Why do so many guys act like it's their job to guard the innocence of every girl in their life?

[Anonymous]

Guys friends, brother, father, uncle, male cousin, male colleagues, whoever. They act like its their job to guard the innocence of girls.

I understand a father wanting that, and sometimes a brother, but beyond that, it ain't your business.

Even with my brother it bothers me. I'm 18, he's only 2 years older, and he wants to monitor who I talk to, complains to my mom if he thinks my shorts are too short, and if a guy comes up in passing he's like WHO IS THAT? WHO? WHO? I understand him caring but I'm a legal adult. I can dress how I want and hang out with who I want.

My male friends are similar. They want to say things like "that guy's looking at you, I should slap him" or they want to tell me that I shouldn't drink because "you're a girl and you're little, who knows what could happen."

And on here I see guys complain about what women wear and who women hang out with. It isn't your job to safeguard the innocence, virginity, or decency of females, especially ones who are not related to you or ones who are not younger than you.

Adult women can wear who they want and hang out with who they want. We might be smaller and weaker but we are not stupid and incapable of making decisions. It's like so many guys are so concerned a girl is gonna lose her virginity. It's not your business!

To clarify, there's nothing wrong with being protective, like if a guy is being a total creep and won't leave a girl alone, it's okay to step in to protect her safety. If there's any kind of physical threat, stepping in is appreciated, but a girl can make decisions on her own.

I think it stems from this idea that girls only ever get taken advantage of and tricked into doing things, not that they have the capacity to willingly and knowingly decide to do whatever "bad" thing it is they're participating in.

Updates

+1 y

I think it's funny that some of the guys on here don't see the difference between protecting a girl from a creepy guy or one that is hurting her and telling her how to live her life. "so you're saYING I SHOULD LET A GIRL BE RAPED? haha ok then!" no..

[loveisbeautiful]

I think you mistake "safe guarding a girls innocence" with a guy who's just protective
of you and trying to keep you safe. You're lucky you have all those people looking out for you,
because some girls don't that at all. It maybe annoying, but you're very lucky and
maybe one day you'll see how much.

Anyway, to answer your question fully. It's not that a guy want's to protect a girls
innocence per-say, it's that he knows how charming certain guys can be and
how easily a girl can be munipulated by them. Girls and guys, are similar in the
way that they'll say what they want, to get whatever they want (especially, if there intentions
aren't pure and they only want one thing). See, girls can be naive. Even the most savvy
and street wise women can totally be charmed by guy who puts on a really good front on
the outside but underneath isn't so good on the inside. So, when these men in your life
protect you, it's not to safe guard your innocence (because, I'm sure your dad, brother and
friends know eventually one day you will have sex and there's nothing they can do to prevent that).
What they are trying to prevent is you getting hurt, mentally, emotionally and physically. Because,
nobody knows a guy better than another guy. And, so knowing how guys can be. They're trying
to protect you from one those charming guys with not so good intentions, who you maybe
not even know is playing you or has the capability to hurt you, if he doesn't get what he wants.
So, they're just trying look out for you and make sure you don't fall for the wrong guy. Does that
makesense?

[Asker]

I understand. I do get it, I do. But I see guys on this site complaining about what girls they don't know are wearing and who they talk to. It just seems like men in our society are too concerned with it. I understand men who know and care about the girl being protective but beyond that... I don't understand being so concerned with what women do in general

[loveisbeautiful]

I could ask you the same question about women. Why do women feel the need
to comment on what a guy wears? Or, who he talks to? Or, complain when he
has a female friend? Why do women feel the need to comment on every aspect of a
a guys life and act like it's okay?

See, guys on here that complain about what a girl wears. Is not complaining about the
girl wearing the t-shirt and jeans. Or the girl wearing that nice top, skirt and leather
jacket. Or the girl running errands and wearing athlectic pants and sweatshirt.
They're complaining about the girl wearing a short skirt, low cut top and stripper
shoes, who is acting flirty and sexually suggestive and then get's offend when
a man hits on her. That's what they're complaining.

