If someone is not sexually attracted to you anymore, is the relationship over?

[Anonymous]

If someone is not sexually attracted to you anymore, is the relationship over?

[Anonymous]

The relationships that exist w/o sex

include best friends, penpals, family, classmates, coworkers, club members, clients, medical/legal, etc. There are more of these that make life worth living than the few sexual ones.

That said

if one was in a sexual or sexually charged relationship

it might not compare in the slightest if it got discharged

perhaps this is what you mean

it seems bland ... but is it dead?

If both sides feel this way and hunger to find a charged relationship

they will either search abroad or more wisely try new things to recharge what they have in their own backyard, proven in past to work

[Asker]

Once the attraction is gone, you believe that it is okay to "regain" it down the road? I don't honestly. I think it is an insult to not be attracted then all of a sudden they are attractive.

[Opinion Owner]

Just reporting from experience, not preaching or guessing. Things & people change both by intent and by nature. Here's an example: guy gets disgusted with sexy wife gets pregnant, can't lose the belly fast enough, he grows up, renews love THEN belly begins to fade gradually.

[Asker]

Then why would he stay with her? So because she is pregnant he isn't attracted to her, but its okay to cut her off? Then its okay to want her back when she gets back to the size he wants her at? Once the attraction is gone...the LOVE is gone.

[Opinion Owner]

Have you made up your mind

or asking a question?

If you are looking for answers = it's over, some of these are true

If you are open to other real world experiences than that, then love sometimes is not dead forever.

Caveat for those women hoping a man will leave their pregnant wife due to sexual looks gone South ... this is temporary, guys are horny wanting a substitute & will say anything to get it. As some guys get older, they mature & get over this Playboy model requirement

[Cryostatic]

Don't waste your time on this one, pretty sure she's the same chick posting a day or so ago about her man not wanting to have sex with her while she's pregnant. I tried explaining that pregnancy screws with a lot of guys' heads, sometimes for very stupid reasons, and sometimes the guy doesn't even ~know~ why he's freaked, but just because he's got some sort of mental trigger f*cking with his head, that doesn't mean he's not attracted to her anymore. She refuses to even consider this possible.

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you!

[Asker]

First I am NOT any chick that posted on here before. When men cut a woman off it DOES have some to do with attraction. Just because he is "freaked"...who cares! Just totally disregard HER feelings right and just pick things back up when the baby is born. That is wrong! A man doesn't know what is wrong...that's an excuse. Lack of courage to tell HEr that he is not attracted anymore, but after you lose the 30 pounds I will be...WRONG!

[Asker]

So you are saying that it is okay for guys to just wander off and find it else where? And it is Okay for a guy to cut her off but after the baby things will get better. Bullcrap. Any guy that cuts his pregnant wife off does NOT deserve her after the baby either...and any pregnant girl that faces this...I hope you LEAVE that piece of crap that calls himself a man.

[Opinion Owner]

I can read your comments below to understand why his d*** gets limp thinking of you. Change this self-righteous behavior to get him hard again ... DUH

[Asker]

So...you want me to answer to his beck and call, face his every need and forget about myself. Not happening and I say the same towards girls that are doing this to guys. Guys tend to think that it is okay to just cut her off, totally ignore HER needs and when HE is ready then things get back to normal. Doesn't work that way. If you can't love her and answer to her needs without cutting her off...you don't deserve her. I am not going to kiss anyones a$$. He lost the attraction...he loses ME

[Opinion Owner]

OK!

[Asker]

How come no man on here can deny that that isn't what is really happening...he loses attraction then wants to start having sex again when HE gets the attraction back. AND her feelings are just thrown to the side. When the sexual part of the relationship is gone...there is nothing but friendship left. How come you can't admit that...read the question...When a man loses attraction he wants to just jump right back in and have things be good again while he goes through a phase...Same for girls

[Opinion Owner]

Works same way for guys in reverse, sister.

