Girls are not valued if they aren't beautiful: Is it true?

All these videos have two things in common-a booty-shakin’ beat and hot girls. Beyoncé said it herself in #Flawless- in this society, girls are taught to compete for a man’s attention. It is considered a fact that guys go by looks when determining whether or not they are interested in a girl. Most of the “role models” of society are physically attractive people or people who are made up attractively (such as Oprah).



When I went to the mall, many of the little girls were wearing clothes hugging their tiny bodies, imitating older women and 20 year olds who were also wearing bold, voluptuous clothing. The girls pressure their mothers to wear makeup, and the girls who are permitted to wear makeup are esteemed highly. Time, money, and tears are spent on working out, make-up, crying, talking, and giggling about relationships. I’m not saying these things are bad. Yet I’m also not saying they are good either. Most importantly, girls are told they must be beautiful otherwise they probably will end up as old maids, without a boyfriend, or be continuously asked “You are still a virgin?!?”

I can say as an attractive female, there has been a lot of pressure to conform to this behavior. People describe me as curvaceous, pretty, sweet, stylish. Girls told me they wanted to steal my wardrobe, most of the guys I know like me, there are jealous girls aplenty... I could go on and on. You are rolling your eyes, aren’t you? Let me tell you, there is nothing special about me.

People have also called be fat, big legged, stuck-up, fat baby..i could go on and on. I used to workout a lot, cover every inch of my face with make-up, like every guy who liked me, skip meals, cry and over-eat at night, talk about my fake “boyfriend,” then I realized something. I will never fit the standards, because in this society, there is NO standards. Skinny and voluptuous are both wanted figures. Some men prefer white, black, or Asian women.

I realized if I didn’t create my own standards I would be chasing the wind. So I made an effort to dress more modestly. I wear less make-up, and I am not ashamed of my blemishes. I still workout, but it’s not for that cute guy, my obsessive mother, the girl who still calls me fat. It’s for me. And hey, I still like it when the cute guy smiles at me, the girl tells me she likes my outfit, or when my mom asks me “Are you eating honey?” But if no one found me attractive, I could walk around and have my own unique goals and aspirations that are not so superficial.

So girls (and guys), don’t despair. You may think you are the ugliest in the world, but you are beautiful. Colbie Calliat says it best..


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What Guys Said 38

  • Reality proves otherwise
    If women weren't attractive when they're no longer young and are not valued if they aren't 'beautiful', only beauties would get married and all marriages would end in a divorce.

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  • I think there's quite a bit of truth in this.

    If you look back traditionally at what made people eligible marriage partners, women were supposed to be:
    - pretty
    - chaste
    - sweet and well mannered
    - young

    While we may not obviously demand those things as much as we used to, we still praise those things and look for them... and when people want to insult a woman, they run down the opposte:
    - ugly
    - slut
    - bitch
    - old

    Men? They were expected to be confident, masculine, financially secure, sexually capable. We might claim those things aren't as required now, but the stock insults for men?
    - loser
    - pussy/(insert homophobic slur here)
    - "living in your mother's basement"
    - "virgin"

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    • I kind of agree with you but girls get called virgin and loser too just like guys get called ugly and old. also 'pussy/(insert homophobic slur here)' is offensive to women and queer people.

    • @ylime23 in your first part agree but not nearly as much.

      In the offensiveness I concur (actually I find the entire list offensive when actually used in an insulting manner).

  • Well in the same respect it holds true for men. In general beautiful people are more valued than ugly people.

    The only different with men is that not all stocks are placed on beauty. men can still be valued even if they are butt ugly by their wealth and social status.

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  • Very true. I find myself completely ignoring chicks who are less attractive. Although, I do the same to hot chicks.

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  • https://youtu.be/KM4Xe6Dlp0Y
    Looks aren't everything.

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  • Super Gorgeous young women have POWER and almost as much as billionaire men. That stops when they age. As Howard Stern says, women "HIT THE WALL" around 30 to 35 years old.

    It's like pro athletes. Their on the downside by age 30.

    Hot young chicks need to capitalize on their looks ASAP. Life is all about money, power, trade-offs, pimps, john's and whore's.

    Women who disagree are delusional and in denial.

    End of story.

