Guys just don't invest much in women like they used to.

Do you guys not like to chase girls anymore? I notice more and more that most guys nowadays just don't invest much in women like they used to. Do you think its because we make it too easy for y'all? there's no real challenge? Maybe girls throw themselves at most guys too much? I feel girls are chasing guys now that guys have lost that want to pursue or chase us when we leave. Not all guys but most just rather the girl make things happen. What's up with this? I blame us, to b honest with you.

 

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • The guys who try to chase after women be romantic say sweet things make them homemade gifts are either detested by women or told they are "just friends". They get called creepy or ironically gay or not manly enough too nice or predictable. Men learn early they have to be "exciting and unpredictable" "in charge" "tough" of course this macho badboy thing is so predictable and boring its not even funny but women don't seem to get that. Women respond to stupid behavior and bad attitude from men like men respond to exposed cleavage. their brains temporarily die. That is why men don't chase women unless maybe they are really rich. We learn we have to pretend we don't like her have her chase us and never be easy or act "submissive" to anything she wants and be a "bad boy" otherwise we are totally unsexy friend material and the last thing in the world a guy wants to hear from the girl he loves and tosses and turns in his bed thinking about every night is "lets just be friends" or the even more horrifying "You're like a brother to me" I have been led on played and seen too many guys who are losers compared to me get the girl to want to paly the chase game. For a lot of women getting multiple guys to chase them is just a huge ego trip they are female palyers who don't rack up how many guys they have sex with but how many guys desperately want her whos hearts she crushed up into a pulp and trampled on. That's right guys have feelings too and some women think it funny to p*ss all over them because they can because they are "pretty" on the outside and often that is enough to fool men

    • not all girls did those bad things seriously...

    • so true man right on this is a awesome answer and this speaks the truth of what's been going on there should be more guys who speak the truth and yes even if it's harsh right on man right on and if women want those losers they need to shut up and stop whining and be with him.

      sorry if that's mean but they need to shut it I don't want the BS or their excuses or their dramas so I so agree with you man :).

    • this is spot on! well done sir.

      Bunnytoast: are the girls chasing the sh*t heads? most men in this age were brought up learning to respect women, to treat them well, its the small minority that are cruel.

      until we encounter women who were never taught to treat men well and enjoy consciously grinding our soul into dust, not simply turning us down, so they can have some sick self esteem boost or what ever it is. then we either decide to only pursue casual sex or just to not bother with women.

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What Guys Said 139

  • 8d

    In my experience, after years of constant rejection, being friend-zoned, told I was like a brother, and being threatened with restraining orders, pursuing women comes across as desperate and creepy.
    Being nice and respectful to the women you're interested in, as many of my male brethren were raised by their mothers to be, comes across as effeminate and weak.
    I've watched numerous girls I was interested in make the mistake of running off with 'the bad boy', only to find themselves miserable or in abusive situations, and when a guy, such as myself, tries to stop a girl from making that mistake, he's told to back off.
    I've been crushing pretty hard on a girl for the past few years. I'd love to pursue her, but she's threatened me numerous times with restraining orders, just for contacting her over facebook, or the phone. I know where she works but I don't go to see her for those reasons, I know my boundaries.
    I'm close to giving up.

  • 1mo

    Define chase? Times have changed... Chasing in the traditional way is not considered cool anymore. It makes a man look 'despo.' Also social media and the ease of internet dating means we don't have to linger around bars and clubs anymore to get what we want. Society has changed, expecting a man to chase you with romance, flowers and silly bravado is probably like a man expecting you to bear all his kids, clean his house, cook his meals and rock his world in the sack as well...

  • You're right, women are the reason. Women are the biggest of hypocrites. "What's wrong with him..?" Well frankly, you the woman are what's wrong, you the woman with double standards are the cause for all your problems. Men for the longest time have to learn and adapt to the stupid game.

    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

    Finances play a huge role in courtship and always will so long as a man is expected to pay, because we only earn so much. And women what do they do, leech on free dates, dinners, gifts. As a man managing finances, it's kinda stupid to want to chase a woman, paying for dinners all the time. Most men can just get a hot escort for sex, the price of that is equal to maybe two nice dinners. Personally I don't think woman can hold "sex" as bait anymore unless they are really hot. There are plenty of hot girls that will offer sex straight up, they are called escorts.

    Men want a woman who knows how to be effeminate. We like girls that know how to be cute, girlie and playful as well as strong and independent in their work life. I'll go far and say that men should want a woman that will offer to pay her half, and she can thank all the feminists before her that have shaped the way for that. You are a woman that doesn't want to pay her half on dinners, and you still want men to chase you around? Good luck.

  • I don't know about chasing, for me I never been a chaser, I flirt a lot with random girls on random occasions, but the word chasing is not in my category! Chasing, trying to be nice taking her out and doing nice things are all just boring for me. If a girl is interested I would know-facial impression and just go and ask her out, what's the worst that could happen?! If she plays games, or implies that I don't deserve her time then next girl, no biggy. But I would never drop everything and start chasing her! What's the point?

    • The point is if you want a girl and you know she is interested but doesn't say yes right away, you as a man with game will still pursue that girl. You just got to know what to say , how to say it. We love a man that shows effort. Sometimes a challenge is good than something easy and predictable all the time. I know that guys like a challenge because you respect what's not easy but I think over time yall don't want to do what it takes to achieve that challenge anymore because so many women out there are easy.

  • No I don't, it's just too painful. Equality of sexes, yeah right, you like sitting on your ass and shoot down one after another to get your ego boosts. Evrytime it's like trying to disarm a nuclear bomb, everytiome a different bomb, so many steps involved, so much panic, and more often than not, after a lot of work it explodes. Then I have to start it all over again, it's painful, annoying and I'm just giving up. It's like dealing with spoiled brats, unpredictable and just ready to cry for any thing.