[loveisbeautiful]

Guys who complain about who woman talks to, isn't actually complaining about
who she talks to (because, I'm sure they really don't care). But, instead are complaining
about the women who talk to bad boys and complain about bad boys to the nice
guy and tell him "what great catch he is" and then still continues to date and complain
about bad boys, even after being hurt like 600 times. That's what they're complaining about.

[Anonymous]

I LOVE your question. The fact of the matter is, you're 18. Tell them all to back off. It might sound a little extreme, but if I were in that situation I'd honestly would tell them to either back off, or to not speak to me anymore. As for the guys who are online... I think many of them just want to make sure that their gfs won't cheat on them, I actually asked a question about this awhile ago, look at the MHO if you're interested: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1109351-why-can-t-sluts-be-good-domestic-partners

As for WHY, they probably just see you as someone that needs protecting; you even said yourself they comment on how little you are... SO, prove to them you don't need their help, by making THEM back off, by telling them off and showing them they need to take a step back out of your life and personal business.

[Opinion Owner]

Also, I think the way that a lot of guys think, is that if you're letting THEM take control, then you'll let other guys do the same thing, so by telling them to back off, you'll be showing them you'll say no to other guys too.

[Asker]

quite smart :)

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for MHO!

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

Yeah, my sister followed that kind of advice and told me off when I warned her about a guy. Then she got raped.

[Asker]

@ScruffyNerfHerder

You clearly have no idea what I'm talking about.
I'm not saying not to warn a girl about a seedy guy. I'm saying you can't make decisions for her.
Example. Been friends with a guy for 4 years. My brother flips out and says I can't hang out with him. What the fuck? Why? "He's a guy and you're my sister and I said no." sorry that's not how life works.
It would be different if it was a guy I barely knew and he said "hey, I get a bad vibe from him, I'm serious... be careful."
that's TOTALLY different... how do you not understand the difference?

[ScruffyNerfHerder]

@asker
I was commenting on the MHO, not your post.

I agree with your assertion that someone shouldn't make decisions for you--did I say anything to that effect? Reread my post--I did not. You are projecting what you want onto it. That said, I have experienced young girls (my sister, for example, but also others) embrace this argument as a means of defiance rather than as a mature assertion of her individuality and autonomy. And I have seen stupid things happen over and over because of it.

Regarding your take on the difference--make sure you are actually dealing with a situation where someone is being controlling rather than protective. Because sometimes, they are actually only being protective when you are seeing them as being controlling because they are saying things you just don't want to hear. It is, as you say, "TOTALLY different."

Your brother did sound out of line, by the way (and a 4 year friendship can still be dangerous as well)

All the best, SNH

[Opinion Owner]

@ScruffyNerfHerder It's a shame what happened to your sister, and for the record, my answer wasn't to say that a girl should just ignore dangerous signs, or any warnings from people who care about her. My point was that if she's a grown adult woman, she can take what they say into account and even follow their advice if she wants to, but no one should force her into anything or try to control her life. They don't have the right to do that. Also, telling them to back off doesn't mean she should just throw their advice away or do dangerous stuff, that's not what I said at all :p If it were me, I would still tell them to stay out of my life, but that wouldn't mean I'd ignore what they said either; I would want them to be respectful about telling me, and speak to me how an adult would, not like I'm a child.

[Anonymous]

This is my life in a nut shell. I didn't have a brother or a protective dad but I had really protective friends. I went to an all girls school, so I was a little socially dumb, sonic kind of understand why they where protective of me. Also I'm really short and super clumsy, so at parties they where on patrol. If I had beer at a party they'd always take it away. Appreciate the help but it was annoying

[Asker]

if they took my drink away I would be pisssssed ^.^

[Opinion Owner]

Well they didn't always take it away, but they'd try to take it away. Or they'd suggest I not get a drink

[Anonymous]

I think this is one of those things that people take for granted. If everyone stopped doing this, I wonder if you'd change your mind. I get that some guys might go overboard with it, but they are doing it because they care. Your brother and father might say things because they don't want their sister/daughter to be that kind of girl, which I completely get. Your friends look out for you and that's what friends do. I'm sure your female friends are cockblocks at times for your safety. Guys can attest to that. haha

We're getting mixed messages on the sentiment behind "We might be smaller and weaker but we are not stupid and incapable of making decisions." Take that new law about giving consent for example. If you've been drinking, have sex (even when you initiated), and call it rape when you regret it in the morning. Guys have to expressly ask for a woman's consent on every step because I guess they are too stupid to know what's going on as you attempt to kiss or touch or whatever? There are people that say that just because she doesn't say "no" doesn't mean it's a "yes." Holy shit!