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  • Yes... BUT not as much as media makes it seem. What most women don't realize is that men's standard of beautiful women is extremely liquid. It's got more to do with who's in the room sometimes that a guys general standard of beauty. Also to be beautiful enough to have worth you only have to be like... a 4. Next there's a huuuuge bell curve in how men rate women in terms of attractive. Most girls count as at least a 6 even when we're not horny. In fact most girls fall from 6 to 8. While you do have to be pretty, it's very likely you're already pretty enough.

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  • It is true and I personally don't care. Men are not valued if they don't have money.

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  • Beauty has value, you can't deny it. But your overall value doesn't depend solely on beauty.

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  • it's not that they aren't valued, it's just that being hot adds a LOT to a girl's value!

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  • If a girl is fat and a guy is fat the girl wins because she will still get positive reinforcement telling her she is beautiful. A fat guy will not get that. They will be telling him he needs to shape up and that girls don't like fat guys so he needs to lose weight and that he is disgusting and unattractive and that he should kill himself because he is fat. Which almost made me do it.

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  • In this society I'd say girls are taught to act like undeserved primcesses, actually.

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  • That's not what I think. While I may not take the initiative to approach girls that I do not feel visually attracted towards, once I've had a conversation or two with the girl, I may become attracted to her personality.

    My dream girl is one that has a humble, frank, and straightforward personality, and who looks the part as well.

    In fact, if she looks too sexy, it's a major turn off for me. Which is pretty easy actually - tubetop, high heels, short denim pants, cleavage. I think I'm weird.

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  • Yeah yeah and the guys aren't valued if they don't look good.. this is high school kid thinking. Some of us have graduated :o

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  • It's all just marketing. Male-controlled media, what do you expect?

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  • Our next president isn't necessarily the most beautiful and she's going to basically be the most powerful person in the world... soo hypothesis undermined lol

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    • Eww I really hope Clinton isn't really the next president. I don't have a problem with her being female, I just think she's a terrible elitist person who pretends she cares about the rest of us.

  • Eh looks aren't everything. I mean a girl has to be somewhat attractive but from my experience, the hotter a girl is, the more issues she has. Which isn't to say every girl I find very physically attractive to inherently have issues. I'm just saying I'd rather have a decent looking girl with a great personality as opposed to a hot girl with a boring/shitty personality.

    Same goes for guys, no women is gonna stay with a guy because she thinks he's cute/hot.

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  • to a point you are correct but it is less "value" than "vanity" that comes to bear on the less attractive. that brings to mind the words of an old reggae song "if you want to be happy for the rest of your life don't make a pretty woman your wife" that said, from my experience the more attractive a woman is the more likely they are to be hit on so often that they feel it is OK for them to cheat in a relationship. and in the bedroom i have never had a really beautiful lady that put anything back into the bedroom activities. it was all up to me. I am not alone in that opinion. the trophy f@%k is nice to brag about but the plain girl most often gives as good or better than she gets in bed. besides if all a guy sees is what assets are on the outsides and ignores what is on the inside and in the heart and soul of a woman then he deserves to be with someone beautiful that will lie, cheat, and steal from the relationship. but with the beauty queen his sense of vanity will be fulfilled and his pocketbook drained.

    so plain or just plain old homely... you do have value to those men that can look beyond the shell to find the jewel within your soul.

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  • True, but both women and men have to worry about looking good to be desired. Girls have one thing to worry about though that's the difference.. men? We have to be earning a good salary too, have good social skills, have status, be charming, know what to say at the right time to a woman, be confident, etc. Just be happy that men don't have a giant list for you. If you really think women have it harder when it comes to being valued, why can almost any women find a partner then but not so for almost any guy? I'm expecting down votes from women with no rebuttal to the truth.

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    • You forgot that we have to look good, cook good, we have to be sociable, have that sporty body, not be boring, not be wacky, we have to make all the right moves, we have to make everything overly obvious because we tend to be subtle and most of the time guys will look through that and not see the signs we put out, we have to be understanding, compassionate, good mothers, cis-gendered, able to take what other bitches dish out.

      Our list is just as long as yours.

