Having a huge crush on a distant acquaintance/friend?

[Electric_Dreams]

I bet some others have been like this? It's strange because, I haven't even seen her in person since summer 2012! And I miss her so much.. despite that I have only technically seen her twice.. which was when I met her in early summer 2012, and then when I was on holiday with her and a load of other people for a week in later summer 2012.

Since then we've spoken a fair bit online and gotten to know each other quite well and I think she appreciates talking to me and how I'm supportive of her efforts in uni and other things, and how I always ask how it's going etc.

But yeah it's just strange.. that I have such strong feelings for her when I have only been in her presence twice - once for half a day and the second time for a week. All the time I always thoroughly enjoyed being around her though and being around her gave me a sense of calm.. her presence calmed me and allowed me to feel condifent.. which is very rare for me with girls. I actually think I had a crush on her as soon as I saw her for the first time actually.

And the thing is I know it could never work. She lives way north of me, and is at uni way south of me. After uni she'll have a job most likely way far away from where I'm at. Plus at uni right now she has loads of friends who she sees regularly and I'm sure I'm just a friendly acquaintance to her.. It's annoying that it's like.. feelings overpowering logic.

Right now it seems like I might get to go on the holiday again summer 2014, so I'll get to hang out with her for a week again.. and now I'm so excited that I keep thinking about it, can't easily think of anything else, and then what.. I don't see her for maybe another whole year. It's ridiculous.

What makes this happen? How can a crush like this even exist? Has anyone ever had one like this and you actually ended up in a relationship with her? I have this overwhelming desire to be with her even though I know it's not workable.

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Something I've just thought about, could people please give me a little insight into this - say, hypothetically, that I told her and she doesn't feel the same.. has anyone been in this situation but then managed to have a nice relationship with the person thereafter (managed to lose awkwardness and become good friends or maybe ended up going together anyway)? Because.. in my mind I like the idea that years from now, when we're in out 30s and 40s, we will still hang out sometimes go out for

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drinks etc. even if we're not together. Because y'know, I even enjoy her very much just as a friend, on the few occasions I've been around her, so yeah.. I want to remain close to her in some way, even if just as friends, for the foreseeable future. In which case.. could that even happen if I told her and it didn't go the beautiful fairytale way?


Also, how can I even have a relationship with anyone else y'know, when like in the George Harrison song, I got my mind set on her? Y'know, I can

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try and move on by trying to get involved with someone else.. and then maybe I'll forget about her and we'll just be friends? But I dunno'.. the way I feel about her I find it difficult to be interested in anyone else.. so it'd be forced I think..

[Anonymous]

It is workable. I'm orginially from Russia, I fell in love with my childhood playmate. It was instant from the time I was seven. He moved away at age 9, to St. Petersburg, I was 12 hours away. My heart felt like it couldn't survive without him. My parents took me to visit every other summer and it was the one thing I looked forward to all year. This continued through my teen years and into college. He only saw me as a friend and I watched him go through girlfriends and heartbreaks. I was too afraid of it not working because of our distance. I had no money to move, so I loved from afar. Until one day , I was tired of waiting and I went to see him and confessed my love. It turns out he loved me back. Even though we were far, we made it work, by letters, Skype, calls and alternating visits. During one of my visits, he proposed and we are now engaged. I ended up being sent to the US for work, and now we are even further, but we still make it work through Skype. He has applied fora visa so we can marry, but still it is more waiting. My advice to you is to not give up, all things are possible. If you love this girl, don't waste time, tell her how you feel and if you both love each other enough and want it to work, you can find a way to make it work.

[Electric_Dreams]

Being so far away and having to make it work using Skype.. no offense and I'm very happy for you but that's not something I would want for myself.. I just don't think I could do it is what I mean. Thankyou for your response and encouragement... I know we have at least a mild connection but I still think at this point I'm just a friendly acquaintance. I could never tell her I don't think, I'd be terrified of her reacting badly, of things getting awkward and maybe of us never being quite the same.

[guy532]

That's one of the nicest stories that I've ever heard. Thanks for sharing and I hope he gets his visa soon!

[Electric_Dreams]

Yeah I second what he said for the record.

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you very much, I hope he does too. :-)

[kerouac5]

If she cares for you even as a friend, and you confess it and she doesn't reciprocate; she will still talk to you. I've confessed my love to guys that didn't reciprocate, and when I see them or talk with them, they are still cool about it.

[Electric_Dreams]

Its weird though? Aren't they.. not the same around you.. because they know that while you're a good friend of theirs you also are repressing feelings for them.. maybe..

[kerouac5]

About two years ago, I had a crazy crush on my friend that went into the NHL. I confessed my feelings when he came into town and he only saw me as a friend/teammate. It ached, but I was OK with it. Things never were awkward because we were friends first. We hang out anytime he comes into town and there is no weird moments.

