Girls- How do you respond to your guy finding other women attractive?

[Anonymous]

This isn't a problem I'm looking to solve, I'm just wondering if other girls would react the same as me.

So a few weeks ago my boyfriend came to stay over (I'm at my parent's house over summer) and my friend and her boyfriend came round to hang out.

This girl is a childhood friend and she's great, really down to earth, but she's also VERY hot. Great tan, great hair, but she does put a bit of effort into looking good (whereas I brush my hair, shower... that's it). Anyway, later in bed I asked my boyfriend if he thought she was prettier than me. I mean, it's a matter of taste, she's quite dark and I'm blond and pale etc. He said yes she was prettier.

This didn't really bother me because I know without even asking him that that's all he thinks of her, and there are many reasons that he's with me and no one else. I was just wondering whether any girls would react the same as me, or would it be a big deal to them?

Bear in mind even my MUM has pretty much said this girl is beautiful (more than me!).

[SectumSemprae]

Depends, I think. I do tend to feel somewhat downcast when he watches a woman walk by and then comments, "She's hot." But he rarely does that anymore, if at all. He learned over time that I have low self-esteem - plus he used to sometimes criticize things about my appearance - so out of consideration for me (I think) he stopped doing it and instead just teases me for my freckles before kissing me on the nose.

I don't mind so much if he checks out cute girls (as long as he doesn't act on it), and at times I can even joke with him and say, "You have good taste" or "What do you think, was she hot?" I just never ask him if they're hotter than me; I don't want to put him in a bad situation, especially if I personally think the answer is yes. Sometimes, when I ask him if they were hot or if he was checking them out, he says, "Not really." But I secretly think he is. And I think it's healthy. He's in a relationship, but he can still appreciate the diverse beauty of the opposite gender! In fact, I wonder sometimes if it might prevent him from wanting to cheat on me - to look freely at the other girls. He doesn't feel confined, but not overly tempted either.

I remember there was this one time when we were at the mall, and he saw a girl leaning against the counter with her legs spread apart really far. Later, he told me how much he wanted to go up behind her and start banging her, even did the humping motion in the air for me. He wondered if she'd be high enough off the ground. I tried to play it cool, but it was a bit too graphic for me. He noticed I was trying not to frown, and he teased me and said, "Aww, are you jealous?" And then started feeling me up instead (about 20 minutes later). He dropped it and didn't bring it up again.

[Asker]

Yeh that's a little far :/ I'd definitely have a problem if he said he actually wanted to have sex with her. I'm sorry but I'd keep an eye on your guy for a while :/

How would he feel if you started saying you wanted to have sex with certain other guys?

[SectumSemprae]

Funnily enough, he's really jealous. I have not been interested in any other guy since dating him, nor have I ever told him I found another man attractive, never mind want to have sex with anyone else. But he used to get jealous when someone else hit on me (even when I said "no" and "stop") and even said I wanted it. It was a tough issue for us for a long time. Gotten better recently, though. He no longer accuses me of that, nor does he mention other women. We're a lot happier now! :-D

[Asker]

Ah, that's cool :)

[nikki0011]

well...it shouldn't be an issue at all...and what you may think as hot may or may not be hot to a man! Preferences will also change based on cultures..For example in South Asian countries where people are crazy about pale skin you may be considered the prettier one..

I think one thing that we must learn is that there are bound to be better looking people than us everywhere and love is not a thing that happens because of good looks. Just seperate the looks part from love...Your boyfriend need not think you are good looking to love you! What has love gotta do with being beautiful! My boyfriend is very open about his opinion on other good looking women, and that doesn't mean he is trying to go to bed with them. I've been considered pretty by family and most people I know. I'm really tall, slim and tanned . but my boyfriend finds red heads and pale skin the most sexy !but that doesn't mean he loves me any less. beauty is beauty and love is love, the two must not be interconnected.

[LittleImapler]

If this was me, I wouldn't be bother by it. I am confident woman. Guys looks at other girls, now if he acts on it, then you are in trouble. But don't keep asking him about it, because he will get tired of it and leave you.

This seem to bother you, because you brought it up. Realize you are who you are, you will never be her. If you want to be more attractive, learn to dress yourself, learn to put on makeup, do your hair. But what makes a woman really hot, is not her physical appearance, it how she holds herself, and her presence. For an example What makes Sophia Lorens so hot, she isn't afraid to be who she is, she comfortable with herself, she isn't afraid to embrace her sex appeal. She's happy being herself, she is true to herself and because of these thing she's one powerful woman.

[Asker]

It didn't bother me, I just kind of wanted to show him that it would bother most girls, and that he shouldn't take me forgranted :) It would bother me if he said I was more boring or stupid than some other girl.

[gkny88]

My girlfriend asks me the similar questions... god...

But I never respond in that way...

