Not allowed to date..?

I really would like a parent's perspective on this.

My parents are very strict. I'm not allowed to go out with friends, have a boyfriend, or even associate with boys. It's been this way my entire life, so I guess you can say I'm used to it. Even if it does frustrate me at times.

And no, I'm not a bad kid. I make excellent grades in school, I've never done drugs, and I haven't gotten into any serious trouble.

I've just given up on calmly talking to my parents about it. I know they're just trying to protect me, and they always bring this up. So I just don't bother anymore.

The thing is... there's this guy. Ha, isn't there always? I like him. I think he may like me. I really want to become more than friends, but I know my parents would go crazy at the idea. (My dad says I can't date until I'm 26. No joke.) And it'd probably be stupid to try and go behind their backs... as much as I want to. Plus, I think he deserves some who's actually allowed to date him. Someone he can go to the movies with, to prom with; someone who can go to his competitions to cheer him on.

So I guess you can say I've resigned myself with this guy. What I want to know is, how can I earn my parents' trust? What can I do so that they'll loosen up, so that the next time I really like a guy, I won't have to worry about their objections? How can I ease them into the realization that I'm not going to be a little kid forever?


Most Helpful Guy

  • WOW! You sound like a great young lady!

    1. I'm a dad.

    2. I have 4 daughters (no sons).

    3. I'm, well lets just say "a little" protective of them.

    Those 3 things (I hope) make me qualified to put in my 2 cents. So here goes.

    Parenting is hard, parenting girls in this world is really hard. As an example just today in the news a girl was found after 18 years of being abducted (that scares the CRAP out of me).

    To answer your question, figure out what you want. To date? To just hang out with guys and girls? To go out one on one with a guy? And be realistic! and keep the discussion about that. You say your under 18 (I don't need to know your age) but 15 or 16? Yes. 12? 13? Um...No. You don't even know your favourite color let alone what you'd like in a guy.

    You probably already have your parents trust (I trust my girls, I don't trust the guys or my daughters heart when they "think their in love" - girls do some stupid things to show they love a guy) You have to re-assure them you have your head on straight because they are raising you right.

    Which parent is easier to talk to? Maybe start by having a conversation with just that parent. Lay out all the things you feel you do to earn their trust, ask if there is anything else you can do. Plan to get to dating in stages. Be respectful the whole time, raise your voice? Roll your eyes? Sigh to much? And the conversation is probably over.

    One of the things we have done is have our girls "court" that starts with group dating - several guys and several girls (it takes the pressure off of everybody and you can still have a good time) this can be done with or without a parent floating around in the background. Maybe start by having the group over to your house so its in the safest possible setting for your parents.

    There is actually a really good book about Fathers "interviewing" their daughters dates. It is from a Christian perspective (I'm not sure how that works for you and your family) but it has a lot of really good stuff in it for Dads to think about.

    You are right about being realistic about your friend - he needs to know you probably won't date - but if your worth it (and I think you are) waiting isn't that hard to do. Dating isn't what everybody makes it out to be, its complicated, messy, full of drama ...but sometimes a lot of fun. So there is the good and the bad of it.

    Finally, DON'T go be hind your parents back, it is disrespectful, you will lose their trust and you almost always get caught (sooner or later). My oldest daughter (now married) tried to be sneaky all the time and nearly ever time it blew up in her face.

    Your parents care about you and are trying to protect you, that is a blessing, some parents suck at being parents. You need to let them know you've learned the lessons of being responsible from them and you won't forget them when you walk out the door to hang out with friends, because you've picked friends that are responsible as well.

    Good luck and God bless