Right girl wrong time? Should I move on or be patient

Question

Hello everyone I am really counting on you this time.

I have been knowing this girl for close to 2 years now but only the last year and half we have been talking. Well I really like her a lot and I could definitely see myself marrying her and she says she likes me a lot also. Every now and then I go see her, we might talk for a hour or so just enjoying each others company.

One problem... She has a boyfriend but we both know her boyfriend is not the guy for her. Additionally, she doesn't pick up my call when she's around him and that's frequent, I only get attention from her when she wants to talk to me. She has been with her boyfriend for about 2 years. My question is: I really want this girl and I will do what ever it take but am I wasting my time? She say we will be together soon but I don't feel like her relationship is slowing down. Am I wrong to tell her that ?

I would hate to come off as impatient because I am willing to wait but I just want to see some result for my time of waiting. Is this logic correct? Am I being impatience?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Hey, so it seems like you are really interested in this girl. But I don't think she feels the same towards you. Reason being is, we all know that when a girl wants something, there is nothing that can stop her from getting it or at least trying to get it. In other words, if this girl was relly interested in dating you, I promise you she would have ready broken things off with her current boyfriend and been with you. I think that she is confused with her current relationship, maybe she will loves and cares for the guy she's with, but sometimes she needs a break from him and comes to you..and then once that breaks over, she is back in his arms again. That is unfair to you and to her man. Just imagine if you were in his situation, it would absolutely suck. You have to think, if you did wait around for this girl to break things off with her current man, what makes you believe that she will be 100% committed to u..or will she be playing the same games she is playing with her man now, on u. She doesn't seem like a trustworthy person. And I think that she will never leaver her boyfriend for you. I personally think that the only time she will be in a relationship with you is if a) her man breaks things off with her or b) things just aren't working out between the two of them. Both choices can most definitely happen. But do you think it'll feel good to be the rebound? To know that she is only with you because you are second choice, and let's face it because she knew that you would always be there. I think you need to give her an ultimatium..tell her how you feel once again and tell her it's either you or him. If she gives you the same ol excuse of give it time. Then walk away. There are plenty of girls out there that will make you their one and only priority and you will be there first pick, not the man on the side and the one who is being dragged along till he gets a chance. I say most definitely move on! No questions asked. And if in the future she decides to be true to herself and you, then maybe work things out at that time. But as for now, you should move on and lool forward to other things..not when a girl is going to leave her man to be with you. I a

Just trying to be as honest as it gets. I hope nothing I said offended you in anyway. I know how it feels to love someone who is in love with someone else but also interested in me and it sucks. It's a very bad feeling. I hope all works well with you. Goodluck

rachiee · Accepted Answer

Walk away, no matter how hard that is going to be, walk away and let time do the work. If she doesn't think her boyfriend is right for her and that you're better then she would have left him and came to you awhile ago. This doesn't mean that she doesn't have feelings for you, if she says she does and continues to keep you in her life then I'm sure she's telling the truth but the fact that she hasn't left him yet says that she isn't ready to. Whatever the reason may be, it doesn't matter. What matters is you living your life which means walking away and letting things happen the way they're suppose to happen. If you guys are meant to be then it will happen but waiting around for something you're not sure of and putting your life on hold isn't fair. My suggestion to you is to let her know how you feel (although I think I would hold back on saying the marriage part, say future instead). Let her know that you'll be waiting for her but right now you need to do what's fair for you and to look out for YOURSELF which means stepping back from her until the time is right and she's ready to make things work between you. It sounds like you're the person on the side and if you guys aren't intimate and she just uses you for a shoulder to cry on then I'm sorry to say but to me it sounds like you might just be the good friend. You never know though, I don't fully know the details of your relationship so I can't say for sure. But what I do know is that you need to step back from this situation until she's ready. Go out and live your life. You don't have to date other girls, but don't wait for her forever.

Brendi87 · Accepted Answer

She's with her man, but won't pick up your phone calls. Doesn't that make you feel bad? Why do you have to share her? People in relationships that don't have the decency to break up with their SO before talking to someone and leading them on makes me sick :-\ It's not right. She's playing both of you because she doesn't know what she wants. She wants to have her cake and eat it, too, and you're letting her. If you ever get get into a relationship with her, you will be wondering if she is talking to some guy. *Karma* There will be no trust; so, what's the point of causing yourself unnecessary heartache and pain? You don't deserve to be treated like this. No one does! I suggest you find someone who's single and build a foundation; a friendship built on trust and respect, and see where it goes from there.