[Asker]

That is correct. That is why I wrote in my post "same for girls." I am not taking sides for either guy or girls here. So how come no man on here can deny that that isn't what is really happening?

[Opinion Owner]

Shit happens, then it becomes fertilizer that grows wonderful solutions - I see you happy after this dry spell

[Asker]

I do not see me happy after this. I am not interested in having sex with someone after they cut me off and have no answer for it. I am not interested in working on it either.

[Cryostatic]

If it's ~truly~ a loss of sexual attraction, then yes.

However, sometimes there are things outside of a relationship that can cause a loss of ~intimacy~, which is different from a loss of sexual attraction. Oftentimes these things are temporary, or psychological, and can be worked on and fixed. Stress and pregnancy are two big outside factors that can cause a loss of intimacy without necessarily a loss of sexual attraction, for either gender.

[Asker]

So you believe that because a girl is pregnant that it is okay for the guy to not be sexually attracted to her anymore? Just asking?

[Cryostatic]

Did you read anything I just wrote?

A loss of intimacy does NOT mean there's a loss of sexual attraction.

[Cryostatic]

You know what? Never mind, we've had this conversation before, and we're not having it again.

[Asker]

First off...where do you see we had this conversation before? My point simply being...a man can't be intimate (sexually attracted) with his woman while she is pregnant then he does NOT deserve her after the baby either. Because he thinks it might be wrong or nasty to touch her while like this. You normally aren't intimate with someone who you are not attracted to, so the attraction IS gone. Men just find it acceptable to do what THEY want regardless of HER feelings.

[Cryostatic]

Because your view on this whole thing is so bizarre that I severely doubt TWO people in TWO days would be coming on this website saying ~exactly~ the same load of tripe about the love being gone. I suspected, and that's the only reason I started talking about pregnancy.

And you responded in the EXACT same way.

This link is your previous question.

[Cryostatic]

I don't know why it is, but you seem completely unable to get it through your skull that a lack of intimacy does NOT (do you understand the word NOT?) mean that the attraction is gone.

My best friend couldn't bring himself to have sex with his pregnant wife because he was afraid his baby would grab his c*ck, because he heard a story about it happening. Stupid, yes, but he couldn't get past it. Does that mean he didn't WANT to have sex with her? According you, it does, and that's just stupid.

[Asker]

I responded as any woman would do. Just the same as you and some of the guys on here have. Does that mean you are the other answerers too? I am NOT that person so unless you know for sure do not accuse me of anything. People come on here to talk about whatever they want and if you don't like it, don't answer it.

What you are saying is...it is okay for a guy not to want to have sex with his girlfriend regardless for as long as he doesn't want to, and things will be okay after. That's selfish.

[Cryostatic]

I've seen a lot of women, and a lot of men, with problems very similar to yours, who never acted or reacted the way that you do. You're so hung up that you won't ~listen to anything~.

You're assuming that the reason he's not having sex with you is because he doesn't ~want~ to. No guy is going to pass up sex unless there's a damn good reason for it, but you're not interested in figuring out what the problem is and trying to fix it. You've already decided that he IS he problem.

[Cryostatic]

God, my girlfriend's best friend REFUSED to do anything even remotely sexual her husband through all three of their pregnancies. She couldn't stand the thought of even being touched in a sexual fashion. Did it suck for him? Hell yes it did, he spent 9 horny, sexless months each time. Did it destroy their relationship? No. Did it mean she didn't find him sexually attractive anymore? No. Was she being selfish? A little, but pregnancy changes things, and couples have to deal with those changes.

[Asker]

Yes you are correct...I assume he is the problem. Where would I be the problem...I have asked him and he has every excuse in the book...1. too tired 2. Lost his stamina (in just a couple months) 3. I (meaning me) go to sleep too early. And...another thing is the only time he is even considering wanting to be in the mood is when he is DRUNK. So please show me where I am the problem. I am always more than willing and ready to give it up to him, but he will not unless drunk.

