Girls, how do you feel about a man doing housework? Also, how does it affect your attraction to him?

Question

So are you more attracted to a man who does his fair share (or more) of the housework or are you more attracted to the traditional man of the house?

The article below is what led me to ask this.

 

"Husbands who spend more time doing traditionally female chores -- such as cooking, cleaning, and shopping -- reported having less sex than those who do more masculine tasks, said the study in the American Sociological Review.

"Our findings suggest the importance of socialized gender roles for sexual frequency in heterosexual marriage," said lead author Sabino Kornrich, of the Center for Advanced Studies at the Juan March Institute in Madrid.

"Couples in which men participate more in housework typically done by women report having sex less frequently. Similarly, couples in which men participate more in traditionally masculine tasks -- such as yard work, paying bills, and auto maintenance -- report higher sexual frequency."

...

But both men and women in couples with more traditional household labor divisions said they had more sex.

"The results suggest the existence of a gendered set of sexual scripts, in which the traditional performance and display of gender is important for creation of sexual desire and performance of sexual activity," Kornrich said."

bubble_tea · Accepted Answer

@meatballs21 you've got to quote the real reason, man

www.nytimes.com/.../...marriage-mean-less-sex.html

No, she said. It was something else: It bothered her that her husband acknowledged being turned on by watching the fantasy online but not by doing it in real life with her. “I felt so rejected,” she said. “I told him, ‘I want you to want to dominate me,’ but he said he just doesn’t see me that way, that he doesn’t see us that way.”

For this couple, the experiment felt so awkward that they quickly reverted to their routine: sex in the usual roles and positions during a window between 10:30 and 11 p. m. when they were both tired but not yet asleep. When I turned to her husband for his perspective, he seemed relieved that he could express his puzzlement.

“It’s nice,” he said about the sex they have. “It’s not superhot all the time, but it’s really nice. I’m attracted to her, and I like being with her, and I’m very happy with our sex life. I don’t know what she expects. If I don’t clean up the bathroom, if I don’t give her equal time with her work, if I make a decision without consulting her, she wouldn’t want that. I’m so used to interacting with her as an equal — and I also want that — but I like what we have, and occasionally I like getting the other stuff on the Internet. Isn’t being a good husband and father and wanting to have semirespectful sex with my wife enough? Before we got married, we always said we’d have a 50-50 marriage, and you’d think that would be great for our sex life, but instead it’s the one area where we’re having trouble. Everything else is great. It’s the sex we don’t agree on.”

He took a deep breath before adding: “I know what a 50-50 marriage should be like. But what is 50-50 sex supposed to be like?”

chantillykate · Accepted Answer

In our house, it is a 100% expectation that my husband do his share of household chores. If he doesn't do them, he knows that I will confront him - and, if I slack off and don't clean up after myself, you better believe he tells me all about it. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

It doesn't make me attracted to him when he does housework, but knowing that my husband is the kind of man who sees me as his equal rather than someone who should be taking care of him makes me feel attracted to him. With that being said, no matter how physically attractive a man is, if he doesn't treat me as his equal, then I would never even entertain the idea of being attracted to him.

This goes much further than just housework though. We don't have children, but when we do one day, the parenting responsibilities will be equally split as well. Same concept applies with work. Can we live on one salary? Sure. But, it is my obligation just as much as my husband's to do everything I can to ensure the security of our family. He never makes me feel like I shouldn't be working, and I never feel like he should be the only one providing for us. Love is a two-way street, always.

Relationships are all about team work and equality. No partner is better than the other, so both partners should be held equally accountable for everything in their lives.

Fezziwig · Accepted Answer

I would argue that the man who is so inclined to do more housework is perhaps less inclined to initiate sex (less ego driven? less testosterone? more considerate of/in tune with his woman's needs vis-a-vis his own?), and that the man who is comfortable letting her do all the work around the house is probably more insistent about receiving sex from her as well, regardless of her needs.

I'm not super duper feminist or anything. I believe in equal pay for equal work, but that we cannot do all work equally. There ARE physical limitations between individuals of both genders. Yadda yadda. I'm like a realistic feminist, that we deserve the same opportunities but performance-based promotion. There are MILLENNIA of social dynamics at work that have been drastically changing over just a couple DECADES. I don't think we've worked out all the kinks yet. All that long-winded business being said, my inner feminist comes out ROARING when there's even a suggestion that men should shun domestic chores because it will work to their manly advantage, and NOTHING shuts down my sex drive more than that. So if my man wants to let me do all the work thinking it's going to earn him more sex, he's in for a HUGE disappointment :0)

meatballs21 · Accepted Answer

(the couple are in counselling because of a poor sex life) “I’m very attracted to you,” she said earnestly. “You know when I really crave you? It’s when you’re just back from the gym and you’re all sweaty and you take off your clothes to get in the shower and I see your muscles.”  Her husband countered by saying that this very situation had occurred that morning but that his wife became irritated when he tossed his clothes on the floor, which led to a conversation about his not vacuuming the day before, when she worked late. He had worked late, too, which accounted for the lack of vacuuming, but still — she hated waking up to a messy room, and it was his turn to vacuum.  “Right,” she agreed. “I wasn’t focused on sex, because I wanted you to get out the vacuum.”  “So if I got out the vacuum, then you’d be turned on?”  His wife thought about it for a minute. “Actually, probably not,” she said slowly, as if hearing the contradiction even as she was speaking it. “The vacuuming would have killed the weight-lifting vibe.”

