Why An Older Woman uses GaG?

I saw this question posted on GaG yesterday, and really didn’t give it much attention at the time. But the young man asking couldn’t figure out why these women “in their forties” were using GaG talking to people in their teens and twenties.

The question and his responses to others were full of contempt. As far as he was concerned, women on GaG who are in their forties must be unmarried (old maids), or were moms who wanted to know more about what their daughters are doing, or we were just simply losers that spent too much time on the site.

Okay, well, I can only speak for myself and tell you why I’m on this site, obviously outnumbered by younger guys and girls.

Why An Older Woman uses GaG?

First of all, I’m not an old maid. I’ve been married for a few years, and prior to that had several dating experiences. I’m not a mother, nor plan to be as someone childfree by choice. I’m also not a loser. I’m proud to have accomplished many things in life, enjoyed a lot of travel, I have many friends, I’ve made many long distance moves, and have a career doing what I love – from home.

But why I joined GaG and continue to use it sometimes gives me a lump in my throat as I try to explain myself.

When I was 11 years old, I started my period and didn’t know what the hell it was. I was terrified to approach my parents about it, thinking I had a disease. The best I could do was hide it for an entire year with wads of toilet paper not understanding what was going on.

By the time I was 13 I had a full pair of breasts, had been wearing a bra for nearly two years, and was not entirely comfortable with the fact I was becoming a sexual being. I felt as though I was a pervert, and had no one to talk to about this out of shame.

When I was 15 I was frustrated that no boy at school would date me. I had been told often I was so pretty, yet I couldn’t understand why I was constantly passed over for the troubled girls.

When I was 16 I lost my virginity. Not only that, we had an interracial coupling, and had no one to talk about sex with or the fact we were interracial while everyone judged us.

When I was in college, my parents decided to split up and it devastated me. I had no one to talk to and kept a lot of my anger hidden. A year later, they got back together. All was right again, but for a year it was very sad for me.

At 21, I worked my first job in a small town where I was inundated with sexual harassment and general harassment by my supervisor. I made my atheism known and was ostracized daily for it. I was alienated and even told to shut up and put up with it since my choice was to be an atheist. Again, I had no one to talk to or turn to.

Then the internet happened.

After a lot of years with many more experiences, there still wasn’t much to research just yet. I remember doing a Yahoo! search for something in 1996 and half of the page was a white screen with no ads. As I went along in my adult life still more things happened. I was living with a guy who was suicidal. Years later, I was raped. Next, I fell in love with a guy who had been sexually abused as a little boy. I did a ton of reading on different countries’ histories, and took more classes to further my education. I’d been cheated on. I felt loss. I developed depression. I went through so much, and I went through all of this silently.

I had been on other discussion boards to talk about other things, but when I joined GaG and recognized the social culture, I felt a part of me came full circle. Here were young women asking questions, too terrified to ask their parents and friends – similar questions I had at their age.

It’s reasons like this I began to answer and help. I was in some way, trying to help that frightened young woman who never had the internet, much less GaG, when going through some scary times in her life. That young woman was me.

This is why a woman in her forties is on GaG. I want to give back. I also have gotten to know and like a lot of people here, and it keeps me logging in. No I’m not decaying and going through menopause. I’m vital, beautiful, and there are a lot of things I want to talk about.

I thank everyone for letting me do that, being a part of their lives and maybe just once, help that one person who feels so lost at a time while we do have the internet to reach out for help. I just wish I had that for me when I needed it twenty five years ago, but now that it’s here, so I shall be too.


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What Guys Said 37

  • Nice to read what motivates you to be here

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  • Some younger people arrogantly believe that they own whatever part of the universe they occupy. Of course, they discovered sex, music, drugs, etc. and it's amazing that we all survived long enough for them to come along and save us.

    But that is the minority. Being on this site has helped to give me more confidence in "the younger generation," and I see young kids who are well-intentioned but they need some guidance. I speak up to my peers when I hear them saying that the world is rapidly going to Hell because of the younger generation.

    Ozanne, we have some differences in our histories and our beliefs, but that does not stop me from appreciating your wonderful contributions to this site. Like you, I do not have any children of my own, although I have raised a few step-children. I do enjoy working with teens and young adults as a mentor and volunteer with a local program which gives me that opportunity. My time on this site is not all about what I offer to others, because I feel very rewarded for what I do.

