whenever he texts me or messages me on fb I reply immediately but I'll send him like 2 messages on fbs or tons of texts and it takes him FOREVER to reply. sometimes he won't reply til the next day or so. when we first starting dating he wasn't like that. he would always CHECK his phone to see if I texted. now he'll barely text back. he'll give me short answers too like I'll say "omg I miss you so much I love youuu!" and he'll say "miss you too" or "love you". I understand if he's busy but I KNOW he got my messages because it notifies me when he does. he just doesn't reply
Most Helpful Guy
He is asserting his independence, and this is a very male thing. You need to learn to respect it or you are going to lose him. The more you nag him to reply instantly, the further away you're going to push him. He's most likely going to interpret it emotionally as your desire to control him by prompting an immediate response when you want to communicate. If this is true, then you're making a huge mistake by interpreting his delays in getting back to you as rejection when, in fact, he's not rejecting you but just asserting his male autonomy. He was more attentive in the beginning because he wanted to get a relationship going with you, but now you're more in "cruise" mode, and all that immediacy, from his perspective, is no longer necessary and is even detrimental to the health of the relationship.
So take a deep breath and try to relax. He's acting like a man.
Now, if you want a puppet, not a man, for a boyfriend then look for a wimp who will keep jumping at your every beck and call FOREVER. But in that case, you're basically just looking for someone to keep boosting your own sense of self worth -- "Just look at what I can get him to do! He must really care about me! I must be really powerful and a worthwhile human being!"
Please do what you can to STOP measuring the health of your relationship, and your own sense of power and worth, by your ability to get him to respond the way you want him to. Your fears are showing that you're basically insecure within yourself and you're looking to him to validate your worth by responding instantly the way you do.
Also, by always responding instantly to HIM, you're just showing him your insecurity even more. If he's the kind of guy who likes a girl to be totally needy and dependent, then he's a jerk and you're just feeding HIS unhealthy need to control. You need your own independence as well. And even if he's the kind of weak guy who likes having his ego fed by a needy girlfriend, I guarantee he'll eventually tire of your neediness and dump you.
Healthy relationships are not built on a foundation of ownership, jealousy, insecurity, and mistrust. They can be intense and dramatic -- and some people, maybe you, do love their drama -- but the relationships do not last and tend to leave wreckage in their wake.
He is probably a psychologically healthy guy who's acting like a guy. If you persist, then you just come off as needy and neurotic -- which, if you are, you need a different kind of help, truly -- and he'll move on. If he's a needy, manipulative sort himself, then you're just setting yourself up to be used until he gets tired of the neediness and nagging and moves on. In either case, he moves on.1