But we are guys, we do say dumb things now and then...

So I am glad that you showed an understanding to your bf.

But in my opinion this is what he should have said;

1-She is not a bad looking girl, but I still find you better looking.

or

2-She is a nice looking lady, I am sure her boyfriend is lucky... But he can't be as luck as I am.

second one is my favorite because at the same time I can both change the topic, answer her in question and make her flattered, and get laid lol

[SectumSemprae]

Yep, the second one is nice. LOL even if you do say it just to get laid.

[Felynn]

mmm I'm not saying I would like my boyfriend saying he thought this girls is prettier. It always hurts a little, no matter whether it is obvious or not.

BUT, I think it is great that he is not afraid to speak the truth. At least you know whenever he says he DOES find YOU very pretty, he means it. Because let's be honest, we all see men around us who we find 'pure physically' more attractive than our guy. If my boyfriend would say he finds me hotter than let's say Miranda kerr, he would be full of sh*t.

Personally I therefore don't like dating really attractive guys. They would make me feel a lot more insecure.

[Dominique_7]

I couldn't handle that at all. I'm always asking my boyfriend whether he thinks I'm more beautiful than this or this girl and he always says he thinks I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, but a part of me knows that just can't be true. (I know, I can be annoying.)

If you're really OK with this and it doesn't make you feel insecure, that's great. However, you are thinking about this to the extent that you're asking a question about it on here. Do you really not mind or are you just thinking the things you know you should be thinking?

[Asker]

I honestly don't mind, the fact that he's honest with me shows me I can trusthim about other things too. I know I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world, I also know guys that are better looking than my boyfriend. Looks just aren't a big deal to us.

I just wondered if I was letting him get off too lightly by not making an issue out of it, but I suppose if it doesn't bother me arguing would be pointless.

[Dominique_7]

In that case I really admire you. You must be a wonderful girlfriend, your guy is lucky :)

What's your secret? I'm constantly worrying about how I look, and how I measure up to other women. It's so frustrating. I wish I could stop but I don't know how, telling myself to stop doesn't work.

[BadAnna]

Yeah, I know we like to naively believe we are the most beautiful to our significant other but the harsh reality rears its ugly head up and the truth we all know. So how ever you respond to this it won't change the facts. I would swallow my pride and realize the world is FULL of all kinds of different beautiful women. Like you said he's with you for a reason and its because there's no other YOU! I will say the amount of honesty your guy has is almost scary even almost cold. This is when its okay to fib a bit. Not a big deal, but I wouldn't enjoy it.

[Eakash]

I'm pretty sure I just wouldn't ask. I know this sounds terrible, but I wouldn't ask unless I was pretty sure he'd say no. Most of my best friends are really attractive girls, and I wouldn't ask a boyfriend if they were prettier than me because I just wouldn't want to hear the truth

[523206720]

It would not bother me if he didn't care that she was hotter but if he cared it would bother me a lot and I might break up with them over that. You need somebody who can objectively observe somebody who is hot and not approach them or want them. That is what we call maturity.

[the_cheshire_cat]

i have really bad insecurity issues and hearing such a thing (even if I knew it to be true or not) would still make me start to worry and reasses all my flaws and question my own worth.

It's great you're secure enough in your own skin tho that such a thing doesn't bother you :)

[Reeses-pieces777]

I will not show him that I'm unnerved in any way. well I would be a bit hurt but I'd just try my best to look better I guess.

[anjelik]

Omg that would kill me. Just the thought alone is upsetting

[Asker]

Really? We've been together 2 years now, in a long distance relationship, and I trust him completely. And I know that he and my friend are incompatible on every other level, it's just common knowledge that she is conventionally hotter than I am! Do you feel any different knowing those details?

[anjelik]

I'm in the same boat. My boyfriend doesn't live near me. It takes about 2 hours for me to see him every week. I love him and trust him completely. I thnk the difference is your strong and confident about your looks whereas I'm not. I feel beautiful wen I'm with him but the thought of him seeing another girl as "better" than me just makes me feel crap. Altho I know he loves me and wouldn't leave me for a better looking girl or anything.

[ilovemyjose101]

WHAT?! I would kill my boyfriend if he ever said that.

[peace-love-couture]

Well,I would be hurt but guys don't like to be bothered by emotions so no point in tell them haha

[peace-love-couture]

*telling

[norahdavex]

My boyfriend loves to look at other attractive women and its not good for a man to make you feel that way because then you can be driven to insanity and start doing extreme things to have a man think your attractive!

[Johnstew]

Let me give you an advice... Never look angry after a commentary of that nature... Always look normal and coll about it, if you're really angry you can go break walls later, otherwise he'll find you a control freak .

[Vanswty]

It's OK to look! Everyone looks...girls check out hot guys...BUT acting on it...well that ain't OK. So let it go...