As the first guy said, guys know what other guys are thinking and they don't want that for the girls in their lives that they care about. Aside from that, you can dress whatever way you want and do whatever you want to do, but there are bad people out there that could do bad things, and they are trying to keep you away from those types too.

[Opinion Owner]

Actually, I shouldn't have brought up other things. I just read a Lena Dunham article and read some of the comments and I'm seething. You can skip the second paragraph if you want.

[Asker]

What I don't understand is why guys take feminist beliefs, apply them to every girl and when she says she wants something contradictory they go WELL WHICH IS IT HUH? I did not ask for that law to be made, I think it's retarded, and drunk consent is still consent unless you are passed out obviously. I've hooked up with a guy while drunk. I knew what I was doing

[Asker]

I agree with you completely... the law is stupid. And feminists want to empower women right? Oh but they can't make the decision to have sex? They have to continuously grant consent? I don't understand it at all

[Theguyoverthere]

There's a fine line. Guys get confused here because they see a post like "I want a guy who is protective of me" then they hold the door open for another girl and get yelled at for it. Many guys are outright confused. You'll see many girls annoyed at a guy innocently talking to them and then they go back to their boyfriend and get mad at him for not warding him off of her. In your case you got overbearing guys but then we got girls who in those same situations would want those overbearing guys with them.

[Asker]

holding a door open is not the same as anything i mentioned...

[Asker]

and boyfriends are different

[dipta]

But the question is not about boyfriends or potential partners, but brothers, uncles and male friends in general who apparently want to turn you into the type of girl no guy wants to date including themselves - despite them swearing that's the best thing ever. Like wearing no make -up...

[Mesonfielde]

Because they're idiots. But who can blame them, they were raised to be that way, and no one taught them not to be. The "overprotective big brother" trope, I never understood it. My brother was never such a douche.

[JackKerouac77]

But sadly, he was circumcised by a band of gypsies.

A TWIST IN MESONFIELDE'S PERFECT NARRATIVE!!!

[PhiOmega]

lmfao @jackKerouac77 XD lols!

[Mesonfielde]

@JackKerouac77 ah, you know how Hungary works. Gypsies just stab you with knives, they don't perform this with much scrutiny.

I stand by my notion that these "overprotective" guys are extremely immature.

[MatthewCurtis]

well i have been one of those friends to many of my female friends. i only really stepped in when there was a genuine threat, because believe me, where we grew up was a bad place. full of creepy guys that knew just how to take advantage of girls. they made me sick. so i have kind of learned to be protective even though i know it could be intrusive. thing is, the guy has to really care. tbh it sounds like you have a life filled with good guys who just dont want to see you get hurt or regret anything

[PhiOmega]

you may be 18 but your still just a kid, no offense, try and take what these male figures are saying to you with a grain of salt, it could be beneficial and in the end it shows them how mature and wise you are, it sounds like these guys don't necessarily trust you to make your own decisions and that might be because of what they observe you doing

the reason guys act like that has nothing to do with girls, it's because guys no guys! it's the reason why so many guys, including me are afraid of having daughters, I'd love my daughters as I love my 5 sisters, but I freaking grew up with guys, I know how they are

[Asker]

I know I'm a kid, but my entire point is that this is coming from guys my age, yet they think they're authority figures... seriously this shit is coming from guys between the ages of 16-19...

