5 Reasons Nice Guys Aren't All Actually That Nice

[EllieLexis513]

Dear Men,

You are not all nice guys. There, I said it. And I’m sure you reading this are thinking, “Well…duh?” But here’s something you didn’t expect: This includes the nice guys.

Huh? Nice guys aren’t nice guys? That makes no sense.

Well, yes, it does. A lot of guys who perceive themselves to be ‘nice’….are not nice. And if a woman dares to tell you any different, we usually get some version of, ‘WELL, NOT ALL NICE WOMEN ARE NICE EITHER!!!!’ so before I continue, let me just get this out of the way by saying I already know that just like I'm aware that many of the things on this list can apply to women, as well. However, this Take is not about women, it’s about men, therefore, that mindset has no place here.

And I’m sure at this point, you’re thinking “This Take is going to be a load of bullshit…” If you think that by the end of this Take, you, as a man, are either in denial or a bad guy who knows he’s a bad guy. Are you up to the challenge? Very well. Here are 5 reasons why you are probably, in fact, NOT a nice guy.

1. You Really Believe Dating Is An Actual Game

You play to win the woman, not to have a real romance. In Western culture, at the very least, the entire purpose behind dating is to find someone that you want to be with long term. You don’t necessarily have to want to get married as there are plenty of women who don’t want to be married, either, but if you go into dating just wanting the arm candy, you aren’t a nice guy, especially if being arm candy is a requirement.

2. You Have A Body Type

Speaking of arm candy, let’s talk about this ongoing battle: Female Body Types. Everyone has some type of physical body they are attracted towards. That’s just fact. But if you dismiss a woman just because of her body? Sorry, you are no longer a nice guy. Why? Well, simple. Bodies can change. A woman can lose weight, she can gain weight, lose fat, gain fat, lift weights, do cardio, etc. Rejecting a nice woman just because in the -moment- she has 20 extra pounds hanging from her thighs is not the trait of a nice guy, especially if this supposedly "nice guy" isn't the best looking person, either.

Then there are the parts that women simply can’t change, let’s say, for instance, boob size. Well, I guess we can if we want to by manipulating it with a Victoria’s Secret push-up bra, but once you’re in the bedroom, SURPRISE, those D’s are now B’s bitch. And let’s not even discuss plastic surgery because if you really loved the woman as she was, you wouldn’t ask her to go under the knife just to please you. If you do this, not only are you not nice, but you have dropped to the category of “Piece Of Shit” guy. Let’s be real or a second. You want the ideal girl: Long hair, curvy body, nice ass, gorgeous boobs… Yet… I can’t help but question why it’s okay for men to think this but if a woman wants a man with muscles and is at least 5’11, all of sudden women are being ridiculous. Perhaps you men reading this could provide some insight on that for me in the comments.

I’m not even halfway through the list, and I can tell I hit a nerve. Look, I know the whole “Well, I have to be physically attracted to the person” argument. I’m not saying that you don’t have a right to have someone that you’re physically attracted to. However, if you’re still single because the ‘hot chick’ dissed you, well, I don’t know what to tell you. Hot chicks don’t always equal hot meals after work. Hot chicks don’t always equal awesome sex. Hot chicks don’t always equal foot massage, shoulder rubs, good sense of humor, fun company, supportive partner, hard worker, good mother, loving person, gym rat, family oriented… Okay, I’ll stop. I think you get the picture.

3. You Don’t Own Up To Your Faults And Have No Desire To Change

I know, I know…we women have our ‘moments’ on our periods or when there’s not enough chocolate in the house or when that bitch Becky with the good hair ruins our day at work and we bring the animosity home to you. But if you think every problem in a relationship is because the woman is at fault, you’re not a nice guy. It takes two to tango, and I’m not talking about making a baby. Very rarely does a woman in a committed relationship with a man she loves, especially one she wants to marry, get angry at her partner when he did nothing wrong…well, unless Becky opened her fat yap at work…

Men, here’s the deal. A lot of the things you say and do annoy us, but what really pisses us off is when you don’t at least acknowledge you did something wrong. If I ask you to put the seat down, PUT THE DAMN SEAT DOWN. It’s not that freaking hard. If you don’t do it, then don’t be mad when she comes in the room at 3am with a butt full of toilet juice screaming at you because she fell in.

