Why is my boyfriend so incredibly clingy?!
Alright, so we met in January through a mutual friend. I became interested in him around March and we got together around the end of March. I found out I was pregnant at the end of April, on the 27th, to be exact.
Now, I'm starting to be a little worried. The day we found out I was pregnant at the doctor, he immediately started saying he loved me, and we had only been together a month. I tried not to go along with it, but he kept pitching fits about it and saying, "You might as well get used to it."
He also got very clingy very quickly. I'm usually a very cuddly, sweet girl and I don't mind affection or love. But I am also very realistic and feel there is no way for me to love him that quickly, nor him me, even with a child in the picture.
He's even acting kind of like a teenage boy about it, which we are not teenagers. I'm 19 and he is 23.
Recently, my step father died and I had to go back to my mother's house to help take care of her and my 12 year old sister because my mother is too hysterical to really take care of my sister and my sister is not old enough to support herself or cook anything on her own. It is really not an optional situation or something I can get out of, nor something I want to get out of because it is giving me a chance to be closer to my family which I never have been.
He texts me and calls me 24/7 asking when I am coming back and is constantly asking me when I can come back. He says he needs me and misses me and really, legitimately thinks he NEEDS me there.
The first time I had to come help them for this problem, it was the day my step dad died and I was at my mom's for about a week. I came home, but my older brother rang me and said he had to go back to college and work and could not be here and needed me to come back till he could get some time off work and school. So I had to go back the next morning.
When I told my boyfriend, he got unreasonably angry. He kept telling me how selfish, bitchy, and childish I was being. He keeps accusing me of cheating on him and he got right in my face and yelled at the top of his lungs about how I am not affectionate enough or loving enough.
Because ever since I have gotten pregnant, it makes me feel queasy when people try to touch me a lot. Not just him, even if my friends are trying to hug me. Or even my family. I just don't wanna be touched.
His behavior is driving me kind of crazy, and I'm scared if I break up with him he will get violent and the baby will die.
I love my baby, but I feel like he put WAY too much pressure on the relationship (which was still new, mind you) once we found out I was pregnant. I do not like where our relationship is heading. He is not understanding, has absolutely no trust, and is wayyyy to clingy and over bearing for me.
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
I read this entire thing, until the very bottom, when you said if you break up with him, the baby will die. OK so everything was fine before, now that you are another young girl who wasn't responsible enough to ensure your very iressponsible boyfriend was wearing a condom. All of a sudden he gets clingy cause your pregnant OMG NO WAY! If I was dating a girl, and got her pregnant, I would be freaking out as well, you both are young, and you are still a teenager, have you even graduated high school? I don't even see how simple common sense couldn't figure this one out. Your young, dumb, everything was fine, then you got pregnant, now he is clingy, cause your pregnant, cause he and you have never been in this situation. I'm not trying to be mean, but sometimes the lack of common sense in people absolutely astounds me.
What Guys Said 4
1) read it all
2) IMO: he is being too clingy and emotional
3) this is early in your life. think about your future. Does it appear he will be the kind of man to raise a child properly, are you ready to take care of a child, is this going to hinder your educational advances or career.
4) It sounds like you want the child to be born, but remember that bringing life into this world is a feat in itself, society will not look down on you for putting him/her up for adoption or anything like.
But in the end, everything is YOUR choice, not mine, your BFs, your mothers, or societys. Whatever you decide is best for you, is best for you.
TMI girl. No way anyone's reading all that.
To answer your question, your boyfriend is clingy cos he can't handle you and he's young. He doesn't understand women enough. He needs to be broken up with a few times to realize that he has to live his own life, do his own stuff and SHARE his life with you. Not have the same life.
What Girls Said 3
...He told you you were being selfish for needing to help your family because your step father passed away? UH, did it EVER occur to him to say, "I'm sorry about your loss, I'm here if you need me." ?
And I am sorry to hear about your loss. I know you're doing the best you can.
I'm not sure if it's healthy for you and your baby to keep him around while he's so unstable. This kind of thing can easily get to be abusive, and it doesn't have to be physical either. He needs to man up, but it sounds like he's far too immature. Yeah yeah yeah, baby needs a daddy and all, but baby also doesn't need to be raised in a toxic envirnmment where daddy is unstable and mom is building up pent up emotions trying to 'deal' with it, and it's only a matter of time before both parents explode at each other and sh*t just goes down from there. That's far more harmful to the baby than say, getting rid of the guy IF he doesn't man up, and getting the help and support you need from a healthier family environment. Hell, you can even find a better man to be with way before the kid starts asking for a father.
Good luck though, I hope things work out.
it sounds like he has serious self esteem issues, that's why people get clingy, they project their deepest most painful fears onto the people they love most, that's why he thinks you are cheating, that is what he is afraid of because he doesn't feel adequate even though you have given him no reason to think you are a cheater. It's all in his head, he is the self fulfilling prophecy. It probably will only get worse whether you stay with him or not. but I would suggest dumping him, you are correct that there is a risk of him getting violent but isn't a short spurt of drama with him better than a lifetime of it with him? he won't want to share you with a baby. So what if you have to get a restraining order or something, again it's better than a lifetime of this crap.
at this point you need to think about your unborn child. the child needs a father in his life. if you truly feel threatened by him, then maybe you should break it off. But if he's just clingly, try to be a little accomodating so there is at least a decent relationship between you both, so that when the child is born, there is not so much drama. Whether you like it or not, by getting pregnant with this guy you have permenantly put him into your life.
good luck with that.