Why does my boyfriend feel the need to upstage me? almost in a revengeful way

[dwright1022]

so Thursday night I went back up to my old college to visit, one of my best girlfriends joined me too. I spent the whole day catching up with old friends and had a great time, but now my boyfriend is giving me sh*t about it.

I have this friend from UMass named Mike who I became close with at the end of college. He had a crush on me at one point, but I told him how I had a boyfriend and we talked about it a lot and said he's good with just being friends and its been months since then so I know we're cool. Obviously I saw him while I went up to UMass because we are still friends.

I've never hooked up with mike and I would never cheat on my boyfriend, but for some reason my boyfriend can't let go that we are just friends.

I just hate how I'm getting sh*t for going up to my old school to visit lots of friends (not just mike) and have a lot of fun and then I get back and my boyfriend makes me feel bad.

He told me how he texted other girls last night in a sneaky way being like yeah I sent some friends the same text to see there response. Some of the friends were his guy friends, but two of the girls were girls he previously hooked up with at his school. And I can just tell that he's trying to make me feel bad.

The thing is I have NEVER hooked up with my friend Mike and my boyfriend has hooked up with these other girls and is throwing it in my face making me feel like I did something wrong by going up to my old school.

Why is he doing this? I feel like he is always trying to upstage me!

Updates

+1 y

Also, now today he is going to a Phillies game with a guy friend when he's told me that he thinks the team sucks. I have box seats to the Phillies and have been asking him to go all summer, but now he is going with someone else.

Updates

+1 y

My dad also just gave me tickets to tonights game, and I told my boyfriend about it and his response was "I don't want to be at the phillies all day"

[Dingismaximus]

Just sit down with him and have a serious talk, let him know where you stand, ask him why he's being like that and tell him how it is. Tell him you can't live your life in fear of talking to your friends. But make sure you be serious about this to him. If he can't handle it when you tell him give him some time and if he's still being like that then its up to you what you want to do with your relationship. I always find though that telling a person what's on their mind and exactly what they feel is the best way to do things. He might change or realize he's wrong or he might not but at least you have an answer to what you'll be getting in the future. Also ask him what he feels about what happened and why he would get mad or try to get revenge. I know in my life time (which I'm still very young) but I've seen a lot of girls say they are just friends with a guy and the minute the friendly guy has an opportunity to make the girl feel better than their boyfriend is doing at the time, the girl usually and often enough cheats. Its possible he's seen this from others and is scared the same thing will happen and doesn't know how to handle his fears.

[snowboarder720]

k, pure honesty, your guy sounds like a total douchebag. Sounds like he's a control freak, if he can't trust you being around old (good) friends, then he'll disapprove just about ANYONE. am I right? worse of all, after he throws sh*t in your face for talking/visiting your friends he'll turn his back on you and do the very same thing by texting his contacts in his phone "just to see their reaction" and then go to a baseball game with a guy friend. (to me it sounds like he wants to see what kind of 'girl attention' he gets when he goes).

Your man sounds like a hippocrate and judging from your pic, I think you deserve better.

[dwright1022]

i believe you. I just never thought he would be the kind of guy to do this. I don't know where to go from here.

[snowboarder720]

date other guys...?

[boriquadiva]

He sounds like a jerk and a jealous jerk and an insecure jerk who wants your approval of him at any cost to you. My ex boyfriend would do similar things... if I was hanging out with old friends or talking to guys, he could never just trust and respect me, even thought I would NEVER ever cheat and cared about him a lot. I have no idea why someone would act like that, never mind to someone they care about. If it were me? If I was treating someone like that I guess I would just not want to spend time with them... I don't think I'd go out of my way to cause fights and create competition. That's not how relationships should be... you deserve better. Don't get stuck being with a guy like this for the rest of your life. Could you imagine dealing with that stuff at 55 with kids to have to take care of?

[Anonymous]

Because he's an insecure person who is not happy with himself. He feels the need to compete with you, so he can feel better about what he doesn't have. There is a mixture of his jealousy and his ego blowing up in his head. The thing is instead of him talking about how he felt when you did hang out with your friends, he wanted you to feel hurt .

[daniellepg]

well, I think he is definitely way far more than a jerk.

i think he did this exactly just to mess you up and a revenge.

i think you have to make your point straightly at him. like, confronts him, you deserve his explanation after you explain the point that you never hooked up with anyone but him.

[dwright1022]

I said "you keep giving me sh*t about hanging out with mike, then you texted rachel and annie" (those two girls) and his response was "and my two guys friends and I said what's up. You need to chill"

[daniellepg]

that's so exhausting.

i'd kill a boyfriend like that. (if it is legal. lol)

if you (still) wanted to be with him, saying sorry would be an option. saying sorry is not like losing something and hopefully, you get what you want (stay with him).

if you don't then, I'd prefer to give a shot for break I up.

(i'd go for 2nd option though) :)