If you say you’ll be home at 9, COME THE FUCK HOME AT 9, not 11:30. And if it is going to be 11:30, TELL US. It’s really not that complicated. Don’t make a habit of being late. Don’t laugh at us if we tell you we’re upset about something or it’s not a big deal. Clearly, it’s a big deal to us in the moment. It’s one thing to calm someone don, but to tell someone their irritations are unwarranted is not only rude, but it shows you don’t care about our feelings. And that’s how we perceive it. Women are emotional creatures, that’s no secret, so it would behoove you not to dismiss our emotions.

4. You Act Entitled

Very rarely does this happen for anyone, and even when it does, it’s usually AFTER you’ve been in the relationship for a while and have gotten to know your partner. Sorry, but if you think your soulmate is just sitting at Starbucks with the perfect hair, body, and personality for you, then you’re not a good guy. A good guy knows that whatever he wants in a partner, it’s probably not just standing around waiting for them. Keep in mind: This woman doesn’t know you yet. The woman never knows you until you talk to her and get to know her, just like she doesn’t know you if she hasn’t talk to you yet.

If anything, a good guy wants to get to know someone and decide if the relationship is worth pursuing. He won’t turn her away because he’s on a high protein diet and she’s a Vegan. He won’t tell her he’s not interested because he loves Star Wars but she swears by Star Trek. He won’t end the relationship just because his favorite weekend thing is bar hopping and she would rather watch Netflix. He’s not turned off when she goes to the salon to get her long hair done and comes back with a pixie cut. Good guys don't believe they need sex to have a loving relationship with a woman. guys make reasonable compromises and don’t expect their partner to have every little thing they want.

5. You Call Yourself A Nice Guy

This is quite honestly the biggest reason you do not qualify as a nice guy.

Just a little insight for you: Nice guys don’t have to run around telling everyone they are a nice guy, even if it’s just on a website like G@G. If no one refers to you as a nice guy, there’s a GIANT reason behind it. That reason: YOU ARE NOT A NICE GUY. As a woman, I can’t tell you how many friends I have tell me certain guys are not one of the good ones. And guess what? THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW IT’S HAPPENING. You know what else? Women do it to other women, too! People do this because they don’t want to see someone else hurt. Johnny can have a crush on Katie but if Pedro and Morgan tell Katie to stay away or be wary, she’s probably going to do it. Same for women. Good guys only have to rely on the vibe they are putting out.

Sorry, but, if any of the reasons above are true for personally, even if it’s just one, you simply are not a nice guy, at least, not in the eyes of most women. Everyone has the power to change, though…if they want to. And if you don’t want to, that’s fine, completely your choice. You don’t have to change for anyone.

But again. That’s your choice.

[loveisbeautiful]

Honestly, I'm really tired of seeing women on here write takes about how "nice guys aren't really nice". I don't know if every woman truly feels that way or if people on here just want to mess with your head but if that's truly the case, what's the point in dating? I mean, from all the takes I've read on this topic, the bad guys are bad but the nice guys aren't really nice and any guy that say's he is nice, is a lying jackass. So, if that's truly the case and there are no good men (even the ones that say they are), why even bother dating? I might as well just become a nun or an old maid and get some dogs (since I'm a allergic to cats). I mean honestly, what's the point?

I just can't handle seeing this anymore it's annoying, disappointing and extremely discouraging. I don't agree with this at all and think it's wrong to write something like this and then not let men point out that women do the samethings. What's good for the goose, is good for the gander. So, if women want to say negative things about men, it's only fair they get to say negative things about women (if it pertains to the topic at hand).

I also don't get how one describing themselves as nice, actually translates to them being a jackass, I don't get that. So, if we go with that theory that means if I ever say I'm a good person, I'm really a bad person because describing myself as such makes me not good, how does that make sense?

[KenM9215]

I was feeling the same way.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

images.complex.com/.../pnznkqgsrgw4tx0qdpxr.jpg

I've been meaning to write this, but to lazy to. Someone gets it 🙌

[hellionthesage]

Thank you.

[steven7890789]

I definitely agree with you. Women do the same things she is describing but they don't get judged but guys get judged for being this way. Also, it is dumb how she is saying if a guy doesn't date an overweight women that is nice that it means he isn't actually nice. That is bull. Many women wouldn't date an overweight guy either just because he was nice. As long as that guy or woman doesn't reject the man or woman in a bad way and as long as they are ok with still being friends with them nothing is wrong with them not wanting to go out with them just because they are not physically attracted to overweight people. Also, the irony of her talking about how nice guys feel entitled yet she thinks women should be entitled to a date just because they are nice. Lol she doesn't realize her hypocrisy.

