What is it with girls and their "Bad Boy" phase?

[FrenchyRomain]

let me explain : in highschool all the girls i fell in love with wanted a Bad Boy, a Rebel. I was the sweet, kind and good type of guy so i got disappointed and nothing else... What is up with that?

[Browneye57]

Research the term: hypergamy

Girls today have been told since they were children that they were special snowflakes and better than boys. And that one day a prince would sweep them off their feet. We call it the disney dream syndrome. They are completely unrealistic about their true value and have been programmed by the FI to seek out the best looking, tallest, and most powerful alpha men. So 80% of them are chasing 15% of the guys.
Unfortunately, these 15% have no reason to commit since they can get all the pussy they want FOR FREE. Which leaves the rest of the guys out in the cold.
Worse, when little snowflake gets the pump and dump from prince charming, she actually thinks she can snag a guy like that, so it inflates her self image and value beyond ridiculous. Which makes it even harder to find someone compatible. And you'll hear them say, "I am not going to settle." And this is where this comes from.
So they ride the cock carousel from 18 to 30, party down, never finding the right guy, because the ones fucking them don't want them anyway, but they get to the end of their youth (30) and now realize they should have chosen a compatible guy and settled down, cuz now all those good guys have been snatched up and they're left with the dregs. So they settle for some weak beta guy hoping he'll change, which he doesn't, and after getting married and having a kid (s) she is no longer attracted to this chump so quits having sex. You hear all those complaints. So now she'll just shut down sexually, or bail out, or if the right handsome guy comes along and pays attention to her she is likely to have an affair or blow up the marriage, take the kids, and half of everything this guy owns, and get child support - basically gets rewarded for completely fucking the guy over. This is the feminine imperative. And they feel completely justified in doing whatever they want. You'll hear them say, 'my body, my choice.' Sure. Uh huh.

And this goes on and on and on. Now you know where the MGTOW movement comes from. A lot of guys have decided it's just not worth it.

If you want to play the game you need to hit the gym, hard, and make lots of money. Then you can have pick of the best. Get a pre-nup before you marry her, so when she goes off the rails you won't lose have your shit.

Good luck out there! :)

[FrenchyRomain]

wow... i need to get out more xD

[super147]

I think that an element of risk offers excitement and the safe bet often doesn't. Young people aren't necessarily looking to be safe and loved, they are often looking to feel excited and alive. They are looking to explore, to push boundaries. You have that much greater sense of immortality and invulnerability when you are young. You're not looking for the pipe and slippers option, you're looking for the fireworks. The bad boys, if there is such a thing, offer more of a thrill than Mr Consistent who never strays far from the middle line.

[kkendall]

hmmm... how do you define bad boy, exactly? My boyfriend is far from perfect - he's done jail time, been in plenty of fights, smokes. Would that make him a bad boy? If so, I do admit I find that 'bad boy' side attractive for some reason, so long as he treats me well and with respect, always. He's responsible and keeps a job. Going to college to get a degree. Treats me like a queen, and he shields me from that side of him. I personally find that his past mistakes are a reflection of the environment he grew up in, not proof of bad character. Maybe I find it all attractive because I'm the exact opposite - never gotten in trouble. Never smoked, never drank, your stereotypical 'good girl'. I guess I like the excitement and adventure of it?

[Máiiréad]

I think it is more of a "he is super bad, lets try and see if I can make him good for me" mentality. Maybe it is the danger? I can't truly say for myself. I haven't dated. Most of the guys I was around growing up were those types of guys but I was never fond of them. I want to feel secure with someone and I felt that those guys couldn't give that to me.

[Curious625]

It's exciting for some to not know what to expect from the guy that always seems to push the boundaries, for what is acceptable. On another note, I'm sure you weren't in love with those girls, just lust.

[FrenchyRomain]

nope, i was truly in love and everytime the "bad boy" broke their heart i was there to pick up the pieces

[Curious625]

Don't make yourself so available. That can put you in to friend zone as she needs to feel a bit of a chase. A bit of mystery is alluring hence why girls go for bad boys. The girls your talking of seem to like the real risk of getting their heart broken. Chasing something they can't really have.

[FrenchyRomain]

and 90% of the girls i have known in highschool went through that phase... stupid why go after something that will ultimately hurt you?

[Curious625]

Tbh I don't understand that either. It's the trill I guess. Like going up in a rollercoaster, knowing your going to have a big drop, but the adrenaline rush makes you feel it's worth it. You seems like a good guy and I'm sure there's girls that appreciate the way you are. Be yourself and you'll find someone that likes you just the way you are.

[Luci92]

They want to be that special snowflake that changes him, I think.

[FrenchyRomain]

except they never succeed, get broken and cry, and i'm here to pick up the pieces

[Luci92]

Yep, no lie.