    I want ice cream

    There you go, here's the icecream.

    But it's too cold, too pink, I wanted the other flavour, or the one from the other shop because there's better etc., and also you're too boring predicatble don't give me a challenge are a needy wussy etc

    Next time

    I want ice cream

    nope

    You're a self-centered egotistic insensitive bastard who doesn't care about me

    No matter what I do, chances are I'm gonna be considered wrong, I'll be rejected and will stay alone anyway. So if I have to stay alone, why bother having the pain of rejection too? I lose whichever way

    The pleasure of wanting to stay with you is largely overshadowed by the fact that you're lazy, spoiled and a pain in the ass

    • Why are you being so negative? You got to change your thinking first. That's where it starts because you may feel hopeless but by feelin that way you are actin that way and it shows and you don't even realize that which could effect your chances with getting a girl for you

    • and do you do that with the guys? But I agree, though it's f***ing painful and often I feel hopeless, like no f***ing way I'm gonna ever stop this being so alone

    • Its all about trying, takin that chase, folowing your heart and not letting your ego make the decisions for you.

  • im with you on that, but would like to add more/ there's to much freedom for yall girls know in days, that the value on girls has drop; yall girls don't let us guys be gentlemen that's 1. and 2 yall girls don't respect yall selfs like the way yall use to/ now guys are changing base on that, it make us think "shes not worth it, I'm gunna continue with someone that is" girls look at that freedom an take it/ most of the girls get things free but a guy needs to work hard to give you that pleasure; there's money problems everywhere now in days especially with gas, so guys close up alittle on that, which give girls the freedom to go after more and never be satisfied, because the world keeps on bringing better stuff, and more expensive...think about what I'm saying and you would know there's more to add...get back to me and I would tell you more; I give things a lot of thought by the way lol

    • Plus there is the double standard that women can't do what men do sexually and if we do "We are not worth it." Its unfair and controlling because really both aren't respectin there bodies and can get something. So for guys to feel the way they feel about us, they are just lookin in the mirror and its hyprocritical and unfortunate that we allow that to make us feel bad due to Society supporting that double standard. Overall, Men have lost the desire to respect us and care.

    • and until they get older, they change and start to respond to good women but in todays time, there is so many of the same. So the fact that are are not worth much to guys when young is bot of our faults. As long as we keep supporting TV and music videos which brainwashes us to feel and be a certain way,. this will never change but it is sad that Men don't treat most of us with repsect when it all started from there idea and we started the creation of it such as p*rn, music vids, dress-less, etc.

    • feel we should dress less for the attention which is from low self esteem. Not all guys like not all women but majority are this way. Plus, young men want sex more than love and women want love more than sex but sleep around because it makes them feel in some way wanted since most guys seem only interested in that and we don't want to be alone. So I understand how man can c how we aren't mostly worth it since a lot of us are easy but the bad guys seem to only respond to women like that and most are around

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  • I HATE chasing women when it comes to, I like you, or do I? no I don't.. I want to be with you... basically making me play the chase game along with mind games.

    However, I love a challenge. I am currently 19, and am seeking this 38 year old women whos in my first aid class. She was in my Bio class last semester and she sat by me. Yesterday was our first day this semester in first aid, and we had a different room than what it said on our schedule. So the professor had me stand out in the hall making sure everyone who is taking first aid, they get to the right spot. I was a bit shock to see this milf that was in my Bio class to be in my first aid class as well but boy did that get me excited. I had my books in already in the classroom while I was directing the other students. When I finally got back into class I saw that this woman sitting right next to where I had my books. First thing I said to her when I sat down was, You would know where I was sitting. Her response was, Yeah, I'm stalking you. She said it in a joking way not a flirting way. She is twice my age so 99% chance that she thinks of me as a little kid and not someone she could ever be attracted too but still. That's the challenge. Girls my own age, hell women in their mid to late 20's these days aren't really hard to get in a relationship with. But this 38 year old woman is really hard, I can't figure her out. So I am not really playing a chase game, and guys in general never have really liked playing the chase game.. We just like something that's worth a challenge. I was going to say what best answer has said, but there's really no point of me saying what someone else said already... so that's why I told you this story.

  • We haven't become lazy. You women are being sluts and are giving us the option to put less time in getting a woman that pleases us. There's hardly any woman out there that challenges guys.

    • When it comes to cheating, Anony, yes that is true women do it just as much and are better at hiding it but I was saying women and men in general including single ones. Men have to work a little bit harder to get sex than we do therefore a lot of men pay for sex or would. There are a lot of goodlookin men single who are sleepin around like dogs. Your talking about relationships. I'm talking about single men and men in relationships combined. Much higher than women but we are up there with yall.

    • Thats in YOUR country but worldwide, men are just as much whores as women are. Anyone can give anyone an STD. And as much men pursue sex and even pay for it because Pu$$y sells, not d!ck, men probably have twice as much sex than women and both sexes are high in sexual partners but men for sure outdo us.

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  • Because we're getting sick and tired of constantly doing the chasing and sh*t. For once, come after us . It makes us feel good too, you know? You enjoy the guy coming to you and being the first to initiate something?Makes you feel good? Right? Don't you think it would make us feel good too? Make it too easy? pfft... you girls are a pain in the ass.

    • I know we love it because I know what women like and want but I never see guys chase us either. That's what I'm saying. Its differewnt nowadays and it feels like we give so much in our emotions and get nothing back or very liitle. I'm sorry but most guys act like they don't have emotions or care about showin it. Women are more emotional than men. That is a fact and what the problem is the ego and the too laid back response when we would like for you to show that you care or really want to be with us

    • Girls never seem to go after guys, I've never seen it. I know it happens, but I haven't seen it and I've not heard of it much.

