What if the woman insists on paying the bill on the first date?

If two people are on a first date and the woman picks up the tab, even when the guy tries to do it himself and she insists, what does that mean?

  • Nothing necessarily / Inconclusive (e.g. she has cash to burn or feels like bucking the trend)
    53% (49)36% (21)47% (70)Vote
  • She really likes him (e.g. trying to be helpful any way she can)
    22% (20)17% (10)20% (30)Vote
  • She doesn't like him (e.g. she is extending a courtesy)
    8% (7)14% (8)10% (15)Vote
  • Other (specify in the comments)
    17% (16)33% (19)23% (35)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Wow, I'm glad to see the great participation on this one! A quick point of clarification.

* Assume the guy arranged the date, and

* The woman picked up the entire tab, not just her own.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I always insist on going dutch. With that I want to show him that I'm a girl who doesn't believe in any of that nonsense that men always have to pay, etc. That I believe in equality, and since women are emancipated today, that also means that we also have to pay and I'm willing to pay. Also shows him that I'm not a gold digger, only in it for the free food/drinks.

    If the guy insists, then I'll let him take the bill, but the next one is mine and I won't take no for an answer. Then we'll take turns.

    But I never offer to take the entire bill on a first date. 2 reasons: 1) I don't actually have that kind of money (yet)! haha.. 2) I don't want to make the guy feel emasculated or something. I'm not the power-driven woman who likes to take control of everything and show it off.

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What Girls Said 31

  • When I go on a date with a guy (regardless if I like him or not) I always offer to pay at least half of the bill, why? Because I can pay for my own meal, like I didn't go out with you to get a free meal ha ha I go out with you because I wanted to get to know you, and it's not fair that a guy gets stuck with the bill because of the gender roles and stuff. I hate that people assume the guy has to pay for it, like why should they? we both ate and if I'm capable of paying for it, why wouldn't I?

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    • Thank god YES! I swear man my ex always made me pay for her plate. I mean I don't mind but hey at least leave a tip on the table. -__- but she never did.

    • old school sense of entitlement , can't stand self centered people

  • I think it can have multiple meanings:

    1) She's just being nice

    2) She has no desire to see him again, and doesn't want to give him the wrong idea by allowing him to pay.

    3) She's super feminist and doesn't believe in normal gender roles and stuff like that.

    Basically, it varies by the girl.

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    • Doesn't mean that she's super feminist. Even some moderate feminists hate gender roles for both women and men.

    • I agree with those points...oh and I have never seen or heard a "feminist" say that they hate gender roles for men they are only worried about struggles women face with them or any other for that matter.

  • It means that she is very generous.

    It has nothing to do with whether she likes him or not.

    I would need more information that is a broad assumption to me

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  • I would a say that a woman who INSISTS on picking up the bill is trying to prove something to the man. Her independence, her dominance, something... I don't know exactly. Maybe she doesn't want to feel indebted to the man. I would also venture to say that she doesn't understand that she has the let the man be a man so that he can feel confident in the relationship. Men are driven to be the provider, take of their women/families, be the man of the house... Paying for the tab with no exceptions is the first snip at removing the guy's balls.

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  • I always offer to pay my share. Because I don't want the guy to think I am taking advantage, and I don't want the guy thinking I "owe" him anything.

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  • In general, I believe that whoever invited the other person out should expect to pay. When I say "expect," I do not mean that that is always what happens, but s/he should be prepared and willing.

    Personally, I would certainly try to pick up the entire bill the first time. I suppose it is myself being both comradely and amiable and also merely being self-sufficient (I don't like leaning on people, it makes me uncomfortable), hah.

    For a legitimate couple who regularly see each other, I think it is nice to space it-- she pays for an outing, he pays the next, they equally split it, they pay only for their own half... whatever it is they're comfortable with. I also like the idea of one purchasing the dinner and the other covering the activity (if there is one; such as a movie).

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  • If I pay for my meal on the first date it is because I asked the guy out or because I have no intention of seeing him again.

    If you can't a ford it, then you shouldn't invite people out. The same rule applies for my friends.

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  • Well, whenever I choose to pick up the tab, it's because I'm trying to show the guy that I am an independent woman who is not going to rely on him for everything. I was taught that it's perfectly acceptable to let the guy pay the bill, but honestly, I don't think that's how it should be every single time just because society says so.

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  • Well if I pick up the Tab it could mean three things (1)I really don't like the guy and I want to get rid of him, therefore I have no obligation to date him anymore. 2)I am in a good mood and I want to treat him 3) if he picked up the tab before.

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  • She may just be doing the check dance with you, and testing you to see if you will actually let her pay the bill. If she is really insistent its probably some feminist complex and you should let her pay then run for the hills. No jk but she is obviously a woman of strong opinion, and then this would be situation answer A.

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    • Tests? games? Why not just either offer or don't and not try to decipher some subliminal meaning behind the interaction.

  • She doesn't want you to feel like she's taking advantage of a silly custom.