[EllieLexis513]

You obviously didn't read this because if you did you would have noticed this Take wasn't a hit on guys at all. And in fact in the opening I said women are just as guilty of these things as men are. And if you're so tired of seeing these Takes, don't go to them. You just basically wrote one long paragraph about something that has nothing to do with what I wrote. I never called guys in here all jackasses or blamed them for anything.

[EllieLexis513]

@steven7890789 I never said guys that don't overweight women aren't nice lol, where is that phrase in the Take? And I believe, again, that I said women are guilty of many things in this list as well. Yet another person that didn't read...

[schnipdip]

@asker... I think you're stupid. Yes, stupid. I'm saying that in the nicest way possible. You obviously don't have the capacity to think further than what you perceive to be true, when in reality most of what you said is either false or just inaccurate.

[loveisbeautiful]

Actually, I did read it. I never respond to something I didn't read, what's the point in that? Yes, you did say women are just as guilty but you also said that "this take isn't about women, it's about men and therefore that mindset has no place here". Basically saying, you get women do the same but don't want to hear about it because it's not relevant, when in fact it is.

I never said you called guys jackasses, that's what I was saying because if there are NO nice guys (not even the ones that say they are nice), then that only leaves jerk. There really isn't a middle ground there, is there? I mean, you say nothing I wrote as anything to do with this but I think it does. I mean, I want to understand if you have the bad guys and the good guys but the good guys aren't actually good, what does that leave a woman to date then? I think it's a legitimate question. I'm just looking for answer to it, you going to give me one or not?

[loveisbeautiful]

@hellionthesage You're welcome.

[EllieLexis513]

You didn't read it because the title answers that question. I never said good guys didn't exist, just that not all good guys are good.

[KenM9215]

not to sound rude, but this was your title "5 Reasons Nice Guys Aren't All Actually That Nice"

[EllieLexis513]

@KenM9215 "Aren't All" I see you missed that part.

[schnipdip]

In English, that's not what that means.

[loveisbeautiful]

Yes, I did read it. And, no that question wasn't answered in there. It makes no sense how not all good guys are good because if they are not good, then they are bad. If that's the case, I don't get why a woman would bother dating. I'm just looking to understand this better but nobody is helping me do that.

[steven7890789]

You clearly mentioned about if a woman is nice and she has extra pounds on her and that if a guy that claims to be nice, doesn't date her just because of those extra pounds he is actually not a nice guy. My girlfriend even thinks this is a load of bull that the excuses you are making. But the thing is she isn't immature.

[shadowelite102]

It's ok, she's just expressing her anger for something that happened to her, or the opposite, something that didn't happen to her. I'm human, I make mistakes and sometimes that hurts people, and sometimes that hurts myself, but I still try to do the right thing. Some people don't try to do the right thing because they are too selfish to, and some people hurt others intentionally.

I don't know if this myTake owner understands that not all guys are the same, but in case she didn't then... Not all guys are the same. People have different experiences in life and everyone has a uniqueness and does things different. Don't paint all guys with the same brush, you'll only get disappointed or hurt in the end, or maybe even surprised, who knows.

[Drednaught]

@EllieLexis513
You're distorting one the most fundamental axioms of logic when you say that not all good guys are good guys. Essentially, what you're saying boils down to this statement: ( x =\= x ) which is just simply false. x = x because a thing is a thing that it is, not a thing that it isn't.

[Waffles731]

100 percent true, anyone who calls themselves a nice guy probably isn't if you ask a bunch of people and they say, "oh, Bobs a decent guy." he is probably a decent person but these 'nice guys' aren't decent people, for all the reasons you listed

[EllieLexis513]

Well, at least one person on this site can read haha

[hellionthesage]