      Listen, you say it feels good and you like it when a guy chases you or initiates it first? Guys like it to. It gives us a good self confidence boost. Stop with the mindset that "oh men have no emotions" or anything of that sorts.

    • Really if a guy likes a girl or really wants her, he will chase that women and be with her and we love that but a lot of times when we do that to guys that we like, not the ones we don't really like, but the ones we do like, we don't get much of a response or they won't get much effort back because there are so many girls out there that always did the work when it comes to wantin more in a relationship. I'm talkin about being datin or bein in a relationship and the women usually showing more interest

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  • Could be reasons of our economy...guys don't have enough money for dating, hookers, escorts, etc. But your question... "Do you think we make it too easy for ya'll?" ... If anything, it's always being difficult for me. I've approached more women in my life than I can count, and my success rate has not being good. Mostly just a few girlfriends here and there to give me some continuality with sex at a given time in my life, with some play time in between. And so, yes, I'd rather make the girl make things happen for a change, that way I know she's aggressive enough to make things happen, to commit to a date and passion. Many girls I approached shied away from me after giving me the eye. This is why I usually stay away from shy girls...I just don't think anything is going to happen, and it usually never does.

  • dear may be it's because of how ya guys do address we now,may be too much stuff and time,which guys normally don't feel like,but am the kind who likes to be with my lady,even though am single,

    i do like your score,and your profile,can we be friends,?

    may be we can learn and share ideas together,

    ,i do await your reply,

    enjoy your day dear,

    Caley Tega

  • Invest? Sure. Absolutely!

    Chase? No.

    • Now, you? Yeah. I could easily see someone chasing you.

      I mean, you know me so well... yet we've never even met.

      And... your sweet, sunny personality? Who could stand to live without that beautiful ray of sunshine?

      Damn, girl. Did I back over your cat? Why the vitriol?

      My only point is that I don't do games. Two grown people should be able to be direct and clear. I was done with bullsh*t juvenile emotional games when I was 13. Why would I want that sh*t in my life as an adult?

    • We don't see worth in chasing yall either since most of you use like we are nothin when we are more than that. too many of the same like that so why should we see worth in you.

  • Well, this may be way different than a lot of other answers but...NO, its not easier...its harder than EVER! girls seem really hard to impress these days. And boys are not given the same respect we were back in the day. Girls mock us and think we stupid morons who think with our penis. We're taught that all our desires are bad. Not to mention, girls in general are more successful than guys in general. Girls go to school more, and boys just don't think we can impress you anymore. At least that's what I've seen. I mean, I'm not picky...I think 90% of girls are what I'd call "attractive"...there is very few girls I would say are "ugly" (and I hate myself for thinking that about some). But yea...you girls are just hard to impress. And we feel inadequate and npot up to par anymore. We know that you could easily do without us or just get some other " better" guy if we don't meet your expectations. It's not women's fault though. Women are just more successful and don't wana be with people who aren't on their level. If men can start doing better in school mayeb it'll balance out, but not likely. It isn't like back in the day when being a boyfriend, husband father, was a big deal and where women felt a strong connectio to men. Nowadays the man is a disposable underachiever.

  • Gues that we are tired of it..and gotten much xperience we need about gurls..lol

    • Well I'm tired and don't see yall worth anything as well. No wonder why so many women use men for money. you treat us like Sh**t anyways so why should we care that we use you? I'm done carin

  • why should guys "chase" women? if we are an equal society, then women should ask guys out, pay for dates at least 50% of the time.

    bottom line is, rejection is not so great. I think it's awesome that women ask me out, offer to pay their share of date expenses.

    I'm enough of a gentleman to at least give them a warm good night kiss for paying for a good meal, and not worrying a thing about if they don't call me the next day like they promised to... LOL

  • girls wanted emancipation, they got it.

  • the reason is all girls are ugly in this world and they are all good for nothing . boys are the real cuties and hotties girls are all fools . I'm not a gay OK . I'm a true boy and I'm telling you the truth

  • Because chasing is stupid. If a girl likes a guy and the guy likes the girl you should just be adults and start dating.

    The reality is many girls don't. For various reasons they wanna chase and guys are just getting tired of it TBH.

    Why spend needless amounts of money and energy chasing teases and dead-ends when I could use that money and time to further my own interests with some actual reward?

    If girls are having to chase guys now it is because you lot have played that silly game to death and guys are refusing to play. ;)

  • I have to be honest, I have never chased a girl. I don't know why. I think it's mainly because the ones I realllllly like, I think they are too good for me. And the ones I don't, seem to chase me. It's like I have a magnet only for the ones that I don't like. Life is messed up like that. I would like to think that I would chase a girl hard, if I thought she was the right one, but it's hard to say because girls seem to enjoy doing the chasing more then I do. *shrug* It's not that I think that I am better, it's just that I don't think we will have many things in common long term. To justify the effort. I'm not into girly things. But those same things I find attractive and sexy. It's messed up.

  • I am not sure where the blame if any lies? I do know that I have over the years always had been the aggressive one in seeking a girl! It is true that toady more and more women are taking control and even feminizing their Husbands! Many women have lost that femininity that makes men wild! It's more about controlling men and what they do! I let my wife feminize me after I had discovered she was covertly spiking my beverages with hormones! Many of the guys I know from work are in their 20's and 30's said they only seem to find women who are "Gold Diggers" Just wanting a guy to spend money on them or do favors of labor for them! (Fix car,or paint or move furniture etc,) Women are taking the pursuit game and just shunning men more and more! Men in turn are becoming complacent about the "Chase" The Challenge" because of being used and or discouraged (turned down)! Understand, this is not a testimonial to men in general but to those I have had conversations about this subject. Be yourself and be open to some flirting and machoism! It's basically the nature of men! Take that away and the need becomes suppressed more and frustration give way to ignoring!