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    • Well it wasn't silly when men were the bread makers and women had very little money

    • you nailed it mrbluesky but this day and age we all work for a living so its only fair to take turns sometimes or go dutch

  • She is an independent soul, and by paying she feels she owes you nothing.

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  • I've actually done that before. One time I did it because I knew the guy had financial problems at that time and I didn't, so I insistedt on paying it all. The other time I remember was simply because I really liked him and felt like it.

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  • i think it's more like A

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  • She most likely prides herself on being independent and refuses to allow a man to do anything for her. She probably doesn't want you to hold the door open for her either

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  • just her tab or both tabs?

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  • If I insist to foot the bill when the guy also insists to pay ,it's because I don't want to have a second date with him and don't want to owe him anything.It has happened to me before because I found out he's engaged on the first date.I don't like to take advantage of people for a free meal even though he likes me.I will feel bad but this is just me.

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    • And it has nothing to do with how much I earn or how much the guy earns.That guy earns more than me as he has 2 jobs.But I can only speak for myself since eveyone's situation is different and we shouldn't overgeneralise,right? :)

  • I don't see anything wrong with it..hey,it's her money,so why should it matter?

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  • At least it shows that she's independent which is a good thing these days. She probably just didn't want to feel like she was in his debt it really depends. RedSmartie has it pretty much summed up.

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  • I guess she is trying to come off as nice. She may be also trying to show that she can take care of herself, but this may be offensive to the man if he wants to pay then let him.

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  • I would think that the lady doesn't believe men have to be the one shoulder the bills. Easy going and generous

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    • @update I would say cool she is not someone who will get free meal etc from guys

  • Most likely A

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  • She wants to seem polite. But most women don't know when to quit. They think it will make them seem humble, while it will only make them less attractive.

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    • Are you a man? If a girl buys me nice things and pays for my food then I will be very attracted to her

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    • Congrats...remember when I said you couldn't be more wrong...your effort paid off. LESSON...it doesn't change their "attraction" or "attractiveness." which is the point you were trying to make. which has been debunked by both men and women here in the comments section alone.

    • I agree guys will like a girl who insists on paying every now and then. But any guy who thinks they'd love a girl who always insisted on paying for everything either doesn't know what they actually like or is a pretty wimpy dude. Most men want to feel like men, and part of that is "providing".

  • I personally don't like when the guy pays for me EVERYTIME. I don't know, I just don't like that. I once did, so he had the impression that I can pay for my own stuff.

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  • Oh ... I thought you just meant her share. Perhaps she only had a debit card with her and wanted to make sure the guy didn't feel cheated if she didn't want a second date. I've had dates where I thought I had cash and forgot it, so paid for my half with debit. It's embarrassing!

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  • If I was the one who invited him out, that would explain it. It could be I like him a lot and I'm feeling generous. Maybe I want to do it just because I can. There's also a more negative possibility, which is that I don't want a second date and by paying for both of us I wash my hands of everything. So basically, it's inconclusive what I mean by that one gesture. It depends on other things.

    I usually pay my own share at the least. Not much to do with whether I like him or not, it's simply the principle of it.

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  • it sends the message that she's independent and sets clear that she can take control of things... not really a good sign if you're trying to pursue a second date.

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    • or it sends the message that she's generous and considerate

    • Maybe, could be. But, honestly? I don't know one woman who would insist on covering the bill on a first date. As a woman, I say it is not a good sign and I wouldn't do it. I would pay my half and keep things fair and square.

    • look at all the guys saying they would appreciate the gesture. don't you think that matters? if a guy is OK with it and see's it as a good gesture, then why not go for it? because you think its not a good idea?

  • i've never dated but I know that when I do start, I'll offer to pay the bill. Not because I'm a feminist or any of that. But I just don't want him to think he has to pay for all of my things. I was raised to pay for my things and not make anyone pay for my stuff. I kind of get embarrassed when people pay for my things.

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    • So... You think both parties should be equal? Yeah that's feminism

    • No. Its not like ill get offended if the guy pays. That's fine too but I'd offer to pay as well so he won't think that I expect him to pay or all my things

  • She's desperate

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  • Well who asked out who? If you did and she is paying Than expect a demanding girlfriend. She wears the pants. The guy either pays or the bill is split.

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    • a 'demanding' gf? more like a generous and considerate gf

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    • What? That's a sexist statement. That's like if I said a woman going in the kitchen and making me a sandwich is a feminine quality.

    • Because it is

  • More from Girls
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What Guys Said 22

  • I had that happen to me once. She was one of those modern independent girls. I thought she was doing the whole "'stretch hand towards bill, but not really take it" thing. I then told her to pass me the bill and she was like "No. I got this". Anyway we got into a relationship not soon afterward and when I asked her why she paid she said that she really liked me, was comfortable, loved the place and really enjoyed the date (conversation etc)

    What I liked most about it was that she saw it as no big deal. it was unconditional. Bill needed to get settled and she had the funds and wanted to.

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  • Rule of thumb I would say is if she offers, say that's OK, and is she insists, then just take half of the bill.

