I will put myself on the priority, higher than my parents

[Anonymous]

My mother asked me if my father is heavily sick, or even passed out, will I return from my current university in the United States? I did not answer, and she half-understood my actual mind: No.

Right, I will not sacrifice myself for my parents. For the first 19 years of my life, I was consistently fear of them. I had to consider a lot before I asked a question which they might think ridiculous or anything negative, or I even gave up asking them. I could barely make my own choices; they made it, while they thought they were intelligent enough to do it, but in fact, they were not.

I also hate the traditional hierarchy in East Asian families, which restricts the freedom of children.

I love Western culture. I think it is the most glorious page in human history. So I paid conspicuous effort to come to a Western culture, and now, I am in the United States. And I feel happy, so happy that let me cry! I know I made a right choice, at least it is right for myself. I have no regret, and will not have.

While I feel thankful to their support to my study, I am also aware that to escape my former enviroment, I have been waited for nineteen years. Nineteen years! If I can live for one hundred years in this world, the nineteen years will be one fifth of my entire life!

If my one or both of parents passed out, I will stay studying, or keep doing my internship, and continue seeking my Green Card and Citizenship. Nothing can stop me! Nothing!

I will, definitely, feel sort of sad and heartbroken, because they raised me. But I can bear it, since they installed fear in my deep heart. Two opposites contributions of them will make a neutralization of love and hate. I will tell myself: William, let the past be past, you should be practical, you cannot change that, you cannot not let them resurrect! Look forward, not backward! Fight dor you future, fight for your dream, and fight for what you love!

[whoooshh]

I don't think I can imagine what you've went through for you to feel strongly that way. I'm an Asian and have a very traditional family. There would be times that I feel the same way you do (to be just away from them and free from responsibilities) but I don't think I could live with myself if I cut them off from my life.

I am a Catholic and it may seem that I'm reprimanding you but don't you feel that you owe it to them to at least show yourself once every while? We're of the same age and there have been numerous times that I felt like running away but I accepted that if it weren't for my parents I might have a bad life. You're lucky that even if you say, you lived in constant fear towards them, they still supported you with what you wanted to do. I feel that there was just a misunderstanding.

I think that your mom misses you a lot right now if she asked you that. And I think you miss them too if you want to cry when you talk about this topic. The fear that you felt, have you tried confronting them about it? It's saddening that it feels like you want to forget about them. It also took some time for me but eventually we were able to work some things out and I may not be as liberated as how I want it to be but I'm so thankful that they're there to help me. Well, this is just my suggestion.

Hopefully, you find it in yourself to let go of the negative emotions if not for them, then for yourself. It would be hard but as they say, "time heals all wounds. You just have to give time some time." Maybe by that time, you'd change your mind. :)

[myTake Owner]

1. No, I never wanted to be free from responsibilities. Only a free people can have responsibilities.
2. I am still in the fear of them because they may still interfere my own life if I cannot gather economic independence. I cannot imagine how horrible it will be if they do it, so economic independence is the most peaceful way to solve such a problem; I do not want to use Second Amendment to solve problems.
3. If you feel unable to live with yourself, I think you should try, even if you are a girl. When you get more independence, you lose fear, get freedom and responsibility.
4. They support me, because they think it is right, not because they considered a lot of my feeling. That is just coincidence that we have same idea. But when we have different ideas, that is fear.

[whoooshh]

1. If that is the case, then how come (it's like) you don't want to be with them anymore? Admit or not, our parents are our responsibility (even if they are so frustrating to be with, at times).
2. I understand your wanting of economic independence because I want to have it as well but not because I fear that my parents will want to interfere with my life. I mean, if they interfere with mine then I'll interfere with theirs! ;)
3. Don't worry. I'm already in the process of doing that. And when I said, "unable to live with myself", I meant being eaten by guilt that I cut off my parents from my life.
4. The mere fact that they think it's right (for you), doesn't that mean that they at least care? If they don't consider what you're feeling then I think that they would just leave you to your own devices. I believe, that is the worst thing a parent can do for his/her child. And sorry but I don't quite understand what you mean in your last sentence.

[myTake Owner]

The last sentence means that I can come to the USA, is not because I want, but because they want.
And every parent has to take care of their children. If they do not, they should be permitted to raise them anymore. They care about me, but it does not mean they are not stupid.

[whoooshh]

Oh? Then does that mean going to the US wasn't really your idea? Then that's great for you since you like it there better.

And I did say that they care but I did not say they're not stupid. I agree. I mean, come on! I'm sure everyone experienced being stupid at least once in their lives.

[myTake Owner]

I mean: yes, I want to come to the USA, but it does not matter; what matters is whether they agree or not. And I feel good since I enjoy my life here, I am on a 3.95 GPA, dating with an amazing girl, but if I can lose some memory like Manchurian Candidate, I will do it.

[soneoak]

Welp, you haven't got it that bad yet buddy.

Some of us have got parents who're monsters. It's like kids are not humans to them. Let alone when the kid grows up, still not a human.

I don't think it has anything to do with being in an Asian culture or whatever, the requirements to get pregnant and have children in today's society is pretty non-existent. You just need a pair of healthy gonads, some stupidity, and bam, kids.

Hopefully you grow up to be something different, better, and not be a dumbass of a different kind.

[myTake Owner]

First, it does not matter they are like monsters or not. What matters is their children feel intimidating or not.
Second, yes, it has something to do with Asian culture. If parents hold very traditional Asian values of hierarchy and their children are very rebellious, there will be a severe problem.

[soneoak]

It matters both ways. Just because someone could handle it doesn't mean they should. Basic fairness. If it's not intimidation, it's exhaustion or something else.

You either makeup for it in a way that is considered fair, or the relationship istatus fucked

[soneoak]

Pot calling kettle black much? =D

[nekoice]

U should visit them sometimes... me too, i hardly make my own decision... but they love u since u r small and give u education... thats not enough? Come home at least once a year as appreciation of gave birth of you... just imagine ur own child do that to you... what do u feel? I am Asian and a muslim... i had forbid to leave my parents without their permision... and i think u r lucky to able get out from ur home.

[myTake Owner]

In fact, I love them so much. I am also an Asian, but I am a Catholic. I want to love everyone, but I have to admit that sometimes hatred is too genuine to be denied. I want to get rid of it, but it takes time.
From my deep heart, I want to go to an investment bank. Why?
1. I was born and raised under a greedy culture, so even if I am a new Catholic, I am still very avid;
2. I need economic independence, so that I will not fear them;
3. I know they paid so much on me, so I want to give them the top life in this world.
Honestly, I love them and hate them, and I just want to be independent.
(When talking about this topic, I always want to cry, because I feel complicate)

[nekoice]

Calm down okay... a few visit won't hurt...
Treat them nicely... smile, agree to whatever they say but do the fuck do you want anyway!!! Ahahah..

[YourFutureEx]

Good way: Achieve your dreams.
Better way: Achieve your dreams, keeping your parents alive.

[YourFutureEx]

better say healthy*

[myTake Owner]

So I am unhealthy? Huh?

[YourFutureEx]

No, you 'can' do better than this. Yes, it's good to hear that you're achieving success by it doesn't mean that you must care for yourself only.

[myTake Owner]

Of course, and actually I want to make a lot of so that I can be economically independent and can give them better life (their life is already good so they can send me to USA).
But the bottom line is they do not interfere my life. For example, if I love a girl, but they oppose it, who I will care more? I will not care about their feelings at all.

[YourFutureEx]

Good Luck :)