  • yeah I sit back and learn about women first. I don't want to end up with a ho or an ex slut so I have to get to know them first. when your hunting it seems you dive into relationships with people based purely on looks. I don't think that's the way to go about things.

    chase hahahahah

  • Nah, Were Just getting smarter sweetie *wink* *wink*

  • Whatever happened to a friend that doesn't leave you?

  • because there is no point. why invest and "wait" for a girl who's probably slept around in the past? f*** that

  • I don't chase because it's pointless too many chasers out there. I just wait till I find the right girl.

  • Your living in a fairer more equal society where the onus is no longer on the men to do all the work. Women chase men and men chase women equally. Only a low life bigot would want it any other way.

  • I feel like it's because girls are so picky and don't know a good thing when it's in front of them and many of us guys don't want to waste our time anymore.

  • there's a lot of things at work. we're coming off of the feminist generation- meaning that our dads (for the ones who's parents aren't divorced) didn't really teach us much about the opposite sex, we just have to figure it out on our own.

    other things like women are becoming more independent, and while there's nothing wrong with that, it has consequences. us guys feel like we are more disposable than before, like you could live without us so its more risky to try.

    another thing about my first point, the whole "cocky-funny" thing is real big in our generation now. the girls want the guys who *act* like jerks that don't care, and that skill is real hard to figure out. plus the girls are picking up on it too, they are acting more bitchy and hard to get which definitely makes it harder/not worth the effort.

  • There is eight and a half women to every guy now. We guys are still chasing you, we just don't have to go very far to find you anymore.

    • In america its 51% women 49% men.

    • eight and a half? really? I think that would be in the middle east, but in America?

    • Yea thuts so true there are way many girls so you lot gotta start doing the chase. But only tha babes. ha ha naa just jokes *thumbs up*

  • Guys are more afraid to get rejected

  • I don't know. Maybe it's because now we're teaching "sexual harassment" to 8 year olds and they're scared sh*tless to talk to let alone pursue girls because they're scared of a jail sentence. I'm no psychologist but I'm guessing that childhood events such as this would probably have an impact on the overall culture of society in the future.

  • I have never chased a woman in my life. In my personal opinion, there haven't been any worth chasing, except one, but she didn't require chasing...so she doesn't really count. I've been with her since, by the way. There are more practical things for a man to waste his time on than women, because there is rarely any significant, long-lasting reward for all the work.

  • not sure what planet you are from but it's 50/50 equal both sexes chase the same.

    but can you catch the person...that's the "challenge" you are speaking of.

  • Guys love to chase but they can only show so much interest as to not make it too easy for the girl. She will get uninterested if he chases her too much because she will aready know that he wants her. When a guy shows minimal interest it gest the girl to chase the guys at least partly because girls do like to have to work for a challenging guy, a guy that's constantly chasing you is not much of a challeng, so it is within the guys best interest to not chase a girl totaly but just enough to hook her in to her to chase him, so it goes both ways but the guy should initiate it but in the end just who is chasing who? Anything that's gets chased runs away, but the prey becomes the hunter.

  • Honestly I don't bother chasing girls. When girls play hard to get or if they want me to 'chase' them, I don't respond. I will basically just ignore them because I'm assuming they are not interested and hate me. Girls don't throw themselves at me at all - they all seem like they already have a man or expect us to do everything. And that's something I have major problems doing because of my low confidence and anxiety around women.

    • I don't bother chasing girls because I'm annoyed with the same games your talking about, but you do have a good answer.

    • Agree

    • Me too,those girls who think making it hard to get is gonna work,thts bullsh*t

      i'd prefer someone who shows tht she is interested

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  • I think guys have lots of other better responsibilities to worry about than just chasing girls and waste time. Frankly, I think there is no need to chase someone if both people want real relationship.

  • Because giving girls attention makes them think they're too good for you.

  • ehhh if you want my opinion...I don't feel like chasing girls is worth my time. I've had girls play me and lead me on to the point, where I have become completely apathetic towards chasing. I don't think its fair for either gender to do it to each other.

    Chasing is more of a sign of immaturity and teasing, and I really don't like it.

  • Well here's the way I automatically think about it. If a woman communicates her disinterest and walks away, my upbringing (which I guess you could call "progressive") tells me pretty clearly that to ignore what she says and pursue her further would be the same thing as trying to cancel out her hard-won authority to make her own choices. It tells me that it would disrespect her by effectively declaring, "Choose all you want, babe, but I'm the man and you're going to do what I say." And by implication that sure seems like it's disrespecting all women, and basically makes me feel like sexist scum. I don't like being scum, and I don't like the idea of minimizing the legitimate gains that women have made over the past several decades.

    The guys who chase look to me to be the ones who have decided that disrespecting her, and being turned into scum, are worth the price. And I can actually see their point -- women who play the game and expect to be chased around don't seem to take any positive action of their own, so only the guys who play the game have much of a chance. Doesn't any woman who encourages the chase and encourages chasers, reinforce all of that? Am I the only one who sees that as a contradiction?

    • I hate the whole ambiguity with intent to deceive...thing period. Things is enough going on in the world, why invest to make it complicated? I think if you are interested, you should find a subtle way to let them know and take it from there. Man or Woman. It's funny, people keep say ' hunt and chase' cause it is human nature, well if it is human nature then why need to be contrived? Anyone with life or a brain or -both won't have to get affirmation thru mind games. -Life is a challenge...