Why do women hate nice guys? Simple, it allows them to shift blame away from themselves to the nice guy. See you claim you want a nice guy, but you don't, not really. What you want is the bad boy who is nice only to you. By making false claims that nice guys are not really nice, by demonizing them by reducing them down to a singular trait instead of viewing them in their entire complexity ie objectifying them, you can keep the moral high ground while maintining your selectiveness and all the while not be judged for it. I mean lets be honest here with all these claims of nice guys not being nice you woud think their was never a nice guy in the world yet we know that to be false. If it was a rare occurence that nice guys where this way then that would mean you would rarely if ever get these statements from women yet it seems its all we hear. Ergo the only logical conclusion to come to is that you are rationlizing your actions because you cannot bring yourself to admit, really admit that it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you. That you are shallow (its okay everyone has physical prefferences, despite you insulting nice guys for having them you have them as every woman and man does), that you really don't want the nice guy as much as you claim you do, that you want drama or that money matters or what ever it is that makes you immediatley dismiss and demonize nice guys. As for nice guys getting angry, why wouldn't they be? Why should they not be? You have just insulted them, reduced their desires for companionship (something every human has) down to them just wanting to use women for their own gain. You (empirical you) claim that you want nice guys yet when you find one you immediatley dismiss him all the while ridiculing him for ever wanting to be more then a friend as if it was wrong to want to be in a relationship to be loved. So when those guys vent their frustration women like you use that as an excuse to justify their actions (completely ignoring the fact that their actions where not caused by this attitude but rather their actions caused the attitude). When a guy gets rejected once it sucks but most guys get rejected frequently so when you reject a nice guy and he vents, its not because of that one girl, it was all of them who rejected him, all of them who claimed they wanted a nice guy and all of them who lied to him and rejected him for being the very thing you claimed you wanted. Your take is merely a rationlization.

[EllieLexis513]

You... didn't read this Take, did you?

[hellionthesage]

Yes I did. Why do you think saying your wrong is equivalent to not reading it (as you have accused others who disagreed with not reading it as well). I even addressed several of your points like body types and such. Just because you have an oppinion does not mean that it is inherintly right. Your wrong as I pointed out by your reasoning their would be no good men, by your reasoning a nice guy should have no feelings what so ever in fact they are not even allowed to be human as you seem to think they should have no prefferences and feel nothing if they get continously rejected. Also while you did mention women do this as well that was a dismissal, a logical fallacy meant to neutralize any kind of rebuttal. If women do this as well why adress it exclusively towards men? Why not "5 reasons nice people are not really nice"? Because you didn't really consider that women do this. In fact few women do this just as few men, if any, would claim a nice girl is any of these things.

[hellionthesage]

Don't you find that strange? That it is only women who complain about nice guys, yet men have no complaints about nice girls? As I said its an attempt to rationalize a behavior. A fairly obvious one at that.

[hellionthesage]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9XDb0nxSO4

[Pacificblue62]

You sound bitter like the female equivalent to a nice guy. Look at these this way #1- Life in general is like a constant game. Women play games as do men. Some people are after long term relationships others aren't. Thats not gender specific. I personally prefer LTRs but I'm not going to judge those who feel differently and call them not nice just because they have different desires in their life and view dating much differently than I do. #2 Have a body type? Yeah there are body types that I find more attractive than others. I find women who are in shape to be a bit more attractive. But I also try to stay in shape as well. I personally would rather go hiking with a girl or do outdoor activities then eat junk food all day and sit inside watching tv. That doesn't mean I'd flat out reject a girl if she asked me out due their her weight. I also wouldn't be mean to her or not be her friend solely due to her weight. I take a lot of other things into consideration as well. But women dont usually ask guys out. Now do they? So if I have to do the asking and have to face rejection I'll ask out who I want to. Also dont women have height preferences, and many other preferences relating to physical appearance? But you're saying that's perfectly ok they are good people. Its just guys who aren't allowed have their preferences, they are bad people if they do? #3 Last I checked many women aren't really great at acknowledging when they are wrong or taking responsibility for their actions. Lots just assume they are always right because they are a woman and the guy is always wrong because he is a guy. Whats the phrase I always hear? Women are always right even if they aren't. Is this not in a way the pot calling the kettle black? #4 Second paragraph agree with. For first paragraph can anyone predict the exact location where there soulmate will be? Talking to a woman at Starbucks who happens to be attractive is wrong? Hasn't everyone of all walks of life pretty much been to a starbucks? Why write that off as a place for two people to meet? Also attractiveness is subjective. Why blame someone for going after someone they attracted to even if it is a bit daring? Thats their choice. you're also making it sound like attractive women can't be good people. #5 We are all human and have good and bad in us. Very subjective terms. Sure good people dont usually advertise they are nice. But what if a person says theyre nice and actually does have some good in them? doesn't mean theyre all bad.

[jessicorn]

this.
women have so many body types... so i dont get why its not ok when it comes to guys

[ThisDudeHere]

Nice take.

I don't think you can really blame guys for thinking that dating is a game. It is far harder for guys to score a date than it is or girls so drveloping the mentality that it's a numbers game and a challenge even helps overcome the stress of failure.

I hope by us preferring certain body types being bad you didn't mean that it's bad to not prefer fat women or really tall women snd etc? Having a body type preferrence is in no way a bad thing. Every woman has one as well.
I'm not saying I would ONLY date a woman of she had big boobs or a round ass. No. What I'm saying is that I generally prefer someone in the healthy weight range.