[PhiOmega]

hahahaha, LMAO XD what the hell can a 16yr old tell you, ohhh, lol

you need to tell little kids to quit talking like they're grown ups, and to the rest, just try and prove yourself a trustworthy girl that they don't need to nag, I know some people would be like "FDB I ain't got nothing to prove to nobody" , but a bullheaded attitude as such shouts foolishness, humbling yourself b4 others does not make you weak, wrong, or mean you have to prove anything, but it does make evident your wisdom and maturity

I have people at my job who haven't even been there who sometimes try and tell me how to work, I only smile, nod, and do what's right

[Anonymous]

It's because guys know how disgusting guys are LOL. The thoughts that go through our head... not pretty.

Seriously, I get your frustration. However, girls like guys who are protective yet not controlling, who are assertive but not aggressive, who will treat them like a lady yet give them all the independence they need... it's a tough job balancing it all out.

[Asker]

If my boyfriend acted like this, I would be like... woah okay, and accept it. I would find it admirable. But I don't belong to anyone, so it's not anyone else's job to safeguard my innocence.

I do get what you mean by the first part though.

[AJElectric]

I dont know, its a protective instinct for some men. I am very protective with my little sisters and brother. Also when i do have female froends i can be protective to women when their around me. But its totally not my fault i am intimidating to other men. So usually they just stay away.

[Anonymous]

innocence is so easily lost... sometimes I wish I would've had someone in my life who was like that. it would've saved me a lot of heartbreak, including losing my virginity at 11 to a 40 some year old rapist.
now don't get me wrong some people take it too far and that's obsession which is not protecting you, but hurting you

[Asker]

Yeah but I'm talking about adults like I said in the question. An 11 year old girl needs to be protected like that. But once a girl is 17-18ish, she can make her decisions.
I'm sorry that happened to you though... not your fault by any means. What a disgusting creature! I would beat people like that

[Opinion Owner]

I know you weren't referring to younger aged females, the second part refers to people over 18 or so

[Kshppatel]

I think girls are gonna do what they want to do no matter how many brothers father's friends or boyfriends tell them they shouldn't talk to that guy. As far as a boyfriend goes if continuously talking to a guy then she's gonna cheat and there's nothing a guy can do to stop it. Same goes for the other way around. Of course if it's a creepy pedo guy then it's okay for a guy to protect a girl. But I say let girls do what they want and if it turns out being a mistake let them learn from it.

[Splintercell]

Because a men we are to protect and serve. We as men are to look out for you. Just let us men be men. However you ladies are making it ever complicated to understanding the situation. You yell and scream when we don't do what we should do, then question us when we don't do anything we should have done. On dressing, dress like a lady with respect. If dressing like a slut don't complain when guys treat you or look at you a certain way, then you turn around to call men dogs. I'm getting tired of the games, at least the women of the past appreciated the men around them.

[Asker]

I'm not responsible for what other women say. "You women scream when we blah blah" yeah I've never done that so no I'm not responsible for what some other girls might say just because I have a vagina

[Splintercell]

Okay lady look. I know that your not responsible for other women on how they respond. You should be thankful that the men in your life are looking out for you.

[Asker]

And who tf said I dress like a slut? And who tf said I complain that men look at me a certain way? and don't talk to me like that. you're a dick, not a gentleman.

[Splintercell]

Let me ask you this then. Why shouldn't a man look out for the innocence of a woman? As for my last response, I get tired of the double standard from the culture and some women. As men we are looked down upon, as we are evil/ or no good. I wasn't meaning you do dress that way, I simply mean your appearance shows how you view yourself to the people around you. You asked a question, I am simply answering the question through what I have seen.
Agreeing with what you said earlier you are an adult, you are correct you can do what you want.

[Asker]

Because if we are both adults... we're. Both. Adults. I can make the decision to do what I want.

[Asker]

If an adult woman wants to drink, she can. Who is an adult man to tell her she can't because she's a girl? if she wants to have sex she can. Again we're EQUALS and equals don't tell each other what to do..

[Asker]

all of this stems from this misconception that a woman can only ever be "tricked" into doing "bad" things. No woman REALLY wants to have sex, if she does she's being TRICKED into it. No woman REALLY wants to drink, if she is she's being fooled. Such stupid logic.