    Actually, when I first began to participate on this site, I questioned how long I would maintain an interest. Despite my older age, I soon had young people awarding me MHO's, messaging me for personal advice, an expressing appreciation for my insights. I have only been a member since April 10, 2015 and, as of today, I have received 718 MHO's; obviously, I feel appreciated.

    Something that you recognize as you get older is that the younger generation is not as different as they think they are. They have different slang, they use vastly different technology, they listen to different music and have different hair styles, but. . . what happens when boy meets girl today is pretty much the same as it was 50 years ago. And, as I have gotten older and more experienced, I see more of the big picture, I recognize what is truly important and what is just passing drama. That is a big advantage in giving advice. Being an attorney also helps with the occasional legal question that pops up. Plus, before I went to law school, I was a mental health counsellor. Not a bad résumé for someone offering free advice, huh?

    Occasionally, I encountered a young punk who tell me 'go fuck off, Grandpa,' but I don't pay too much attention to them. As long as I feel that my contributions are appreciated, I will continue to serve as a member of "the senior staff," and I hope that you will, too.

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    • Thanks for this, and it's true that when you weed out the very few who make the experience here unpleasant there are way more people that we connect with that make the time spent here fun. :)

    • Yes, I appreciate both of you. Specially the way guys write it out.

    • Or type it.* :p

  • Wow over than not having children you seem to have experienced everything. Why were you ostracized for your atheism? Personally I'm an atheist but I don't go around shouting it at the top of my lungs so I rarely had any problems concerning that. Only two people were not ok with it but eventually accepted it since they realized that I wasn't an anti-theist. I also don't understand why you didn't ask anyone about your period. I've always made my health issues known especially since my mother is a nurse. Was it because of embarrassment? Were there no books about it at the time?

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    • Blood coming out of my vagina was horrific, since I had zero way of knowing why. It also didn't look like blood at first. Not exactly an easy thing to tell prudish parents. Also, the very first town I lived in to start my broadcast career had a small population, and was predominantly Christian. I grew up in the big city where it was no big deal to know one didn't believe in god, but being out on my own and surrounded by god-fearing Christians it was not wise apparently. My time there was like spending two years in hell.

    • Show All
    • @Dandeus I guess you're right. Being a man I've never really had any similar experiences. The only thing I didn't know was what pre-cum was but I eventually found out what it was since other people on the Internet had the same question. My parents never told me what sex was and in school only the anatomy was covered but very vaguely so I didn't even know that the penis goes inside the vagina until I watched porn.

      The Internet really is a great tool for spreading knowledge.

    • @Dandeus this is exactly true, thank you. Back then the dreaded trip to the library to look for something was like searching for a needle in a haystack, and even worse when you didn't know what the proverbial "needle" even looked like. Asking the town librarian was probably more terrifying than just going to the doctor. And as a kid, making an appointment to go to a doctor was almost impossible without your parents knowing. It meant asking for a ride, which triggered questions, or leaving the house for hours, which also led to questions, unless the kid knew how to lie about where they went.

      I certainly knew that I should have gone looking for help from someone, but the anonymity and instant access to get answers online today are a million times better - something I wish I had when I was a teen, and I don't think teens really understand how much of a blessing it is to have.

  • Haha I knew this mytake was coming as soon as I saw that older women question a while back.

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  • GaG is for everyone! How long have u been here? ;-)

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    • Not as long as some, but longer than most of the current active users that are on now. Since 3 May, 2014.

    • Wow u haven't been scared off the site by us weirdos here after an ENTIRE year? :-P

    • I'm a big girl. I can take it. :)

  • Why would you be bullied for being an atheist?

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    • 2mo

      In the past theism dominated the world, and atheism was frightening to people. If you ever get a chance read Spinoza. He was excommunicated from his community for being critical of theism.

      In 2016, because much more is known about human psychology, natural phenomena, and social constructs, atheism is considered much more acceptable (and is much more common) today than even 50 years ago. People are sometimes aggressive toward things they fear, and people once feared atheism for a number of reasons.