Although I get your point about acknowledging mistakes, the psrticular case about toilet seats just irritates me. It is not anyone's responsibility to make sure other people don't fall in to the toilet. I ALWAYS look down before I do anything, regardless if I intend to sit down or not. Homewer falls in to the toilet is just an idiot who blames others for their stupidity. If you need to piss dtanding up, pull the seat up. If you need to sit, make sure the seat is down. It's your own job to fo so. Simple.

Yes,, conpromises are always good. But there is a limit. I used to think I wouldn't be with someone if their taste in music was not like my own. And it just so happens that a girl I like and am fating has a taste that I just quite frankly find absurd lol. But that does not mean I like her any less.
None the less, if too many of these kinds of differences pile up, anyone is within their rights to proclaim incompatibility and move on. A bar hopper may have nothing in common with a netflix watcher so why shouldn't he be free to move on?
Oh I'm sorry but sex is an important part of the relationship. Not THE most important but up there. I wouldn't say I feel entitled to it. If my girlfriend wouldn't want to do it after quite some time together, I wouldn't shame or pressure her in to doing it but neither would I remain in a relationship where my primal needs are not met.

Sry for mistakes, typing on a phone in the bus.

[shaolin_drifter]

Iam one of these nice guys that aren't nice. Examples, I will hold a door open for anyone because I am a nice guy. However I won't date a girl who is fat and why should I? I am in shape and will stay that way because that is the way I am. To try to date someone who isn't would be stupid. Why date someone who you already know isn't compatible? Your body says a lot about who you are, and what you are attracted to is also a part of who you are. If you are out of shape maybe you will get in shape but the odds that you relapse into lazy are through the roof. Dont lie to yourself to try to feel like you are a nice person. Your preferences for people you date have nothing to do with being nice.
And the stupid ass toilet seat argument. ... I am sick of this. If you want us to pick the f-ing seat up to piss then YOU put it down to piss, that is called equality. Every woman on earth wants to act all independent and capable until its something she just doesn't want to do. if you just run in there and swing your ass down without looking you deserve it anyway, Dont blame your man for your lack of discipline.

[Nothanks700]

From your self declared "this will make you realize what I mean" statement at the beginning; I almost thought maybe she has something to say, but nah, you are just the female counterpart to the whiny dudes on here.

Here's my argument.

I treat women with respect. If I'm looking for a fling, I let them know that. If I'm looking for something more serious, I let them know that as well. I bought some old woman's groceries the other day because her ebt card was low. I volunteer at animal shelters. My username is not indicative of my name, so I'm not trying to impress anyone. Merely pointing out that I am a nice guy who probably falls into each one of your ridiculous categories.

I have a body type- well duh! Everyone has a freaking body type. I'm not going to role out an overweight girl, but I'm certainly not going to approach her. Sorry that's just Darwinism kid, get over it. Now a girl with a little fluff is not bad at all, but if they are actually overweight, they either have a gland issue or they don't take care of themselves. Either one is not something we are actively trying to pass to future children.

I would not say I act entitled, and do own up to my mistakes. But these and being nice are not mutually exclusive.

Your last point counters another. Do you consider yourself a nice girl? I mean, I would hope. This self proclamation however makes you not a nice girl by your logic though. You also seem to be implying that "nice guys" get upset because women don't want to be with them simply because they are nice, and this makes them not nice. Women find them unattractive however, so your point about the weight issue is fairly hypocritical. I'm not going to be attracted to an overweight women simply because she is nice.

[Bluemax]

The part about rejecting people outright due to their body type needs some clarification. On the one hand, you write "But if you dismiss a woman just because of her body? Sorry, you are no longer a nice guy." Yet on the other you write,"I'm not saying that you don’t have a right to have someone that you’re physically attracted to." (I believe NO ONE has a "right to have" ANYONE. You have a right to be attracted to whomever you're attracted to). What if a certain body type, skinny or fat or whatever, repulsed the person in question, causing them to reject someone on that basis. Why is this person automatically not nice?

I have known MANY people, men and women alike, who have rejected someone outright for their physical appearance. Some have rejected me for my appearance. Yet many of them are kind, wonderful people, including the ones who rejected me. Being physically attracted to a person's physical appearance is a requirement for most people. This often includes body types. Men and women can be nice people yet still reject someone romantically for nothing more than appearance.