    • @BaileyisDarcy I have to disagree with you and agree with the Anon. For men, it's fairly one dimensional. If you're an ugly woman, you're screwed but if you're attractive then you have a golden ticket. For women, each individual thing is valued less but there are a lot of factors influencing how attractive a woman perceives you. Things like a good personality, confidence, a good wardrobe, money, social skills all weigh in. All of these are pluses in women too, but the reality is that a lot of men will look past all those things if the girl is attractive. Plain and simple. Most of the things you listed that you 'have' to be, I wouldn't really care that much about. I'd say of the things on your list, looking good, being understanding, being compassionate, being cis-gendered and making things obvious are the only things that would have any effect on me, and all but the last one are things that factor in for how attractive a man is too.

    • As for making things obvious, you have to keep in mind that while it's obvious to you what message you're trying to get out, it's not always obvious to the person who is trying to understand it. It's kinda like pictionary, just because it makes sense to the person drawing doesn't mean the other people will know what it means because they don't have access to your thought patterns. And being that we exist on the other side of these things, we don't always know what kind of signals women put out because we don't have first hand experience putting out those signals to get attention.

  • "Beyoncé said it herself in #Flawless- in this society, girls are taught to compete for a man’s attention. It is considered a fact that guys go by looks when determining whether or not they are interested in a girl"

    You don't need Beyonce to teach anyone anything. The fact that women compete for men, period, is intrinsic to their subconscious biology. Both genders naturally gravitate towards certain aspects of the opposite sex and this is due to thousands of years of evolution playing out. This didn't happen recently and it won't change for thousands of years either. Beyonce shouldn't be the source of any knowledge, for anyone. I really don't understand why she is so heralded.

    This is science plain and simple. Women subconsciously are attracted to men with "tissue value". Thick body parts, wide shoulders, wide face, large head, built calves, thick penis, big hands, etc. Who taught them to look for that? No one! It's inherent in women just like it's inherent for men to be attracted to 18-24 year old hot women whenever they walk by. They are at their firm, perky prime and intrinsically we sense and see that.

    That doesn't mean that's all we want or are attracted to or that would be totally unrealistic. The "looks" are like bait to the opposite sex. If we didn't look different it would be difficult to propagate the species. This plays out throughout the animal kingdom and even arthropods. Yes, we are the most highly evolved species on the planet and we believe we can out think our evolutionary history, but the basis remains the same. In the end, we learn lessons of getting burned, being true to ourselves, and learning the hard way until we find someone we love in all THEIR special ways and the world falls away.. science too ;)

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    • Got a little off basis. Women naturally compete for a partner. Your basic, natural drive is to have children and that requires a man. So, why wouldn't a woman's hormones prompt her to compete against other competitors in the field of nature to get what she needs? These are very basic drives which we have the ability to over think due to our large, highly evolved brains. The inherent basis for survival of the species still lies at the heart of our beings. The "ancient brain" is still the core of our CNS and it's basic drives have not changed for millenia.

    • Yes, but we are obsessed with it. We doubt ourselves if we cannot obtain the "guy"

    • I believe the obsession part is driven into our heads due to the daily bombardment of media. Everyday, everywhere there are pics and shows, movies with perfectly beautiful people in them. This can be compounded when one knows they are attractive as they can feel even more deservedly of that type of partner.

      All you can do, woman or man, is learn to cope and possibly work with a therapist. Otherwise it can lead to depression. If you are affected that badly, then it's important to explore it with a mental health professional. Sometimes one just needs a little punch in the shoulder, or some words from an unbiased trustworthy source who can get one to flip their way of thinking in order to find some clarity.

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What Girls Said 24

  • Personality accounts to true value, but it all comes down to perception. Everyone perceives people differently. Some people are shallow and others aren't as shallow. Most people dress according to what they mentally view as looking good; I've told other girls I wish I could steal their closets but that was only because I liked their clothes. Some women feel intimidated by looks and others don't. I've been called ugly and I've been called pretty. I've just leaned to accept myself because my happiness is what matters. It's inevitable that attraction does have an effect, but no matter how you present yourself, someone in the world is going to find it attractive and someone will find it unattractive. Just be you.

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  • I think it only hurts most when the guy you are attracted to tells you he prefers (insert-whatever-it-is-you're-not-here). That's truly when you start seeing a girl/woman go in to this mode of self-loathing because the one particular guy she hoped to snag or the "type" of guy she's after prefers the opposite of what she is.

