How to handle very socially awkward coworker?

[Anonymous]

I work with this girl who is extremely introverted and socially awkward. Because I have to share a cubicle with her, it became very uncomfortable for me and so I tried to lighten the mood. I am good at bringing people out of their shells, and I just wanted things to be better for both of us.

I got her to lighten up a bit, but then she started telling me really personal things that were too much for a work setting. I knew she was a little off, so I shouldn't have been surprised but things got pretty awkward.

Now I think she's embarrassed that she told me such personal things and so she barely talks to me. She has trouble looking me in the eye as well. Even MORE uncomfortable than in the beginning!

Do I need to just hang back and stop trying to build a work relationship with this girl? It's uncomfortable for me to NOT have positive relationships with the people I work with, but she's just really weird.

[Anonymous]

In my opinion — coming from a Socially Awkward person — I believe you should just leave her alone, be polite, if she doesn't want to talk, you should not force her to. I know you just wanted to be nice and make friends, and who knows you might be friends with her in the future! However that is not the right way to go about it, give her some space, time to relax and feel comfortable with her surroundings, if she feels she wants to talk then she probably will, if she stares at you for a long period of time or keeps on glancing over to you, she probably wants to ask something but doesn't know how. Good luck!

[2Shy2speak]

Ugh! I hate people like that. Leave people alone!!! You don't have to "Fix" or "lighten" anything if later you're going to become uncomfortable with the person. You don't think your coworker can sense your change in social interaction. She's already sensitive to the social atmosphere I'm pretty darn sure she opened up to you because you forced her to do so unnaturally and now she doesn't feel okay. She probably wishes shed never spoke to you.

[beachflamingo]

Keep trying. By ignoring her or stopping, you'll make her feel awful and that it is about her issues. Keep being friends and act like nothing happened. Sometimes people have no one to spill their secrets to. You are probably someone she thought she could trust then. Don't break the trust. I've been in very similar situations. Work on trying to have a positive relationship with the poor girl.

[Anonymous]

Coming from a socially awkward person don't try to shove any social interactions down her throat just cause it's uncomfortable for you.
Just be friendly with her and with time I'm sure she'll be more like herself with you. Some people just take time.

[Kaazsz]

It REALLY sucks to not be like a "normal" person. You know that people judge you, you know that if you tell people anything about yourself it's going to be "awkward and weird." Try to be understanding that not everyone has the same life. It's not so horrible to know a person a little deeper than "hows the weather?" If she's awkward and has crappy social skills, you are awkward and have crappy social skills too if you can't handle it. A charismatic understanding person would take it all in stride and turn this "weirdo" into a friend. Just try to be like that, it is certainly possible.

[Asker]

You can't say that I have crappy social skills because I can't "handle" someone who is exceptionally awkward. That's not a logical statement. The fact is that this girl is not relatable apart from surface niceties, which is what I'm going to have to keep it at.

[Kaazsz]

You do have crappy social skills if the only people you can socialize with are people from within your own bubble of society.

[Sayuri_san]

I agree with Kaazsz. She probably feels socially awkward already, and you made her feel even more so. For people who doesn't easily "come out of their shell", it is often becuase they are more interested in having deeper and more meaningful conversations than surface niceties as you call it. They look at the people around them and see a lot of shallowness and "skin deep". When you started to try to coax her out of her shell and "lighten up", she would probably have thought you were interested in getting to know her, and so she started to open up. You reacted to this with rejection. Also, your reasons for engaging her were selfish (you felt uncomfortable). I too would call this poor social skills. Sorry if that clashes with how you see yourself. To an introvert person like her (and myself), you'd just look like someone who thinks they are good at socializing just because they are good at keeping shallow conversations. There's a lot more to social skills though.

[ArrowheadSW]

I'd probably say be friendly but don't initiate too many conversations with her and see if she comes out of her shell on her own. Yes she might be embarrassed that she gave out too much information. I think with time she will get over that. My guess is if you are just friendly, even without a lot of talking, she might come around. Wow this is tough sharing a cubicle! So I see your point.

[Anonymous]

Firs of all, you're really rude for calling her "off " and " weird " . You're those tupes of people that introverted people hate and try their best to avoid. Coming from a very socially awkward and introverted person myself i would think it's best that you just leave her alone. Don't try to force her into talking to you because trust me, she does not want to. Let her work in peace, that is all she wants. Leave her alone.

[depeche2015]

I'm like that. Just get to know her slowly if you're too persistent or fast with things it might scare her.

[SovereignessofVamps]

Why does her being quiet bother you, like does it interfere with you working?

[Because-I-Have-Too]

Try rebuild the relationship but set some boundary lines

[Pilulu]

It's people like you that make us socially awkward people even more quiet. How would you feel if that was you?

[Anonymous]

Couldn't you just sleep with her that might loosen her up

[Chico_brah]

Sounds like pink anon.

[jrock49]

What was said that was personal

[Anonymous]

Just smile and be friendly