GuyAdviceFromGuy · Accepted Answer

DUDE, LISTEN TO ME:  She is too involved with her boyfriend to walk away from him for you.  She most likely considers you a friend and has tossed you into the friendship category.  She is not interested in a relationship with you and even though I don't know what your "status" is with her , I'm thinking, though I maybe wrong, she may talk to you about all the drama going on and needs you to console her when she's not with her boyfriend. When things are going great with boyfriend, its harder to get a hold of her, she was busy, went somewhere, etc.  What you need to do is move on, and if that's hard to do, you can do something else.  But whatever you do, don't tell her how you feel about her because it will screw up your friendship too if she is not interested. Basically, if you can't walk away, then do this (assuming her boyfriend is a douche bag) you will have to make her see how much of a douche bag he is so that she sees it ON HER OWN.  Ask her some time what her ideal relationship or ideal boyfriend would be like, like the perfect boyfriend and then show her every reason how you can be that guy and she'll see flaws in her own relationship by herself HOWEVER,  Don't try to put down her boyfriend or try to show her how bad he is for her, because she will only try to justify the relationship.  You need to provide her an escape from all the drama, you need to make her understand you can fIlL in the gaps she sees missing (or that you invent), then she needs to see you as something she needs to attain, she needs to see you in a different light, someone that everyone wants, and that she must have before someone else takes you away...she needs to see how rare you are to have around...rare and thus, valuable

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Hey dude.

No, it is self respect when you bring this up to her. You are a person who have needs. You clearly have romantic interest in her, but has she reciprocated those interests? Only when it is convenient for her.

Your a person who wants a relationship. Well in a relationship it is equal. And in this equal relationship there are boundaries. NOW apparently there are no boundaries. She will take what you give her, do whatever she wants clearly, and have you at her call. Oh wait, it is already a unhealthy relationship. It isn't balanced. You have done too much, and invested too much as it is.

So the first thing is to at least not wait for her and start seeing other girls. You are a free person to do what you want as she has not "claimed" you. Ultimatums can only be given to people who are in a relationship. Even if you gave her one, it will cause drama, and will in the end be a negative thing between the two of you.

I would move on. Why? If she thought of you in the relationship way, then she would forget her boyfriend and jump into your waiting arms. Why has she not done this? Because she has issues. "We both know her boyfriend is not the guy for her." Really, what the heck? She is staying in a relationship that she know isn't going to work out? What sort of sane person does that? o.O No matter how one looks at that, it is f****ed up. She is leading on her boyfriend, and is leading you on as well. Forget her and move on! It doesn't matter her reasons. All that matters are her choices and her choice is she would rather stick with her boyfriend. You clearly deserve better!

kennyk · Answer

I'm in a similar situation myself too... :( I feel this is how I'm finally starting to make progress.

Right now she's getting everything, so why break up with him? She has him when she wants him and you when she wants you.

Don't give her an ultimatum, but give her less of your time. Make her worry that she's losing you, that if she doesn't leave her boyfriend for you, you'll move on. If she's worried about losing you she'll put in the effort to make sure she doesn't.

I wouldn't say anything explicitly, but reply to her texts less, or don't answer the phone. Have an excuse to leave when you're talking. Play hard to get. But don't be too consistent. Disappear for a week and make her chase you and then give her the attention she craves. Then make her chase you again. It'll drive her crazy.

DON'T be at her beck and call. You're giving her no reason to make a choice, so she'll just keep things as they are.

htownkboxer · Answer

gotta play devil's advocate

move on, brody. if she isn't committing, then it's bad timing. not hatin on her or sayin your feelings are wrong, but your skippin out on other great potentials. if she's so great, and she likes u, then other girls will too

if you specifically like her kinda personality, rest easy because there are plenty of girls similar...GUARANTEED. if there weren't, then she wouldn't have any girlfriends.

much luck to ya, hope she calls it off, but worst case scenario you move on and make yourself happy rather than waiting for her to make you happy...ya dig?

themastaplan · Answer

i didn't read the whole thing...my answer is going to be given to you just by reading the title...

NEVER, I repeat NEVER put your life on hold for anyone...if you want to see where things go then fine, but you're allowed to see other people at this point because you aren't anyones bf...keep your options open is all I'm saying

judasjamie · Answer

NO! You are not being Impatient! You are Indeed wasting your time, A boyfriend of 2 years?! People who's heads are turned easily aren't worth the effort* How are you sure that IF they do break up she won't leave you for someone else? Karma Is a bitch, Move on It's best :)

Coolflow · Answer

I'm in the same situation too!  Maybe not fully thinking about the marring part yet, but why does this always happen where it's either bad timing or too far apart?  I have to tell you from the way I'm handling my situation by being patient it most likely will work out if you feel that she cares about like she says she does.  I have have been patient with this girl that I have known for 10 months and it's starting to look like something might work out.

