How can you stop playing it safe when talking to girls?

My problem and the reason I am 20 and never had a girlfriend is because I cannot flirt or make the conservation with girls more sexual. I only talk about boring things like school, wheater etc.
I see some guys, forexample at parties and other gatherings they'll overstep boundaries and say things like you have a nice butt and things of that nature and the girls will just slap them back in a playful manner and flirt back. They just dont give a damn, they say what they feel and make their intentions clear wihtout any filter. At the end the girls always goes back home with them.

I just have an inherent fear of talking to a girls in that way and thats why I always end up as the guy you have nothing against as a person but that you would not want to spend any alone time with never mind date or sleep with.
How do I get over the fear of saying things I'm actually thinking to girls and not play it safe all the time?


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What Girls Said 10

  • You don't need to talk sexual with women and flirt all the time. It really depends on what is your intentions. The problem that I have with some of those guys your speaking about does over step boundaries. And that is not good. This girls have no boundaries, and this is how they end up used, abused, heartbroken, and miserable. This is why I would never go to some bar, party, etc to avoid such men who just want to sleep around. The problem with you is that your too desperate, sound miserable, have a fear of women and rejection, and you don't even know what you want.

    You can't talk about school or whatever at parties. These girls aren't interested in that in those places. You want to talk normally, then get of there and stop going to such places! You don't belong in there. You can't try to be somebody your not. And of course the girls go back home with them because their sleeping around. Do you even want to be with such women who eat guys like you for breakfast and spit you out when their done, while they mock you to their friends and all the guys there readily do the same or worse: make your feel inferior to them?

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  • I get you 110%! You just have to not think about it too much! They're just another person on the planet, so you can feel free to say stuff like that, just be prepared for any sort of reaction that they might have. They could be flirty, angry, anything really. Everyone's different so you can't expect the exact same stuff to happen to you. If you want to try it, just do it. Realize that all you have to do, is just do it! The only thing holding you back is yourself, so if you're truly committed and truly want to do this, you would. You're most likely hesitant because this isn't what you truly want, or you haven't realized how much you want it yet. Things won't fall into your hands, you have to work for them, women especially. So if you think you really want this, then go for it.

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  • I have that kind of behavior too. Why don't we try practicing with each other.

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  • Playing it safe is just another way of manipulating girls in my honest opinion. I say just be yourself. I met my boyfriend on Twitch. At first I thought he was extremely annoying and rude. I even blocked for him a short time. When unblocked, we started talking every day. He never once flirted with me or indicated he liked me. That attracted me to him. We've now been dating for 2 years. Just be yourself. Don't 'play it safe'.

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  • A meaningful relationship will be built on things more than physical, so I say wait and find a girl who wants to talk about other things and not be physical first.

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  • I like when guys tell me straight what they feel, as long as they don't do it in a rude way. If you are attracted to a girl don't waste time playing it safe, because the girl is most likely doing the same. In parties girls don't care what most guys say. I know alcohol alters our thinking n makes us a bit confident, so personally I wouldn't judge guys who speak their mind. But then I'm 19, I have a lot to learn

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  • Go for strangers, if she doesn't like you, go for another girl. If you go for a friend then it's high stakes. And get hot. Tbh, for me the outcome of a date is decided before i even leave the house. If I like you enough, I will entertain you and pet your ego. If I like you, its basically impossible to screw up. If I'm just bored and don't dislike you, you're screwed from the start. So work out, dress nicely. Everything sounds better coming from a hot guy tbh.

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  • Are you over 21? hit the bar and just practice on people you won't have to see again because what they think doesn't really matter unless you hit it off and exchange numbers...

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  • You don't have to be sexual, you've just gotta be fun and let your intentions be known. If a girl wanted to hear about the weather then she'd watch the weather man. If she wanted to talk about school then she'd talk to her classmate. When it comes to relationships girls don't wanna talk about the weather or school. If you wanna be her boyfriend then don't act like the weather man and don't act like her classmate. Act like a dude that's interested in her. You walk up to her. You say "Hey my name is (Blank), I noticed you liked (Obvious Common Interest), which is crazy because I love (Common Interest) too! I don't think I caught you're name. (Girl's Name) is a pretty name for a pretty girl. So do you have a boyfriend?"

