Why does the guy always have to start the conversation and keep it going? why does the guy have to approach?

[moviedude714]

Seriously, how come more girls will not do at least half of the initiating and courtship when it comes to dating and relationships? Because I am okay asking a girl out on a date, I am okay standing up and protecting her, I am okay paying on the dates, buying her flowers, pulling out chairs for her, opening doors for her, etc. But how come girls don't give more clues or hints to show a guy that they are interested in them? How come girls don't at least make the first move and strike up a conversation with a guy, that way a guy will know that she is interested in him?

Why does the guy almost all the time have to make the first move and start a conversation and keeping the conversation going?

Because

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+1 y

I have been in community college for 3 years now, and no girl has ever struck up or initiated a conversation with me. I obviously know that more than half the time, most girls expect the guy to make the first move, but there are some exceptions.

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+1 y

Even if a girl does not want to approach me, or walk up to me, the at least a girl can do is start a conversation with me, say Hi to me, if she is in one of my classes, like let's say she sits next to me or in front of me, behind me.

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Because if a girl is in the classroom, there is a little less pressure there, she does not have to walk up to me or anything. Every year, I have seen girls in the classroom initiate and start conversations with other guys, but never with me.

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+1 y

Because every year in the classroom, I see girls initiating and starting conversations with other guys, but never with me, and I know for a fact that those guys who they are having small talk with, initiating conversations, are guys they are not dating.

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+1 y

Why can't girls at least do half of the initiating?

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How can I tell if a girl is just being friendly to me? or if she likes me?

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Seriously, who or what gets it into girls minds that the guy has to be the one to make the first move and ask the girl out, take the initiative?

[shadowscard]

I agree it is a pain but there is a logical reason and it goes back to animal instincts. Since flirting and dating leads to a relationship and a relationship can lead to sex girls have to be more careful when selecting their mate. Because of the fact that there are players and guys just using girls for sex out there girls have to be careful of them. In the end if a couple have sex and the guy leaves then he doesn't really have any consequences and there for less risk, but the girl does because she can get pregnant. So it comes down to her protecting her well being. I hope that makes sense.

[moviedude714]

Yeah, but girls can take the pill or get an abortion, unlike other animals, it seems most girls are anti-abortion, don't you think?

[shadowscard]

Yeah if they are anti-abortion they have a huge risk when asking out guys. They could take the pill but it's still ingrained into their instincts that they have to be careful.

[moviedude714]

Yeah, but if they started giving shy nice guys a chance, because I think shy nice guys are much less likely to cheat on a girl and break her out.

[shadowscard]

That is true but if shy guys don't take initiative, then girls it's hard to get to know them better. Then if they do end up going out it really becomes a hollow relationship. But of course that depends on how shy the guy really is. Plus girls like guys that like to have fun, and shy guys are really quite and closed and that's not fun. Imagine trying to date a really shy girl that won't talk to you unless you talk to them first, it's really annoying.

[moviedude714]

Well I'm not terribly shy, like I will usually approach a girl, I just don't like approaching girls when they are with their friends or when there is a lot of other people around, because I don't want other people to eavesdrop on the conversation.

[shadowscard]

That's understandable, but making friends with her friends is really important, because they could either cheer for you and her to get together or tear up your chances.

[moviedude714]

Also what if a girl is alone, but there are a lot of other people around? another reason why I am not comfortable approaching girls in those type of settings is because if I get rejected, I don't want to be rejected in front of a lot of people.

[KikiSunshine]

I am so so with this. I have no problem approaching people however, when it comes to guys I like I freak out UNLESS it is unexpected. I have my moments where I am all bravery and chatty and he becomes the shy one, then there are other times I can't even look at him. I suck. Once I'm in a relationship though I try to make more of an effort in terms of splitting the bill, or suggesting new things to do, or doing small sweet things. I think a lot of girls are still in the mindset that the guy is supposed to approach the girl unfortunately.