[MrShinyPants]

I myself do not like mind games and dating games, i think their pointless, boring, annoying and a waste of time, i prefer being real and right to thw point no beating around the bush, unless its a friendly game of touch and go with a girl, i rarely will chase you, because again, pointless and have no patience for it, only if i really really like her then id play a little chase. Id prove my worthy and honor in ways that aren't a game. As for being entitled yeah im entitled, to a slap to the face or kick to the groin if i do something seriously wrong lol if i do it internationally then yeah id deserve a game of one sided roshambo to where i become the looser. I do have a preference but i like all types of women, yeah certain looks i find more appealing but i find all beautiful. Its like tea, my favorite drink, i have certain ones i really like but id drink pretty much any tea because i love tea. Lastly i dont call myself a good guy but i try my best to be one because otherwise not only would i not be able to set myself apart from others but if i didn't try to be nice and honorable i wouldn't be able to live with myself, not just with women but nice in general, whether helping a random stranger to treating a woman right. There may be times i may mess up but ill own up to it once i realized i screwed up and give an apology and try to make it up to her. Im not a push over but im not a scumbag either

[MrShinyPants]

But for the most part yeah guys do lie, women too but either way the games ad lies need to stop thats why there are so many unhappy couples and miserable singles, sad really. Sorry for the long reply

[waterlaz]

1) OK. Can't say anything here except that women that consider dating a game is the exact reason I don't really like going on dates (at least with girls I don't know very well).

2) I don't have a body type, but I won't date a really overweight girl.
You can say that it's not fair, that for many cases it's not the girls fault she is overweight.
I won't argue with that. The fact is that most guys don't find overweight girls attractive.
"I’m not saying that you don’t have a right to have someone that you’re physically attracted to."
So what's the problem then?

3) "If I ask you to put the seat down, PUT THE DAMN SEAT DOWN." Wow, what an attitude.
If I ask you to cook me dinner, COOK THE DAMN DINNER.
Seriously, just put the damn sit down yourself, it's not that freaking hard.

4) "Sorry, but if you think your soulmate is just sitting at Starbucks with the perfect hair, body, and personality for you, then you’re not a good guy."
Why? I'd be naive and forever alone, yes. Maybe even plain stupid. But why not a nice guy?

5) "If no one refers to you as a nice guy, there’s a GIANT reason behind it. That reason: YOU ARE NOT A NICE GUY."
I don't really know what people say about me when I am not there. However, I've learned that when a woman says to me that I am in fact a nice guy that is a pretty damn good indication that she is not interested in me (a fun observation).

Overall, I get the impression that a guy that actually has an opinion on something that is different from yours is not a nice guy by your definition.
Maybe that's the reason you think most guys are not nice?

[Righttobeararms83]

I don't have a body type but I wouldn't date a girl I wasn't attracted to in a sexual way ie overweight also when I was single and if their was a chance of a long term relationship before jumping in I would ask what the woman im dating would actually bring to a relationship or even a future marriage. I dont have many female friends but the ones i do have are true friends who often do me favours and good turns which I reciprocate the only other women I would help are related to me. The big problem with nice guys is they think that by buying girls drinks all night, driving them around, taking care of them and by white knighting for them they seem to think they own sexual rights and have the right to chase any guy with an interest in them, which doesn't make them look anymore appealing especially if the guy they are trying scaring calls their bluff and shows them to be a pussy. When I was dating I did view it as a game flirting with women and generally having fun and my dates I like to think had fun and im not just talking about sex. That's another problem woth nice guys they have no game in other words they have no idea how to talk with to a woman as a man for the purpose of dating or bedding them because they are thirsty and bitter as well as having no real respect for women as equals. The purpose of dating is to ultimately find a partner but the two people might not be suited tp one another or ready for a relationship. But dating can be fun, I have a two female friends I met when I dated them.

[norcali]

Yes that makes sense, and outlines a certain type of guy, they still are "relatively" nice but carry a lot of shallow narcissistic personality traits. The modern social expectations and way a lot of guys and girls grow up in and around form most of these conflicted mindsets, and the male social circle they "buy into" normally dictates a lot of not so nice habits. I personally find a women who has a bubbly personality and is genuine matters as much as her outside appearance and like I tell my buddies who are shallow is that you only spend so much time in the sack, how bad would it suck to marry someone you can't even have a fun interesting conversation with... what sorta mother to your children is that, or how is your selfish nature going to translate into you kids...

[Fathoms77]

#2 has an odd relationship to #3.

