Is it rude to accept a guy's offer to buy me a drink if I'm not interested?

Question

Or is it presumptuous to say "no thanks, I'm not looking for anything right now"?

Let's say for argument's sake that the guy is not unattractive and seems like a cool person. But the girl isn't into one night stands and isn't currently looking for a relationship. So she wouldn't mind just sitting and having a nice chat with him, but she doesn't want to lead him on.

Inspiration for this question came from two things:

1) I once was eating alone in a restaurant and a male employee who was off the clock came and started talking to me. It was a nice talk; I'm also a server at a restaurant, so we shared our horrible customer and coworker stories with each other. When I was finished eating, he asked if he could buy me dessert and I said sure (thought he was just being friendly). Then after he put the order in, he asked if I was single and I said no. He got a little pissy about that and said I should've told him upfront.

2) In an episode of HIMYM, a guy helps Tracy with her heavy equipment and then he offers to buy her a drink. She agrees. They sit in a nearby bar and have a nice talk, and then when she goes to leave, he asks for her number. She confesses to him that her last boyfriend passed away years ago and she doesn't really date anymore. The guy gives her his card and kindly tells her to call if she changes her mind. No hard feelings (and she does end up calling him).

rosey_bananas · Accepted Answer

I am always skeptical of people who give me things for "free," because I know they are not really free. If a man who does not know you buys you a drink, or any gift really, he is expecting (or at least hoping) for something in return. It is naive to think otherwise. If you take this drink, you are either leading him on or will be seen as taking advantage.

Decline free things from a man you don't know. If it is a man you know, I'd say proceed with caution and make it clear of your intentions. E. g.: a man you know buys you chocolate maybe accept it once and thank him, but tell him you don't feel comfortable with accepting any more because you cannot promise anything in return.

vonasaurus · Accepted Answer

i don't think it's rude of you to accept.

while the popular assumption is that buying you a drink is a romantic gesture, i disagree. whether single or not, i'd like to think that people have evolved enough to realize that you can't buy sex/love/whatever with a drink.

to answer your question: if a guy offers to buy me a drink, but i'm not interested (whether in him or relationships in general), i'd thank him and offer to get the next round. just because i'm not romantically inclined doesn't mean that we can't be friends or have a conversation.

Felinegirl · Accepted Answer

I used to consider it rude and always declined. I have a pretty friend who has a boyfriends who would always try to get drinks, so she could party for free, and she usually succeeded.
Lately I found out my approach was considered rude, so now I do accept drinks from friends. When I fear the guy might be the type that thinks drinks buy him anything, I just ask for water (which is free. Saves me a trip to the bar).

EllieLexis513 · Accepted Answer

Okay, the guy in the 1st one is an idiot. That's his fault, he should've asked you before he bought you anything if you're single. I would've accepted the offer, too.

The guy in number 2 is usually how most men are. They aren't butt hurt over $3.

truthbeknown · Accepted Answer

Hmmm. Great question. If I buy you a drink it is because I am interested. It is the beginning of an "investment" in you to court you and possibly get to the point of asking you out. At the very least, if the conversation and time with you was enjoyable, then the money spent on the drink is worth every penny. I don't think a guy should get pissy about being shot down, you can't win them all. I would get pissy if you accept and then quickly leave or really don't have any intention of talking for a little while. In that case you should be up front and politely decline.

jacquesvol · Accepted Answer

Not rude. He wantd to talk and buying you a drink is just nice. Guys who think they buy sex with a drink are assholes.

Spiorad_Aisce · Answer

The way I look at it is what buying a person a drink entails often people associate it with romantic intentions - My solution to avoid implications "I don't mind having a drink and a friendly chat with you but I will buy my own drinks to avoid any confusion".

GingerGuy · Answer

Unless the guy insists, don't accept a drink from him (or anything else) if you have no interest in him at all of any kind. It's not so much rude as using him and/or leading him on (the way I see it anyway). Like, if a woman accepts a drink from me, I'm going to assume she has SOME interest in me. I'm not saying she owes me anything or wants to sleep with me or go out with me or anything like that, but there's some interest there of some sort. And the fact that we're buying you a drink, shows that we have some interest in you so if you accept and don't have any, then we feel used and it was a total waste of time and money.

rjroy3 · Answer

If you know what's intended by it, then yes it's rude. I've had girls ask if I'm going to buy them a drink (signifying having that type of interaction) and I said no. We were still flirting, but buying someone a drink is a universal sign of initiating an intimate interaction with a woman. So accepting that is saying you want that interaction, whether or not you do.