[Asker]

And based on your scenario below with HER not wanting HIM...then she is wrong. She is selfish and if I was him...i wouldn't take her back either. That is wrong. I am not saying that it is just men that do this. But...what you aren't seeing is that I am more than ready, willing and able to do it, but he won't. He won't even lay facing me on the bed.

[samhradh_leannan]

Unless you can get the attraction back, or neither person has any interest in sex period (asexual or similar), it will probably be over. Sexual attraction is a big part of what differentiates a romantic relationship from a platonic one. If there is no sexual attraction within your relationship, yet you still feel like a sexual person, you will probably end up looking elsewhere sexually and it will negatively impact the relationship. But there may be situations where people can compromise or allow their partners more freedom if they don't wish to offer certain things.

[Asker]

You think that sexual attraction can be regained? To me once a person isn't attracted any more or has cut me off...its an insult and have no desire to go out of my way to be attractive again.

[samhradh_leannan]

I guess it depends. Different people probably feel differently about it. It's definitely a hurtful situation, but relationships are complicated at times. When you're on the rocks and you want to fix things, you have to learn to forgive as well as to compromise. But if you don't feel comfortable continuing the relationship once that happens, that's a valid choice. There's no right or wrong here.

[Asker]

What makes it right for someone to lose feelings then rekindle them?

[samhradh_leannan]

Every situation is different, so there's no hard and fast rule. Life is complicated and often it's hard. Relationships can go through rocky periods because of things that neither partner is directly to blame for. People are very complex psychologically and emotionally, so relationships and feelings aren't always simple. It isn't "right" or "wrong" for someone to lose feelings and then get them back. But if you want to have them back badly enough, it may be right for YOU.

[Asker]

Its not right for me either. If I have lost attraction for him then I need to go. It doesn't come back. It is simply an insult. Its saying "oh I am not attracted to you right now...maybe down the road I will be. BUT...in the mean time lets just be "friends"...not lovers because there is NO sexual attraction which is a big part of a relationship.

[samhradh_leannan]

Again, there is no hard and fast rule. If you feel that way, that's fine. Others may feel differently. Personally, I can see myself gaining attraction back after going through a rocky period, because I know that sexual feelings are influenced by more than just appearance or physical things. But if it's out of the question for you, that's okay too.

[Asker]

What are sexual feelings based on if not appearance or physical things. I won't regain anything back once I have been knocked to my knees by him not having any attraction. Without sexual feelings...there is nothing except friendship.

[samhradh_leannan]

Sexual attraction is BASED on physical things, but it can be AFFECTED by emotions. If there is no feeling of well being within the relationship, that can influence sex and attraction. You're obviously pretty determined that attraction cannot be regained, and it's totally fine for you to feel that way. But you will eventually have to acknowledge that every person is different, and every situation is different. There is no universal right or wrong, there's just what's right for you.

[Asker]

Yes but my point being that once someone loses attraction for you, it isn't regained. I am NOT even interested in working on it either. I am not into when someone "WANTS" to be attracted to me. That's sh*t and I won't tolerate it.

[samhradh_leannan]

Okay, it's fine for you to feel that way. But can you please acknowledge that other people may feel differently? This is an extremely complicated and emotional topic, and there are so many different variables in each individual case. You just can't make universal statements about how EVERYONE should feel or act in this situation. Others may be willing to try to regain attraction, and it may very well work for them. If you personally don't want to try, fine. There IS NO right or wrong.

[Asker]

Everyone has their own opinion. I however am stating mine in MY question/answer. Maybe you should look at your own responses. Ill respond how I want to.

[samhradh_leannan]

Your "personal opinion" seemed to make a general statement about the world as a whole. Until now, you have been completely impervious to any concept of different people feeling differently, at least in the way you phrased your statements if not in your actual beliefs. But of course you can respond however you like, anyone can.

[Asker]

There you go. You clearly stated "my personal opinion". So if you don't like it then I guess...ignore it.