[OrangeBoy]

- Girls grow opressed, they are more controlled by their parents.
- They are also more weak and avoid direct conflicts.
- When they date a bad boy, those stressed out girls feel they somehow can express their true emotions using the guy, or through the guys actions. Feeling more "alive".

xD, just a theory i made up for some more complicated girls.

Other's just somehoe feel connected "Oh babe, we share similar problems (sometimes completely different), baby we are going to surpass them all, togheter, and i will be here for you, to help you"... and etc...

[OrangeBoy]

You know, premature mothers instinct maybe, also.

[0112358]

It's not a phase.

Women are attracted to power.

When you're 17 and in school bad boys seem more powerful.

When you're 30 and most of the bad boys work crap jobs and hard working guys have BMWs women are magically over their bad boy phase. The bad boys who happen to make money still get women though.

[FrenchyRomain]

that seems a bit stereo-typical

[0112358]

Of course. We are talking in generalities.

[redeyemindtricks]

I mean, this is part right, part not quite right, and part ahahhah wtf.

The ahahhah wtf part is that you're conflating two completely different kinds of "attraction" -- the long-term mate kind, and the "wanna fuck nowwww" kind. The magnitude of the difference varies from woman to woman, but, it's ALWAYS at least somewhat significant, and (depending on the amplitude of a woman's menstrual hormone swings) we could be talking about two completely different, almost mutually exclusive, sets of attractants depending on where a woman is on her cycle.
The kinds of qualities that signal "excellent provider of resources" are going to make exactly 0 women dripping wet. (Bill Gates is the richest person in the world, yet, pretty much 0 women have sexual fantasies about him... HMMM.) Because those are two totally separate modules, evolutionarily speaking, as summed up nicely in the book extracts I quoted here (girl mho)

[redeyemindtricks]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1926143-women-are-biologically-programmed-to-want-to-marry-the-good-guys
... so, what you're rlly noticing, there, is just the fact that 17-year-olds -- at least the vast, vast majority of them -- have absolutely ZERO desire to "nest" yet (at least beyond the largely socially scripted stuff about first loves, boyfriends, etc).
It's not a matter of "getting over" one thing in favor of another; it's rlly just that the nesting thing hasn't even kicked in yet.

The not-quite-right part is, even dudes with legit money are still going to have a hard time scoring a woman if that's all they bring to the table, and if tehy're otherwise simps, or incredibly socially awkward, or don't have basic hygiene and dressing habits down, or whatever.
Srsly... go to Silicon Valley sometime. Hit up the bars on Santana Row, where the *average* dude in the bar prl makes between 100-200k/yr at some tech company... and watch the vast majority of

[redeyemindtricks]

them NOT get anywhere with women.
(Also... pulling women with a BMW? Tf? You live in Carbondale, Illinois or some shit? Or in the hood? Lol)

__

Finally, you're getting at *something* with the whole power thing, but... that still isn't really it. Honestly -- especially at that age -- it's more EXCITEMENT than "power".

Teenage girls, in the main, are twisted and pervy af on the inside (... srsly, just go read some fanfic sometime, and then realize that boys are pretty much all altar boys by comparison), BUT also tend to be incredibly insecure about those proclivities (since they're shamed at every turn for having such thoughts... often by mothers and other older women who supposedly love them -- and had the same thought sat the same age themselves smh -- but still don't see the hypocrisy).
So they'll play around with boys who -- by their (often mistaken) calculations -- can at least give them SOME of teh excitement they experience in their fantasies and their fanfics and so on, AND

[0112358]

@redeyemindtricks don't disagree with really any of what you said.

The only minor difference is that I see cocky guys with fast cars and good jobs hooking up a lot. A guy who is only a provider isn't very exciting.

But I'd also suggest a lot of 'good guys' who were kind of high mark nobodies come into their own more once they become more successful and independent.

I think the key either way is that it's not a phase for women (though there is some shift from women looking for pure short term pure attractive guy to the ideally mixed 'attractive and provider' guy) as much it is that the guys themselves change.

I also have suggested men with good provider traits not date any woman who won't hook up with them as a screen - I really get the two phase model you're talking about.

[redeyemindtricks]

who will actually **push them through** some of the aforementioned insecurities. Those are the boys they'll want to fuck / play around with / etc.
Those boys don't necessarily have ANY "power". In fact, a lot of them are sexy because they *shun* power in pretty much all its ordinarily recognizable forms (... this is nothing new, just look at punk-rock culture). But, they're exciting.

If and when women ARE attracted to "power" in the conventional sense, it's pretty much always going to be a purely exploitative form of attraction -- the "provider of resources" type of attraction, which has little if any correlation to actually wanting to fuck. UNLESS the boy with that power ALSO conveys the idea (through behavior, reputation, whatever) that he's enough of a rule breaker to deliver that sort of excitement.