Tinkz_2008 · Answer

Give her space..Give her time.. Its ultimately her decision if she wants to leave her boyfriend to be with you...Remember it would be hard on her to just automatically cut off her relationship with her boyfriend of 2 years..

Pray about it...You don't want to be doing something you regret...

JoiceJoker · Answer

My love, you're in the friends zone. You provide the comfort she needs, a shoulder to lean on. And it's not like when she says she likes you a lot, that she actually loves you. Not like you guys playing riddle games because you can't verbalize your emotions out of fear of rejection.

But you already are being rejected. She's in a relationship and it's not with you. Is that correct? She either can't make up her mind or she's afraid to lose you as a friend if she tells you how she truly feels.

doedealer · Answer

its hard for us girls to beak sh*t off with our boyfriends. also we don't like jumping into another relationship immediatly after one. if you like her, just stick around in her life and she will see that it has been YOU that has always been there for her, and YOU who cares and cherishes her as a friend and as a girlfriend. if you push things, she could get turned off. if you feel you are "wasting time" I don't see anything wrong with seeing other girls casually until she comes around or a better girl does.

LilRedHead · Answer

She doesn't want you.  Because if she did, you would be with her right now.  You sound like a sweet guy, move on!  If you're dating some one and she randomly breaks up with him and you decide you want her still, fine.  But now live a little.  Besides, there are over seven billion people in the world.  You are bound to find someone else.

Swissfish · Answer

I have had this EXACT same thing happen. Wanting to marry each other and EVERYTHING.

The boy and I decided that we should stay in contact but that we should date other people.

(We agreed not to expect the other to stay single)

Just because you know that the other feels strongly doesn't mean you should shut yourself off to other girls either.

I don't know if the reason you two are apart is because of distance (that was the thing for me) but if it's not I don't think the girl is being very fair to her boyfriend or you for that matter.

However we both started dating and decided that we should have a brother and sister relationship because we both loved each other but after I started dating another boy the love just simmered down to a sibling type of love.

Hope it helps some~

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah, no--this ain't happening.

Being patient will not help your cause. My guess is she eventually breaks up with this guy and goes out with a guy who isn't you. Have you done ANYTHING romantic with this girl? Made out with her? Because if not, it's because she has no sexual interest in you.

Start looking for other girls.

Hersheykiss · Answer

it sounds lke this girl is playing you. I personally believe that if you truly are supposed to be with a person, you will meet them at the right time. basically, if you met a person at the "wrong time," they are not the pserson you're supposed to be with. if she is not ready to leave the relationship she's in after you have made it clear what you want from her, its probably time to leave it alone. there's a fine line between being patient and being a doormat. just saying.

Deft_maiden · Answer

My red flags are up. Way up! Walk away from this one.. Its toxic and will end up hurting you. You deserve way better. No need to wait. There are plenty of decedent girls out there. Pick one that is available both emotionally and physically now.

angyismytitle · Answer

She is using you. If she has a boyfriend, then she's going to be with him, especially if she hasn't broken it yet. I say that you should feel free to move on, but it never hurts to keep your options open. Good Luck. :)

kooky · Answer

forget about it for now, loosen the ties, get a girl for yourself, eventually both of you will be single and then you can make a move. Staying single for her makes you seem desperate and possibly could come off as creepy.

Mango9 · Answer

Unfortunatly you are wasting your time.  Find someone else who is emotionally and physically avaliable, because a.) If she does break up with him for you and it doesn't work out, she may be resentful, or b.) She is enjoying the extra attention and is not concerned for your feelings.  Good luck!

emvici · Answer

Knowing the truth is way best, truthfully if she is with him it is her choice, not yours or only his.

when someone stays in a relationship with you, it is not by force, it is only by trusting each other that you can stay and last together forever. Hense being loyal to each other is so special and important. Someday we all hope to find that quality in each other.

solitaire · Answer

dude she's stringing you along. you gotta move on. if she really cares about you like she says she does she'll come running after you pretty soon.

playa_pan · Answer

Find someone else who isn't willing to end a relationship that's not the match for him/her.

3ndlessdreamz · Answer

Gosh this girl's being a complete b**ch! Playing 2 guys at once?! Here's the deal, if she can't break up with her boyfriend, she's never going to be with you, so why waste your time?

Right girl wrong time? Should I move on or be patient

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