    • Your so right!! All I do now is show them what I'm all about real quick, make them laugh, flirt, say we should go out sometime and then just leave her alone. Wow what do you know they have interest in me now, because I haven't said anything to them in awhile. All!! of my experiences have lead nowhere thinking this girl wants me to chase her. I feel like a stalker doing so. women need to throw a bone more often if they really want to be chased. What happened to Maybe Ill hang out with a smile :)

  • Well first off, I'm a rather passive male, and no this doesn't make less of a man, I just am not the sort of over confident uber alpha male you usually encounter. I very much like to make it very clear to a woman I might be interested in that she always has a choice if she wants to see me. I will force no woman into submission for anything, it's just not how I'm wired. If a woman is to be with me it's because she wants to be, and even if we have been together for an extended period of time and she chooses to leave me, while it would definitely hurt me I would let her exercise her choice and let her go. I must admit with my being passive I like to be pursued, but not because I'm lazy, but because I like knowing she is interested, it removes all doubt. Once I know she is interested I most definitely participate in the pursuit, I respond so she knows I'm interested too, but I'm all about subtlety and patience. You might work next to me for 3 years and never even know I'm there and then all of a sudden you realize there is more to me than meets the eye.

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What Girls Said 37

  • gosh I didn't know it is so bad now...

  • It's true I think in a way. Sex is wayy to easy for a lot of guys to get now. Not saying all girls are easy, but it only takes a few to make it accessible for the guys. So guys feel they don't have to make that commitment anymore.

    Also, I think that it has to do with money as well. Maybe guy's aren't sending flowers or buying dinner or paying for movies as much anymore because they don't see much of a return. Not saying they are just looking for sex. But appreciation I think. There are girls who take advantage of a guy's wallet. They see him as a way to get free meals, free movies and whatever else. It's not right, but they do it anyway. That could be another reason. It is pretty costly to do anything anymore, and people have to pay for school, or rent or whatever else. So its not always an option.

  • Yeah, girls are way more easy nowadays=P, I don't know know though I think it depends on the guy, my now Boyfriend of 7 months chased me to the bitter end it was a lot of fun actually, but he's the type to get what he wants so I think it has to do with the guys' personality

  • the times have changed. I think we've moved to too much of an extreme. we wanted to be liberated from the chains of men, so they've let us go. completely. and never went after us. I think it's honestly both, but starting with men. because of how they treated women in history and we had to break free, but there must be an equilibrium. adam has no eve if eve doesn't want to be cared for, or at least if she touts it. I think it's a sad fact. but fear not! there are still prince charmings out there. I promise you that! or just move to the south :) southern gentlemen are the best :)

    • I recall it was adam and lilith, eve came in later, newer versions and pg versions cut out lilith and replaced her with a snake.

  • I totally agree wif u...we ve been acting like desperate girls...prolly TV influence

  • When a guy likes a girl & he knows that the girl likes him back/ feels the same way about him, the thrill of the chase is gone because he knows he already has her, so then he doesn't make much of an effort to "go after her". The girl then has to start the convo often -this is VERY common among young people nowadays.

  • I'm sure there are a lot of reasons a guy chases a woman but I think the two main are going to be for love and sex.

    Well since women don't wait till marriage anymore guys don't have to bend over backwards to try and convince a girl that sex is a great idea. She is just as willing. And the irony of it is that since women get so strongly attached after sex, the guy doesn't have to put work in after the first time. She is going to do all the calling and chasing cause she is so attached.

    The other guys that do the chasing are the ones that want love and like Subotai so amazingly put, those are the guys that are unfortuantely seen as creepy. That's why I love how many women are obsessed with Edward in Twilight. If that guy lived in real life, you would put a restraining order on him!

    The other thing about the romantic guy who will chase you is that he wants it to be a two way street. He wants just as much as he is giving. And when he spent months to years giving and giving only to be left by the woman, why in the world would he chase another woman? Just to give and give and have her leave?

    The man who is my partner, I had to chase him. I had never in my life had to pursue a guy and it hurt the hell out of my pride to romance this guy. But I could tell there was something different about him. He wasn't just some lazy dude who didn't want to put any effort into it. Like I had to call him first everyday. It was weird cause the second I would call him it's like it opened the flood gates to allow him to call me all he wanted that day. But until I called him, he didn't call me. That went on for about 2 months at the beginning. Then he finally called me whenever he wanted. The first time we gave Christmas gifts to each other, because he always seemed so tempered, I gave him something small so he wouldn't feel bad that I gave too much and he gave me 2 handmade items and 2 bought items. I felt awful. And the next couple times we gave gifts to each other, he had toned back and I kicked it up. It took me awhile to get over my pride of having to do that but sure enough he started giving me the most amazing gifts again. At first I thought, "I'll be damned if I'm the one chasing! Men chase me! Not the other way around!" but the more I learned about his past the more I realized why he was so cautious with me and I had to swallow my pride and keep giving. Now, I can't stop the man from giving to me! I could say "I wonder what the temperature in Iceland is today?" and he will have Googled it before I finished saying it. I realize now that he just needed someone to show him that it's safe to chase again cause she isn't going to reject it and she isn't going to sit on her ass and let him do all the work. He spoils me like no other man I have ever been with but I spoil him so much he probably thinks he died and has gone to heaven.

    It's fun to be chased but taking turns chasing makes for so much more love.

    • BA

    • Wow you actually understand the way that I feel about this.

  • I feel 100% like you

  • some girls play too difficult to get..it can frustrate guys

  • To be honest with you, most girls are so out there and willing to give anything for a guys attention (yes, anything), that guys are just at the point that they don't have to worry about anything. They will get what they want whenever they want it. They have so much confidence that if one girl doesn't ask them, another will...exactly like you said: it is us to blame!

    It actually makes it harder for other girls to date or even find a nice guy.

  • Girls are chasing guys for sure, I personally think you have to let him know you are interested but not be so attentive it bothers him.

  • Yes they do there just picky so they can find the right one

  • What guys liked to for thousands of years ago, they still like to do it now.

    But they key factor here, old times it wasn't playing games, girls were hard to get because they were brought up that way!

