Would you date a good looking but out of shape guy?

Don't know if I posted this in the correct category so I'm reposting...

I'm 24 I've never dated nor have sex with a girl mainly because I'm very self conscience about my body...

I grew up where there wasn't any control in the house when it came to food so I was overweight all the time to a point where I got to 280 pounds when I was in my teens...

then I decided to diet and went down to 180lbs but thing is I look pretty good with clothes on and I'm also good looking to be honest but I still have a big freaking stomach when my clothes comes off and I'm embarassed about it.

I know they say it's what's on the inside that counts but I find that a big lame excuse people say when they are insecure because everyone seems attracted to a good body...

my question is if you were in my shoes would it stop you from dating?

would a woman feel grossed out if we were to have sex and leave in the middle of it?

Would you ladies Truly and honestly all BS aside would you have sex with someone that had a body like this?



The thought of a woman taking my shirt off while making out before having sex freaks me out because of my insecurity... yet I feel like I'm getting way to old to continue living like this what should I do?

BTW I'm currently in the gym 5 days a week and following a clean diet to lower my body fat while increasing my muscle mass so in the end I should look much better than this but perhaps unless I go under the knife (which I don't intend to do) I'll probably never have a six pack or a well toned body :(

Sorry about the link's here they are again...

link (side)

link (front)


Most Helpful Girl

  • Couldn't see the links, but to answer your question - I'd date a guy like that in a heartbeat! About 1/3 of all the crushes I've had, etc. have actually been on bigger guys. Anyways, needless to say a big stomach wouldn't turn me off. While I'm pretty healthy myself, I could definitely do with a few more crunches at the gym but I'm really quite happy with how I look. I'm human and my body's admittedly not perfect, and I'd never expect my guy's body to be perfect either. It's completely okay that you have worries about your appearance (or stomach in particular), but it's important to remember that most of the population does too in regards to something (or even everything) about how they look, even the people you probably wouldn't expect. And at the end of the day I think it's crucial to recognize that a quality girl wouldn't be dating you or commit to being romantically involved with you if she didn't find you attractive (both physically and intellectually). Again though, I can only speak from personal perspective and for me, your body wouldn't be a problem, really. But congrats on the weight loss you've achieved and best of luck with reaching your future fitness goals :)

    • Wow thank you so much for your comment you are my dream girl! ha ha :)

    • You're welcome :). And @update: saw the links and you look like how I assumed you would look. No where near repulsive or gross or anything even remotely close to that; just a guy who's lost some weight. That's it.

      And I know it's easier said than done, but we're often our own harshest critiques so try not to let your critiquing of self get in the way of who you actually are as a person and how you view yourself overall. Just keep your eye on the result that you want and keep going for it :)

What Girls Said 4

  • I think you'll be fine once you meet a girl that makes you feel good about your body, but that can never happen if you don't let any girls come close to you because you're self conscience.

    My boyfriend is exactly like you. He's not fat, but he was and he gets self conscience about his body, but I make sure to tell him to stop being so selfish with his lushes body and then he learns to relax and go with the flow. I think you should find a nice girl that you connect with on a intelligence/emotional level and then allow the sexuality to play out. It's taking a risk with your feelings, but it's worth it. :)

    • I like your comment it makes sense... in your case since you said your boyfriend was also self conscience did he approach you or you approached him? in my case I'm not very good at holding conversations I tend to blush and my hands begin to sweat a little makes me uncomfortable :( so don't know how to get past all that and let a girl into my life :(

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    • haha he sounds just like me except that when I sense a girl trying to connect with me I avoid her because of my insecurities :(

    • Yep, he was the same way. I just go after what I want and never take "No" for an answer. When girls get rejected by guys it hurts a lot. I'm just the type of girl that can't take "No" for an answer no matter what I do. Not always a good thing, but I have helped him a lot because of the way I am.

  • To be honest? No, I wouldn't. Why? Because you are too insecure. I have dated a guy with a similar body type as yours. He did not ever want to get completely naked when we were intimate. It really upset me and made me angry. I'm sorry but insecure men are too much work for me. I can't take them not being completely open like I am whenever I am in a relationship. I don't care what it is if you can't be open to me in almost every aspect of our relationship (being comfortable with your body) then no I couldn't and wouldn't date you.

    Work on your self if you feel so insecure. Get your body to the best physical fitness it can possibly reach if you are so insecure about it. And PLEASE...don't get into a relationship until you do. Or at least come to love your self and your body and don't give a sh*t what others think about it. But that's a whole lot easier said than done.

  • If you had the confidence, yes. A girl wants a guy that is confident in his own skin. Rock what you got. ha ha I would sleep with you if you were confident and we liked each other. why not? plus you're working on it. I would give you a shot.

  • 1. ) my question is if you were in my shoes would it stop you from dating?

    I have insecurities myself so yeah, I can honestly say that I have allowed my insecurities keep me from dating.

    2.) would a woman feel grossed out if we were to have sex and leave in the middle of it?

    You should know that when you get to the point where the woman feels safe and attached enough to have sex with you- nothing can make her leave. :)

    3. ) Would you ladies Truly and honestly all BS aside would you have sex with someone that had a body like this?

    I can't see the links but what I know is:

    If it's just a casual one-night stand thing, you will only attract shallow girls who will get turned off by anything.

    But if it's a relationship type, girls will look past any imperfections you have.

    • Sorry about links... and thx for your reply it makes a lot of sense :) still is hard to overcome insecurities tho I wish I would just find a way to get past them

      link (side view)

      link (front view)

    • Hey, it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be! Really. :)

      I can relate to everything you say. I get asked out a lot but I'm insecure about my skin (I had acne before) and I know that it has kept me from being in a relationship. I was always scared that the guy might think I'm disgusting and hate me for tricking him. Tbh, being physically close to a man still scares me at times. I've begun working on this. And learned that people don't judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves.

What Guys Said 2

  • Keep working on it man, I dropped from 290 to 175 and it took a while/steady weightlifting to tighten back up. Back up to 200 now where I'm pretty comfortable (I'm 6'5 so it works). Just watch your diet and hit the gym. I remember how gross I thought I looked when my stomach was kinda saggy, but now the only way to tell is if I push it out, get in plank and violently jiggy, aka its gone haha. But yeah it'll disappear if you keep working.

    • thx bro for the reply and grats on the weight loss.. truly inspirational

  • Oh, it's quite possible you can look great. I have a completely flat stomach - first time ever - took about 6 months to really drop the flab. And I now even like doing crunches!

    You can do it. If I can, anybody can.

    Do what you need to do in order to feel confident - if that means working on your stomach, so be it.

    • Thanks for the motivation bro... were you ever fat tho? or did your stomach looked like mine before you started working out?

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    • thx for the tips bro... I've always wanted to try P90X but I hear from friends that its insanely hard and that even buff guys have a hard time keeping up so I thought I'd have no chance at all... about how much do you need to spend on equipment (dumbells etc) to do p90x from your home?

    • P90X is challenging, but very doable. I know people in their 50s who have done it. I could barely do 5 pushups when I started. I couldn't do one pullup. They show modified versions of each exercise for when you start out. You need a pair of dumb bells (20lb worked fine for me), OR some exercise bands (which work very well), a chin up up bar, and some push up handles.