[moviedude714]

Yeah I am glad you agree, I am okay asking the girl out and initiating the relationship, well eventhough I have never been in a relationship before, but I have asked girls out before. Anyway, I wish girls would give more hints and clues to show a guy that they like them. Because I know and hear girls complain by saying "guys are stupid, we show them when we like them, but they can't even tell or take hints". Well guys are more verbal than girls are, girls communicate more non-verbally.

[moviedude714]

Eventhough it would be nice if girls did ask guys out more often, but since most girls are old-fashioned and feel it is the guy's job to ask, the at least those girls can do is make it more obvious that they are interested in the guy.

[KikiSunshine]

Agreed. I always wish I were more verbal haha. I think if a girl treats you way differently then she does other guys and you catch her looking at you and/or blushing then that is a good sign. Unless she is obviously avoiding you haha.

[moviedude714]

Yeah, also I really get confused as to whether a girl is just being friendly to me, or she actually likes me. Because girls have smiled at me when I saw them, they said Hi to me, when I talked to them, they would engage me in the conversation, and reciprocate, like they would ask me questions back in return. They gave eye contact, but when I asked them out, they had a boyfriend already. So they were most likely just teasing me, or just being flirty or friendly. It's very confusing.

[moviedude714]

I struggle to tell the difference between a girl just being friendly to me, or if she actually likes me, or if she just likes me as a friend only.

[kcgirl22]

I don't always expect the guy to make the first move. If I see a guy I'm interested in, especially if he's by himself, I have no problem walking up to him and saying Hey, How's it going?

A lot of times when I'm having a conversation with a guy I feel like I'm trying to keep the conversation going, and he's just kind of giving me yes or no answers. I guess it also might have to do with who initiated the conversation, as for who puts more effort into it. Idk, it's just a thought.

[moviedude714]

How can I get girls to walk up to me and saying "hey how's it going?" If girls are not walking up to me, does that mean there is something wrong with me? could it be how I look?

[kcgirl22]

I don't think it's because of your looks. Not a whole lot of girls feel comfortable approaching guys. If anything, they might not be approaching you because they think you're really good looking and either A) already have a girlfriend or B) won't be interested in them.

[moviedude714]

So they think I might already have a girlfriend or I won't be interested in them?

also another thing I have noticed is that girls always seem to be attracted and flirt with the guys who already have a girlfriend, like once a girl finds out a guy is taken, it makes her like him even more. Usually if a guy finds out if a girl is taken, the guy just moves on.

[kcgirl22]

I don't specifically go after guys who are already taken. What is the point? If he stays true to his girlfriend, you aren't going to get him. And if he cheats on his girlfriend for you, do you really want that kind of guy anyways? I don't. If I have already liked a guy, and then he gets a girlfriend, I might still like him, but only because I might not be able to help it. I don't see any reason for going after a guy who is already taken.

[moviedude714]

Same here, once there is a girl I like and she is taken already, I completely forget about her, I never talk to her or bother to make small talk with her ever again.

[sarahh_12]

Well what are girls supposed to do to show they like you? Or they just genuinely want to talk to you because you seem interesting or something? I've tried but either guys don't get it, don't like me, or I'm not doing it right. Haha.

[moviedude714]

Well I would like it after I have made the first move on a girl and approach her for the first time, and after I have made a good first impression, the next time I would like it if she approaches me the second time.

[smarti1809]

I'm really shy, so I probably would be too scared to approach a guy in person. Online is a different story. I usually can open up more online and feel less afraid. I've even gotten a few boyfriends. My issue with initiating the interaction on there is that the guys I meet end up letting me do all the work, start all the conversations and talking to them is like a chore. Now, if I'm going to initiate, then you have to put in just as much effort as if you had asked me out yourself.

[Anonymous]

I usually initiate the conversation with the guy I like and I even asked him to hang out, but i have a hard time continuing the conversation because I'm shy and I think he is too

[ChelseaFC2009]

I totally agree. Girls should approach first too.

[moviedude714]

Seriously, it's really unfair.