Yes it's rude. If you're oblivious, then you have an excuse. But that's the only time.

Darkfairie17 · Answer

I would just say that while you appreciate the offer, you have to decline. Say that you're not single. Hopefully he can respect that.

Honestly some guys will still get upset even if you tell them you are not interested or not single. So just be careful. It sucks that some people can't take no for an answer.

slatyb · Answer

Accepting a drink is understood by many men as an indication that the woman may be open to having relations. So if you are not available for sex you should just say that before accepting the drink. Some guys may not care, they will be happy for just the conversation.

cmale123 · Answer

A guy that can't spend couple dollar to have fun got no right to get women. Its his fault that his game to get girls. It fail and backfire. Come with better strat than being ass hole thinking the girl at fault. Girl should not feel guilty for these they are just pathetic

Anonymous · Answer

If he doesn't make his intentions obvious upfront, I think it is not rude. When I am at a bar and feel like it I start a chat with unknown females to have a nice time and maybe learn a nice person. There I would also buy her and me a drink.
If he was interested and you are not, it is clear, that he is disappointed. Some show this different than others, sometimes with stronger emotions. He will need to learn to ask questions to determine your relationship status before he orders something or to better control his emotions.

EllaC · Answer

You've accepted, because you thought he was being friendly, because some (rare) people are actually like that. You did nothing wrong... he's an asshole if the only reason he offered was because he expected something. His problem completely and you shouldn't feel bad or conflicted about it.

It's only bad if you'd use someone you know likes you and lead him on in order to get stuff from him... which you didn't do.

Goldie757 · Answer

It's not rude, however by accepting a drink you are leading him on. Last time I checked, leading someone on and making them feel like they had a chance when they really don't, was a douche bag move.

Hanjheo · Answer

If a guy decides to buy you a drink, he buys you a drink. You don't owe him anything after that. But it also works the other way around.

sp33d · Answer

Advice: TV series are entertainment not a projection of reality.

Yes, it is presumptuous, after all, you say "I'm not looking for anything right now", but it's clear cut. Some guys would start wondering why you are out dressed like "that" to begin with, if you aren't looking for anything. That's not your problem, though.

WhereAmI · Answer

Well youn can be THAT girl that takes advatage of guys by having them but drinks for them only to pu as them off later. Really not your problem.

OR you can tell them you pay for toyr own drinks but you'll talk to them anyways and nobody gets butt hurt.

Maik567 · Answer

Yeah its rude and really fucking selfish. I wouldn't let a girl buy me a drink if I wasn't interested in her at all. Or I would at least tell her something like "I'm really not looking for a relationship or sex right now"

April10 · Answer

If you're not interested then don't let him buy you a drink because that's leading him on. But if you are interested in talking to him and maybe making a friend, have a conversation and buy your own drink.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I've a accepted drinks from a woman and honestly didn't want them. But felt rude to deny.

In your case i think it is good to be uofront and he may just want someone to talk to. There is no obligation whether he buys a drinknor not

Anpu23 · Answer

It is not rude if you are up front about it before you accept the offer. Then it's up to him to continue or resend aa his funds are being used. Men shouldn't be used as a free ticket for meals or drinks, it's deceptive in nature otherwise.

Hal2002 · Answer

Accepting a drink, is not saying you are available or that you owe the person you sought it to you anything. The same as going on a date, does not mean you have to have a second date.

JohnDoe3000 · Answer

Not rude, it would be rude to let him waste his time and money on you. How is that not obvious?

singlebee · Answer

Guys who think doing something for a women owes them sex from women are just desperate assholes... Lol

But right now I think if you are not interested then you should tell him NO! Cause he is interested and by saying yes you are leading him on!

zagor · Answer

No, not at all. On the other hand, if you let him buy drinks for you all night, he may assume you're interested. Or he's trying to get you drunk.

Is it rude to accept a guy's offer to buy me a drink if I'm not interested?

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