[0112358]

@redeyemindtricks I actually would say the rule breakers have more power at that age. They can get drugs, intimidate people etc. Working hard and studying makes you a powerless drone till at least 30.

[redeyemindtricks]

"The only minor difference is that I see cocky guys with fast cars and good jobs hooking up a lot."

Lmao I'm not disagreeing with that... it's just that you mentioned a BMW, which in California is at best just another unremarkable car on the road, and at worst screams "I borrowed my mommy's car, and I have to be back home in the burbs by 10PM".

[0112358]

@redeyemindtricks it seems to be the go to 'I have a bit more money than average at age 30 and want to throw it around' car here.

Nobody is like 'holy crap a BMW'.

But the people with them think they're better than everyone else who drive japanese.

[redeyemindtricks]

Ahah so fatalistic... Hard work and studying are the wrong scapegoats dude. There were plenty of "work hard, play even harder" types in my high school, and *most* of the boys with the best grades -- even in the magnet programs -- were "jocks" to at least some significant extent.

In other words -- unless you're specifically talking about getting laid with the riot-grrrrl burnout types (and/or whatever their equivalent is now, emo girls or wahtever)... hard work / studying is orthogonal to this. No effect either way, rlly.

[redeyemindtricks]

^^ yh that's more accurate... LOL whenever I see a young or young-ish guy driving a beemer, I pretty much assume he has a negative net worth. Rarely wrong.

[0112358]

@redeyemindtricks don't disagree that it's not a barrier per se. Just that it doesn't help early where it can help later and -not- just in being s provider.

But explaining why women sleep with highly successful jocks I mean that's pretty obvious. His question was why they went for bad boys.

Actually I would be less fatalistic if I thought I'd covered all of it. Your way suggests that it's probably down to muscles which I've never had and never will without a lot of banned substances.

[redeyemindtricks]

Oh hey you had a birthday. Happy bday (as listed here anyway). January babies are winners <3

The "banned substances" you're talking about can bring you measurable improvements not only in self-image and so forth, but also in quality of life, motivation, and even satisfaction, from even *tiny* doses (WAY below anything that would pose any significant short- or long-term hazard, as long as you don't have the kind of addictive persoality that would make you keep amping up the doses).

__

I mean, obviously physique plays a role, yeah. I probably tend to overestimate that role myself, since I'm a "body >>>> face" type of girl, but most women aren't (or at least aren't nearly as much as I am).
... but, nah, that wasn't really where I was going with that. It's more the entire comportment, disposition, and attitude of the boy. I mean, you could take a 17-year-old boy with the body of a budding Greek god topped off with a Nautica-model face, but, if you gave him a goody-two-shoes

[redeyemindtricks]

foursquare-evangelical never-stops-smiling type of personality, he still wouldn't rlly get laid that much (... and not at all, outside of seriously committed relationships).

I mean... honestly... I kinda just smh at these oversimplifications ("women are attracted to power"... "this phase ends and that phase starts"... etc) because it wolud be so easy to achieve a more accurate understanding by just putting yrself into a girl's shoes for a few minutes. I mean, honestly, even if boys are perplexed by *most* of what happens in female socializing, THESE incentives shd really not be very hard to understand.

... Not to mention that boys have a lot of looking inward to do, too. I can't tell you how many boys I've met who have double standards about "sluts" or "trashy" girls, and yet are INFURIATED when women, too, dare to have their own set of double standards. Hmm.

[blunttalker]

I've always hated bad boys , you get hurt with em. sooner kr later girl will learn this. i think they like it bc they think that bad boys are more manly , more adventurous, more fun and exciting. but good guys can be all that too , I know that

[tamont3]

It's normal. I won't even go into the stuff I did at 17, 19, 21... I should be dead or in prison. And girls... SHOWERED ME with attention. Now... I don't do that, and that same kind of fly by night attention isn't there. But when I meet women my age now (I'm not 21 btw), we actually have meaningful, lasting conversations, and I learn new things. Times come to pass. It's pretty normal.

[Absolute_Revenge]

Just don't date Westernized/Americanized women. They don't deserve a good man. Let them have their bastard kids, their bad boys, and their damn cats.

[FrenchyRomain]

HAHA a bit extreme but i agree to some extent ^^

[BrittBratt2416]

Would you like some sugar.. you seem a bit bitter lol

[Absolute_Revenge]

@BrittBratt2416 Don't need anything from you, lady. And you're god damn right i'm bitter. Im tired of the mind games, the superficiality, the money grabbing, etc.