      Mainly, they thought atheism would or could destroy morality and civilization. For some, the prospect that there is no Afterlife or Immortality was a scary thing to consider. Some theists fear that without a personal afterlife (as a reward), then humans will simply behave with cruelty and greed and destruction, rather than with love and consideration.

  • Well said , and for me it also about learning , human behavior, I ask extreme questions at times and see the responses. I asked a question on Sunday that no one replied or vote on. What does it say , well who knows, I love helping people , but I don't see it as giving back or helping because I would have wanted to have someone when I was younger. People can say I don't belong , they have the right to say it and maybe they are right. I will leave when I fell I'm no longer able to contribute or help.
    There is so much wisdom here and sometimes from 16 year girls and 16 year old boys , You wonder where they come from, I never had that maturity at that age , so it gives me hope , I get to chance to follow those I consider wise and smart , I am not a any teens, but if they show consistent wisdom, I would.

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  • It's the older crowd that usually gives the really well-thought and helpful opinions, and they usually rarely argue as well, if it's an unpleasant but true fact (unlike younger girls who readily argue if they dislike any opinion). They also usually ask only relevant questions, and those are oftentimes hard to answer.

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  • That was a bit obvious, but thanks for sharing anyways.

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  • Very nice take @Ozanne

    I just noticed, that you are like me: Silent all the time! Golden silence.
    I too had nobody on my side and to talk about things and what was left is just me, myself and I. Lone, depressed and seeking answers and myself I went through it.

    ... and then the internet returned for me with GAG I discovered a year ago.

    I can honestly say this website helps even when in doubt. I keep adapting from various sources, GAG being one of the most helpful sources. I read questions, answers - based similar to my situations or just to my interest and see what makes sense.

    I feel superior by getting to know confirmations of advices and facts based on conflicts and things, that stand in my way, which also make sense. Even without that I still feel divine. I have an iron will.

    Your other takes proof very useful: Short, true, sweet and informative. Advices, borders when it's going too far etc.. You're doing a great job helping the young ones. Ahhh yes... this is the good 'new' internet. You deserve some kind of medal :)

    Have a wonderful day!

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  • I enjoyed reading your post. You have had a rollercoaster ride of life, im sad that certain situations happened in your life. And as far as that young man not worth your time. If you need someone to answer your questions I'll answer any questions you have. Welcome to gag my friend.

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  • Wow ! ! ! This is absolutely a nightmarish experience but a welcome eye-opener to youngsters.
    I hope this will encourage our population as gagers to understand that there is nothing bad in discussing your situations with whoever cares to give the attention necessary instead of the long suffering scenarios sort of..
    I know most of us have the problem of looking down on their fellows but that will absolutely make things worse as it cages your internal resolve in difficult situations..
    This is absolutely a wonderful issue, really , I love mature people around me like this..
    Thumbs up...

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  • You have summarized what G@G means.. Helping eachother with our own experiences... Thank you for opening up this discussion... And here is an interesting fact:
    If you look at the "this week's Top MHO users" list under Site News you'll see 2 girls and 2 guys who are all over 30. The average age of these 4 users is 42.
    Experience counts big... Thank you for your contribution to G@G community.

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  • A poem comes to mind:

    http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/237102

    The Bridge Builder
    By Will Allen Dromgoole

    An old man going a lone highway,
    Came, at the evening cold and gray,
    To a chasm vast and deep and wide.
    Through which was flowing a sullen tide
    The old man crossed in the twilight dim,
    The sullen stream had no fear for him;
    But he turned when safe on the other side
    And built a bridge to span the tide.

    "Old man,” said a fellow pilgrim near,
    “You are wasting your strength with building here;
    Your journey will end with the ending day,
    You never again will pass this way;
    You’ve crossed the chasm, deep and wide,
    Why build this bridge at evening tide?”

    The builder lifted his old gray head;
    “Good friend, in the path I have come,” he said,
    “There followed after me to-day
    A youth whose feet must pass this way.
    This chasm that has been as naught to me
    To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be;
    He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;
    Good friend, I am building this bridge for him!”