    I remember in the early 90s I liked the type of guys who were only in to the black-haired goth-looking girls. I was NOT this sort of girl. But I was so attracted to dark-haired bad-boy looking guys, who looked like they should be in rock bands (or actually were). I was blonde, full, cute, and wasn't toting around trouble in my life. So yeah, being the way I was I felt inadequate. I just wasn't thinking straight that there was this whole group of men who would have probably fallen all over themselves for me, but I was too caught up in pleasing the types of guys that weren't in to me at all.

    We have to be conscious of what we are is perfectly fine, and just like we women have types, so do men - which you pointed out in your article.

    Just an example: We never seem to question that the guy's choice of a brunette over a blonde means he doesn't know a cute girl when he sees one, but the second a blonde finds out she's passed over for a brunette (because of the fact she's a brunette) she begins to feel badly about her look.

    We are so easily more hard on ourselves than is deserved.

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    • So true.. you should write a take too lol

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    • I always figured guys liked blondes so I bleached my hair at a young age and just kept it up. Now I see so many men fawn over brunettes and I envy that and think I just made a mistake. I should have coloured my hair to believe it was what I wanted to do, to emphasize the colour I had rather than do it to please these men I might attract. It took a long time to realize that cute and beautiful didn't have a hair colour preference. I was wrong. I envy gorgeous blondes and redheads and brunettes alike, if they are beautiful, they are beautiful for a lot more reasons than their hair colour.

    • @dutchpride92 We should have understood that there's always another side to every story. I wanted to be a brunette, but there are brunettes who wanted to be blondes. Girls almost never embrace their natural beauty and feel inadequate. We always think that the grass is greener on the other side, when we should just tell those people who make us feel like we're not good enough to go to hell so that we could find someone who appreciates us for who we are :)
      It's great that you understood it and found someone who loves you and everything about you!

  • i agree. a woman's primary value derives from her attractiveness. everything else is secondary.

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  • Omg it is soooooooo true. I'm fat and ugly and no guy values me. It's a miracle I have a bf.

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  • Beautiful, so amazing, I like the take... no I love it. One of the most beautiful take I have ever read. Thanks for writing!

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  • i simply think it is. just like guys. if they aren't hot, they're worthless in girls eyes.

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  • You should read The Beauty Myth by Naomi Woolf. It's a great read, it talks about the value society places on feminine beauty.
    There has always been social constraints placed on women which have slowed down their progression. Religion acted as the main agent of oppression until it's decline. Women were taught to "remain silent", be subservient to men for they are the weaker sex. Then it was the family, where the woman was expected to be a housewife and to serve her husband. However technologies were created to perform domestic jobs, like the washing machine. This gave women the opportunity to spend less time in the home and do other things.
    Now the biggest obstacle women are burdened with is Beauty. It's a misconception that it's role is to celebrate women, it serves to satisfy men.

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    • Wow, I haven't thought of it that way. I love to read, so I definitely will read it. Thanks!!

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    • Np :))

    • "Now the biggest obstacle women are burdened with is Beauty". I have read that very same book and studied women's studies in college, for a little while. Men are not the primary contributes of this beauty myth. Women have always placed emphasis on a man's height and muscularity (his ability to protect her), since the caveman days. As a result men are bound to the standards of being tall and muscular. Even you probably expect you men to be tall and muscular. When women stop expecting men to be tall and muscular, in Hollywood, and in everyday life, men will stop putting emphasis on women's beauty. Both men and women put emphasis in equal amounts on beauty.

  • This is the most beautiful take i have read in a while...
    the amount of pressure we put ourselves under,.. it's ridiculous

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    • Aww thanks :))

  • I totally agree. When I was a teen, I was chubby. I noticed around the age of 9 that there was something "wrong" with me. I spent years trying to get thin. I read so much on nutrition and exercise that it's all I really know now, and I'm studying to be a personal trainer. I remember when I was 13, I was eating raw chicken breast because I knew it would make me violently sick, and I would vomit and not be able to eat, therefore I would lose weight.
    As soon as I was old enough to join my local gym, I signed up and hit the weights. Now I'm a fairly thin girl. I have a lot of lean muscle, and for a while I really loved my body. I finally got to where I wanted to be.
    Now, I have a boyfriend who likes curvy girls. I'm a white Australian girl. It's not in my genes to have a big butt and breasts. I'm in the gym 6 days a week, suffering back pain and knee pain from all the squatting to get a bigger butt. I'm swallowing fad diet pills that promise a bigger butt. I'e just signed a 5 year loan contract to afford breast implants, and I'm only 19. All day, all I think about is new work outs and how much happier I'll be after my implants.
    It's proof that we women will never be good enough. We're either too skinny, too fat, too muscly, too saggy. It goes on and on. It's a pretty hard world for us.
    Sorry, I just unloaded all my issues hahaha

