!!!

    As for you,
    you passed up the opportunity to bring over chicken soup/whatever to "nurse" him = BE with him + analyze the truth of his situation first hand and interview others there

    The magic 8-ball advises... leave this guy for other gals better suited to being treat like a step child by family/friends and go shopping for someone more mature & more into you... someone that would fret about you being left on the hook as to making your weekend fun, as deserved

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would forget him, I have dealt w/enough flakes and now I don't give a 2nd chance if not warranted. You hit the nail on the head w/how he was disrespectful of your time, he knew he was sick ahead of time and knew he wouldn't make it, but didn't even let you know. I doubt he was sick, he just had a better offer come up and he only texted you late because he wanted to make sure he still had a back up plan. Plus he prob only texted cause you texted him 1st. Not hearing from someone after flaking is a bad sign, I would write him off.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Nah, he's playing games. Do you really have time for that? Your feelings were correct. He didn't even try to make it up to you. Hasn't contacted in all this time like you don't exist. One date and you fell off his radar. Not a good sign. Move on from this one and just drop whatever you felt was built up between you because it's not going anywhere fast.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't think he meant any harm. Men don't always communicate like we women think they should, and if he was truly sick, maybe his mind was elsewhere. If u like him try one more time and see how it goes... I personally won't GI back after a second time being blown off...

    0|0
    0|0
  • You handled that conversation wonderfully! You were cold and rightfully so. I wouldn't contact him anymore. If he really wanted to make an effort he would and it seems like he isn't. You deserve someone that is eager to spend time with you, not someone who is indifferent.

    0|0
    0|0
  • you are not crazy and haven't been treated the way you should have been
    if he is interested he should have make some move
    he may be shy but still cmon, if you like a girl you don't act like that
    forget him

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would just ignore him. He's playing games and he thinks he can just go back to you whenever he wants. His excuse for cancelling was extremely flimsy and I don't believe him.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Don't waste your time on that.

    2|0
    0|0
  • It's not anything you did hun. Just to say he is an asshole

    0|0
    0|0
  • Oh dear, I've been in a similar situation with a guy like that who also happened to be a co-worker. He is probably a player, just playing games with you. Guys like that have a list of women that they contact. The way that they work is that they contact several women and try to see who wants to make plans. Whoever has the more interesting (to him) plans will get his attention. If the other women are too busy then he'll get in touch with you. I don't think that you said anything wrong to him at all. Start ignoring him. If he's a typical player his fragile ego will be bruised by this (as it deserves to be!) and he'll try to sweet talk you to keep you on the hook, but he'll only disappoint you again.

    0|0
    0|0
  • i would tell him where to go and then find someone new

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well it sounds like there never was a plan for Saturday..
    He told you he'll be around BUT he's not sure if he had to work so he'll let you know. That means there's no plan set up for Saturday. So if you don't hear from him before noon, consider it not happening.
    However, him not letting you know until YOU reached out to him was very disrespectful and inconsiderate. I would drop him..

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...