[I_Have_No_Balls]

Misguided white knights, not all girls need to be coddled, nor do they want to be.

If their safety is seriously in danger that's one thing, but as far as dating players or deadbeat guys, I say let them learn on their own, how else will they ever grow up and gain life experience if their always being sheltered?

[slackercruster]

Sounds like they care about you as lot. If they didn't love you they would hope something happens to you to get rid of you. If you don't like it tell them to butt out.

[Anonymous]

its the way to show that they care for u its not a bad thing to show your loved ones that you care but i can understand your view point it where when people are too preservative towards you it happens due to some reasons like seeing the person still like she is small but u have to make them realize that you are a grown up now and awwwww :D

[misscocobutter]

Because men know what other men are thinking. I think it's nice they protect u. My father never protected me - ever

[utopianromance]

Once they stop... their family and friend's lives will slowly start to swirl around the drain.
I don't see a problem with it, in fact everything is right about it, unless they take it to the extreme, like Muslims, when they go that far with it, it becomes insane and does the opposite of what an altruistic intention would do and its just as bad as not caring at all. But, I don't think you were pointing to Islam's customs, like sharia law, so its fine and good.

[Asker]

Their friends lives go to hell when they stop trying to be controlling? Wth... I'm pretty sure my guy friends making comments isn'what holds my life together...

[Klaatu51]

that's stupid and everyone who acts like that. you're free to do whatever you want and nobody has the right to stop you, father, brother, uncle it doesn't matter.

[L_gant]

Because we know what men want... That's why dad's always hate their daughters boyfriends because they were teenage boys and they know what they're thinking...

[dipta]

Yes, but since you're one of them... some things are better left unknown. Otherwise your gf will also run away from you.

[L_gant]

Men are evil creatures, we're all poison...

[LucyColes]

I think men do it because it's their job to protect girls, both from other men and from themselves

[Asker]

It depends on how

[LucyColes]

Male friends are protective of girls, and wouldn't want them to be used or mistreated

[Anonymous]

You're right... guys should all stop being protective and let females fend for themselves. We get criticized no matter what we do, so f you.

[Asker]

I guess you aren't good at reading comprehension.
I already said, being protective of them of them is one thing, and it's ANOTHER THING ENTIRELY to try to tell them what to do, who to be with, and say that they can't do adults things as an adult. That's called being controlling. Being protective of their SAFETY and being controlling of their LIFESTYLES are two totally immensely different things, so f you :)

[Opinion Owner]

Whether you realize it or not, you're still a child both in age, and obviously in maturity. Someday you'll grow up and realize how you sound here... like a child.

[Asker]

I'm not just talking about me, I'm talking about adults (in 20s) doing this to other adults (in 20s.)

My examples are of guys MY age. My guy friends who do this to me are my age, give or take one year. So... that makes a both children... telling other children... how to live their lives.

It's more about telling your equal what to do. You don't tell your equal what to do. If a woman is 25 and a man who is also in his 20s tells her what to do, it just sounds ridiculous. If a girl is 18 and an 18 year old guy tries to tell her what to do, it just sounds ridiculous.

And by "what to do" I mean, how to live their lives (don't drink, don't cuss, don't hang out with guys)

[Henrychanger]

I am a senior man through my life there were instances when they tell me to backoff... I will.. two months later she's hurt and broken.. I couldn't careless

[Anonymous]

Because guys know how persuasavie they can be and how naive women are when it comes to wanting attention by any means possible

[Asker]

I guess it's frustrating to me because I've never been that girl. I was the one who told my friends when they were being used.

[Opinion Owner]

Because women are smart but for some reason you all are easily seduced

[Asker]

mostly the younger ones, from like age 12 to early 20s

[Opinion Owner]

No my age too, just a few encouraging words and some attention and they become putty

[Anonymous]

I see nothing wrong with it unless it is obsessive. It is in a mans DNA to protect his family.

[Asker]

if you read the question you'll see that I'm not just talking about family

[Mesonfielde]

And that is just a rationalization of obsessive controlling behavior.