One of the reasons I'm inclined to reject a woman based on her body is because I interpret that as her having no desire to change. Bear in mind I'm talking about people around my age (late 30s), so if you're 22, I suppose it's easy to say, "oh, she'll right the ship and start being healthy." But if you're closing in on 40 and you're clearly not healthy... well, you've had a sufficient amount of time. If you have still failed to take responsibility for your health, I see no reason to believe you'll magically start when we begin dating.

It's not just about physical attraction. It's about wanting to be around someone who has a similar mindset to me (always important, no matter what the subject), and wanting to be with someone who won't soon be spending far too much time in a doctor's office, for no other reason than she hasn't taken care of herself. And she had two full decades as an adult to do it, you know?

[PonyCar]

This is my attitude and I'm not even close to 40 yet.

That being said, I'm not now, nor have I ever been overweight. I don't know what it's like to be told 'You're not my type b/c I don't like fat people.'

It totally mystifies me why people want to be asked out by other people who don't find them physically attractive. Everyone's got "a type." If you aren't physically attracted to me, then why the hell would I want to be with you? Or worse yet, you want to date me because you think you can mold me into whatever physical form suits your needs (b/c my current one is insufficient)? F*ck that.

[Fathoms77]

@PonyCar "It totally mystifies me why people want to be asked out by other people who don't find them physically attractive. Everyone's got "a type." If you aren't physically attracted to me, then why the hell would I want to be with you? Or worse yet, you want to date me because you think you can mold me into whatever physical form suits your needs (b/c my current one is insufficient)? F*ck that."

My thoughts exactly. :)

[cavmanier]

@PonyCar
"It totally mystifies me why people want to be asked out by other people who don't find them physically attractive"

Great point. I agree. I think the motivation is more about feeling upset about wanting to be accepted in general, and less about a logical reason.

[ak666]

I'm similar -- I had an active youth and I like a woman to have the same. I'm one of those types that sits around at a computer most of the day but still has the six-pack. People ask me how I do it and if I go to the gym, and I think it's just because I spent hours and hours every day outdoors throughout my youth. I like a girl who had a similar youth.

The other thing is charisma. That's not quite personality, it's a girl's mannerisms, facial expressions, how she smiles, how she talks. This is considered a key quality in the attractiveness of a male but it's generally not considered such a superficial quality. Yet charismatic females are also a large part of the attraction. A girl who is frumpy and barely smiles is probably not going to do so well with guys and it's not just her physical make-up, but the fact that she doesn't give off this kind of radiant attractive quality which a charismatic person can have.

[noneoftheabove]

there's a couple of things I've got out of this mytake, that i didn't get from the mytake itself lol

1. why are people moaning about another mytake like this? there are 1000s of people on this website. 100s of new people probably join everyday. WAKE UP call, this website doesn't revolve around you. you dont have to open it but you can't resist because you want to have yet another moan which leads to my second point..

2. people moan too much

3. a lot of bitterness on here. when will people realise that you dont need to get so upset or bitter about someone elses opinion.. it doesn't speak for the entire male race

im not even offended at this mytake, its just an opinion, where some of is true and some of it isn't. im not going to spit my dummy out.

[SwoopingHawk]

So, one of the qualifications for fake nice guy status is standards? Good to know. Good thing I'm just a guy who generally tries to be reasonably nice and not a "nice guy". I hate exercise but and would drink soda every day if I could, but I do go out of my way to take care of my body in spite of my preferences. I'm not saying a girlfriend has to be an Olympian or some such, but fat IS a choice, so, no, if you can't be bothered to take basic care of your body, that says something about the sort of girlfriend you'll be. No space whales.

[D_Bone_Steak]

"He's just a nice guy"

That along with "He's just a friend" is what I hear out of a girl's mouth the most when she's either in denial or is trying to hide the fact that...

That guy is just trying to bone. I mean duh... he's acting a certain way to get something. I love it when a woman recognizes this and properly labels him as fake. Not after she gives it up to him only to be horribly disappointed and then used by him to up his status with his bro-mo-sexual buddies (guys that like women only to impress their "boys"). But right from the get-go... not dropping that denial line to defend him from her bf/husband who is just calling it how he sees it, but defending her own dignity and his by just seeing what that fake "nice guy" is up to... actually able to see his doting attention for what it is instead of just "nice and friendly." What is it... a guy acting a certain way in order to better his chances to bone... nothing more, nothing less.