Sigma88 · Accepted Answer

I have my own place, so I do my own housework & cooking. Every once in awhile, my GF gives me a hand, & I do the same for her at her place. Honestly, I KNOW my girl loves it when we do housework together, & I don't mind it. As for sex, it's at least once a day, & she beats me to initiating it most times. So I don't know...

TheDevilInside · Answer

He better does his fair share of housework!

Reasons:
1. I hate doing housework as well so I will leave him if he expects me to do everything alone. I'm no traditional 50s girl nor am I willing to be a traditional housewife. Equality, man! It's almost 2015.
2. A man who is willing to do housework shows me that he is indeed a secure man. He is secure about his masculinity, and doesn't need to divide up works around the house into "male work" and "female work". He knows that cooking or baking won't make him feel less of a man, nor will I see him as less of a man because he bakes. (I actually like a guy who bakes, because I ruin every cake I try to make).
3. A man who is willing to do housework indicates a modern man, who respects his woman as his equal. He can think for himself, doesn't conform to the roles the old society gave to men and women. I like that.

And I don't see the relation between whether my man does housework or not and the amount of sex we'd have. The one doesn't have anything to do with the other. As long as both our sex drives are healthy, I don't see there will be any problem there.

Anonymous · Answer

Personally, I get annoyed when my husband wants to find things to keep him busy outside all day. I'm glad he's a man and does his job but... we have 4 boys, 1 being an infant. So the help inside is very much appreciated. I find myself less attracted if he doesn't help me. 1 because I think it's rude expecting me to deal with the chaos while cooking, cleaning, etc. while he pidles in silent solitude outside. 2 because when it comes to "grown up" time. If he hasn't helped I'm exhausted and have feelings towards him like, kiss my ass, And not in a good way. It just makes me feel like he cares when he helps and isn't trying to avoid the life we made together. If I'm not as over worked I'm much more willing to "do my wifly duties". And when it's like that it's not so much a duty but like a hell yeah! We survived another day together! Let's do the one thing we love so much that brought us all of this work! But with protection this time!! Lol Aside from it benefitting me, It's always been sexy to me to see my man do housework. It's just like awe... you prob had a good momma that taught you things or you just learned it on your own because you like to be clean. Women don't want a child, in my case another one. We want a man! Someone that is self sufficient and knows what needs to get done. However... when he is working outside and I look out the kitchen window and he's sweating his ass off cutting the grass it's so damn hot. I'm thinking you better get your ass in here and help me so we can have adult time later! I think it takes a happy medium. On both parts. I can pick the hell out of some weeds. :)

igk21 · Answer

Let's be real here-women nowadays have jobs and careers. Very few stay at home because most people have to work to make ends meet. With that being said,
both men and women have careers outside the home and therefore both should share the workload inside the home. Whether that's washing dishes or mowing the lawn is irrelevant in my opinion. I think it's sexy when guys help
with the housework. I don't think it makes
them any less of a man. I think it's good when women shovel snow. I don't think it makes them any less of a woman. Couples in relationships should help each other out. That's not only sexy, but mutual respect and sharing the work load keeps people together.

lumos · Answer

I'd expect him to do his share of housework, and I don't really think it would make me more attracted to him (due to the fact that it's something he's SUPPOSED to do). Sure, it'll make me happy in the sense that it won't make me feel like I'm doing all the work myself, as if he's a child I'm supposed to constantly look after. But it's not like I'm going to be all like "WOW, you decided to vacuum AND empty the dishwasher today? Holy fuck, let me drop my panties immediately" because... it's just... housework. I don't think doing more "masculine" tasks would make me more attracted to him either, just as I don't expect him to be more attracted to me just because I know how to make dinner.

Anonymous · Answer

Mehh don't believe that crap, my boyfriend and I love cooking together and then we do the dishes together and it works out perfectly. We don't live together but one time my dad went away for the weekend and my boyfriend came and stayed for a few nights. I worked that weekend and he didn't so I came home after work and he had done all my laundry for me because he said he got bored. So I fucked him right there on the washing machine haha.

Azara · Answer

How do you know they are having less sex bc they both are super busy which is why he's doing house work in the first place.

