I had sex with my best friend's frat brother now he hates me... Why??!

I have been best friends with a boy since I was in the 4th grade. Now that we've spent years getting to know each other, and become inseparable, I can honestly say that I love him. No, I'm in love with him.

We've kept our relationship strictly platonic friends who happen to get along great, love each other and spend A LOT of time together. Despite the fact that I love him [and jokingly (but seriously) ] plan for us to get married, and if he ever wanted us to be together, I'd do it without hesitation, he has insisted that we are JUST FRIENDS and that it would "be weird" so, he dates other girls to my dismay.

Recently, I went up to visit him at his school. I stayed for two weeks and we had a great time. Then, at the end of the trip, all hell broke loose. See, we had yet another "Why can't we be together?!" conversations where he emphasized yet again that he doesn't want to go there with me. At the same time, I overheard him talking to a girl on the phone. And he's my best friend so I could tell that he liked her. Crushed, I decided to be a good friend and tell myself that if I couldn't be with him, I would just be happy that he was happy with whoever would treat him right.

A few days later, I went out to karaoke and to a bar with some of our mutual friends including his frat brother who I've had a crush on for about 2 years now. We flirted and talked and at the bar, I got tipsy. My boyfriend called and asked if I could go to our friend's house because he was at his ex-girlfriend's house which really upset me. At that time, my mind just said, "Fuck it." I was mad that A.) He didn't come out with us when I wanted to spend time with him and instead went to his ex's house. B.) HE WENT TO HIS EX'S HOUSE!

My flirtation with his frat brother went into high gear and he invited me back to his apartment. I didn't want to do it, but I couldn't resist the temptation. I ended up having sex with him.

The next day, my best friend figured out that I had been over there and asked me if anything happened. I lied and said no. But as the day progressed and I thought about their fraternity and how close they were like ride or die brothers, I figured it would be best that I told instead of him finding out later on. The guilt was getting to me, and I couldn't lie to him, so I told.

Well, he flipped out. He said he felt embarrassed, hurt, mad, and betrayed. I figured that he would be mad but I don't know why. As the last few days of the trip wore on, he stopped talking to me completely. I cried more than I've ever cried in my life. We got into a big argument that ended in him crying and telling me that I hurt him, and then he made me find a ride home. I just want to understand why he reacted like this. I need other opinions so that I can understand. I miss him so much. :(

How can I get my best friend back? He said he needs time but I feel like it won't work!

My best friend just sent me a text yesterday saying, "I forgive you, TTYL." to which I responded, "Thank you, love you." and he responded "I love you too." So, things are off to a slow start, but I feel like our friendship can bounce back.


Most Helpful Guy

  • As weird as it sounds, this so called friend of yours is mentally manipulating you, not to say, mentally abusing you. If he is a best friend, why is he upset that you had sex with the frat brother? Is not like he is going to date you. If my best female friend has sex with a guy, why would it bother me? We are just friends, not romantic partners. So what I think your so call friend has been doing is, enjoying the power he has over you. And by that I mean that he knows you like him romantically, and thus, most likely, that's some type of ego booster for him; now that you had sex whit his frat brother, his ego is crushed. This is a bit hard to swallow maybe, but you don't need a guy like that. What type of best friend is going to 'dump' you just because you had sex with another guy? Now, if this guy was romantically involved with you, I could see why he is upset; the case is that he is not, so is all about his hurt ego. Dump his sorry ass, and you need to get a self esteem check.


What Guys Said 4

  • he reacted the way that he did, because you are like a sister to him, in the sense that he has a platonic relationship with you, and he feels responsible for you. He doesn't want his sister sleeping with his frat brother.

    • So why would he feel "betrayed" then?

    • That I don't understand. I'm not sure if he feels betrayed... I tried to call him so I guess he's more so just mad. He's still refusing to accept my phone calls. I wouldn't treat my sister like that if she had sex with somebody. It happened over a week ago, and he's still refusing to talk to me.

  • ur relationship with ur bestfriend will never be the same by the way =(

  • it sux to say, you have just lost a best friend, and I know that because I am going through it right now. I am really, really sorry.


What Girls Said 5

  • You don't have to do anything. He is the one freaking out and acting like a fool. You don't have to justify what you do to anyone. It's not like he was your boyfriend and you cheated on him. Let him not be your friend. If something like this wrecks your relationship, he wasn't a real friend to begin with.

  • In my opinion this friend has no right to treat you like this.

    You have to accept him having girls beside you, he doesn't want to have a relationship with you, and you are not allowed to have some fun?

    Sorry but he treats you like you were in his possession. If he wants to be friends, he has no right to be upset about you, and if the wants more he has to stop having other women beside you.

    That's just my impression.

    • I just went through this and I'm the guy. Let me say that it might not make any logical sense. Just from an emotional standpoint, you get really p*ssed off that your female friend went off and did this behind your back. At some level, you really care about this girl and can see yourself with her someday. You don't want to screw the relationship up so you keep quiet. Now what she does is she doesn't have enough self respect for herself or respect for you. That's why he's mad.

    • That is understandable but they are not together. So she can do whatever she wants as he will do whatever she wants.

  • you will lose him as a friend in the end I went through this and I never thought after 25 years we'd always be friends, men are territorial. if they want you themselves or not.

  • I know this question is really old, and the update clearly shows that this problem is over...I just wanted to add...

    Frat brothers tell each other everything, so maybe your best friend knows that this guy is a total player and he just had sex with you to add to his many others... plus you cheated on your boyfriend so your best friend is mad at you because you aren't being honest...

    That's what I think...hopefully things are OK with you two now though!

  • He could be angry because he thinks you degraded yourself. When my female cousin started having sex with guys I hated her and thought she was a slut, because in my culture no one has pre-marital sex. it's a great sin to do something like that. I think he just lost respect for you because you didn't control yourself.