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  • We're quite glad that you're here :)

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  • I certainly understand your situation.
    In my house when I grew up, sex was not talked about. I never had "the talk".
    I was in my late teens before I even figured out that women didn't pee out of their butt. I mean they sat down, why else would they do that? I actually found out the truth from watching my dog. it was confusing. There was no internet.
    all the other stuff I had to figure out on the way.
    I actually went through a period of time where I would practice what to say to a woman if I ever had a chance to have sex because I would get an erection every time I thought about sex. I was in 9th grade at the time and would get upset because it wouldn't go away and figured I would never get to have sex if I couldn't control it.
    when I "discovered" masturbation, I freaked out because some white stuff came shooting out of me and I thought i was dying.
    I was with my ex wife for 25 years but instead of asking all the questions you just live life. I figured I would never had to worry about anything woman related again. Until she decided she didn't need a family.
    So I have a lot of questions. esp sex related. I have found out that her answers to many of them were way off base when compared to the masses. So it is nice to have a place to find out some things. Sure everyone is different but you can at least get a general idea.
    Living on my own for the first time In my life (except for my time in the military which really doesn't count) at 46 was hard to adjust to.
    I never really dated when I was younger. I went on dates with 5 women before meeting my ex wife. So dating again at 46 was not something I ever though I was going to have to do again. So there are a lot of questions.
    ...
    also, as much as these teens/20 somethings like to think they know everything, they don't. I know a few things, esp about marriage and being a man. So I like to help with I can.

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  • Wow that's a standing ovation from me - kudos, awesome :) :)

    lol most of what I am here for apart from many other reasons, similarities are abundant except that I lost my virginity at 11, I thought I was undateable when I was around 13/14 too and again formally started working at 21 with the same sexual overtures even I choose not to call it harassment cause the first 2 years of my career my bosses were women and good ladies at that but yes there were other women there whose not only designation was higher but also age but being a male apart from other things, I could handle from a better position :)

    I love writing and I look upto the way you write and the frequency as well as the topics you write on :)

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    • Thanks Raj :) And thanks for sharing your own information so that people can understand the guys' perspective too.

    • The pleasure is all mine dear girl :) and THAT was part of the idea :D ;)

  • This site is all about asking/answering questions and debating. As if being older would somehow make you inferior in participating in that. People that say things like "shut up grandpa/grandma" should just be ignored, either they are just trolling because they think it's amusing, or they can't think of anything creative to say and therefore try to make it look like you don't know what you are talking about because you couldn't possibly relate. When I was 16 I thought my parents had never seen porn and that they would be shocked if they knew what kids today were into.. Take comfort in the fact that most of those people, 5 years from now will go "Oh my god, what and idiot I was".

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  • While I have not had the same experiences you had, (I'm sorry you went through so much). I too was seeking some sort of forum where I could ask questions and perhaps answer some for others who were seeking information in a non judgmental atmosphere. I am fully aware that we all have our own experiences some good some not, and that these are all what goes into making us who we are. I have received mostly positive feedback from many on this sight. I would hope that you too receive mostly positive exchanges on this site. I guess where I'm going with all of this is, if I can help others through difficult times or answer questions in the spirit of honesty and to help people understand others and perhaps even themselves a little better, than I am more than willing to extend an open hand to any who might need a little "boost" I suppose that is why I have been a member as long as I have. Can I save everybody? No, but if I can help even a few, than my time has been well spent. I get the feeling that this is where you are coming from as well. To that end I say good for you, and know you are not alone.

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  • Kudos young lady , as you can see I am not exactly one of the younger crowd myself. I see much of my youth in your take too , from abuse to the broken family. I too come here wishing to help and at the same time find closure to some bad chapters that were never closed , some of them have been in some way made better but none the less still unclosed. I would like to think that by my being here or the amount of time that I have , some one has benefited from my years of trial and error , and maybe even if it was just one , that my words mattered. I don't know if you have been told this by anyone else here but thank you for being a part of the gang

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What Girls Said 40

  • Beautifully written as usual! I'm sorry you didn't have others to turn to when you were younger, but I'm so glad you're here now to provide advice and guidance to the rest of us. Though I don't know you that well, I can tell you're a kind, caring woman with so much to offer. Thank you for all the support you've provided to the G@G community!

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  • Girl, I can agree with you there. We do need older people here to share valuable advice. Apparently, I am "old" now too (however I can out party any young girl under the table). I also have some valuable advice to share.

    If it isn't for older people here, it would be like the blind leading the blind.