[DruBiEN]

*Pure gold*

[Dragonblood21]

1) I dont view dating as a game. Different people are attracted to different things. All there is to it.
2) I have a body preference. Its small framed, short, dainty. And the last woman I fell hard for was 5'10", and chubby. Far from my ideal type, and I couldnt keep my eyea off her.
3) Lol no, I have problems just like anyone else. I have an issue with relying on alcohol to relax me, which would qualify me as an alcoholic. I want to change, I just never found a reason big enough to.
4) Im far from self entitled. I've had a shit upbringing, but one thing that shit upbringing made appreciate more than anything is getting to know people is amazing. You may realize something about them you love and would have never known.
5) I dont call myself a nice guy. That phrase sounds lame as fuck. Im just a guy with practically no relationship experience. Being "nice" has nothing to do with it.

[Anonuser2020]

Any person man or woman who claim outright that they are nice people prob lying and just making themselves look good. If you are a nice person, you don't have go proclaiming how nice you, you show it through your actions. Also if a person talks down about their ex I would very wary. My ex called his ex crazy and eventually when I told him how unhappy I was w/being taken for granted he called me crazy. The only way you will truly find out about a person is if you get to know them. Don't take anything at face value.

[rosey_bananas]

I agree with point #5. I've heard some guys say "I'm a nice guy" and think you need to stop living in la la land... they think they're nice because on the surface they appear that way but it is in a very superficial way. They might hold the door for you, buy your dinner, and compliment you, but after getting to know them they're selfish, manipulative psycopaths lol. Most actual nice guys aren't that loud about being nice. You figure that they are nice after getting to know them better. A lot of nice guys (not all, of course) are also a little selective with who they are that nice to.

[rosey_bananas]

I have to disagree with the other points about having a body type or dating game. Both guys and girls treat dating as a "game" and sometimes you have to. Having a body preference isn't a big deal, either. Not much you can do about that.

[BubbleBoy69]

Just leaving my take here for why women keep bashing and hating on the nice guy

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a28827-nice-guy-nice-girl-fully-analyzed

[Carefuloutthere]

She isn't talking about the genuinely good guys, she means the guys who spend most of their time acting like bitter assholes towards both sexes, yet think they are "nice guys" who are owed simply because they haven't killed anyone.

[BubbleBoy69]

@Carefuloutthere Sadly nice guys who are genuinely nice and fake nice guys get put together by women. Especially if the man was being kind and showing his emotions to woman only for her to use it as a prime opportunity to manipulate and use him.

[EllieLexis513]

I didn't do that at all in my Take. I never said nice guys don't exist, just that some men who think they are nice aren't actually nice.

[circlebill]

@Carefuloutthere Sadly, she never even bothers to acknowledge the EXISTENCE of nice guys who are actually genuine, good, decent men!

[FallOutBoy2001]

@circlebill well then I will. True nice guys exist, I'm dating one.

[joeb73]

first i have never really thought about my self as a nice guy, its the people who know me say it. that goes for both guys and girls. what i do see my self as as someone who is somewhat quiet and treat others how i wish to be treated , thats with dignity and respect. as for my standards in the opposite sex its simple , i prefer at least a 5 on my scale with is average in looks. and we click in personality.
and for these reasons i was married at 20 to someone who in school was made fun of do to her looks. but she had it where it counted the most and thats in the heart and why i call her beautiful.
as for me i dont see my self as anything special just an average guy who is not religious but tries to do the right thing. that right thing is treat the person next to you better than they treat you.

[chc0009]

Well, here's my take as a man without a girlfriend in his entire life.

1. I don't want to "win" a woman, I want a real romance. But it's fucking hard.
2. I don't really have much of a body type. A little fat is okay, but not morbid obesity.
3. I am not perfect. But I want to change. I really do, that's why I seek professional help.
4. I don't know how entitled I am. I mean, I'm not expecting the world to just hand me something.
5. I wouldn't consider myself a "nice guy." I say that I am not a bad person, but I'm no good person either.

[EllieLexis513]

Women do the things on this list, which is why it's hard for men to find a decent woman, too. But I personally think the genders have to separate issues. Women seem to be more entitled while men seem more picky about physical attractions, which is why dating is so hard these days. I actually think men are less willing to date someone less physically attractive than a woman is but I think women expect the total package male to just be waiting around and will approach them just because the woman perceives herself to be hot.

[chc0009]

My thoughts exactly. Women are much more harder to please then ever, even if they're not that hot. I know women who are average looking who consider themselves divas. Back in the 1950's, people were falling in love left and right, hence the baby boom, but not anymore. Nowadays, women want the top 10% men. They don't want just any average Joe. I mean, I'd be cool having a female average Joe, but no, they want the elite men.