    Not to give in to anyone unless he's a worthy so eventually they'll get married..hmm..These days. NOPE! Girls would sleep around with anyone when they're drunk.. maybe if he's cute! So, if you don't have any standards your just playing games, why on earth would he wanna chase you?

  • I blame women too. Why? Men, as a whole are creatures of habit, they do what they think works. If all the girls in the world decided that long hair was sexy, millions of men would be growing their hair out.

    Girls these days for some reason are getting sluttier and more desperate by the year. Enjoying sex does not make you a slut, but having sex indiscriminately before you even know what they guy is about it just foolish and stupid. After the sexual revolution and people started getting more carefree, the value of sex dropped. Coincidentally, studies have shown that young women who are "slutty" and participate in casual sex have the highest rates of depression and report being dissatisfied with their lives. Hmm..interesting.

    Anyways, back to what I was saying some women took the whole feminism thing too far. I'm glad that we aren't seen as just props and objects to make a man's life easier, but where did we get the message that we should take a man's role and do everything that he does? Now we have a whole generation of guys who either have little respect for women, or who don't know how to be a man because they don't have to. Guys don't have to chase and pursue women because there will always be women that throw themselves and do the chasing for him. We have forgotten that, hey we are worth working for, we shouldn't just give ourselves so easily in the name of "equality". Because at the end of the day the guy will get what he wants (sex) but the girl will be left looking stupid when he doesn't commit

  • there are still guys out there who will chase... you just have to know how to play the game and keep a poker face.

    ignore them and they will come (works like a charm ;) ), and if they don't - then they're not worth your time or effort imo and you move forward. Their loss.

    I like a guy who chases, personally, it's all apart of wooing a woman. If they don't, then it wasn't meant to be and/or they'll have to settle for someone who is willing to throw themselves at them, but in my opinion that shows weakness and insecurities - A couple attributes men dislike when it comes to long-term commitment and possibly being the mother of their child.

    You should take a psychology class, you'd probably like it. :)

  • I think there are a few reasons.

    1. The girl isn't worth the chase

    2. She takes it too far and is playing headgames

    3. She gives in too easily to even be chased

    4. The guy has been hurt before and assumes all women are bad

    5. They are afraid to be rejected because lets face it rejection hurts

    6. Today anything constitutes as "sexual harassment"

    7. Guys like to be chased and feel wanted too

    8. The guy sees no end to it, meaning he will never get her

    • But if we guys tell someone that woman is sexually harassing us, either our plea falls on deaf ears or we are suspected of our sexuality.

      Let us face it. This is the ugly truth. +1

    • Point # 6 ! Bingo ! If a girl wants to avenge by nailing the guy she hates, she can do it easily. The law is on your side after all. If a woman points to a stranger and says that he is the one who touched me, the cops are going to take him into custody without investigation, which will happen only in police station or worse, in jail. +1

    • Good reasons

  • I think it's because we live in a very slutty generation lol. I know very few 14 year olds who are still virgins... its kinda gross if you ask me. Not all girls throw themselves at guys but the majority of us do, so to the guys they can get any girl because most of us are whores... no offense.

    • Thanks Teddyluver but that leaves the question do virgin guys have to settle for sluts then?

    • Thank you Teddyluver, I have no interest in marrying/dating a woman who has slept with guys left and right. For 1, she probably is disease infested. 2, the woman who gives herself away is not worth chasing. What's the prize? more emotional baggage, a low sense of self-worth? No thanks. (I am a virgin FYI so don't go there.) Question asker, You want to know why the jerks are atracted to you? Its because you give it up. They know it. That's why they swarm at you like sharks smelling blood.

    • After you and we are not whores for enjoying ourselves sexually like guys do. Your blocked b***h

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  • Yup..you are right..like you said females make it too easy..you know guys like the easy way out...plus technology makes it easier.

  • men don't chase women anymore because if they don't find it in you they will just look somewhere else

    • Question asker I curious to know why do you think I should "chase" but from your remarks you think you shouldnt chase?

    • False. Why would a guy want to chase a woman if she treats him like cr@p. I will NOT have sex before I married. I know these games that some women like to play and to tell you the truth, I'm sick and tired of them. Its hard to compete in a relationship with a woman when you are battling her ego.

    • True. A woman has to be really really special to him for him to want to chase. The keyword is WANT. A lot of these guys nowadays don't want to chase girls period becuase they do not see our worth anymore. Until they meet a girl that blows there mind, that all seems to change.

  • Oh boy, so really still no clarity on this situation! I think if a guy likes you he will want to be with you and talk to you, all in a non-clingy/needy way! I also think that if a guy likes you and he does not "chase" you to some extent that he is lazy and just not that interested. If he is not willing to put in some effort to courting me, then what does that say about the effort he will put into a relationship. All that being said, I do believe that it a woman should "chase" but on a much smaller scale than a man.

  • There are many factors to consider. 1- MONEY- there's been a shift in financial power in the household. ladies seem more able to support themselves without the direct help of a male. men, in turn, feel less need to put out than in the past. 2-WOMEN- we set the tone for how men treat us. so more and more females don't expect males to chase us or be chivalrous or open doors and pull out seats, therefore, guys don't do it. 3- SOCIAL CHANGE- it's now acceptable for women to chase men, so the playing field has evened out some. years ago, women couldn't even drink at a bar alone for fear of being thought of as a loose, street walker.

    • You've left out another important factor. Girls have become far too selective. Why should we guys invest our emotions and likely be shot down in a ball of flames by rejected by some stuck-up girl? The "I'm just be friendly." has been worked to death.

    • Very broad statements that are untrue with your typical male. Just saying.

    • What the hell are you talking about? how are men out-numbered by women? there are even amounts, you are talking nonfactual nonsense. your answer is ridiculous armchair sociology, you have no grounding to say this.