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  • i think it could be a sign she likes him or it could have nothing to do with how she feels but her own personal decision to want to participate in a relationship as a 100% equal.

    I always appreciate the offer but hope to at least split the bill on a first date. I would always offer to pay the bill on the first date unless the girl seemed pretty set on paying in which case we'd split or I'd ask her to pay the tip.

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  • I don't make things complicated. I take insistence literally as insistence. If I offer to pay and she insists on paying; that tells me she wants to be courteous and offer a kind gesture by paying. I allow her to be kind and thank her for it.

    When a person offers to pay a bill with no intention on paying it and simply wanted to demonstrate a point, that person can(pardon my vulgarity) f*** off. That's incredibly confusing and rude.

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  • -She wants to keep her liberty and choice for the moment: Some guys imagine that because they pay the tab, they're entitled to a physical reward of some kind.

    -She has been educated that way. (When I was in HS girls typically got bigger allowances than boys (to keep the girls independent and pure)

    -She did it that way with her previous boyfriend.

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    • "To keep girls independent and pure"

      Does the "pure" part work? lol

    • Being able to call and pay a taxi, rather than get a drive home with a stop in some park and backseat games. :D

      One of my friends has two daughters (married now) When they were teens he'd bring them to parties and wait before the door from 11 pm or so, until the parties ended.

      I never asked him which kind of backseat sport he had done in his late teens/early twenties.

      It didn't help: the youngest lost her V-card at 15. I don't know about the oldest but I don't think she waited very long either.

    • that was what I was asking about. Kids would always find a way to to worm their way out of their parents supervision and do what they want, hormone-driven and seeking approval and all...

      Besides, the parents can pay the taxi when she arrives home, that way the parents would also know exactly when she gets home.

  • D

    Agreed it could be any of the other choices as per individuals

    but my experience tells me it's more likely to be a combination of these:

    1. working gal - I am woman I am strong & independent

    2. I will not be obligated to any one, I owe you nothing, esp. on this date, so don't expect me as dessert

    3. we are buddies and EQUALS

    4. If I like what's going on, I'll pay my share

    but this applied to ages 35+

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  • If a girl picks up the entire tab, I would think she was doing so to make an impression. Almost all girls will offer to pick up their half but only some of those are sincere about it.

    If a girl strongly suggests that she will pick up her half of the tab on the first date, it can be a bad sign in that she is trying not to feel guilty or bad about never seeing the guy again and using him for a free meal & drinks

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  • It means she is an adult instead of an adolescent and wants a relationship that both people contribute to.

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  • Would you really want to be with someone who thought that it's always the mans "job" to pay?

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    • Yea it's a job for most guys and fun for them. Apparently sucking our wallets dry is fun.

  • BRO! you are lucky, hey hey ask her if she has friend too. hook me up man. Damn it man, my ex always made me pay her plate, which slightly didn't mind, but at least she could of leave a tip but she never did. OOh but I am 23 -__- damn it, I mean hey ask her if she has co worker hahaha.

    BUT bro keep her and she is the one. Is hard to find those type of females that care.

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  • I'm really divided, but am leaning towards the C, she's just not into me. That's. the impression that I would get. It really would depend on the tone of her insistence, body language etc but initially no, she's not interested if she's so insistent. The gesture should be accepted.

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  • Ask for a second date. The second time you pay.

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  • well I would think she doesn't want to owe anything to the guy...not good. Paying 50 50 that is waaaaay different

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  • At least I can pay for her but I will drop an eye what she is going to buy and why? I can get any thing for her even on first date but I wana be satisfied also according to my senses. I can not buy any thing blindly on first date.

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  • I would say C most likely; she wants to end the evening with no feeling of obligation whatsoever.

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  • U thank god mine is a f***ing leech.

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  • I WISH! That is SOOOOOOOoo flippin awkward!

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  • Well...it just means that you're having a lovely dream in deep slumber! But seriously, no woman would do that, unless she has planned to get some benefit from you (monetary or otherwise) later, which is MUCH bigger than what she paid.

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  • Only would work if the guy is good looking lets face facts if he isn't 1) She's not dating him and 2) Even if the guy managed to get a date somehow she'll just use him for a free meal.

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  • It means you're a rare lucky bastard who went on a date with a woman who actually believes in equality rather than just saying she does.

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  • It means you found a rare girl that's not trying to use your money

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  • You should consider yourself lucky everyone women I have gone out with expects me to always pay.

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    • I have random luck in this area. But yea it seems like the self entitlement of girls is pretty high nowadays.

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    • Depends on who makes the most money and who has the most bills. If makes more then me (which is almost always the case) then he pays. Seems simple to me. I hate this new dating crap men expect nowadays. I have children..if you ask me..you should pay for my meal. If I were a Dr. and asked you out-then yes I would pay.

    • So the man should always pay pretty much is what you think? We both make the same amount of money and I have let her pick the place we would go for 2 of the 3 dates so I would assume she would at least offer.

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