There's nothing to gain in dating westernized, Americanized women. Are you offended? Good. I really don't give two fucks anymore.

[BrittBratt2416]

wow.. I was kidding but if your gonna be that salty okay. Just because you've had some bad experiences with westernized women doesn't mean we're all like that.. There are still good women out there who aren't that way the same way there are still good men. Hold on to that angry and bitterness is not going to help you in the long run.. forgive them and move on with your life.

[BrittBratt2416]

You're letting those women defeat you , you're giving them power when you shouldn't.

[Absolute_Revenge]

@BrittBratt2416 forgiveness is a sign of weakness. Men do not forgive. American society dictates that if a man shows any type of emotion, then he is a weak bitch. The only acceptable emotion for men in America is anger and rage.

[Absolute_Revenge]

@BrittBratt2416 also, from what I've seen lately, there are no good women any more. We don't know how many of you would spit in or smear our sandwiches with period blood.

[BrittBratt2416]

Forgiveness is never a sign of weakness.. it actually shows strength in person. When you can forgive someone who done absolutely the most awful thing to you then you are stronger than that person. Don't let anger, heartache, an rage control you.. you need to set that free or you'll never be happy.

[BrittBratt2416]

It really saddens me to see men feel this way.. you need to give this type pain over to God..

[Absolute_Revenge]

@BrittBratt2416 I don't belive in god. This so called god is used to control the masses. If there really were a god, horible things would not happen.

[Absolute_Revenge]

@BrittBratt2416 If there were a hod, he probably would have abandoned me too.

[BrittBratt2416]

Horrible things happen because we let them happen. War, hate, pain, evil, anger.. that all exist because of man. God told us how to live a good life but we are stubborn and want to live life our own way.. we want to follow our own path no matter how destructive is.

[BrittBratt2416]

But thats fine.. everyone has free will and choice to believe in God or not. He gave us free will..

[BrittBratt2416]

But you guys hate when we say there aren't any good men and you know thats not true so how can you sit there and say there aren't any good women.

[Absolute_Revenge]

@BrittBratt2416 because there aren't. Personal experience. Abandoned and then abused by a woman, beaten as a child by her boyfriends on her whim. As i got older, i am beaten by their boyfriends for simply talking to them, used financially, then abandoned when i am no longer of any use to them. Constant rejection and insults. All i ever wanted to do was be loved by SOMEBODY and feel appreciated and wanted. It is not to be. I will give back to women and men 50 times the hostility and hatred that was directed and given to me

Im so so so very very tired. Im so very tired.

[BrittBratt2416]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, no one deserves to go through that.. but there is someone out there who will love you.

[Absolute_Revenge]

@BrittBratt2416 no. There isn't. I've already come to accept that. It's been told to me many times by my classmates and by my mother that no one will love me.

It is what it is

[sp33d]

Teenagers don't think, they just do. Besides, it's "not cool" to like... go out with some softy.. sheesh, what would the others think?

you get the idea?

[FrenchyRomain]

yeah but the funny thing is after collecting all the broken pieces of my crush i often got the "Why can't i find somone like you?"... I AM RIGHT HERE YOU RETARD ! xD i laugh now but i cried all my highschool ;)

[sp33d]

@FrenchyRomain Shit happens, brother. You can laugh at it now, that's good. It's just about image, noone really cares what you do, as long as you "look cool". I call it "hollywood mentality". The truth is, there are two kinds of bad boys - the easier case is the wannabe with rich parents, the worse case is the criminal. Neither will turn out well.

[Ro0kie]

A "bad boy" is a walking stone confused for a diamond.. The nice guy is the diamond sad for the women, so he blames himself. If you think you're the only diamond, you have to walk alone.

[BrittBratt2416]

Girls like the mystery and fun.. and mainly cause their immature. I honestly never cared for the bad boy.. once you get hurt one to many times you kinda learn to stay away from them.

[pavlove]

the danger, the thrill.

it's helpful not to look at it like a girl thing. guys are the exact same way going for chicks that are a "challenge" and provide that thrill rather than a simple, down to earth girl who just wants love and to be a good girlfriend. it's harder but so much more rewarding where you realize a good girl is enough to make you happy and stop with the thrills that end horribly.

[Iraqveteran666]

I was the bad boy. Never date a girl that had a bad boy phase.

[cth96190]

The rules out about 80 per cent of females.

[Iraqveteran666]

@cth96190 if your going to settle down with a good girl you must combe through the sluts to find her.

[Absolute_Revenge]

or look in an entirely different country altogether.

[Blonde401]

They're fun.

[Kitten967]

I never

[elly91]

I have no idea really.. not my case anyway. ..😊

[CHRIS11796]

They have the dumb (i can change him mentality).

[SunSetInTheEast]

im same as u :D