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  • i don't like chasing guys and I hate it when guys chase me I awlays love guys when they give pride to themselves...after all love doesn't really need chansing give it their time you know when it is there..why chase at all?when you like someone be upfront you don't want to lose something you want really..none should be chasing noone let it happen when you feel it..

  • I agree that guys of our generation no longer court or chase us anymore. Seems like as soon as you give a guy your number he thinks automatically "okay sex time" when in reality (at least with me) its not like that. I wouldn't say "us" as a whole is at fault because that would be a false statement. But I will say that some women and society it self has made it much easier on guys. Now they expect instant gratification. haven't you guys heard "good things come to those who wait" or what about "some things are worth working hard for"

    • Oh they appreciate a good woman when they are through playing around. While playing, there used to not having to wait because like you said, a lot of girls make it easier for guys than before.

  • After reading all the responses here, I honestly think I know now. It's just that men have become accustomed to seeing women make a move, so more of them sit back, and wait for women to make a move on them, because it's "clearer" to them -they don't have to chase this way. Back in the old days, women never made a move cos it was a social or etiquette taboo, so men HAD to make a move, or were expected to - that was the dating 'system'. But nowadays its like total confusion cos noone knows what the etiquette is anymore in modern courtship, it's anything goes, it just depends on the person.

  • LOL.. women are chasing men these days and its very pathetic to watch and funny too =)

    its funny though, because even after a girl chases a guy and gets him, he leaves her for a girl who he had to chase. Irony?

  • I think it depends. I have chased and been chased, it just depends on personality.

    I don't think they have lost the want, maybe they just don't like playing the "cat and mouse" game. And other girls could be tired of it too.

    maybe now a days girls like to chase more? so the guys think they should just wait and see what happens.

    • Yep. We've grown impatient so we tend to beat them to it and since its like that, guys have no desire for it.

  • I blame girls too. Not me though. I'm 23 and still a virgin. I'm not the virgin mary or anything. I'm a sexual person and I love foreplay but when it comes to giving it up I think a lot of girls give up the sex part too easily. They forgot they need to make a man work for it. I haven't found one worth it so I'm still a virgin. Guys need to be put out of their mindset. Most are lazy and just want what they want. I had a girl give me a good analogy.

    If a guy had a choice of picking up a not so good apple off the ground or climbing the tree to get to the beautiful ripe one, they are gunna do what is easier and just get the one off the ground. Come on girls make em earn it!

    I do know a few good ones that know how to court a lady appropriately.

    • I as a man don't like wasting my time

    • Yes girl because I know some men who don't even have to know a woman or the woman does not even have to be dressing a certain way or acting a certain way and they are still lazy and wouldn't chase or treat with respect.

    • I mean its true. A lot of girls out there need to not be such sluts and be someone worth chasing, and a lot of guys need to get off their lazy ass and treat a lady like a lady and work for what they want.

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  • I've got to wonder how many women are worth chasing. Girls don't act like ladies, but they expect guys to act like gentlemen. WTF?

    Most of my friends (or "friends," really) who I went to college with were sluts. I beg your pardon, "liberated women!" They'd give b.j.s to guys they barely knew, so there's no reason for a guy to wait around for sex as a "reward."

    Most of my friends were drunk 3-4 nights a week, so where's the challenge in playing quarters?

    Most of my friends were extremely cruel and belittling towards the guys they did date. They'd play headgames and behave like spoiled princesses ... and then they couldn't figure out why he broke up with her.

    Most of my friends had no hobbies. None. Unless you consider watching The Hills marathons a hobby. And they didn't read anything other than texts unless it was 20 minutes before a test and they were cramming. They were so shallow that they couldn't hold a conversation about any serious topic.

    And on top of this, they chose majors with little to no employment potential (art history in the house!), then bitched & moaned that they couldn't find an $80,000 job the minute they graduated. so they start looking for a "rich boy" to make their life easy ... but guys can smell that sh!t a mile off. they're not stupid.

    When I look at women my age, I get really disgusted. They don't have a lot to offer men.

    And it makes ME look bad!

    • wow you wrote what I see at uni.

    • True

    • I am serious, I think you misunderstood my comment, I mean a man's "player" tag spreads around faster than a girls "slut" reputation. As for which is perceived to be worse, I bet most guys will hate their girls having a slutty behaviour...Is it the same for girls, no. From my experience, I am telling you, girls make a big issue about the guy being a virgin. Is it true or am I perceiving it wrongly? The "player" tag enhances the reputation of the guy among the girls....my humble observation....

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  • I'm not trying to be offensive here but most men are cowards. They'd rather be trampled by a flaming 3,000 pound tiger than talk about their feelings. Instead of just saying I like you or I don't like you, they wait for us to say it. Now, I believe there should be more balance but that doesn't mean it's gonna happen. I don't think that we should have to chase them but they shouldn't have to chase us either.

    It's about time that all of us, instead of chasing, just flat out say whether we're into someone or not. All this relationship/mixed signs stuff is getting quite ridiculous. We need to know what we feel and how we feel and tell people exactly that.

    • Along with the actions speak louder than words thing, I've also noticed most of my fellow females are quite obilivious. We'll think something means a guy's into us when it doesn't or we'll overlook a guy trying to show his interest because "he's just being nice." We're just as not understanding as most of the male population. No gender gets it any more than the other.

    • If a women is going to tell you that you don't have a right to your feelings or tell you you're wrong or try to control you, I don't believe that she cares for you that much if she's just going to dismiss your emotions. Like one of you has said actions speak louder than words and those actions are simply unacceptable if you ask me. If she expects respect from you why should she get it if she won't respect you?

    • Actions speak louder than words...please judge a man's feelings by his actions...not all of us are expert communicators...we have our limitations...a picture speaks more than a thousand words...the reason we date women is because of the difference...if we want our women to be like us...that would be so boring...

