What do you think of dating your friend's exes?

This guy and I lived in a somewhat small circle of friends for the past 10 plus years. Although we never hung out and talk much with each other, we knew what each other doing or dating all these times through mutual friends. It seems odd when he asked me for our first date about a year ago after chatting up in mutual friend’s wedding. We talked about it, claiming tht it wasn't weird for us to go out for dates, but we somewhat lied I guess. After two dates, he seemed to hesitate, but still keeps in touch with me. A few mths after, I heard from my cousin tht he asked a close friend about what does she think about me and him. This friend overreacted and asked him if he sees us being together. He told her tht he likes me.

There were couple more times after tht he asked me out in the course of one year, but we just never did end up going. I felt tht he didn't put an obvious interest and therefore, I didn't want to consider it tht much. Around this time, I was also considering to get back together with my last ex, whom he knows in person.

About 2 wks plus ago, he blurted it out to me that he finds me interesting and cool to hang out with me. He is considering to continue dating me, but admitted that what stopped him last time was tht my first 2 exes are his hang out friends until today. I only have 3 exes in total. He asked me too about my last relationship with my ex and even goes further by asking if I still have feeling for him. He said he’s afraid once he moves on with his decision to date me, I still have not gotten over my ex. We talked about an hr on the phone and with him still contemplating about dating me. I told him to do whatever feels right for him. If it feels wrong for him, then don't date me. He got a bit disappointed and said ‘its easy for you to say that ya?’. In the end, I suggested tht he shouldn't think too much and we should just go out with each other first and he agreed.

On the day tht we are supposed to meet, I didn't get any confirmation frm him if it’s still on. So trying to be smart, I just messaged him in early afternoon saying tht if he’s okay to reschedule it to tmw because I hv an early flight back to the city and need to hv a chillin night. He said okay. But, the next day, he told me he had to leave to other city for urgent business and will b there for few days. When I asked him when he wants to reshedule it, he said he will let me know. Since I didn't hear frm him a wk ltr, I decided to message him and asked him out after a chatty talk about movies. He said tht this wk he is very busy with his work. So I suggested next wk and he said ok.

Im not sure if he will get back to me next wk. Why does this guy decided to tell me tht he likes away, then backed off? Do you think he just sees me as a challenge? What iis the best next step for me?

I understand its against gals and guys code. But, in my case, the time period had been almost 10 years since I dated the second friend. My first ex is married with kid. My second ex has changed so many gfs after me. I myself has dated another ex since then. Me and his friends don't harbor any bad feeling anymore. We greeted each other properly as if old friends and most likely if I dated this guy it will b just a big news to our circles, but not resistance. Does this change anything?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Only if its been discussed with said friend. And never my best friend's exes. Which doesn't happen anyway, we have different types of guys we like anyway. But other than that, no big deal, the dating pool is rather limited in this area anyway. I've dated a friend's ex. Another friend is the bridesmaid at her ex's wedding to her friend. We just keep the break-ups quiet and clean. And give at least a year.


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What Guys Said 2

  • I didn't need to read your entire explanation. It's an automatic no no to date my friends exes, no matter the reason.

    • May I know why?

    • I'd rather lose the ex that I wasn't really close with, then my good friend which I knew for years. It's that easy. I also don't need a reason who was wrong or right in their relationship, never get in between them, unless it becomes physical and break it up. Get it to cool down, make them go their separate ways and I'll get back with my friend, playing pc games.

  • If you have a friend who gives a single damn what their exes due after they are broken up, you need new friends. If they are your exes, obviously you weren't right for each other. Why get in the way of your friend's feelings? That's not only selfish, but it's just plain stupid. Unless your friends are so childish that they think they have a choice on who you date, then they are just that. Children.


What Girls Said 1

  • no, just no. its against girl code. and guy code for that matter. I think its just a matter of respect for your friend and something you just shouldn't do.