[kerouac5]

Thank you are the bst answer! I wish you a happy new year and hope it brings you lots of happiness and love. :-)

[kerouac5]

And if you're afraid of ending up like that song, I say risk it all and tell her, have no regrets, for you never know what will happen. Best of luck :-)

[Electric_Dreams]

Gotta' see how summer 2014 goes I suppose.. one week a year.. damn shame. I had been thinking if I should try and socialise with her outside of our groups annual summer holiday too, like see if she wants to meet up at Christmas time and stuff like that.. but then if it's just us two it could be awkward. Could that be awkward? If sometime I'd just ask her if she wants to meet me for a coffee while she's in town? She'd probably misunderstand and think I'm asking her out but really It'd just be so

[Electric_Dreams]

we could hang out a little. What do you think would be the best way to ask? ..well I could like suggest that a few of us (a few of the other people in our holiday group.. which for the record is a family, it's an annual family holiday, however me and her are not even nearly related.. I'm like an honorary member of the family kinda') meet up instead of just us two. Like I could say "maybe you me and this an' that of your cousins could meet up while you're in town" that could work..

[kerouac5]

Yeah, just ask her for coffee or go out in a group setting. If you want to meet up with her at Christmastime, make it about group settings as well. Like ask herd she wants to come and see your school, meet your friends, just hang out etc. Just be left, "hey (insert name) I was going to go grab some coffee, would you like to join me?" Or "since we had a lot of fun hanging bout this summer, maybe we can hang out so e more this Christmas?" You can always tell her she can invite a friend

[Electric_Dreams]

That's good. Thankyou.

[kerouac5]

I wish you the very best of luck, and if its meant to be, it will be. :-)

[Electric_Dreams]

Okay a little extra help if you don't mind? Last time we spoke she signed off "cya later x" ...she said later and put a kiss.. she wouldn't do that if I irritate her so I guess that means she doesn't appreciate me right.. and later means she likes talking to me and likes the idea of us speaking again? I don't wanna' be one of those people who reads too much into everything but I just kinda'.. with this particular thing. Some people just put little x's to anyone casually though so...

[Electric_Dreams]

guess that means she does* appreciate me right..

is what I meant. Does. Damn typos.

[kerouac5]

I only put an "x" if I care about a guy. So I would say yes, she appreciates/cares about you. She likes talking with you too.

[Electric_Dreams]

Dang it how'd I just now notice your cool name! I dig Jack Kerouac.. I assume that's what it's about unless your last name happens to be Kerouac. I find him a fascinating person. Did you see the new film Kill Your Darlings in which he's portrayed by Jack Huston?

[kerouac5]

I am a huge jack Kerouac fan. :-) I have read every one of his books. My hockey teammates sometimes add to my collection with we win.

[Electric_Dreams]

I have to admit I've never actually read an entirety of his works so not as big a fan as you, just very interested in him and his life in general, find him an interesting person of times past like. I'm not great with reading just.. don't really ever feel like I have time to commit to a book. The film is interesting anyway and I think the role was cast well and Jack Huston is a great actor. Too much focus on Ginsberg in the film though I thought. Well it's his story but.. I watched it for Jack.

[kerouac5]

I should definitely check it out. Yeah, he was a very cool guy, he inspired a lot of my poetry and writing in general.

[Electric_Dreams]

That's good that you write. I write too. Scripts though.

Thankyou very much for your support on this question. I appreciated it very much.

[kerouac5]

That is cool that you write script; and it was my pleasure. I sincerely wish you the very best and if you ever need to talk or need advice do not hesitate to ask. :-)

[guy532]

Go for it man, you literally have nothing to lose. If she's a good friend, you won't lose her if you tell her how you feel. However, if she's not, then it's better not to have fake friends anyway. I think I'm finally old enough that I can tell you that it's fairly rare to find someone that you're completely compatible with, so when you do, don't hold anything back. I'm also in a similar situation, for the past year I've been talking with this girl who lives ridiculously far away. I haven't even met her, but I can tell she's special and I have strong feelings for her (which she knows about). You never know, this girl might be worth it.

[Electric_Dreams]

She is my potential future stepdads niece.. that ain't too bad.. would that be weird, hypothetically, if step cousins (thus not related) were going together? Some people might think so but man.. I could understand that with step siblings but step cousins.. gettin' ahead of myself though, just thinkin' about hypotheticals

[guy532]

hahaha I had a huge thing for one of my step-cousins (sister of my cousin's partner), so sounds like it's pretty common. I don't think it's weird if you're both not blood related and initially met each other at an age of sexual maturity.

[Electric_Dreams]

That's a step cousin? Sister of cousin's partner.. these things can be damn confusing and hard to follow sometimes lol.

[guy532]

I know hahaha, yea technically they're considered step cousins.

[Dayum9008]

Never a good idea to focus on only one person. If you think you're only a nice acquaintance then you're probably right. You know when you are good friends with somebody or think you really can be good friends

Best tell her straight away so whatever can happen will happen. That way you can move on depending on the situation and continue your life. I mean you don't want to miss out on available girls actually in your reach. And sadly being friends in your 30's and 40's is probably a pipe dream. I doubt most people are even cool with their good friends after so many years.

[Electric_Dreams]

Well we each have family members in common and such, so I reckon it's not too unrealistic. If one wants to stay friends with someone way into the future I think it's very possible - just don't stop sayin' "howdy".

I mean thanks, but I can't tell her right away. I value her as a friend so I think the best thing for me to do is to keep being her friend and to be that guy who's so particularly nice to her and interested in her that it seems that I might be interested in her but she can't tell.

[Electric_Dreams]

Remain ambiguous for the near future at least. I like being friends with her so I'm probably gonna' try and talk to her more often, try and meet up with her sometimes, just see what happens thereafter I suppose.