I would be. Dry UNATTRACTED to a guy who. Any clean the house he live sin. I think seeing it as women work is not just sexist but dangerous bc plenty if guys live in their own... So are they supposed to live in shit and squalor bc it's not manly work. Give me a break. Basic cleanliness is a necessary human ability

Separate from how I see it intellectually I find it super hot to see a guy doing house work. Personally id rather do outside work I hate being inside.

inside outside it's all house work and those residing in the home should be willing to clean it. If capable as in not disable not as in the right sex

dimples123 · Answer

This is not true in my opinion the sexiest thing a man can do is do house chores, both masculine and feminine. What makes it sexy is when they are shirtless and they still have pride despite doing these stuff

rjroy3 · Answer

I think other than cooking it has an affect.
All I know is I've had girls ask to watch me when I do the lawn or other traditionally male tasks. I've never once had a girl get turned on by me folding clothes or doing traditional female tasks. Some girls try to say, "oh yea, I love it just as much when he washes the dishes". Buuuullllshiiiit. Lol.
They appreciate the help in that they don't feel alone in the chores so they have more time for sex, but it doesn't get them in the mood or any closer to sex.

LastGirlScout · Answer

Going by my female friends whose husbands and partners don't do the housework, I'd definitely say this is not a very accurate argument. Perhaps they are men who have just started doing the housework and their normal jobs and are just too tired for sex? My partner and I do our equal share, he actually cooks far more often than me though and I handle all the money but generally we both do our equal share of all other tasks. Does this make me more attracted to him? Only in comparison with a man who believes he shouldn't do housework simply because he is a man.

Snow-Wolf18 · Answer

That would actually be awesome for someone to be helping with the chores. The chores need to be done and it doesn't matter who does them. Plus, if I'm busy with something else, it's good to know that someone will take care of the house. I don't see taking care of the house as being a male or female task because everyone should want to have a tidy home or have food made so they can eat. I'd be super attracted to a guy who knows how to take care of a household. It's also reassuring to know that he can handle things by himself and doesn't need me to pick up after him all of the time.

CommieDearest · Answer

His fair share is expected. He doesn't get royalties for cleaning up after himself just for having a penis.

I mean... I'd be grateful to not be doing it all myself but it's not special for it to be equal.

If he did more than I did... I'd try to compensate somewhere else.

Anonymous · Answer

To me, if a guy can't do housework, he's just some useless person. Like who doesn't help with that stuff? I would seriously question his upbringing if he didn't. Most parents teach their kids to be proper adults, and that includes dishes, cooking and other housework.
My man should be my man, not my kid that I have to clean up after or do all the chores while he sits down playing his games or whatever.
I don't know any men that can't cook and clean, and I love that. My friend does have a live in boyfriend like that though, and he's just so useless that it really is like she has an extra child.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

My boyfriend cooks. And I love it. Because if he didn't cook... we would die. Either of starvation or food poisoning. 'Cause I don't cook.

He also cleans. I hate household chores and only like to do them when we do them together. I won't do them alone. I have no domestic household skills at all. So I would disagree with that study. I find him very attractive when he does housework.

SuperMommie13 · Answer

Lol I find this kinda funny. I think my man would get laid more if he helped out around the house more often. I find a man doing housework attractive.

Roycaryn · Answer

It has absolutely nothing to do with the physical work itself so much as it is the attitudes behind them. In my opinion, you don't get shit done around the house just to get laid after. Cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. I've been fine with doing these since I was a teen. And since when is shopping a "feminine" chore?

HockeyGal207 · Answer

I think it's attractive! Of course it's not something I would make him do, but if he took I upon his self to do so, that's fine! Shows he's pretty responsible and it's nice to get a break from chores sometimes.

And if you could do me a favor and answer my last question asked I'd be so appreciative! (Only got 2 answers and 1 was SO unhelpful!) Could really use some more.

Anonymous · Answer

We have an even split of chores. But we laugh between ourselves on how some chores are his and hers,
We love cooking together, and if we both chip in to to cleaning it's done twice as fast. But he messes up my laundry system or foes it wrong, so I'd rather do that myself. Where as he doesn't like me cleaning the oven and he empties the bin. He deals with the chemical warfare, the smelly stuff. But working together gives us both a sense of mutual satisfaction. Before turning up the heat.

imbittered_punk · Answer

Ok housework doesn't take that long. I have a two bedroom, two bathroom house and it takes maybe two hours to smash through everything. But that's everything from top to bottom. A typical weekday would be like 20 minutes tops. It's not even hard work as arnie would say "stop whining"

Anonymous · Answer

I've read tons of studies that say the opposite. Pretty much, you can find support for nearly any social hypothesis if you tweak it right.

lanternhill · Answer

I like a guy who can pick up after himself. I struggle to be non-messy and I don't need to deal with both of us. Also, if he can cook, bonus! (I like to bake. I don't like to cook and I love guys who can as long as they don't make fun of me for not being good at it.)
Cleaning? Ehh, we can share.
Decorating? Um, mine haha. :p

Girls, how do you feel about a man doing housework? Also, how does it affect your attraction to him?

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