Am I a freak magnet?

[DaniJ]

It seems that the guys I like never like me back. I don't think I look too bad, and the guys I like are perfect gentlemen... I am a traditional sort of girl (never been kissed, and I'm saving it for my wedding day <3) but the only guys that like me are:

a stalker that went to jail

a guy from church camp that is socially inept

a freaky guy from school that seems like a druggie and isn't

a scary guy who's face says "I'm going to eat your soul"

a random dude I'd never seen before and suddenly starts talking to me

and a creep who cheats on his girlfriends and only wants to get into girls' pants.

I am judging by that last one esepecially, a desirable person, but all the wrong people like me! How do I change my image so I attract "normal" people without changing my personality or lowering my standards?

[DebiPie]

Kind of sounds like it, but you can have yourself "de-magnetised."

First, take a good, hard look at yourself. What image are you presenting to the world? Yes, I said image. Don't say that it doesn't matter, because the way you look means everything, and all you have to do is read your own question. What you look like gives people an idea of who you are. Then, you attract people who think that you would like them, or who think you are similar to them. That is why preps are drawn to preps, goths to goths, jocks to jocks, etc.

If you want to attract different folks, change your image. Simple as that. Let me say something else. If you want to change the people around you, change the people around you. As in the people & geographically. Maybe you aren't hanging about in the right places.

[DaniJ]

okay, let me rephrase. Sorry, I was kind of unclear... I suppose it isn't my image... I hang out with people that I like, and I dress and act like them, so I don't think it's that. I don't look like a stalker or weirdo, but that's who I seem to attract. I am shy though, and there aren't many chances for me to see my guy friends that are even worth talking to. I'm in a small church in a city where christians are't generally welcome... I think I need tips on attracting people long-distance.

[DebiPie]

OK then, that does clear things up. It sounds like you have good friends, so let's build on that. 1st, don't change your personality because you sound like a really nice girl. Ask your friends to match you up with their friends for dates. That is usually a nice, safe way to meet guys, & who better to know you & who you will like than your friends? It also sounds like you are a very nice, friendly girl, meaning, you probably smile & say hi to almost anyone who talks to you or smiles at you. Don't.

[DebiPie]

That just invites the crazies to you. You have to put up some kind of guard or self protection. It isn't mean or b*tchy. Sometimes you have to not do it. Does that make sense? I use to be that way too, & every crazy in the grocery store use to stop me & tell me their life story, etc. So, next, you want to save it for marriage. Great! Nothing wrong with that at all, you just don't need to tell everyone the first time you meet them & go out with them. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to

[DebiPie]

have sex with someone as soon as you start dating them & that means you don't have to go into your sex beliefs at that time also. Wait & see where things go because you may find you don't even like the guy & no need to tell him. Or you both may find you like each other so much that he will decide after hearing this that he is willing to wait. But if you tell him at the start he won't. Does that make sense? This could be 1 reason you aren't finding the gentlemen you want. Keep plugging away & you'll

[DebiPie]

find someone, the right someone. You're still so young, just wait. One other thought, does your church have a "sister church" in another town? You could meet people that way. A sister church is a buddy church, by the way. If not, join some clubs where you'll meet people with common interests. Good luck.

[DaniJ]

Hey, thanks. Yeah, I am kinda going along those lines of the "sister church" thing. There are other congregations of my church several hours away, but I only get to see those people a few times a year. Another thing I should explain is my "dating" situation. In my church, we don't really "date" exclusively, but we focus on friendships, and decide if we "like" each other. Then when we are older we can start dating. It's a real traditional concept.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

if you're a really nice and on the naive side, some guys can sense this

[DaniJ]

that's true... I am nice, but I try not to be naive.

[Phoenix1991]

You sound like someone I know, but! No your image is probably just fine, just have bad luck with the wrong crowd. Don't lower or change your standards, its your life and you should live it to your means and preference. Regarding to those guys, just avoid them all together if your not interested in them. Try to go to social places here and there and just smile as much as you can. Not to the point where you seem like a serial killer, just a nice smiling face =)

[DaniJ]

:) thanks. I should be seeing some of my guy friends tomorrow night and this next week... I'll try and make a good impression.

[Phoenix1991]

Good luck!