    So keep posting, I love your takes.

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  • I see a lot of your posts on GaG, and you've answered a couple of mine, and I've really appreciated the advice. I've been questioned on the age thing too at "barely" 32, and I've always felt like there is no point in life where we stop asking questions or seeking answers. That has no age limit. If it did, you wouldn't have 90 year olds going and finally getting their college degrees or jumping out of planes. I know back in my youth, it was a radio station and their advice that helped me through a lot, and now its the internet. So many things I've been scared, or curious, or interested in... its all right here at Gag or more often in the broader sense of the internet. Recently I was diagnosed with a chronic illness and it was people answering questions and connecting with me that really helped me feel like it wasn't the end of the world. I thank people like you and any that have given advice or answered questions. I do the same because you just never know who you may be saving, or helping, or comforting in their time of need. Brava!

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    • Thanks BeeNee :) Loved this: "there is no point in life where we stop asking questions or seeking answers". That is so true!

  • Wow - excellent post!

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  • I was also scared when I started my period at 14, I even cried about it for a week. And I have to say that his is so overwhelming to me, I'm sad that you had to experience that. Don't listen to people like that guy, GAG needs more people like you, oh hell the world needs more people like you! Age doesn't matter when it comes to helping people, I appreciate it more when someone older than me gives me an advice.

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  • GaG is just as much a social community as it is a helpful advice website which isn't limited to young people. People of all ages should be welcomed here and other places on the internet. You really give a lot to this website so you're more than deserving to be here. I'm sure you're like me in the sense that the internet is an escape from life. There's nothing wrong with it, whatever your age and marital status. I go online the same amount as I do when I'm in a relationship, it doesn't change depending on my relationship status or my age.

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  • you've been through a lot and have a wealth of knowledge to share.
    the vast majority of us appreciate it and thank you.

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  • I always welcome the older and mature crowd.

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  • Thanks for sharing. U owe no explanation to the phantom troll.

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  • Wow!! I loved ur take ! U r a strong lady and helpful also ! Thanks for helping us when needed and thanks for sharing ur life experiences with us 😊

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  • <3 this. Makes me want to stick around.

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  • With all the support here, still I wonder why some of my questions get very few answers.

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  • Bravo! A friend of mine recently told me that she was considering committing suicide because she was attracted to girls, and she knew that if she told her family they would kick her out of the house and refuse to speak to her ever again. She wasn't ready for that at 16. Her life was a living nightmare. Then she started talking to people online, and she realized that there was nothing wrong with her. She began to dare to hope that she would be happy in this life. The internet can be a huge blessing sometimes.

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  • I connect with a lot of what you're saying. I'm here for two reasons: to have fun and possibly help people.

    I'm certainly not here to check on my kids (they're both adults) and while I am divorced, I do have a boyfriend whom I'm head over heels (so I'm not here to meet guys).

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  • What doesn't break you makes you stronger. I been threw a lot in my life too but I am still alive. But that's great you can give so much advice because you been threw hell and back. 😊😊😊😊😊

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  • This take is so inspiring! I've seen you around and I never imagined that you've been through a lot.
    Just by reading this, I understand why you're so good at giving advice and helping others.
    GAG needs people like you. I hope you stay here for long.

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  • You're definitely one of my favorite users and i'm glad people like you are here, it's very much needed.

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  • I hope to help someone. Also it is a lot of fun. I am single... but in a long term relationship. I'm not here to pick up or hook up with younger men.

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    • How can you be Single? But then say your in a long term relationship?

    • I am not married to this man. I live with him. You dont have to be married to be in a long term relationship.

  • Thanks for sharing your story with us. I don't understand the whole age thing with people worrying about 30 and older and the 20's worrying about the teens. One thing that everyone knows here is that we can all learn from each other and most users in their 20's here lack relationship and and sexual experience and I sense jealousy towards the teen crowd so I often wonder why they are on here and not putting their selves out here. You've already lived and probably still enjoying little things in life so I can ask the same question for other age groups. I think we all come come here to give and receive advice unless you are a troll and you can never be too old to learn. I know some people are salty about getting advice for more experienced users who happen to be older or much older but I happen to like it. If it bothers anyone that much they can leave lol.

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  • Great take...

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