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  • Who likes a chase?! I hate playing games. If he acts like he's not interested then I'm not wasting my time. I don't want to have to prove myself to a guy that I'm good enough for him.

    • Best answer

  • Guys are getting lazy I think?

    And I think 'chasing girls' was kinda a more old-fashioned thing, when guys used to pursue women and buy them flowers and charm them, and kinda like almost stalking or bombarding them. I think guys are more laid back now, and they just want to meet people by chance, like through friends or activities etc. But I'm also generalising, if you want someone to chase you I'm sure someone would! I personally like the more relaxed approach from guys, but I also like it when they try to do something for you, I appreciate the effort.

    • I agree with both you girls...partially though. I may have exaggerated the "swept away" part, but I still don't agree with the perception among girls that guys are not chasing girls anymore (cmon life would be so so boring without girls). The expression on a girls face (without generalizing) when I do something good to make her happy is priceless for me, especially if I happen to care about the girl...peace

    • To krrishtiano: I think I still have that dream yeah :). I still wanna be swept away by a prince-like guy, but most guys end up being frogs that never turn into princes :(. Girls get tired of kissing toads, so in reality, I think most people are just happy to be with anyone who's not a jerk. Well, I think all women really want is to be treated with love, care, & respect, and be the one you love more than yourself- I think that's love.

    • Not every girl has that expectation, most do but not in the prince sense necessarily. You don't have to be a prince to sweep a girl away. You just need to know her well enough to know how to do exactly that. I do agree that some and maybe even most girls have far too many and too high expectatons and that is what makes them so unhappy.

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  • honestly guys don't like games. I hate games myself. I hate guys making me jealous on purpose, I have dumped a guy because he did that and I was like good riddance. no, it's just annoying and I think honesty and communication are the most important things you got to have.

  • Honestly I have no idea... but I do feel that dating is dead. That's so sad and unfortunate but at least in my experiences, guys don't want legitimate relationships when they're from ages 20-25. Most guys I've met either want to hookup with a hot/dumb girl who they can disrespect WITHOUT feeling guilty about it (well if she's easy, why not? what's wrong with that?) Or they'll settle down with a girlfriend who is EASY to deal with. I just graduated but when I was in college, almost all of the legitimate "couples" I observed had SUCH high school style relationships. Fighting constantly about dumb crap, control issues/struggles, TONS of cheating, and overall neediness on the part of the girls.

    I agree with you that overall girls have made it too easy for guys. The fact that "just hooking up" is even an option for guys these days completely changes the game. In past generations, most guys knew that if you wanted a goodlooking and respectable girl, you would most likely have to be her "boyfriend" to get the goodies. These days, people actually AGREE to have relationhips where its a known fact that it's just sex. I think there's a major trend of "women trying to hookup like guys do" and that's really screwed up the dynamics of what guys need to do to "court" or win over a woman. THese days, unfortunatelly, it doesn't take much.

    kind of rambled a bit ;) but that's my 2 cents

    • as a man who spent his 20s trying unsuccessfully to get a relationship with a woman, I can honestly say they do not make it to easy on us. now as I am turning 31 I'm done with women and at peace with that decision. it was a long hard choice that took a decade of experience's to come to, I still find women attractive and I'm still lonely but its just a passing thought now mostly. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted no longer being subject to women!

    • To expand on spelunker's point, Tv is also treating fathers like morons. If you'll notice on these sitcoms, the fathers are braindead idiots. Its very degrading.

      Tv shows like the hills ugh. I don't even want to talk about that stinking pile of $%&$

    • You know why? Because we are considered the weaker sex and we can't possibly do as much damage physically to a man like a man can do. A man is physically stronger than us and although it does not make it right, women feel they can get away with it more because most men can take a slap. A man does not feel right to hit a woman back after she's slap him because he knows he can hurt her far more worse than she can. So other men grow up seeing this and are taught by there parents 2 never hit a lady

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  • Easy there with your finger pointing. I blame both. Why? Here's why, with so many people being so easy and all these friends with benefits relationship why should they chase? A solid relationship does not require any one person to do more legwork than the other in my opinion. It should be a give and take and take and give. If two people are solid with themselves they will be so in a relationship. The problem is that people in general (not just one sex) don't allow themselves to have that solidity prior to getting into a relationship. In turn, a whole slew of problems and head games come to head.

    By the way, it's a little ironic that you post this.

  • I think most women are so venal that it's a turn-off. Guys resign themselves to prostitutes more and more...

    • Bravo.

      Bonus points for the use of "venal" That's the perfect word to describe too many modern women.

  • Save one mistake when I was 16-17, guys have always chased after me.

    Despite what guys may say, chasing after you, if you're a girl, is basically the only surefire way you know a guy is into you. A guy's not going to waste his time and energy chasing after a girl who he has no interest in. Granted, he may be chasing you for the wrong reasons (i.e. for sex).

    Be careful though, you don't want to play mind games with a guy. Just keep your cool and he'll chase.

    IN CONCLUSION: Guys WILL chase so long as you actually have something to offer. You have to be "different".

  • I think if a guy really likes a girl they will chase after her. If not then they weren't really that into her in the first place. So many girls make it easy on a guy (sometimes too easy) that they get used to that and don't feel as if they have to put effort into things.

    And when I say chase: I'm not saying that girls should just totally play hard to get and act like she doesn't like the guy. but I think what guys don't realize is that if a girl is super easy to get with and way too eager, most likely she is like that with every guy and has been like that with every guy that came before him...so if that's what they want then maybe they are meant to be together! Anything worth having is worth working for so if a guy feels like he should be able to get you like clockwork with him putting no effort then seems like he just wanted something quick & easy anyway

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