Guys catch feelings for me way too fast. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Hello, I have a slight problem on my hands. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. It was a mutual thing, it ended very pleasantly, thank god.

Since then I've been really enjoying myself, I never felt so relieved and free and happy! I went to a party, danced with a few guys and had so much fun. It was great until I started having to explain to everyone that I was newly single. (Mostly to guys that had feelings for me in the past and still kind of do) These guys flirted with me and admitted liking me even when I was with my boyfriend. But they never tried anything else because I explained to them I was taken. After the news got out that I was single, they all just came back and started trying to get on my good side, flirting and trying to hang out with me alot. The thing is...I'm not attracted to these guys at all and I'm not even ready to start dating again. Not even close, its only been over a week since the break up for christ's sake! I don't want to flirt, or even give my number out or anything until I'm ready. I don't want to give these guys any indication that I might even WANT to date them in the future. Because I DONT. But they're my friends and they're really sweet and nice! I just don't like them like that and probably never will. I just feel really weird around them now and I don't know how to explain it to them without them being offended. They all get really weird and emotional when I start asserting myself about it too. Trying to make me feel bad. Its f***ing crazy and I hate it! They fall WAY too fast for their own good. They barely even know me too. I just can't understand how you can have feelings for someone so quickly and not even know them on a deep enough level. I don't fall so easily, trust me. I can detach myself whenever I want. I don't start liking a guy just because he's cute and we have some stuff in common. Its gotta be deeper than that. I really get uncomfortable when guys tell me they like me too quick. Its a turn off. I just..dont know what to do. Any advice? (Sorry for rambling and sh*t.)

[parkway]

A woman with a guy for 2.5 years is a good catch and they have been watching you, so they feel that they know you.

The guys don't love you, they love the ideal of you, and you must be cute or have a nice swing.

You are right the guys are weak and many do not know what to do with a woman who is comfortable in her own skin. So many women define themselves by what they have hanging around them or off them.

Understand that many guys do not have to be in a deep to get a woman to fall for them. People do not need to develop and they are trying to employ methods which have worked in the past with you. You may want to leave town for a while.

You also have the law of attraction working for you. The happier you are and more complete you feel about yourself the more men you attract to you. Somehow you are attracting men who feel lack or lack of.

Good luck,

[Asker]

I really really f***ing love this answer, holy crap thank you. I guess I never thought about it like that. I'm always very confident and out there with myself but I hate catching the attention of guys, and then risk hurting their feelings.I really hope you're right about them not loving me. Its probably just infatuation...I HOPE.

I just want to kind of be invisible for a while, and off the radar. I go to college with these guys so I can't just up and leave town! Not for a few years anyway.

[Blobb]

What the guy below me said. And they can't love you, they don't know you They project a ton of sh*t onto you that may or may not be there.

Also one thing, these people are hanging around you in the hope that you'll like them. Not to be your friend. This is the most likely scenario, as soon as you break it to them that they're just friends most of those friends will disappear. Not cause of "hurt feelings", cause most guys don't need many extra friends. That's obviously not what they're interested in either, and not what they're looking for from you so they will move on.

The best, most honest, forthcoming and respectful thing you can do is to tell them you only see them as friends. Keeping them hopeful because you'reafraid of hurting their feelings is not as cool.