    If she says yes then tell her to have a nice day and back off.

    If she says no then you ask her for her phone number, say bye, and then you walk tf away. Now you've got her number. Now you guys can chat. Now you guys can make plans. Just let her know you think she's attractive and let her know you're interested in her personality. Literally if you have nothing to say just ask her about herself or give her a compliment. Almost everyone likes compliments and talking about themselves.

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  • Don't talk to girls that way unless you only want to date dumb girls, or sluts, or dumb sluts. No decent girl in the world would be happy with those kinds of guys. Don't be one of them.

    Don't you think there are also girls who don't have this stuff said to them, or who wish they did but are shy as you so stay in the background. So makes sense those louder guys would be with the louder girls, and they're who you'll notice more because they're outgoing.

    Anyway, either go for quieter girls, go for better girls who don't like that shit, or go for ugly shy girls who'll be grateful and you can practice with.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Lol I have been that guy so many times with girls. The best way I found is to join a small mixed group get to know them and practice with them. When your haning out with them break out fun social games that can turn dirty like. The smile game, I have never, Spin the hot dog for a hug/kiss.
    Your social skills are like any other skill they take practice. So find a group you can practice with and experiment with them.
    With flirting it is also about the small things and the things that you like. You like her hair say that. You like her smile say that. Those guys are either aggressive and at a party that is what she is looking for. Or they have already laid the ground work with her to say that stuff. The environment also helps the girls accept those remarks.
    It is not so much playing it safe as it is doing what your comfortable doing. If you act out of your norm you won't seem like yourself and you will come off like your trying to hard to be something that your not. Women can usually tell when your lying and not being yourself.

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  • Mate, your problem is trying to "play it safe"... no such thing when it comes to dealing with girls. You have to understand that they are a whole bunch of "crazy" in a small pound bag. here's a tip from me to you, you know what you think in your head about them, just go ahead and say it. I said that they are crazy, i didn't say they are stupid, chances are that what you say, they already know. they might get mad at you for saying it, but they won't be too mad cuz They Know its true.
    So stop trying to "play it safe" and be yourself and open, Im classified as a douchebag, yea, an asshole, but guess what, i have people hella attracted to me cuz i do what i just mentioned above. be yourself mate.

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  • Too long of a post needed to answer the question here. I'd suggest googling some tips to be better with women and there are a ton of resources out there. Most good, some not so much.

    I don't think you need to be that forward in your dialogue at all. I've made out with women at bars or clubs without making any comments about their body. You do have to state your intent and that you are into them though.

    Sounds like a fear/confidence issue that you'll need to work on. Remember that all guys feel nervousness when approaching a woman. It never goes away, but you learn to not let it hold you back.

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  • You need to be rejected a few times. That's all.

    When you talk to a girl like that, your taking a leap of faith, for better or worse and the more you do it, the less you'll care about rejection and the easier it will be to sort of detect who's gonna be interested or not.

    Face your fear, take the rejection and keep trying.

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  • Stop giving so much of a fuck, that fear comes with inexperience and lack of confidence, none of those guys you see at those parties got good at it all of a sudden , it took work and practice, if you are down to get help message me and we will talk about it.

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  • You can replace the overstepping boundaries (which doesn't work anyway on most girls, unless the guy is exceptionally hot) with (deeply) personal conversation.

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    • 28d

      could you please elborate what you mean by deeply personal conversations, because depending on how personal you get some people can get really freaked out. Espescially since I am one weird dude

    • 28d

      Well, don't be weird and gauge her responses to see if you can go deeper. Let her do most of the talking (chicks love to talk about themselves).

  • i like u, do u want to suck my dick? there thats not safe at all. lol

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  • My attempts at being inappropriate like that have gotten me these looks:

    http://i.giphy.com/Ni4cpi0uUkd6U.gif

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  • imagine you are in a movie and try and act it out... it helps me overcome the fear. When you go as yourself that's when you are overcome with fear. Don't go as you... go as a character

    oh and in the long run its not worth being with women. Fuck and dump is the best

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  • Be glad you are asking this question at age 20

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