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  • If the guy is not strong=if the girl is not beautiful =no marriage =bad thinking

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  • To answer your question, Yes, unattractive girls will be undervalued. They will not be tolerated by men. When a guy would be patient and more welcoming with a pretty girl, he will not do that with an unattractive girl. There would be sudden hatred towards them. That girl could try to befriend the guy, but that guy will suddenly find himself to be better than her, and just tell everyone that she's trying to get in his pants. These happen and we cannot deny them. If a girl on this wensite actually feels like theyre ugly, or mistreated by men, theyre peobably right. And no matter how many time we may tell those ladies that they are not worth it, or they deserve better, theyre still going to have the emptiness in them knowing thay they can't attract a guy. I've done this to my frrends and I found out that it doesn't work. What guys need to do, is take some responsibility and grow out of their egos and stop grading women and being assesto those that they may not find attractive. Im not saying all guys are like this, but those that hurt me or my friends were overflowing with ego.

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    • I purposely didn't answer the question so the reader would think it through and come to their own conclusion.

  • I agree but it depends on the person's mindset. I'm friends with a guy on Facebook that constantly posts things about how pretty girls deserve this and don't deserve to be treated a certain way and he of course has a certain type. He will also say how much girls that have a career, go to college and single moms who take care of their kids are also don't get enough credit but he still only talks about pretty this and pretty that. He has been through a few girls in the past few months who are pretty of course some of them are also thots for some reason he can't tell the difference. He will go on a rant about how pretty girls get too much credit for being beautiful and women that had something going for themselves do not but he is a hypocrite because he still never gets to know someone he takes interest in before diving in head first to see if they have substance. Smh but beauty is in the eye of the beholder and and people do have different standards of what beauty is and if they have it or want to live up to it. One thing I think we an all agree on is that beauty fades on the outside and that only gets you attention its not what will capture someones heart.

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  • Beautiful and attractive are such subjective terms though, different people are attracted to different types of women. If most women take care of themselves properly, try to look cute, dress nice then they're mostly likely going to be attractive in some way.

    Men love variety, I don't understand why women can't appreciate that about themselves. Women need to stop being dumb enough to keep continuing to choose to compete with each other and compare themselves and each other, they're only adding to the problem.

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  • I completely agree 100% it's sad that we as woman are the ones that make up what is " beauty" when we can't even see the beauty in ourselves. its not men who judge women the hardest it's women judging other women. My friend the other day was telling me that she was jealous of my body because I have a big butt and boobs and I was looking at her like soo you be a freaking model she's tall and gorgeous. The competition needs to stop because at the end of the day we all are going to find someone who finds us beautiful as we are.

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  • I enjoyed reading this Take. It makes perfect sense and it's very accurate. I have felt this way for sometime.

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  • One more of those ''all girls are beautiful, don't worry about your appearence and blablablablalBLA bullshit.''
    31.media.tumblr.com/.../...e_nk3dazmpUV1sqf2ij.gif
    Look, not all girls are beautiful. Do you think she is beautiful?
    img3.wikia.nocookie.net/.../...gly_woman_shirt.jpg
    I think I'll have a nightmare tonight. But oh, I forgot everyone is beautiful, so she's beautiful too. Right right. Sure. Cough. Cough 2x.

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    • I'm sure she is beautiful to someone.

    • @TigerXDragon Exactly. Didn't even have to say anything

    • Ok people. But I'm talking about appearence not what's beautiful on the inside.

  • I love"try" and the message it represents. Good take!

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  • Beautiful!! I loved it 😀😀

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  • Only place this may be true is where men rule over women. All other places, certainly not, I know plenty of women who are highly valued and they are not considered attractive by most.

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  • These days... yes sadly... even just to be friends with someone they base off of how "good looking" another girl is... and if your not their definition of fake... well... consider yourself friendless... because it ain't going to work out between us :P

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