Is He Done With Me or Just Giving Me The Silent Treatment?

He has given me the silent treatment before but if I keep calling or texting he starts back talking to me . I told him it drives me nuts when he ignores me and doesn't talk it out. He is a very moody person , and seems to easily get mad over small things, (like me not texting back soon enough).

A few weeks ago he seemed to be upset with me about something that happened so I decided to give him space (he told me that's what I should do when he's mad, but I think he likes when I keep txting him). I texted him a few days later telling him I missed him and all he said was okay. So I stopped txting him and left him alone for a week, texted him twice, no reply. A week later texted him again telling him how much I missed him , even asking him to just tell me to leave him alone , still no reply !

I realize how desperate I've been coming off and I know I need to stop because his girl friends don't like me and I'm sure he's probably telling them . I'm going to try not to text him again this week but its hard when he won't give me any closure! Why won't he even take the time to tell me to leave him alone?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • He's being a complete drama queen, and as you said yourself, it does really seem like he likes having you in limbo. He likes having you shower him with attention, and he has noticed that if he ignores you, you'll definitely do it. That's why he doesn't tell you to leave him alone - simply because he really doesn't want you to. It's a way to get the upper hand, a way to control you, I guess.

    If I were you, I'd forget about him. You shouldn't have to work this hard to get his attention, and if something is wrong between you two, he should definitely be able to talk it out. It's immature of him to just ignore you, especially if there's a problem. If you two are just dating, then imagine what it would be like to have to put up with this in the long run. And if you two are already together, well... how on earth have you been able to put up with it?! I applaud you for trying, but really, I think this is a lost cause. Especially since you've actually been trying to communicate with him, and he has given you no signs of changing. I think it's time for you to move on. If he really did like you, he wouldn't treat you like this. He's simply using you as a source of entertainment and/or as an ego boost.

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What Guys Said 2

  • This one's tuff.. I think in person will be the only way to know for sure how he really feels.. you can't read a facial expression or sense a persons mood in a text. You should let him make the next move , anything else will be seen as "clingy", unfortunately if he has other people telling him stuff ,that can only make things more difficult. You might not get the closure you want right away but I think you know it's for the best to just walk away.. you seem to have been eluding to this in your last paragraph...

    Best Wishes;

    Scooter

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  • move on from him

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What Girls Said 6

  • he won't give you closure ever because you know why..its all about him! after a fight he doesn't tell you what he wants because bottom line is he doesn't know. he probably is thinking about whether or not he wants you. I'm assuming sometimes you don't even know why he is giving you silent treatment or when he will talk to you. its a passive aggressive technique. it will drive you crazy being with someone like that if you are communicative and like to talk out your problems. it will never get better only worse as you get more and more attatched to this guy, the more his actions or lack of will effect you and make you feel pain when he ignores you for extended periods of time not knowing what is going on. it is disrespectful he doesn't think he OWES you the right to know what is going on. its his way of punishing you for why he is mad. making you suffer. its sick and twisted. its not healthy. and situation you should get out of. they make you feel like the crazy one or nag for not giving him space but what he is constantly doing to you isn't right. its emotional torture.

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    • You are so right! If I ask him to tell me what's wrong he's like 'i don't have to explain myself'. And it is frustrating. I noticed that I was the one always apologizing for my part after a fight, he never did! Everything was ALWAYS my fault. It got to the point where I didn't feel comfortable talking to him or doing anything because I never knew what was going to piss him off. He was constantly paranoid that I was talking to other guys but if I accused him then I'm being stupid! I'm over it.Thanks

    • Omg babe seriously this was identical to my situation. I was with him for 2 years. He was like that the second year. It's like he snapped and turned into this. It only gets worse. It is who they are fundamentally it won't change. I know it's hard because sometimes they treat you so well and that intermittent love is a huge lure to stay when you should be leaving. You are not compatible. You need to leave. I know you probably won't but its a time tomb. You can't spend your life with him

  • You've lost yourself in the process of putting all your focus onto this guy. Take your power back. Put yourself first. Continuing to chase after a person who disrespects by not communicating with you, is in itself, you disrespecting you. Put your focus on you and what makes you feel good. Obviously texting this guy only to be ignored is not allowing you to feel good so stop doing it.

    The biggest issue here isn't whether he done with you or not. YOU should be done with him because of this bullsh!t he's doing. If he wants to be with you then he needs to be a man and respect you by communicating with you. If he fails to do this then he does not get to be with you anymore. By continuing to put up with his crap, you are showing him that he can get away with it and will continue to do it.

    Find something else to put your focus on. A hobby that you love. Lose yourself in that activity, that will help get your mind off of him. When all your happiness is tied up in someone else, you are destined for misery because that is the definition of co-dependence.

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    • Yea I do have co dependence problems. Its just that in the moment when I'm feeling lonely and no one is around I get the urge to text him. And when I do it feels good, I guess with the hope of him replying. But 3 hours later I feel like crap and I know I must seem desperate! I'm a naturally obsessive person about anything I'm interested in including people. I wish I could control that but I'm going to try really hard to never message him again.

    • In the end, we and only we are responsible for our own actions. I too have often claimed that I couldn't help myself, that I just HAD to contact him. And true, there is that feeling of hope when you first reach out, only to be let down later when he doesn't respond. But over the years I grew in awareness that in doing so I was letting myself down. I was not taking responsibility for my actions. Tell yourself that you ARE in control, but truly you are... certainly no one else is.

  • My ex treated me like that and I kept pursuing and fighting for the relationship whilst he was in love with his ex and fighting for her.I got heartbroken but if I had listened to what he was saying to me by being silent I wouldn't have been used like that and came off as clingy like that but then again I was in love.My opinion is this guy is obviously no longer interested but cannot break it to you.Just stop.

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  • If it's been a few weeks that's not a good sign, it's probably over. If it's not I think you should just break up with him yourself, he doesn't sound like a good boyfriend.

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    • Im going to stop being obsessive and sending him messages but I just don't understand why he won't at least tell me to leave him alone, even when I asked him to tell me that. I think he's enjoying keeping me in limbo, like an ego thing .

    • Could be, or maybe he's hoping you'll just go away quietly eventually and he won't have to face breaking up with you like a man.

  • Who is "he"?

    Either way, it sounds like he doesn't want to keep contact with you anymore. I say stop texting and move on.

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  • I had a boyfriend who ignored me for 2 weeks then left me through a text message. I was upset but not surprised, when a guy ignores his girlfriend that long it could only mean he is losing interest in you, I bet he feels guilty on how he treated you and does not know a way to break up with you because he knows it may hurt you more. I and my opinion he does not want you to contact him, he just is ignoring you because he does not want to be a douche about it. Texting him more and more will keep him from contacting you longer. If you want to salvage this relationship do not contact him anymore so he can explain himself if he does want to stay with you.

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