[samhradh_leannan]

Well, one can't have the "personal opinion" that grass is most often pink, unless they want their opinion to be ridiculous and incorrect. When you get into the realm of making statements about OTHER people, it's hard to lean on the concept of "personal opinion". You can say it's your personal opinion that someone seems nice, but it's harder to make the claim that they ARE nice, and harder still to argue that flowers make them happy- just because you like flowers doesn't mean that they do.

[Asker]

Makes no sense.

[samhradh_leannan]

What doesn't? There's a difference between opinions and empirical statements. That's the point I'm trying to make.

[Asker]

And my point is...I will say what I want on here and if you don't like it...then simply don't respond. I do not have to word my questions or answers to your liking.

[samhradh_leannan]

This isn't about my personal preferences. But I've never contested your right to say what you want. Feel free.

[naturaldisaster]

Its not really over, you can talk about it and ask what changed their mind, what's going on in their head. But people can become sexually attracted all over again with the same person.

[Asker]

In my mind, once one loses attraction, there is no regaining it back. Its like saying "you aren't good enough looking to sleep with right now, but maybe down the road you will be." Nope...im not going to be insulted and then forgive.

[naturaldisaster]

Its happened to me like 10 times with the same person, so I know from experience..its like I want him immediately cause I am sexually attracted to him and then the next minute I could care less if he's breathing", I mean; does that make sense?

[Asker]

Attraction should always be there. Doesnt mean you want sex every day but you don't cut the person off. So if you are losing the attraction then in my eyes there is no relationship. People don't lose the attraction and regain it. Yours sounds more like a lust or friends with benefits situation.

[PoeticNinja]

There has to be some sexual attraction. If they weren't sexually attracted to me, it's over.. And vice versa.

[Anonymous]

It's not over, baby - just going through an immature guy cycle. His love is at the bottom of this roller coaster but just wait fr after baby comes and he'll be at the top again, loving you all the more for going through this.

[Asker]

My point is...if he can't have any sexual relations with me now...then what makes it right for him to want it later. To be honest...I am not into playing little games like this with him. don't love me now, then you don't get me then. I am not an easy forgiver. As far as I am concerned the relationship is over.

[Opinion Owner]

I have been through this 4 times, the love comes back even stronger.

[Asker]

Sorry but not in my eyes. It is like using someone for when you want them. What about the girls feelings it is okay for you to just push them aside? What makes that right? If you don't love me now then don't come crawling back after. Just my opinion.

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry you don't desreve him

[Asker]

Dont deserve a man that can't give an honest answer without beating around the bush...that wants to just come and go as he pleases and has NO consideration for HER feelings. And that goes for girls too...

[Opinion Owner]

I'm beginning to feel like beating around the bush to avoid your tirade and ... going!

[Asker]

Not sure what you mean...beating around the bush? I have confronted him on this issue for two weeks in a row, after allowing him to go a few months without asking him in hopes that he would either say something to me or get over the slump. He has done neither. BUT that is OK right?

[Opinion Owner]

Dreams come true for those who can wait for them

[Asker]

What dream is it I am waiting for?

[Opinion Owner]

that all of your negatives become positives

your lack becomes abundance

your feeling reverse

you feel loved and fulfilled

[Asker]

Awww...thanks. But I have yet to find a man that can do that.

[Opinion Owner]

There may be none that mature to find. Consider the potter that takes a lump of wet clay and applies love & patience to his art of turning it into something that serves others well and is valued. You reap what you sow and certainly you must be the mature farmer in these cases where men falter.

[Asker]

Hmmm...my response to this. I know it sounds like a crazy bitch but...I don't have the time or patience to wait for someone who doesn't have his game together. I'm not anyones keeper and I will not take the time to make a relationship last. I am done with anyone that has no sexual attraction to me...whether it be temporary or not. It's over.

[sirtopemhat]

depends on if it gets between your guys personal relationship. basically your just best friends if there's no sex right?

[AlexCab]

It really depends on how you built your relationship. It it was around sex yes, it's pretty much over. If it's around other stuff then maybe not.

[kheserthorpe]

Unless it turns around, yes.